Jekyll and Hyde

My wife has a bipolar disorder but will not seek treatment. She hasn't been to a doctor but it is evident to me. One minute she is very nice, the next she is a complete *****! Most of the time she is a pile of disgruntled dung, yelling at everyone in the house.  She has even destroyed things whenever she gets mad. I've been fighting this losing battle with her for over 5 years. She gets into her blind rages and says and does terrible things. When the dust settles she is extremely sorrowful, vowing to change and seek help. She even tries to hit me, but i do not want to put my hands on her because i will get arrested and have a domestic violence record. A day or two after her rages she starts blaming me for the incident, after previously taking the blame herself. She goes through my things and leaves me no privacy. Checks my cell phone often, goes thru my car and wallet as well. I have not cheated either nor given her reason to thin such. Marriage counseling didn't work. I am trying to keep the peace right now until i gather enough money to get my own place and divorce her.  I have been playing the "yes dear" card for a while now, taking blame for everything until the time is right. I don't think she knows. She still tries to kiss me and have sex when she's not flying off the handle but when she touches me i am repulsed and disgusted. But i try to do it without cringing. I hate her so much that i am lying to her, making her believe that this marriage is going places just to shut her down on my "independence day".  I will miss seeing my kids as often but if i stay one of us will get seriously hurt. Do you know why divorces are so expensive... because they're worth it.
rtusone rtusone
26-30, M
2 Responses Mar 29, 2007

My wife watched an Oprah episode on Bipolar Disorder. She is now firmly convinced that she is. She even accentuates her "mood swings" to fit the symptoms. Why? To **** me off, that's why! I believe the woman was put on earth to **** me off!<br />
I agree to what you are doing. I'm doing it myself. I think this is the right way to end it. You might even end up with your kids if you can prove mental illness. Was she diagnozed with the disorder? Have patience and good luck to you!

Well she certainly sounds abusive, because if you were doing these things you would be labeled an abuser. I only have one question, i know you are placating her and as you said playing the *yes dear* card, but setting her up for your independance day, despite all the ugly things she has done to you, seems a bit cruel. The reason I say that is because my ex quite literally did that to me. He bought a house behind my back, and eventually left. Its a long story, but neither of us was abusive to each other in any way. The only other thing that might be difficult to hear, is that this behavior will confuse the hell out of your children, Don't get me wrong, i'm sure they know she is nuts, but when they hear daddy continually say *yes dear* and than you leave they will have NO UNDERSTANDING of this behavior. Since my children never saw my ex and i argue, the divorce i was told by a professional was like a double whammy. 1, we divorced, every child's nightmare 2. they couldn't even begin to understand it because they saw a harmonious couple. OK almost done, sorry, also IF she is bi-polar your day of independance will most likely be a day of HELL for your children!! Perhaps there might be an easier, less painful way to extricate yourself from this obvious dysfunction marriage. Best of Luck, I sure do not envy you!!