I Think My Wife Wants Me To Hate Her..........

After 22 years of marriage and 2 children you would think we would be over the things that cause tension. My wife knows the things that cause me the most stress and continues to to cause me much mental pain. She is a spendaholic with ADD. This is an awfull combination. Whenever she thinks she needs to do anything she immediately goes out and buys everything she could possibly need to do the chore. For example, some years ago she went to a week long class to learn faux finishing for walls etc. About a $3500 course. Upon completion, she bought every tool, every supply, and finish available. Over $500 worth. She started the bathroom walls in my office with her new knowledge. She worked 1 day then didn't have time to work on it again for the next 3 weeks. I then finished the job as best I could. She became angry that I finished the project. I had patients needing the bathroom for these 3 weeks and she simple refused to finish.

As far as everyday issues, the same happens. She will begin with a statement that "the bathroom needs cleaning" or similar. She decided her vanity needed cleaning yesterday. With cleaning supplies everywhere she went to WalMart and bought 2 of every cleaning supply made. Then, she left them all sitting in the floor and cleaned nothing. This is a trait of ADD. They do not finish anything. It absolutely drives me crazy.

2 years ago, we had a joint credit card. Her monthly charges were around $10,000 per month. Most of her expenses were for vitamins, oils, hair extensions, facials, nails, medications and such. So, I decided to give her a salary of $1000 per week. She works about 2 hours in each 2 week pay period. She is willing to help because she writes her own check. This week she stole my credit card. She claims it was accidental. She proceeded to pay $640 to a "hormone doctor" to fix her. She won't see the woman for 2 months but expected me to pay this bill for her. She is overweight by 40 pounds and will not exercise. She eats like a linebacker. She also ordered prepared meals for herself which fill our freezer, so, she doesn't have to cook. When I cook she eats what I cook, then I clean the kitchen. Today I noticed she has put $6300 on my credit card for a girls trip to Cabo. Of course she tells me I will be reimbursed. She knew it was my credit card.

I could go on with a hundred more stories but won't.

I would love to know if anyone else deals with this type torture? I really do think she wants to make me hate her, but can't imagine why.


whymethere whymethere
3 Responses May 31, 2012

So you think its fine to tell your wife all this stuff? Thats insane. It will just make them resent you even more. One thing I've discovered is that people never really change. What they were at 14 and 25, they still are today. Changing somebody is impossible, they are what they are.

I am a fat, ugly, worthless woman, who is married to a man that hates me. My only suggestion is to tell her how you feel. The only thing worse than being in a loveless, sexless marriage, is not knowing why your spouse hates you. She can't be the person you want her to be unless you tell her who that person is. Maybe you can make her into someone who is worth your time.

I used to deal with this kind of torture, then i snapped and started to hold my wife accountable for her actions. I worked payed all the bills and then had her spend my money as she thought fit. Just like your wife any unneccessary shi..t she could think of. Hair, nails, clothes, shoes, facials, oils, lasers, etc. Then the bank statement would come and she would actually have the hide to highlight my spending which was minute compared to hers. On top of this she would leave me sexless for weeks at a time.<br />
<br />
So one day i wised up had enough and decided i would present her with the bill for her actions and demand she pay the account. By this i mean i started to no longer accept her crap and started holding her to account for her actions.<br />
<br />
I cancelled any joint bank cards, i also confiscated her new luxuary car which she loved. Lucky i was smart enough to register it in my name when i purchased it and made her pay all the bills. I told her if she did not shape up i would prefer divorce and would do everything in my power to ensure she gets minimal. Read my stories holding her to account.<br />
<br />
I suggest you start to hold her to account as well. Believe me your life will be better for it. She will resist at first but stick to it. Once she realises that you are serious she will most likely change. If she doesn't at least you would be free from her toxic behavour.<br />
<br />
Stay Strong & Good Luck