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Fat Wives Suck.

Brother let me tell you, it’s every excuse in the book for my wife to stay fat.

I can’t lose weight after having three kids.
My back hurts.
My knee hurts.
My thyroid isn’t working correctly. (Although she has had it checked 3-4 times in the last 10 years and it is functioning normally)
I don’t have any time because of the kids.
I am too tired.
It's to hot/cold outside.

If it’s not excusing to staying fat, it’s lulling herself in to a false reality that she is actually not as fat as she really is.

I am in pretty good shape compared to her (her being a nasty morbidly obese friend of hers.)
I still have good muscle tone.
I eat healthy.
I am in decent shape.
Blah, blah, blah………. Give me a freaking break.

Now I have gone to almost extreme lengths to provide her with the time and facilities to exercise. There is an $800 treadmill in my basement that doubles as a clothes rack and I have told her to join a gym. I have offered to watch the kids every evening and on weekends to giver time to work out. Does she capitalize on any of these opportunities, NO she doesn’t. She just lies on the couch and complains about how tired she is. You have to get up and force youself to make a change.

You have to find the time. I wake up at 5 am to go to the gym 4 days a week, and then I come home, make kids lunches for school, bring her majesty coffee in bed, then go to work. At work I run 3-5 miles three times a week during lunch. I pack my lunch and eat at my desk to give me the time to run. Make time, figure something out, stop with the negative attitude, and do something about you weight. You only have one person to blame and that is you, so stop blaming me, the kids, society, or some thin actress because she doesn’t look like a real woman. (Why the hell to women look at famous models and actress and just blast them with insults? I don't look at famous guys and think, what an ******* for being in such good shape. WTF?)

The moral of the story is you can’t change anyone. Seriously, you can’t change ANYONE, even if you are married to them. If you smoke, only you can quit. If you drink too much, only you can stop. If you are fat, only you can lose the weight. No one can do it for you and no one can change your attitude.

All you men out there with fat wives, stop trying to change them. If they are fat it’s their problem not yours. Your only problem is you are stuck banging a fat woman for the rest of your life, if she lets you bang her at all. There is nothing the social castration of marriage to suck the life out of a man. You wife won’t have sex with you, but you can’t have sex with other women because you are married and it’s socially unacceptable. You can’t expect or demand you wife to have sex with you because she is a woman, and a woman has a right to say no even to her husband. Expecting you wife to have sex with you is socially unacceptable. (Thanks Oprah and Dr. Phil for that little slice of bullshit.) So you are stuck, socially castrated and your sex life is over before you turned 40. If you wife decides to have sex (every 2-3 months) you have to grit you teeth and bang a fat woman.

Marriage, what a joke.
Space1999 Space1999 36-40 118 Responses Sep 7, 2010

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I am stuck in this situation, too, except I am a wife stuck with a 450 pound morbidly obese husband that I have to try to get hot for the once a year we have sex. We don't even sleep together because he is so big. Unfortunately, I am in my 30s and in the middle of my sexual peak. Like you, I am married, so won't sleep with someone else. I try to get him to walk with me, but he won't get off the couch. You posted this 4 years ago. Has your situation improved?

amen.. i feel your pain..

Women like this are lazy and selfish....allowing themselves to turn into the type of woman that her husband wouldn't even go near if he were single. They're pathetic.

heard all this before like a record playing.

I am one of these guys stuck in this situation. And after going through everything I have decided to grit my teeth and live with it, mostly for my kids. There is a history of what was tried, so I dont need advice on how to change it; the time for that is past. Regardless of the quality of this decision, I am asking for advice on how to live with it. What do you do to cope with it? How do you live day to day going forward? Thanks.

As an aside and just to avoid questions, my wife is 5 feet over 200 pounds and has put on at least 75 pounds. We are both in our mid 40s married for 15 years. She has been this way for about 8 of those years. I am 5'8 160 the same as I was when we got married.

You know....thank you for this because I am one of those wives. I'm a 250lb 5'7" insecure wife with every excuse in the book. Don't get me wrong I do work my big *** put in 45 hours a week to help my husband but lately I've become those fat wives who raises hell when she catches her husband looking at skinny women. It's all my fault. I've made my husband go into mental depression and I'm pushing him away every time it happens. I stay at home don't join him to certain events because my insecurity and the fact that I'm not attractive. I'd like to thank the writer for this because you are absolutely right. I can't live my life like this because I will lose my family. If my husband were to cheat on me I'd completely understand. Sometimes us fat women just need a harsh truth spat at us. I'm gulity of buying excersise equipment not using it and gym memberships. I came to a conclusion I should do this for my husband and my family but also for me. I want to be the woman every man looks at I want to dress slutty give my husband a night to remember. So thank you to all the jerks out there. You just woke up a double chin obese wife into reality.

