Lazy Wife

I don't know what to do. My wife is beyond lazy. Here is her day. She wakes up get my 2 kids dressed for school and then right back to bed until at least noon sometimes later. After she gets up she will go on the computer or lay on the couch. She doesn't clean or do any laundry. I do most of the laundry and cleaning and I work all week. If she happens to need some laundry done she cons my 5 and 6 year old to put it in for her and put it in the dryer. That's how lazy she is. She doesn't work by the way. I have talk to her about it and it did no good. I even went as far as telling her I was leaving and she cried and promised to change. As u can guess nothing changed. Maybe it's worse now. What should I do? Leave? I love my kids to death but I think I fell out of love with her because of her lazyness
buffaloguy75 buffaloguy75
31-35, M
14 Responses Feb 7, 2012

Why u hate your wife man.u say thanks her for her contributions of house work. It's not a big deal man she loves you because she dont want to leave you.
Why u hesitate to do housework it's your house wife wants to do housework but I am not allowed her to do any housework even I am not allowed to help me on any housework. Housework is my duty I love my wife and I don't like when she is doing anything infront of me I feel very bad.

It's not a big deal man.your wife dressed children so u say thnx to her.because many women don't do any household works her husband do all why u upset your wife is your responsibility so take care of her.and talk to her softly for housework when she agree it's nice other wise u don't have any options so u take care both and do all household chores. My boyfriend doing job and am studying but he is doing all household chores. Am not doing any household chores but he don't say me for this even he is angry when am doing any chores.even last Saturday I wash my bra and panty he is angry on me.when I make my lunchbox he scold me and says it's all his duty not mine.i am her princess, and my duty is only studying.

Get her to a doctor and run a full blood test on her. She could be anemic or still be suffering from postpartum. Birth can wreak havoc on some women for years after and even postpartum depression can linger for years.<br />
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Eliminate the physical before going onto the psychological and behavioral.<br />
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Hire a daytime housekeeper if this will help and you can afford it.<br />
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Good luck

I'd talk to a lawyer and see if you can get the kids if you leave her. From my own experience I know that not all mothers are fit to be wives or parents. It's not easy but you have to ask yourself how you and your kids should live. Pursuit of happiness is everybody’s natural right. Don't let her take that away from you and your children.

I'm sorry to say but you should get rid because she is playing on you and has know respect for you plenty of decent people out there who would appreciate you

1-800 Dr. Phil, I may whoop some *** to straighten this out!

1-800 Dr. Phil, I may whoop some *** to straighten this out!

I feel your pain and was in a similar situation until a few years ago. My wife was lazy and seemingly inconsiderate for the first decade of our marriage, until I took steps to change our marriage and communication situation. While I cannot predict whether yours is capable of change, you can try this.<br />
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First thing is to remember that a wife (child, friend, employee, etc) is not a wind-up toy you can crank up every now and again and set them in the right direction. It takes constant watching and consistent praise / considerate correction to get someone to establish or eliminate a habit. Getting her to do what you believe she should do will take constant, caring monitoring to help it stick.<br />
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However, don't forget that she is your wife. Show her love through words, deeds, gifts, and time, and you will both feel more for each other than you ever thought possible. Again, as you show your love and affection, help her find ways and opportunities to show hers. She might at this point be feeling the same coolness you feel, and you both need to warm up.

buffaloguy...<br />
I completely understand what you're feeling. On both ends...<br />
Over the years I've gotten a bit lazy myself. There are many reason as to WHY? I have some simple solutions that you might find helpful. These are things that are motivating and fun!<br />
1. Take her out on the town. How long has it been since you've gone out and laughed together? This is just a simple thing that most couples forget to make time for. Think of something she would really enjoy and go to it!<br />
2. Even the smallest things like a rose, a poem, a letter, something to show her you are thinking of her. Sometimes the words coming out of our mouths do not sound the way we would like them to. Therfor doing something without words can lighten the mood up for conversation.<br />
3. Ask her advice. It's a little crazy and whether you need it or not ask her opinion or advice on things that you think would give her some more self esteem. Obviously she is lacking in that department so compliment her whenever you can, even on the small things that would seem to be nothing of importance.<br />
4. Take her on a romantic walk. Exercise helps the chemical balance in brains and releases endorphins as you know I'm sure. This will give her more energy to do more activities and be more active in general. Ask her to work out with you but do it in a manner that doesn't suggest "you're fat and lazy, come exercise with me"! Instead say something like "hun, I would really like to take a walk to the park or down the block. Would you come with me I have a surprise for you"! Make sure you have something special like flowers or a gift card, or even coupons for a free back massage by you! This will motivate her more to walk with you and it will be a delighted surprise. You can't give her gifts every time and I'm not suggesting buying her things every time or buying her love, I'm simply letting you know that on days where it seems impossible to get her out the house this might be something that would work. It doesn't have to be money. It can be massage, a special home made dinner. etc...<br />
If you have tried all these approaches and nothing works my only other suggestion is to try to communicate more with her. Instead of doing the blame game or trying to find out "whats her problem"! Try to communicate on a positive level. <br />
I have always believed that love is never lost, it's the soul that's lost. Once it finds it's way any sort of love can be rekindled and possibly stronger then ever! It's a question of. "Are you willing to make these kinds of necessary measures to save it"? Be creative and use google as a guide to make more romance and activities.

