Its Long. But Ends Well. I Think...

We met when I was twenty one. I was home on leave for the fourth of July. Although I wanted to find a nice woman, I didn't want anything to serious. I had been a Paratrooper in the Army for two years and had seen what kind of damage the military lifestyle can do to a marriage. But when I met her, she was easy to fall in love with. A beautiful personality and looks to match. On the outside she appeared to be kind, easygoing, compasionate, and level headed. Little did I know that she was a demon in disguise. Anyways, for the two weeks I was home sparks flew, and we hit it off. After I headed back to Fort Bragg, We did everything we could to stay in contact with each other. Email, regular mail, text messaging, phone calls. You name it, we used it. And it seemed like everything was working well. She understood that there were times I would go to the field and train for several days and there would be no contact between us. She understood my unit was deploying soon. She seemed so understanding and open to the whole thing. After knowing her for about a month, I loved this girl. But, that was also when she started changing.

One evening I called her as usual. She was extremely pissed off. When she answered the phone, all I could here was here screaming at her mom. After maybe a minute of this she started talking to me. She was crying and clearly upset. I did what any guy would do and asked what was wrong. Well her cell phone was under her moms plan. She ran up the bill something fierce to talk to me. So her mom was going to cancel her phone. I did not want something as trivial as a cell phone to hinder our relationship. So I upped my minutes, and added her to my plan. Not really a big deal it was only like twenty bucks added to the bill, but in hindsight, was kind of foreboding. So over the next few weeks she started telling me more about her relationship with her mother. Her mom seemed fairly normal. Example. Her mom would say in a regular tone of voice You need to clean your room. My wife would reply with extreme anger NOT NOW MOM I'M BUSY. Glimpses of her depresive bipolar dissorder that was to be diagnosed three years later. These kind of outbursts would happen all the time. I don't know about you, but I never talked to my mom that way. If I did, my pop would put the fear of god back in me. I can understand temper tantrums when you're five years old. But What the hell kind of eighteen year old does that. I don't know, but I was blinded by love and took her side. Thinking her mom was an evil witch. Another time I called, she was screaming at her mom and crying again. This time she was moving out. Her mom had probably asked her to clean her room to many times. But this is not smart. She is a full time student, and is working part time. How the hell is she going to afford her own place. No worries, this is one of her best skills. Mooching and leeching off people. She has not been independant her entire life. She has always had to rely on someone for something. She moved in with her friend and her fiance. Classy. I'm going to skim some. Deployment is closing in, and we want to see eachother. I buy her plane tickets and fly her out to me. We hang we chill with friends. I show her around do romantic things. We fall even more in love. She goes home. A month and some change later, we want to see eachother again. But this time she drives. Her car at this point is a CLUNKER. It barely makes the eight hundred mile trip to North Carolina. Same time as last time. We fall even more in love. I'm getting ready to deploy. I don't want to leave my car at the barracks parking lot. Her car is dead and probably won't make it back. So I give her the keys to my car. A new fully loaded Eclipse GTS. I tell her that when she gets home it will be about time for its three thousand mile oil change. Then I tell her I trust her with it, and I know she will take care of it. Mistake. HUGE Mistake. I wave good bye as she drives off back to her home. All the while thinking, I'm going to marry this woman.

If you're still reading, it only gets better.

Before we deploy, one of my best friends gives me a call. He still lives back home. He introduced us. When He starts speaking he has a seriousness to his tone that he usually doesn't have. He begins to tell me about what kind of girl she is really like. Extremely promiscuous, like hooking up with random dudes at parties. Getting completely wasted and making out with whoever, taking him to a bathroom or empty car and ******* him. Then he tells me how he went to a party and she was there. Getting schwasted, hanging all over dudes, flirting with them. Acting like I didn't even exsist. I say ok, and just think,he was probably drunk and didn't know what was going on. Then comes his ace in the whole. He saw her mom at his bosses party. He mentions me and that i'm the guy her daughter is dating. She tells him He is stupid. She is not going to be able to wait for him. She will find another guy. I'm shocked. Thats pretty heavy. I mention this to her, minus the mom part. It wasn't my place to say that and add more fuel to I hate my mom flames. But she was livid. She started screaming, cursing, telling me none of that was true, talking **** about him. I took her word for it. Mistake. HUGE MISTAKE. I looke back and think, I can't believe I took this kids word over my best friend that I have known since jr. high. But love is blind.