Wish my wife realizes and takes serious efforts to reduce weight. I cannot escape the situation, because of my kids, and have not had sex with any other woman, other than my wife. All I can say is, I feel very unfortunate and wish I have better chance in my next life.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Thank you so much for sharing this-- I feel exactly the same way! I know that pregnancy is a major travail for women, but two years after giving birth, my wife's gut still hangs out past her breasts!! I often say, "maybe we should become vegetarian, maybe when you go to the gym you should do some abdos in addition to your regular workout, maybe you should learn yoga or pilates," to no avail! As you said, blaming "rail thin" super models and being too fat are two different problems.

Rather than blaming it on your wife, have you considered the fact that it isn't her fault?

Hormones go insane for some women, after having a child. A hormone imbalance will almost never correct itself if the person isn't aware of it. And they wouldn't know because hormones affect moods as well. And metabolism. And nutrient absorption. And energy cycles or the lack thereof. It's a downward spiral - a vortex, really. Tell her that you're worried about HER - NOT her weight or moods or anything - being unhappy... that you can sense it. That you'd like to take her in for testing and to talk to someone about taking time and care for her nutrition/hormones. It can last for YEARS, without assistance. I had the same problem until this past summer... more than 7 YEARS after the birth of our 3rd child, when I was 23. With a few months of the correct vitamins and supplementing my hormone levels with natural progesterone, the weight is falling away. My skin is clearing up. The constant fatigue - mentally, emotionally, and physically - is almost gone. The correct balance of vitamins and hormones makes doing things - even CONSIDERING doing things - possible. Desired, even.

She doesn't want to look awful or feel poorly about herself. No doubt, she DOES. HELP HER!

And STOP "being helpful" in the ways you've been doing, right.this.minute. I cannot imagine more hurtful insults. AS IF she wants to look the way she does. AS IF it is her fault.

I cannot believe you are routing for her! Reading you words i knew you're a woman. I'm not American, but american women are obsessed with their "rights". and being fat if the guy's fault. you women are unbelievable! you find excuses for everything. I signed up just to respond to you. I might not login again, and I don;t care what you think of me. But here is a piece of reality: "get your head out of your *** and force yourself to see things as they are. Stop blaming the poor man, and whether you like it or not, you are living in a man's world. We are everything, and please don't tell me that you are a strong "independent" woman, because you're not. It is just that no man had tamed you yet". Damn!

Here's a reality check for you... she's fat/slovenly/lazy (ie depressed beyond hope, at the moment) because you don't love her.

She knows you don't love her.

So why should she try? It's a living nightmare, to stay alive instead of killing herself. She lives the death she wishes for herself... being unhealthy doesn't matter because she doesn't care if she lives or dies. Sex doesn't matter either, because she loves you despite yourself... and hates herself for not being loveable. She has no idea it's your fault. She blames herself... she's not good enough for you to have sex with, in her own mind. She's not good enough for you to love, in her own mind. In her mind, she's thinking that it's better for you to be away from her... to push her away, because she's not worthy of you. She hates herself (and thus, any part of herself or worth.)

That's your fault. ONLY your fault. You don't love her. You never did. Her subconscience knows it, even if her mind doesn't recognize it yet.

wow, i signed up just to reply. your post stopped me dead in my tracks.

Ready for the truth......
She doesn't love or respect you. The problem is - SHE, is not aware of this. Discontentment can exhibit itself in many dis functional ways. When Children are involved some parents will tolerate almost anything to maintain Family security.

When there is chemistry between couples, they naturally want to satisfy the needs of their partner. They want to be desired and the giving and receiving of pleasure is mutual.

You are correct......YOU cannot change Her. Be open to your own insecurities and fears, You are in this situation for a reason....the answer unfortunately is in the subconscious of both of you.

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I personally like a thick fat woman with a curvy shape . Big fat thighs(drool) but if she looks like Danny Devito that is not good. If your wife is obese it would be good for her and her kids to try to lose some weight and eat better . And maybe she will get more attractive and leave you anyways.

I hate to say it but my Mom has turned into one of those obese nags for a wife.I seriously feel sorry for my Dad because now he is stuck with a totally dependent obese nag for a wife.
I think women should be able to take care of themselves.
Frankly if you can't that means your basically the same as a child not an adult.

