Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Am Sick of My Lazy Wife

We've been married almost 20 yrs.  She isn't the same girl I married.  We have 2 beautiful children who I love to death.  My wife can't stand to spend 5 mins with either of them.  This summer break is already a nightmare!  She has a part time job, works about 10 hrs a week and does absolutely nothing around the house.  I do the laundry, cook (when we eat at home) make the kids lunches, do the grocery shopping, take out the trash....  This is on top of my 50+ hrs a week at work.  If I leave the office 5 mins later than I told her, she has a fit.  She works 3 half days.  You would think at least on her day off she would fix something for dinner, that's a laugh.  She spends her day napping and playing cards online.  To suggest that she do something with the kids, "it's too hot, it's too boring, there's nothing fun to do"  Honestly, she complains more about being bored than my teenage daughter.  She is on anti depressants that her old doctor said he didn't think she needed.  She now has a new Dr.!  Then she complains that she is too tired to cook, play, do anything but lay around the house until I get home so we can go out to eat.  Sex? I remember sex - vaguely.  When we do have sex (about every 2 to 3 months) it's like she is treating me.  She lays there until I'm done, then its off to sleep.  Once when I was trying to convince her to have sex, she really said, "we just had sex last month!"  And she was serious.  Occasionally she will get a cleaning bug up her butt, but of course it is always late in the evening or on the weekend. (when I am there to help)  She has gotten so lazy, it's driving me crazy!  There is too much to post at one time.  I will keep you posted as she once agains proves "I Hate My Wife"!

jumpship jumpship 41-45 112 Responses Jun 20, 2008

Your Response


Similar story been with my girlfriend for 4 years. She's got fat over these years. She never initiates sex never has never will.
She just lies there as if I'm getting a treat. It's the same way every time. She lies down and takes her trousers off. Yes she goes to bed fully dressed. Havent managed to get and keep a full erection with her for over 2 years.
She wanted sex this night. Same way again. She took her trousers off rested her leg on my stomach.... Wow.
I just said I couldn't be bothered and rolled over. She's snoring like a pig right now which makes it hard for me to sleep. Would leave but we both live together. I work 40 hours a week her? 25-30. Yet she is always tired.
I wish I never took her her back the 1st time. You know what else sucks? If i leave there's like a 90% chance of her hurting her self. She has done it before.
**** my life.

Leave. If the only options are leave and see if she hurts herself in a classic bratty manipulation move, or stay and let her hurt you, then leave. Your life is worth saving, and right now she's destroying it, intentionally if it's true that she's hurt herself before to get back at you. Her life probably isn't even at risk, but even if she does hurt herself, odds are she would have done it anyway the moment something else didn't go her way - it wouldn't be your fault. If you genuinely think she's a danger to herself, you CAN call authorities, who can have her involuntarily committed. I guarantee once she gets a taste of what the inside of a real mental hospital is like (basically prison with lunatics and fewer beds), she won't pull that crap on anyone again. If breaking it off abruptly is too difficult, you could always just pull apart more slowly, e.g. obtain separate residences, force her to be responsible for herself.

First of all, I'm sorry you both are going through this. Secondly, things will only get better if you direct your concerns with her instead of others. The two of you have to solve your issues. Finally, I'm no doctor but I know that picking a good therapist will help. That is the only way to decode her actions and possible understand yours. I am a 31 year old wife who has depression and I have used anti depressants. On top of depression, ADHD, and anxiety -- I also heard my husband saying exactly what you are complaining about. I didn't know his feelings until he told me and that is why I chose to seek therapy. I didn't want him to feel the way you described not think I was a bad person. In conclusion, talk to her so she knows how frustrated you are and ask to go to couples therapy. I am a work in progress but I will what I can to make him feel loved.

@Buckeye83: You sound more reasonable than this guy's wife. At least you acknowledge his feelings, don't want to be a burden, and are willing to work to fix it. Too many dependopotamuses can't be reasoned with or talked to at all, because they get angry, indignant, and go on the attack rather than acknowledge that the world doesn't exist to serve them. For your initiative I commend you, but most wives aren't like you, and I still doubt the OP's situation can improve without parting ways in the end.

Sorry typing on a phone it is borderline personality disorder and Google the article listed below.

First off I read some of the responses below and No it is not your fault! This is a person who feels entitled to you doing everything. It sounds like to me that she may have a personality disorder and meds aren't goig to help that. Look up hostile dependency and cluster B personality disorders. Especially bleeder line personality disorder. It is not your job to take care of anyone else's responsiblities outside of your children. She is an adult and needs to pull her own weight. The withholding sex, moodiness and entitlement mentality are because she is an adult child that is angry with you. The comment below about not having sex being justified because she feels your resentment is just wrong! Why is it that when a woman man withholds affection and does not help it is just because someone else made her do it? No she is responsible for her own actions/inaction, emotions and choices. The helping occasionally and sound it late is an impulse control issue or it may be her trying to get you mad. This way you act out her anger and she gets to play victim. This is know as projective identification. Don't play her games and he her to account for bad behavior. Good "How to Train Your Borderline".

