How Did I Get Here

well I'm still married, 2 kids are 6 and nearly 4 now. I am still really really depressed. We had a big row yesterday. My wife always says we don't talk anymore, so last week I was really stressed at work - I'm a IT developer and I was working on a live bug and I couldn't get it working on the test environment - it was working for me on my computer. Anyway, after a week I found out that they didn't put my fix on the test computer so they messed up big time and it wasn't my fault. So that day, I went to a bar to have a drink at lunchtime (the first time since I started 3 months ago) and phoned my wife for a chat and support, and I just remember her telling me off for having a drink. I got a bit upset about that so anyway I finished the conversation.
A couple of days later, I brought this up because I wanted to explain that the reason we don't talk is for things like this, and brought up that example.
Instead of understanding and saying sorry, she said I was swearing (about the situation at work) and she didn't like that. She then was arguing with me about my swearing. It was like banging my head against a brick wall. We then got into a big row which ended with me saying I want to move out.
The next day she made the spare bed and said I'll be sleeping there. At night I just wanted to die. I kept wishing to God that I wish I wasn't born.
I phoned her today at work and said that normal couples when one of them is upset, explains to the other and the other one says sorry and moves on, it should be like that.
Anyway I'm back at home now and things are back to normal. Not good, not great but ok.
I'm scared about moving out cos I have no friends now, and during my marriage I stopped my social life. I'll just be me in a empty flat. This is a bit embarrassing but I have a small penis as well so I don't know if I will be able go get another woman. I know its a bit of a joke to some but I've got a massive complex about it.
Before I got married, I met a old Uni friend who I fell in love with. I didn't do anything physical but I had a chance there to be with her. She is so different and always positive and cheerful, I can't help thinking about her. I didn't do anything as I was engaged at the time and I didn't want to be the bad guy and thought I should do the right thing. Looking back that was a mistake, even if I didn't get with her, I shouldn't have gone though with it if I had feelings for someone else.
What should I do?

It has been 3 years and I would like to know how it progressed.

"and last but not least stick with it,

who else would have us."



Sorry man, but I can't agree with you here. I have been married for 2 years only and I completely feel like living in Satan's brimstone-filled Hell. I'd rather die alone and get half-eaten by rats until someone finds my corpse than marrying a woman once more. When I was single, I had ZERO problems. Now every moment spent at home feels like running on a minefield. You know you're gonna blow up soon, it's only a matter of time. I can't do anything right, hell, I can't do anything because I'm not allowed. This weekend I was so stupid, we had a row and she shouted "That's it, I want a divorce!" Of course it was an empty threat, but that was my big moment when I could have said "Ok, me too. Now shut up and get the hell out of here to find a lawyer, I want this thing a.s.a.p." But I didn't.

So no, by no way is it better to live in a ****** up relationship just for the heck of it. I do all the housework, and even "free sex" isn't free because one has to "earn" his right to bang the Mrs. with the services mentioned above.

speaking as a man of 53, guys trust me i have been through it all.

i married the absolute love of my life, she was totally infatuated with me and i with her.

never ever did i think i would get married, then i met her,

after the second date i knew this is the girl i want to live with for the rest of my life.

then we got married, then she got pregnant, and soon realised i married the antichrist from hell.

if i went for a pint in town, i was screwing around.

if i didnt go out, she complained that she was getting fat and she wasn't attractive anymore.

when the day came that she went into the hospital to have our child.

i was the proudest man in the world, after the birth, those beautiful eyes that had looked into mine and told me a thousand times that i was her everything.

now glinted like a possessed demon, when she said to me " dont you ever get me pregnant again"

instead of walking the walk of a proud new dad, i slouched my way out of the hospital, totally crushed.

how could she change so much, where was the lovely sweet adorable girl i married gone to.

but guess what guys, we now have 5 kids and are nearly 32 years married.

when women get pregnant they produce chemicals and hormones that send them nuts.

i wasn't told until years later, if i had been told, it would have made a great difference.

my advice guys is, if you can chat to a doctor and explain your situation.

they can prescribe medication that can help.

and last but not least stick with it,

who else would have us.

ive got 2 kids now and i dont feel anything for my wife anymore. its just about pleasing her really. i have a very stressful job at an investment bank and when i come home its like another job. she doesnt do anything to help me in life. its like she doesnt have the tools to do it. i feel like life has no meaning anymore. im not strond enough to do anything about it. i wish i was dead.

I don't understand why you are still together. You are ruining both your lives. If you are staying out of a sense of duty or pity for your wife you are not doing her any favours. Make some space and get annother viewpoint.

i hear you man...... and i have some bad news. rock bottom is not the bottom. it can get worse.

take a look at what girls think about men. They have posted more than 500 stories on i hate my mother in law. Their own mothers are perfect but their husbands mom and family are useless and want their husbands to disown their families. It has worked for most of them. Why, do men allow their wives to control them? Read what they really think of men in these stories. I am a mother in law. I have 2 sons, and one has disowned me because he obeys his wife. Sooo sad. Please join in, as there are NO men on this forum. Good Luck to you, i know you are someone's son and are dearly loved too. A mom