I'm going threw the same thing

There is no excuse for being over weight. I think that men or women that do it don't care the least for their spouse. NOBODY wants to sleep with or watch a porker that can't stop shoveling food into their mouths and is OBESE. Show your spouse what he/she married and stop being a lazy food stuffing porker. Good grief !!!

I totally agree and I am a woman who eats moderately and exercises moderately, and through two pregnancies tried to take all fats, sugars, and junk food snacks out of my diet. My doctor told me that women who gain a normal amount of pregnancy weight generally have easier deliveries with less stress to their babies if they aren't carrying a bunch of extra weight. He said, "Just don't put one thing in your mouth that isn't good for you. I worked and exercised rather briskly (aerobics, long fast walks) through both pregnancies. In pregnancy 1, I had severe nausea and lost seven pounds during the first trimester, and so had a net weight gain of 12 pounds and gave birth to a 7.3 pound baby. Since he breast fed for a year, I lost another ten pounds during his first year. The second pregnancy, I was seven years older and I had to really limit my food intake, or the kinds of food I ate, because my body kept a sluggish metabolism, unlike the first pregnancy, so I found myself eating a lot of carrots and drinking a lot of V8s. In pregnancy 2, I gained 17 pounds, and gave birth to a 6.7 lb baby, and this time, breast feeding did not speed up my metabolism, it slowed it down. Both babies were exclusively breast fed for 5 months before taking solid foods and continued to nurse until they stopped on their own. Baby #2 fed voraciously from the breast every 2-3 hours for 7 months, and did not give it up until he was 14 months old. For the first year after my 2nd pregnancy, I carried an extra ten pounds even though I did not over eat. My body just seemed to want to carry 10 more pounds, because I was working full time after 5 months, exercising, and busily raising and supplying food for an infant and caring for a seven year old. When second baby ceased nursing, the last 10 pounds fell off in a matter of weeks, and that was my normal adult weight for the next 30 years--between 130 and 135 pounds at 5'7," i.e. a size eight or 10. I am really disrespectful of women who use pregnancies and more pregnancies as an excuse to let themselves go. One friend said, " well you know you're going to get fat anyway, and you feel so tired and overwhelmed with the other babies or toddlers that you just reward yourself with cherry cheesecake." To me it is a terribly cruel "bait and switch" method of working to be slim to be attractive enough to land a great, and great looking husband, and once you have secured him with the blue line on a urine-stained stick, you're home free and will never have to diet again. So women just allow themselves to get Wal-Mart Photo huge, have a baby probably by C-section due to obesity or pregnancy diabetes, have the baby, be exhausted nursing the baby and caring for the others, being sleep deprived, and being depressed that they are so fat that they eat more "comfort food" to help with the depression. And husbands look back at their honeymoon pictures 8 years ago and now have ZERO physical attraction to those once-nicely-shaped women they are now stuck with. To blame obesity on pregnancy is just a lie.Also, women do NOT need to punish themselves with massive work at the gym post pregnancy. Studies have shown that weight loss in women is and always has been mostly achieved not even with ANY punishment; just reduce the amount of food you eat through portion control, reduce carbs, fats, and sugars, fill up on lean proteins and plenty of fruits and vegetables as close to their natural state as possible, and get some calories burned with some kind of exercise at least 4 times a week.A woman who has just gone through nine months of pregnancy, several or all of which were less than comfortable, Heaven knows how many hours of labor, several weeks of soreness in the nipples and the cervical or vaginal tissues which may have been cut or torn, and which are made more difficult due to bleeding, severe cramping as the uterus regains its former shape--a baby sucking on your nipples, torn tissue in a place that is constantly wet and sat on, big contractions for weeks every time the baby breast feeds and no painkillers for any of it because you can't feed the baby your painkillers: this all REALLY REALLY HURTS, AND INTERCOURSE HURTS!--Well, this woman should not feel the need to punish herself with starvation and heavy exercise. She and her husband should be enjoying their family, because this is a really sweet time even though lots of it is hard, and should share the duties of shopping and cooking meals that are good for the whole family, and she should enjoy the wonderful exercises of daily swims or brisk stroller walks. Just be healthy, concentrate on what is fun (swimming or walking or bike riding with your family is always fun; so is preparing some baked chicken, a salad, a steamed vegetable, and some yogurt for dessert; so is enjoying a glass of wine together a couple of nights a week; so is just snuggling with your baby and toddlers and pets for a sweet, slow and easy part of each day.)
Space 1999, I am in total agreement with you except for the exercise machines, which I would never force on anybody, but that's because I find them punishing whereas I adore regular and all-in bike rides, brisk walks, pool exercise, fishing, horseback riding, roller skating, cooking, gardening both by myself and as a family. I think women who use pregnancy as an excuse to be and stay FAT (you've got to cut her a break and allow her a year to be a little bit plump, because if she's breast feeding, the baby is more in charge of her appetite, energy, hormones, and metabolism than she is) are like cheaters (not marital cheaters, but like used car salesmen, lawyers, politicians, kids taking tests or playing a sport on the field). The person who made her vows to you has so little respect for those vows, or for herself, or for you, or all of these, that she isn't even the same person she was, which definitely assures that you aren't the same person you were (You hate her). It's grounds for divorce if you ask me, unless some major illness is involved. These things should be negotiated before babies get made. A husband shouldn't be just a bystander to his wife's pregnancy. Men should inform themselves and if necessary, be the enforcers if the OB/GYNs will not: "Don't put anything into your mouth that isn't good for you, and for the sake of your delivery and your recovery over the following year, just be really careful with your weight, since for 99% of healthy pregnancies, there is absolutely no reason why the mother should gain more than 25 -35 pounds." It's a mother and child health issue, it's a physical AND mental health issue, it's a MARITAL health issue.

