Can't do anything right....

Reading other stories on this website, makes me think that I don't have any serious issues in my marriage. Nobody cheated, my wife does't like to spend money.... But there are few things that drive me more and more insane about her. Everything is always difficult or next to imposible for her, she is a very negative person (or realistic as she puts it) anything I do, her first comment is usually what i did wrong, she doesn't apriciates anything I do for her, she says she does but i dont see it or feel it... She is very unreasonable. And of course she can do no wrong," im sorry" doesn't exists in her vocabulary. Whenever she wants to do or go anywhere, Im always more than happy to do it... But with her I almost have to beg her to do the same for me, and she usually doesn't anyways... I get almost no positive comments from her, just the opposite... am I being too demanding or too sensitive??? Is her behavior normal?? I had girlfriends before who never treated me this way, but I was never married maybe they change (thats what everbody says).. Aren't married people supposed to do and say nice things to each other every once in a while??? Any feedback is appriciated..
Marco1228 Marco1228
5 Responses Apr 20, 2011

Short answer, yes. If you've committed to marriage, you should both have each other's backs, she should have yours as much as you have hers. I make a point to only say kind things to my husband, to be his best friend, his biggest supporter in a tough world, and to be affectionate daily and thank him for everything he does for me. And you know what? After fifteen years of doing this, this is exactly the treatment I get in return. I'm sorry that you're wife doesn't understand that when you get married, you have to think of how much you can give to your spouse every day, without expectations. Above all, keep a cool head over arguments and be rational - don't use it as an opportunity for character assassination and then expect your husband to respond like Prince Charming. A man who feels loved, desired, appreciated, respected, and valued, will give love freely back. You deserve nothing less.

My husband also complains about me being so negative (I call it being realistic). What I would love "Mr Pollyanna with rose-tinted glasses" to do sometimes is ***** about stuff, more than I do . That way it would feel like "a trouble shared is a trouble halved". And than I wouldn't have to do all the complaining myself. Consider that a challange!<br />
You said that she never says "I'm sorry" when she's wrong. Maybe she saw "Love Story" years ago and took the phrase "love means never having to say your'e sorry" to heart. Bullshit!! When someones wrong, they should ALWAYS say sorry, especially in a relationship. It's nice that you want to do stuff with her. She's missing out on helping the two of you build some great memorys for the future. That's a shame. There must be some stuff that you both really enjoy doing, that you could do together. At this point, you have nothing to lose by suggesting this to her. Good luck.

take it from me, man, you will have to let her know she's on the other side of the field from you and somehow make it stick. do some reasearch on the effects of adversarial relationships and you'll find my damn picture next to the "Outcome" section. I am military and transferred back to live with her after years of being apart. she has had me so fricken depressed and stressed i'm on 2 different antidepressants, a mental booster and my body's still falling the eff apart! i'm serious, i'm sicker and more bodily damaged than i have ever been in a 22 year career!<br />
if you don't fix it, it'll fix you and drive you into the ground. never knew the effects of stress until the adversarial relationship thing. it's like having a friend who tries to best you all the time. not really a friend, but psychology calls them a freneny. constantly competing and putting you down. test have show that, as opposed to being around an enemy or a close friend you can trust, you're actually more on edge around the damn frenemy! that's the type of relationship that's emerging here on my end. mine, i think, is too far gone too salvage. just hope i can get out without her taking all my damn retirement!

you have to talk to her and explain her this behavior is causing you to stress and distance from her. my wife and I have gone through similar issues and I had to sit and tell her she was driving me insane, and that if she did not stop I would become bitter and generally depressed. she had to see it as a team effort, make her understand change is intended for both of you.<br />
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hope this helps.

You ever had your wife watching you shaving in the morning and tell you you're doing it all wrong? God dammit woman! I've been shaving since I was 15! I know my skin and my beard growth better than you do so go bug someone else!<br />
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I was married twice. Women are all honey and sweet while we are courting them, but give them the ring and a few months or years later, they all become like your owner and you are their dog. Things that were endearing early in the relationship suddenly turn ugly and irritating. From both side mind you; I bet you overlooked some stuff earlier but you are no longer willing to put up with them. <br />
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Damned if you do and damned if you don't: I went to the mall to get some shoes. I was back within an hour. When I came back we had an argument because I did not ask her to come. She had been resting and I know she gets into a fit if I disturb her when she is resting. Even if I had asked to come, she would have said no (she said so herself), but I should have asked anyway. So I would have been scolded if I woke her up, and I was scolded for not waking her up. <br />
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Either way, you can never win so get used to it!