Can't blame your wife for not wanting obviously have bitter feelings towards her which she will sense and find not particularly alluring

Honestly I think some wives lose their motivation in life because they aren't happy being an unappreciated housewife (maid, cook, laundry service, nurse, *****, etc.) This unhappiness has caused them to just give up completely. They stop caring about themselves and especially about housework. They simply quit living and merely exist because they feel that being a servant and a hole for you to poke is all they are worth to you anymore. Especially if you are expecting sex from them and they aren't getting any romance or satisfaction themselves. They gave up all the self-identity they ever had when they tried to foolishly devote their life to you and their children. In the process they stopped feeling worthy, respected or appreciated from you and their kids. So their repetitive, mundane life became an unhappy one.In my opinion women should NEVER stop working outside of their home in order to become a stay-at-home mom. Housework and raising the children should be equal between spouses in all aspects. Also in order for the family to continue to respect and appreciate them and the things they do for them. This will also help ensure they never lose their self-identity or individualism so they can hold on to their self-respect and self-worth.

I don't know how to express how much your words meant to me. Thank you. I am one lazy housewife for the past little while, and I've never been able to properly articulate why. ^That is why. My husband ignores me completely, and when I am speaking you can bet he's rolling his eyes, and he's constantly telling me everything I do wrong, I can't please him, doesn't matter how clean the house is. We don't go out, my family died when I was a teenager, his ignores each other, and I have no one to help me or just take the kids for a weekend, I feel invisible 100% of the time for at least the past 9 years. We have 3 kids, I do all the housework if any gets done, and I'm tired, and I just don't care anymore, and I am isolated, and feel unable to open up to my perfect neighbors. I wish I could just snap out of it, but I'm stuck. I dream of the day when I'll have the resources to leave my douchebag of a husband, but I know I'm a douchebag too for allowing this patriarchy to render me useless. I just don't care, I'm too numb to try anymore, and I'm not a slave.

Try being a man in the same situation.
Not near as many of us to relate with, and most will view us as the worst kind of person.
We can't get angry about things, that we could have done something about, and get to turn into less than what we were made to be.
(some women try to orchestrate fights, to play the victim and gain control/support from the typical male stereotype)
Not many can realize the sacrafices that can be made when your physique suffers, and you start to look like a scarecrow.
Try to fix it, and the testosterone can backlash when you don't want to be treated like someone's pet/dependent.
Not including not being the caring nuturing parent the children need, when your wife spends very little time with them.

Ack no edit.
ie sacrifice, nuturing


I feel for you! I know there are plenty of men are stuck in crappy circumstances with self-centered, selfish women. Please read the above response I posted for hailey381.

FYI - a woman who spends no time with her children is not a mom...she is a fool who's not worthy of their love! Children need to live with the parent who takes care of them not just physically, but emotionally as well. You must and can be the one they can count on no matter what!

Be wise! Never, never let her win by causing you to lose control! One hit and you lose; then she has you truly by the balls because she can and women like her will take your children from you in order to cause you to suffer more!!! It would be wise if you baby cam your house...for personal safety reasons. If she wants to play chess then outsmart her.

Best wishes!

Check out:

www .


not saying you are, but just in case you are in a crazy-*** relationship like this...

www .

You are just stuck-in-a-rut with your emotions. You are not a douche-bag for wanting the happy family life...most people dream about this, but it isn't an easy thing to get these days.

You see sensitive, compassionate people (HSP - highly sensitive person) often fall in love with people who are completely opposite (Narcissus) in every aspect than us. And, too many times the HSP gets walked all over by the more narcissistic partner. In the beginning you most likely saw their confidence as attractive, but then you started realizing it is just arrogance...there is a huge difference. More and more they started showing their selfish, insensitive, egotistical nature. This eventually causes the HSP to become unhappy in our relationship because we want equality, understanding, compassion, sensitivity, romance, etc. which they are not able to give. Sadly we do not know how to walk away from a toxic relationship or find it to be very difficult even though we may need to and probably should. Therefore, if you plan to stay in the relationship then you need to accept that your narcissistic partner will never change because they literally do not know how to change. They cannot see any wrong in themselves and do not have the ability to understand. They are literally incapable of putting themselves in other people's shoes...they lack empathy.