Loser.

I have the opposite problem. Im a 41-yr old working woman, 5'4", 110 lbs, and my husband is overweight and has gotten diabetes and high cholesterol. He is now virtually impotent. Should I leave him?!

It depends on your whole life, whether you have kids, how old they are, what the economic impact would be to you, would you be homeless, would you have to pay him alimony, are you two the only ones that this would affect, would he be entitled to your pension, health insurance, etc? Is this the only thing wrong or one of many things wrong? Would he be willing to see a therapist with you, a real doctor who could refer you to dietitians, nutritionists? Is he willing to try to lose weight if you two took up some activities with each other, like walking fast, playing a sport, joining a gym, shopping and cooking with you? Has he been medically checked for a health problem which could contribute to weight gain? Do you two love each other, or do you like each other enough to explore whether the love could be re-kindled? Is he depressed? Would he get mean and nasty in a divorce? Do you have family members who could help you with the meanness and despair that come with divorce, and the impoverished, alone life afterwards, possibly without the home you've created?something happened to make this man change his life course. Is he willing to do the work to go back to that inciting incident and begin to heal himself in a constructive active way as opposed to clinging to passive inertia? Could you help him face what caused this change in him, and work with him to help him discover his joy in life. Is he willing to try? If he's willing to try, I would give the marriage a chance even though it will take effort. If he's not willing to try, and you can see yourself building a happy, quality life without him, then I would say he's already left you and if you can stand the hell of a divorce and beginning your life maybe in a different place with your income diminished, then I think, yes, give yourself the chance at happiness, especially if a divorce would not bring pain to children.

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Mookie5...
I really bad for you and your situation.
I’m a very driven individual, BUT, I did the EXACT same thing when I was married 6 years ago. I’m 5’7 and on my wedding day weighed 135 lbs. My husband and I certainly had our issues. Over the course of a year I gained 45 lbs (It was horrendous). Prior to that I was VERY active, had a lot of interests, and ate a clean diet. I don’t have kids, since I will always be married to my career. But there were some significant stressors that lead me to pile on weight quickly. Fortunately for me, none of these were medical. However, a year later I hit burn out from work and his selfishness. He had been cheating on me long before we were married, I later found out and a year after we were married, we divorced. I fell into a deep depression and the weight kept piling on until I was 210 lbs. All the while I was gaining and didn’t care enough about myself to do anything about it. I took a look at my life and was mortified! One day I woke up and made a decision for me. Not anyone else, but for me. I didn’t do it to be attractive; and I didn’t do it because I thought it would get me generally further in life. I did it for me and for my health. I took baby steps, I didn’t jump in all at once, but I ensured that exercise was always a bit difficult. Anything that went into my body had to be unprocessed and contained little to no sugar. I drank only black coffee and water. I watched my portion sizes and ensured that I was eating FREQUENTLY. I was never hungry and it was always healthy. Though if I did indulge it was always a “small” or one serving of whatever I was indulging in. Food, good food with micronutrients will fix the “tired” issue but not overnight. It makes you feel good and you want to do more because of how you feel. Weight loss is a pleasant side effect of a healthy diet. You start dressing differently and you want to do things. How does this relate to your situation? I would say you need to have a frank conversation with her. Not in an “I can’t stand you, you’re so fat” kind of conversation. But rather, a conversation about where you two see yourselves in the next few years together. What do you want to do with your life and what are the activities that you want to try. What is your five year plan together? She may have issues with you that you’re completely unaware of. Spending your time playing video games is a great way to waste your life. You need to ask yourself as well what you want in life and out of a relationship. I’m going to assume that working yourself into exhaustion to support in game purchases and ramen noodles isn’t it. It’s your life too! If you can’t find a compromise and both make steps toward positive changes, then it may be time to separate. I can’t imagine living life and constantly be stressed and unhappy.

