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My Wife Sucks

I met my wife seven years ago in Oregon. We were a happy couple then. We went out all the time, had sex al the time, cooked together, talked for hours, and just generally liked to be around one another. I had a great job, a decent little house, a nice car, and plenty of disposable income. Little did I know then that my wife is about as selfish and dishonest as they come.

Before I start, I want to say that I have an eye condition that causes blindness, and I was upfront with my wife about the whole thing before we even started dating seriously. I wanted her to know what she was getting into.

So first, I should have seen her number one problem right away. I'd been divorced from another woman two years earlier, and the arrangement left me with the house and a big pile of debt (my ex liked to shop), so right off the bat my wife began making comments about how I was bad with money, and that she was good with money because she had no debt and a large savings. What I didn't realize at the time is that she had a large savings because she found ways of living with people without contributing much in the way of money (she was living with a coworker who had feelings for her for free when we met), and this allowed her to save on Starbucks wages. I didn't think about it at the time (because I was blinded by love), but I became her next victim. When she moved in my house, the roommates moved out, and I was suddenly saddled with the entire mortgage payment and bills every month without any financial contribution from her.

That might have been fine, but she ended up using her savings to go on a trip to Europe with her brother just two months after I proposed to her! She didn't even try to figure out a way to allow me to accompany her, she just went, not caring that I was home footing all the bills and holding down the fort for her.

When she came back, I put my house up on the market, sold it, and managed to pay off all the debt from my previous marriage with a little left over. I, of course, footed the bill to move to a new apartment. Once there, she told me wanted a big wedding, and that she needed to move out of Portland to Corvallis to finish her bachelors in a certain field. I had a job in Portland, I had friends in Portland, and I wanted to stay, but she said the only program in the state was at OSU, so I eventually agreed to move. During the year in the new apartment, I threw my money into the wedding, into school, and into making yet another move. My wife learned that my family moved around a lot, so somehow all this moving around was put on me, and she hinted that I was restless and nomadic (?!?). With all the monetary output, I wasn't saving money either, so again, I'm bad with money (?!?). I worked my full-time job AND freelance through that entire year, paid off the wedding, paid off the Honeymoon trip, paid for the move to Corvallis, paid for the first two quarters of school (I needed to go back and transition into a new career due to impending blindness), and had money left over to boot.

There were no jobs in this little college town, and rents were high, so I go my company in Portland to allow me to work remotely from Corvallis. It was a great arrangement, but when I wasn't attending classes, I was locked in my home office. I continued doing freelance work as well. The time commitment per week was probably up into the 70-80 hours range. My wife began complaining that she never had time alone, and started resenting me for being home all the time. When I suggested renting an office somewhere, she wasn't comfortable with that plan either. At the same time, after our wedding, intimacy had almost ceased entirely. It was tough, working and studying all the time, paying our astronomical tuition and housing bills, and being resented at the same time... while being expected to contribute to half the chores, mow the lawn, and all that good stuff. She got a very, very part time job at a craft store and made some friends, and started criticizing me because I wasn't making friends, as if there was something wrong with me.

At some point, she got pregnant and we had a kid. Just two months after she was born, my job was outsourced to India, and I was laid off. The birth had been covered by insurance, thank God, but suddenly we were in a small town with no work, we had big bills rolling in, and there was no way to pay all of it. Luckily, I was able to get on an unemployment insurance program that allowed me to finish school without having to look for work, but the huge pay cut (although it covered the bills), was very hard for my wife to take. She had an extremely hard time adjusting to it. After all those years of intense computer work, my eyes were shot, and I was finally declared legally blind. I applied for SSD to hold us over until I could finish a graduate degree in counseling, which I planned to earn when we got back to Portland.

With money from unemployment coming in, we were able to finish our last respective years of school, trading off baby watching duties as we went. As the June date approached, my wife suddenly told me that she wanted to move to Utah, where her parents lived. Now, I hate Utah. I don't like dry climates, I'm non-religious, I can't drive, and the glare of bright sunlight makes it very difficult for me to see. Plus, my wife had spent numerous hours telling me how hard it is to grow up non-LDS in Utah, and the prospect of subjecting my daughter to the same issue bothered me. I told her I didn't want to move to Utah, but she literally let those messages go in one ear and out the other. She made plans with her family to bring our stuff down to Utah by UHaul when they came to our graduation, WITHOUT ANY AGREEMENT ON MY PART! She just didn't want to move back to Portland, because it's rainy and far from her family, and she dealt with my objections by literally ignoring them!