The last few weeks in the states go by quick, and we are in Iraq by the end of november. We go a few days without talking due to lack of communication means. But we finally speak. It was awesome. She is so happy to talk to me, and me to her. Pretty soon we get to our FOB. When we get time, we find the nearest telephone center and call our loved ones. I make it a point to call three times a day when we are not out on a mission. Sometimes we would go a week or two without a mission. I would call her everyday. Three times a day. Her friends she was living with had to relocate due to his job. So she had to get her own place. She took up a job waitressing at a bar. Since she had to work full time to support herself, she quit school. But she was failing anyways. I'm bending over backwards for this woman even while in Iraq. Once a month I would do something special for her. Sometimes small, sometimes big, but always special and from the heart. After awhile she was answering my phone calls less and less. Our optempo picked up and it was getting harder to talk to her. At this point Iraq was becoming very deadly. We started taking casualties regularly on missions. Sometimes KIA's too. It was beggining to weigh on everyone in the task force. At one point, we didn't talk for a month. I would still call her everytime I got the chance. It got to the point where I lived to hear her voice. When I finally did speak with her. It was for less than thirty seconds. She was busy at work. I was barely able to maintain my composure in the call center. On the walk back to the hooch. I broke down and cried. This wouldn't be the only time I shed tears for her. Three more weeks went by without talking to her. I was breaking down. Just when I though I was at my lowest point though, we talk. She is on the way party with a guy friend. She assures me its harmless, and he is just a friend even though she has been hanging out with him every night, even staying at his place because she is scared to stay alone where she lives. Although in the back of my mind, I think the worst. But I believe her. I didn't want to be naive, but what's a relationship without trust. I tell her how her lack of effort to talk to me has been taking a toll on me. She promises it will change. We start talking about once a week now. Though I still call everytime I get the chance. Over the next few weeks, she tells me how she has been getting drunk every night, partying every night, and also started doing drugs. This was my lowest point. I consider myself very mentally tough. But she broke me. Thoughts of suicide actually crossed my mind. Thank God I have great friends that helped me get through this time. At least a beacon of light shone through. We were going home for R and R.

I get home, and spend the eighteen days living with her at her apartment. During this time I see the bar she works at, and meet her friend. One night I go to the bar on a busy night. I understand she is a waitress trying to get tips. But she is very flirty. A guy even kissed her, on the lips. She didn't kiss back, or so it seemed, but she didn't put up much of a fight. She smiled and said something and shook her finger at him.

She had painted on the windows of my car. Things like, I love my soldier, Welcome home, etc. etc. One morning we woke up to find, all of that x'd out with the words cheater on the windows, and She cheated on him with Chris. She claimed that her and a friend got into a fight and that it was her doing and she was making up lies to be a *****. Whats a relationship without trust though? Ha. We get married a few days later. Also the day we got married our sex life came to a snail crawl. I'm talking once a month. sometimes longer. I'm not trying to be conceited, but I'm not a bad looking guy. I've been offered modeling jobs. So this kinda hurt my confidence some.

While home for R and R I paid off all of her student loans, all of her credit card debt, and the bank she owed money too. Not to mention, finally changing the oil in my car. after thriteen thousand miles.

We go back to Iraq and finish out our deployment. The same kind of pattern went on with her only answering the phone once a week or so.

When we redeploy to the states, she has changed. She isn't the girl I fell in love with. She is quick to anger, and very high maintenance. I blew all of my deployment money on her. Not to mention, max out two credit cards. She wanted a car. I was thinking something reliable and inexpensive that we could pay off in a couple of years. No. She wants a fully loaded car that costs twenty six thousand. She breaks down in tears several times over the prospect of not getting her dream car. Not to mention treating me like **** for not providing it for her. Same thing goes with everything she wants. Furniture. Clothes. Vacations. And every single time, I fold like origami under presure.