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I totally get where you are coming from except for the fact that I am completely turned off by having sex with a fat woman. All you fatties out there can get laid as often as you like by dudes with boobs. I am hardly ripped but I am active all day long, lifting and physically working. My wife lives on "Second Life" and spends every waking hour doing it. She is easily 70 pounds heavier than when we married and does nothing around the house. I cook, clean, do laundry and work my *** off 84 hours every two weeks at my primary job and work at least 40 hours a week at a second job. She ****** and moans about retirement at 55 because she is "tired". She ******* that I am not sexually attracted to her but won't lift a finger to try and change that. We don`t have kids because she had "medical limits" and I stopped wanting to have kids with her after she refused to take her health seriously. Type II diabetic, eats ramen noodles any chance she gets, goes into great detail about her bowel issues when ever she wants. I loved her once. I thought she was smart and driven but now she looks like a lame turd. I want to love her again if she would change but there appears to be no chance of that because anytime I bring up her behavior she accuses me of bullying her.

I hope she's either made changes or that you've left her since your post!!

My name is Diane

Rude how about fat husbands

My husbaned cheated on me several times when I go to work . He likes thinner attractive women. He feels that everything is my fault . And he would rather be a younger , thinner woman iwho is more attractive ..

my husband is leaving me for some ugly fat american bleached blonde woman, the fact is why he is leaving for some ugly fat woman but I let him leave me and I get new handsome american men

I did not know what Lionel Richie was singing about in the 80's...Once , twice, three times the lady.....I am married to a 3x, not sex wise, dress size. Oh yeah, spotted a 4x the other day, oh joy...packing over 325 pounds now. Tried everything.
A friend says you cannot reason with a drunk, why do you think you can persuade or reason with a grazer? Moo.
Maybe we will hit 400 # this year. Go team.

Do you sad sack mean really think Tina is what she claims to be? No, She is a money grubber playing on your insecurities.

As a wife of an insecure man he had an affair over his size, i can tell yo uthe pain of an affair is excruciating. No matter what you choose to do, go or stay, do not cheat. It was devastating for me.

Who is Tina?

Who is Tina?

Tina?

Misery loves company and I came here to get some company. I hate that my wife became so fat over the 8 years that we have been together. When we met, she was in shape and was so full of life. We worked out together and of course, had many other things that we loved doing together. After the first year, I could feel her letting go. I thought it was our relationship ending so we talked and she assured me that she wanted to be with me. As time passed, she put on more and more weight. I'm a big eater ant over 250 pounds...but I have 12% body fat. Think of the Rock only i'm about 3 inches shorter and not as handsome. Anyway, long story short, she's now about 70 pounds heavier and our sex life doesn't exist...her sex drive is gone and seemingly so is her desire to do anything to change her unhealthy ways. I'm miserable and it's depressing to think that things will never change. Yes...we have talked many times during every year that we have been together and nothing changes.

Haha me too
My wife of 25 years has blossomed t a size 20. I was a waist 30, now a 32-34 at the most
No enthusiasm & sex possible in one position great xxxxxxx love it
Not right, but. Girl at gym, 9 years older thAn my wife, 4 years older than I, is mega
Loving & being together so nice, beats being with a lump, sorry
So do I go or stay ?????

GO!!!!!!

Friend
While noble ; deferring to
Your wife -what you are describing is slavery- not marriage.
If what you are saying is true; and she has checked out - she has done her duty and now enslaves you- too bad she is so wrong.
Respectfully- Oprah and Dr Phil while talented people - are wrong in this area
Listening to low level authority always has its disadvantages.
The Bible is very clear- she has duties to you too.
Not only physical but also emotional happiness.
Start your own search - and hopefully she will join you.
You will Both be so much happier
God Bless You Guys
Never Quit - that goes for her too.

Divorce her or stop whining you big *****.