So, when the end of the year came, I moved to Utah because I didn't know what else to do. It was her way or the highway, and I couldn't be apart from my daughter. My SSD kicked in the month we moved down, so in the months leading up to her finding work, I was able to keep us afloat. Didn't stop her from hating that I was "around" all the time though! When it came time to find a place in SLC, I found a great little apartment downtown near the Gateway Mall.It was brand-new and spacious, but it was subsidized for low-income families. My wife wanted time home alone with our daughter, so I planned to volunteer part-time until I could get into a social work or counseling program up at the U, working around my wifes schedule, and she could get a part-time job. My SSD was enough to cover rent, food and all the utilities, so it was a perfect plan. Over the years, the program "graduates" you, allowing you to make more each year until it's over.

Instead of getting a part time job, my wife got a full time job. Suddenly, because we could not afford daycare, my ability to volunteer was gone, and I was stuck at home as a full-time stay-at-home dad. My wife's job, though low-paying, also negated the terms of the low-income housing, so I soon realized we'd have to be out by the end of the year. She gave me the same-old business about "being home all the time", and "being bad with money", but we were never in debt, and I would have gladly disappeared on her days off if I could have.

For TWO YEARS, I stayed home with the kid, and helped my wife get a license in the field that she wanted to work in (it cost 6500.00, all paid for up-front). I also managed to get us into a condo, and got into a competitive graduate program, all while growing increasingly blind. Despite all of this, my wife seems to be permanently discontent and upset with my every move. It really doesn't matter how much I do for the woman, how much money, time, effort or ideals I give up on her behalf, it's never enough to award me common kindness, repect or physical affection.

I'm now contemplating divorce. I'll have to stay in Utah because I love my child, but at least she's in a spot where she can be self-supportive now, and I can just go get a small place, live simply, and build my new career in peace. It could be a reprieve for my daughter as well, giving her a break from all the negativity and moodiness of her mom. How can a person justify taking so much and giving back so little?
WillieHB WillieHB 36-40 8 Responses Sep 16, 2010

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Sorry,, but what is it with so many of you guys, that you don't see the early signs? You should have realized what was going to happen as soon as she didn't participate in paying towards rent or mortgage! The alarm bells should have rung with her trip to England or the big wedding! This should have been enough to postpone or avoid marriage, especially after you had already 'burnt' your fingers in a previous marriage! I honestly think, that there is a great number of men out there, who miss to put down their foot right from the start, showing their prospective wives, that they are real men and the leader in the relationship. If your woman isn't happy with that, forget about her, because she'll alwys nag and control you and never be the feminim woman of your dreams, who is happy to be cared for and protected by her man.

Willie, you need to stop going to school and get your *** into marriage counseling. I don't care if she will go or not. You go and show that you want to save your marriage. If she won't, then you have to evaluate your options at that point.

Bro, I feel ya. My wife before we were married were awesome, then after she went crazy and super self-centered. Very much in tune with your story with minor details changed here and there. Sorry you're going or have gone through it. Just know that I'm paddling right beside you in the same boat lol. <br />
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-D

Some of us are there man, I hope you all the best, as I hope you do to me as well.

Can I just say that your wife is a f*ing b*tch? <br />
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I've given as well in a relationship without receiving much reciprocity. It sucks.<br />
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Good luck, man.

Good luck with your future choices. I hope your eyes get better.

Wow! What a story! You've really been through hell. As for your wife, I would put all of it down to simple immaturity. The truth is, some people never grow out of the idea that they're the center of the universe. For more information about this, read: "The Characteristics of Emotional Maturity" by the Maryland Institute. It's available online. It describes what being a mature adult person means and gives some great, short pithy examples. YOU sound like a mature adult person who is ready for marriage and your wife sounds like an overgrown adolescent. I think you have a pretty good chance of finding a better mate if you want one. Next time you are considering a mate, put her through the checklist for emotional maturity stated in the above article.

It's good you get this off your chest, I can identify somewhat on living with a selfish individual who is Hell bent on controling everyone and everything , I too wonder what does it take to get their attention and them realize it is cold hearted and cruel to do to someone. I have seen it time and time again and I see you being a happy person who does very well on your own and your daughter will always love her daddy! You sound like a very kind man , I am sorry.