Her Cheating Heart...

My wife and I married April of 2004. We've since had one son together and she is now pregnant with our second child. At least I think it's 'our' child. I don't typically share information of this nature but I feel compelled to do so as I cannot move on from this pain. It consumes me and I haven't slept a solid night since everything took place. I absolutely hate my wife because I love her so very much...

To begin, I started having dreams of my wife cheating on me back in September, 2011. You see, my wife works at home and spends a lot of time on the computer (in the office at home) teaching online. After confronting her about these dreams and the fact that they were so disturbing she seemed to just brush it off. It got to the point where I had to investigate since it was eating at me so much... I ended up accessing our cell phone records online and her email and sure enough... There was someone else. 500+ hours of phone time and 600+ txt messages to a single number in one month. After even further investigation it turned out to be her little brother's friend. They were talking all day and night (till 3AM at times!). They even met up and had drinks a couple of times at locations that she says were safe (others were there).

When I confronted her with the evidence she said it was a pure and simple innocent friendship (she didn't know I saw the context of some of the emails). Kisses and hugs and nothing but compliments back and forth between the two. It almost destroyed our marriage but she swore she would not talk to him anymore to save our marriage.

Two months later, the dreams started again and after investigation (because she denied it), sure enough, they were back at it again. She tried to cover the tracks but I was a little more savvy with technology). We tried marriage counseling and going to church and she swore the relationship off again but ... in February it all started over again. He showed up at a Superbowl party and ended up contacting her soon afterward. I confronted him (in person) and he swore that there was nothing physical going on. They had only hugged. I told him to lay off and stop what was happening and he promised he would. LIES!!!!

I kicked her out of the house to allow for some time to process everything. She ended up moving in with her Father. I started divorce paperwork and even considered moving back home (leaving everything behind) but I couldn't do it because we have a son together and a growing family. I feel it is my responsibility as a man to do everything in my power to keep this relationship together.

This is now the third time I've taken her back and allowed for this to happen. We've been letting the pregnancy happen for about a year (not preventing) and what's interesting is that every time this relationship sparks up again she becomes pregnant. We lost the 1st one to a miscarriage and she seems to be holding on to this one.

She says I've done nothing wrong, I am the perfect husband. I am constantly (daily) telling her I love her and how beautiful she is. I buy her flowers on a regular basis and do my best to make sure we go on dates to remain a couple and not just parents. I don't know what to do. I love her so much it kills me that this is going on.

She says it's over, changed her email address and phone number to ensure there is no more contact. I just can't get to the point of trusting her again. I feel like the love we used to share is completely gone. I still share with her how much I care and love her but I'm just not getting it in return. Will this change in time? Will she ever warm back up to me? Will she start again with this guy, or another?

Come to think of it, there was a time in 2007 when she reached out to an old boyfriend on MySpace and he asked that she no longer contact him out of respect for his spouse. I had dreams back then and after a few months ended up looking and finding this out. That's two times with two different guys that she has gone outside of our marriage to an unhealthy relationship with another man.

God, I hate her so much...

Signed,

So much pain...
azcanuck azcanuck
36-40, M
3 Responses May 11, 2012

You have generally 3 months to get a paternity test. If you take one after three months the law still declares the child as yours. <br />
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So, don't delay.

Grow some balls. They are just below your stomach. Seriously 500+ hours and 600 texts is not just friendship. It is friends with benefits.<br />
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You have no one to blame for this misery but yourself. You have stood back and allowed her foul behavour to flourish completely unpunished and with no consequence of whatsoever. <br />
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You have taken her back 3 times already WTF. This spells to her that you dhe can do whatever she wants and you will just accept it. Don't believe her lies when they say they will cut it off. <br />
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Also regarding this second pregancy i would suggest having the Child DNA tested as soon as its born. Sounds to me that there could be grave doubt that its yours.<br />
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Seriously though you should consider totalling up the bill for her actions and demand she pay the account in full.<br />
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Stay Strong & Goodluck

Come on man!! 500+ hours of phone time and over 600 text messages!! They went out and had drinks!! I am assuming she never told you about her friendship with him!! What do you think happened?! Open your eyes man. And just because she is pregnant with your 2nd kid doesn't mean she is going to change, after all she whoring around after her 1st kid. Cheaters do not change!