Hate Is A Rather Strong Word But I Cant Handle My Stepson.

Let me give you background on my stepson. He is five years old and lives with us full time. His mom is bipolar and in prison. He has lived with us for over a year and a half. He is disruptive in preschool, hateful to me, and tells my daughter she is stupid. My daughter is only 3. I am not his mom.. and my children are not my husbands children. He tells me all the time I am not his mom, and he is going to tell his dad on me when I get onto him about anything. The child when i cook for him, gags at the table the food I have cooked. Is babied constantly because of his mom being in prison, and can't do anything wrong in his fathers eyes. He acts out at home with me, at school, and beats up on my 3 year old daughter. He was punching her in the crotch the other day over and over again as hard as he could. He has busted her lip and told her she was stupid over and over again. My husband thinks i am just taking up for my daughter but I am scared to let them play together. I am scared he is actually going to hurt her, or his behavior will rub off on her. I have did everything from positive reinforcement, time outs, and have even considered spankings, but will not do that because he is not my child. I have asked his dad to get him help, and his dad said he is just having a rough time. Talked to his preschool, and they think he may be showing signs of bipolarism. He tells my daughter that her mom is ugly and mean. I always have to sleep with one eye open to keep her protected. If anyone has any ideas on how to help me with my step son please let me know.
Thanks so much.. :)
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6 Responses Jan 18, 2013

Protect yourself and your daughter. His behavior is only going to escalate. If you are going to remain in the same home with him, he needs to get medicated. I would hope that your husband would be open to taking the boy to a child psychologist, considering the bipolar family history and the trauma of having a mom in prison. The shrink could at least teach the boy coping skills and perhaps medicate him if he really is bipolar. I would press your husband to do this. If he doesn't believe that his son could be bipolar, then approach him from the angle of wanting to get the boy some counseling to help him adjust and be a happier kid.

I hope you got out of that situation. I am married and we have a blended family. He had adopted his deceased wife's first child (a girl) who was after years of counseling and really insane incidents diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder with a string of other diagnosis. She was too young to be labeled as a psycho/sociopath. I have a feeling that such diagnosis won't be too far in the future as her angry/violent outbursts and these episodes (I have no words to justify other than watch Orphan one time) are more frequent. Long story short, after things were far out of hand, my husband signed custody over to her maternal grandparents (we have 3 other children to protect at home). Now his son is exhibiting the same behaviors as she had, except he has a high IQ and sometimes shows compassion/empathy and regard for some of his behaviors. At this point, you have a sense for an empty soul and someone who feels something. Either way, our responsibility was to protect our other children. I came into the picture when she was 8 years old and for 6 years I worked hard to get her help and in the end her grandmother screwed it all up by coddling her. Her downward spiral was fast and hard. Now she may be beyond help.... which is really sad as she is loose in society and has been pulled out of school and other situations for her temper (not to mention the other issues she has). I feel like I am in a crazy house because I feel like the stepson is round 2 and I have never witnessed so much bad behavior in one place other than a diagnostic center I had worked at. The stress has worn me down and my spirit is partially broken.... SO I REALLY HOPE YOU GOT OUT OF THERE FOR YOUR SANITY AND YOUR DAUGHTER'S SAFETY (this of course is your first priority)... IT WILL NOT GET BETTER AND WHATEVER HELP THE LITTLE BOY GETS - ask yourself if it is worth the risk of your daughter's well being. NO MAN/MARRIAGE/ANYTHING is worth what that little girl's innocence - don't let her think all little boys beat the hell out of her - ya know. At that age, the world is small, good and home is safe. Here we are 7 years into this with the "problem" gone, but her aftermath of influence evident in the son. :( Hope I made sense.

Move out and away from that little psycho in the making, get a divorce and a good lawyer

Oh my god!!!!! If you live in the state's call the supernanny!!!!! Email her. Pray for a response!!! I'll pray too. We don't have that in Canada and my stepson is too old.

I can relate somewhat in my stepson situation...but I read in an article in a doctor's office that small children who begin their lives not knowing what true unconditional love and direction raised by a parent with mental issues such as bipolar display a hate expression because of the fear of the love he's getting from u because he's never experienced that. He's scared of it. In my own opinion the issue of abusing your daughter so violently and especially in her private area is a frickin major warning that that child has been sexually abused. You need to protect your daughter at all costs. No unsupervised play time and..... get a couple spy cameras in areas that they might be left alone briefly and record all abusing situations. Show your husband. Put the ball in his Court. But protect your daughter and use the recordings in court when you divorce his arrse if he doesn't see the child has real big big problems and needs his dad to step up. You will know in your heart...then stomach what u need to do to raise a healthy well rounded moralistic young woman. But please don't let her childhood memories be abuse from a step brother.

His dad is not doing him any favors by acting like an ostrich with his head in the sand. I don't know how long you have been married ,but with your stepson's action . I think you are in trouble. Rule #1 don't come between mom and her children, Rule #2 don't hurt my children. Break either rule and there is trouble, your stepson is breaking these rule. Your husband MUST get this kid help NOW. Good luck you will need it