It amazes still that I was able to excell on the battlefield. Yet this woman conquered me without a fight. She had no job and was living off of me. I would come home from a twelve hour day at work to find the house a mess. She would yell at me, and tell me to clean, because not having a job was stressfull. She would get pissed off over anything. If I asked her nicely to pass the tv remote, she would get pissy. I had no respect. It was getting out of hand. I did not join the army, become a paratrooper, lead soldiers into combat, and deserve to come home and get treated like a dog. After three years of being lied to, walked on, disrespected, and overall being used, I put my foot down.

I stopped backing down from her. She would want something I would calmly and respectfully say no, explain why, and shrug off whatever snide remarks she would say. Something would flip her switch from off to *****, and I would tell her not to talk to me that way. I deserved more respect. At times she would keep at it. So I would respond in kind to show her how it felt. Most of the time when I would put my foot down with anything, and she could tell she was losing, she would comeback with Well I'm just a horrible person! I'm not a good wife etc. etc. What ever. I wasn't going to fold anymore. Either she was going to change, or we would not survive.

Almost a year after being back from Iraq, I was doing some grooming down under, only to notice some bumbs. I went to the STD clinic on post to find out I had warts. I had only been with one woman before her. That was several months before I met my wife. Nearly four years before the warts appeared. Most cases of genital warts appear within three to eight months of exposure to the virus. Sometimes they can lay dormant for a year or two. What the ****. I was a little surprised at myself for having the whats a relationship without trust outlook for this situation, but what can I say. But this time I never convinced myself that she was innocent. A few more months went by. I had not seen my parents in quite sometime so I went home to see them for leave. My wife did not come because she had a job now, and couldn't take the time off. Even halfway across the country, she managed to be a *****. That was the final straw. I told her I wanted a divorce.

When I came home, she begged me to stay and give her a second chance. Although I wanted a divorce badly, I didn't do it. I couldn't walk away from the marriage knowing that I did not try everything to save. So we went to counseling. She also went to a psychiatrist. This was when she was diagnosed with her disorder. The Doctor gave her meds, but she didn't like taking them. After a month or two, I realized that we were just delaying the inevitable. We are now separated. She has made very feeble, subtle, half hearted attempts to make me comeback. evidently she told some mutual friends that she wanted me to beg for her to come back. Litteraly. WTF man.

So I am now a man that is incedibly in debt, and consumed by bitterness and sorrow. My feelings are gaurded and my trust is earned. But All in all, I'm happier. I'm still nursing the wounds from the marriage, and it will take time to heal, but things are slowly getting better. She had something wonderful and threw it away. I sincerely hope she finds what she is looking for, and I honestly wish her the best of luck.
SFmed22 SFmed22
22-25, M
3 Responses Aug 11, 2010

My friend, I'm not sure why you would have married her at all, but I can only imagine that a military lifestyle has something to do with it. Love yourself, my friend: remember that it is an HONOR and a GIFT to be a part of your life. Don't just give yourself away. You deserve better than that.

Wow the hoe gave you warts?! Now thats a ****** marriage my friend

Sorry to hear about your mistake but beleive me there are other normal and nice women out there. The next time you start dating please bow out of the relationship if you see the following: anger management issues, begging you to buy her something (bipolars see this as a "win" if they get you to purchase something, it doesn't even have to be expensive to be considered a "win". The fact is they get you to buy something for them.), drinking excessively or doing drugs- bipolars and those with other mental isuues often do this to try to calm themselves down or mask their behaviors,freeloading off of others. Look for someone who has a job and can support herself without a man. Look for a caring, supportive and loving person. One that will not run away from you if you are sad and down. The point is too not allow a woman to tie you into a relationship if she has negative qualities. Don't waste valuble time with the wrong person, move on!