Hi xilea. Thanks you have been a big help. Sorri if I ramble but I have a lot to get off my chest. You ask do I still love her? I love her as my kids mom but deep down I don't think I do. She has pushed me out of love. I really think I'm ready to move on and maybe find someone who love themselves and me enough to take care of eachother. I'm not say I'm perfect because I'm not. But I think I'm a good a good husband. I work my *** off I don't go out drinking with my friends. I'm always home when I'm not at work to spend time with my girls and help out around the house wich turns into me doing everything. I don't want to say she is a rotten wife but maybe she is. There's more than just the lazyness. She is so bad with money and she just has to. E in control. I make pretty good money and where it goes I have no idea. I never have any extra money and we are always struggling to pay bills. Maybe it's because she always goes out to eat and is always buying stuff we don't need that ends up sitting in a big pile. As far as me getting custody of my girls I don't know if I can. I don't know if I could take my kids from her because if I leave I think that hurts enough.

I think maybe her doctors are missing something or she is not being truthfull in her answers to the doctors questions because that sounds like extreme depression to me. You might want to read a book that I have recently discovered. It's called co-dependent no more. Fantastic book. It is not just for people who have alcoholics in there life it is for anyone who has a person in there life that they love and care about that is depressed, abusive, terminally ill, drug dependent...etc. It's about being an enabler, how to help yourself and some really great issues that have changed my life and the ones around me too. Worth a look into.

Hey & thanks for your answer.<br />
This is a really tough situation for you & your kids and for sure a really sad one too. I can imagine that you are feeling kind of helpless, angry, hopeless & sad. I'm sure, I would feel that way...but I don't think it's your fault. And actually it's also not about guilt, it's about love, managing a family and trying to hold all things together. And for whatever reason you can't say "no", but this is a thing everyone can learn and not a fault. The thing is, you & other people try to help her, which means to change her for her own good, but you only can change a person, if she has the will to do so. And out of your answer I can read, that this is unfortunately not the case. Even if it's hard for me to imagine a person without dreams, wishes or at least wants to be more attractive while loosing weight. <br />
I think, before you will get an answer for your question, what you should do, you have to face a few other ones: <br />
- Do you still love her and do you still want her to be part of your life?<br />
- In worst case she will never change, are you up to a life like this? And what are the consequenses for your kids then?<br />
- If you would leave, is there a possibility that you could take your kids with you and get the right of custody? <br />
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In any case, this is als a really stressful situation and if you can afford it, you should take your kids and go on holiday to see something else and enjoy some happy moments together. But I don't know, if that's possible for you...And I really should come to an end now last but not least it' s your life and when you make 2 persons happy on a day, make sure, that one of them will be yourself - otherwise a day will come when you can't carry all this weight anymore and that would be not good for you and worse for your kids. <br />
Take care, Xilea

Hi Xilea. She has been to the doctors a bunch of times and they say there is nothing wrong with her beside being overweight. When we first got married 12 years ago she was a little overweight and lazy but now it's out of control. I guess it's my fault to because I let her be that way. It's gotten so bad that if she has laundry in by some mirical that instead of getting it she will text me at work asking me to get it out and bring it up in the morning. I work overnights. She even asks me to drive the kids to school so she can go back to bed after I've been up all night. Every day she has some kind of excuse of why she has to go back to bed. Everyone has tried to help her with her weight problem but she is just to stubborn or just doesn't care. I don't know what else to do.

Hey you,<br />
<br />
this is more than an unpleasant situation, but did you ever consinder that she might be sick? Maybe she has a depression, because all what you have written could be a sympton of this illness. And this is for sure not the woman you felt in love there happend something...Maybe it's worth to think about that, because if it is an depression the chances are very good, that she can recover from it. If not, I can't tell you what to do...but living your own life as an unhappy person is for sure not good and has also consequenses for your kids. Or do you think, that they can't feel how the mood is in the house? In any case, I wish you all the best! Take care, Xilea