I don't know old your kids are, but if you plan to stay in the relationship then as soon as all of your kids are in school you should find you a part-time job so you can save your sanity and get the hell out of that house...even if it is to go to another job. It will give you the opportunity to meet new people and get friends. You need friends. Believe me I know this! I am sick due to autoimmune diseases and other chronic diseases/illnesses. I am at home most of the time...alone. I hate it! And, I miss having friends. Even though I am sick...I realize I need to find a job so I can get the hell out of this house and feel human again.

All too often we merely exist instead of truly living. We need to start living! We need to stop letting others have control of us and we need to start loving ourselves again. It is OK to put yourself first (or at least second to your children) once in a while and put your partner last more often even though they will be unhappy about it (always drama) and it will most likely cause issues. As Taylor Swift eloquently sings, "Shake It Off!"

I wish you the best in whatever path (the one you are currently on or a brand new one) you choose.

Remember the following:

Your happiness truly matters! Love can come and go, but it can always be found a new. However, life is short and we may only have one chance at it!

Just in case someone needs this.

www .

This is a very good article to read.

www .


Too many women feel entitled - leave her and leave the kids, she'll either sink or swim. If you love someone sometimes they have to fall before they can stand. It's sad, but a lot of women feel entitled to a pampering husband that gives them everything while expecting little in return. It's selfishness and it's wrong. Life in bondage to a woman like that is hell and nobody deserves it. Leave her, plenty of women out there will love and appreciate a real man that takes care of his obligations.

I concur. Most men can't understand what it is like, not saying work is not very similar. But that would be entirely on the husbands that don't negotiate fair allowances, or run around after work.
The fact the poster is claiming alot of work after getting home, there should be no excuse.
But alot of variables in this mix such as freedom, money, or treatment suitable to a servant/slave.

11 More Responses

Maybe she hates you too and you both just need to get a divorce and politely walk away from each other so you both can be happy again.

Marriage is work not a Disney fairytale. I wouldn't get a divorce. No one is perfect and my husband and I really are a lot more happier after therapy. With therapy, I learned about myself and he surprisingly found out about himself. He was very quiet in our session when the therapist implied he was being insensitive and basically an *** in a very eloquent way. I loved it. Finally , my point was made and he got it too. My husband took it like a man and has changed. Thank you to therapy;)

Well this seems like an epidemic! Same here, my wife and I have a daughter who is almost two and we love her dearly of course. My wife used to work but we decided it would be best if she stayed home when the baby was born. So the understanding was that she would take care of the baby and get the housework done. Not repairs or outdoor stuff, but things like laundry, basic cleaning, the dishes, preparing dinner, etc. But instead when I come home there are messes everywhere, dirty dishes in the sink, garbage to be dumped, nothing ready or even thought of for dinner (instead I am asked what's for dinner), etc. Once in a while she "does" laundry, which to her means washing and drying it only, in other words I am the one who must do the most time consuming part of actually folding it and putting it away. A monkey can be taught how to load a washer and press a couple buttons. Anyway, so I am up at least 3 hrs before my wife / daughter, work my 8-9 hrs, then come home and get the football hand-off of my daughter. "It's your turn, she drove me nuts today!" my wife will say as she plops down to fool around on the internet. I love my daughter so much and enjoy playing with her, but hey, I deserve a break too for busting my hump all day to provide for my family. And yes our little girl is active, but she naps at least 2 hrs during the day, and mommy and baby go out to the park, on play dates 1-2 times per week, etc. So it's not like there's a lot of stress involved for my wife, whereas for me I am dealing with employees and customers alike all day. If my wife ever had a job like I did, she would see that watching a baby is a breeze compared to supervising 20+ people and taking care of business emergencies all day. But for the rest of the night after coming home, I am the one feeding our daughter, changing her, bathing her etc. I don't even get offered help. Meanwhile wife is on the iPhone or computer texting friends and playing games. So essentially I have a 17 hour workday from getting up to going to bed, and my wife is up at 9 and done by at least 5 when I get back. So right away I clean the pile of dishes in the sink, which I am amazed how large it is for a small woman and a not-even 2 year old girl. I mean it's ridiculous, and the thing is is the dishes aren't even really "dirty" but just dusty from chips crackers cookies, etc. And my daughter is at the age where she is ok for a couple minutes as long as she is nearby, so my wife could easily spend 5-10 minutes rinsing the dishes. Nope instead it is my job.
I seriously do not know what happened to women in just 2 generations or so. I don't expect to be waited on hand and foot, but to me we have a "traditional" arrangement right now of husband works and wife takes care of the house and kid. But women today pale in comparison to women of the 40s and 50s who took care of a home, had meals planned and ready the entire week, and raised the children. Heck, farm women in the early 20th century were raising like 6-7 kids, taking care of all the household stuff, etc. And the women in those days dressed nice for their husbands. Gone are the days of coming home to a pretty wife in a dress and high heels of the 50s, now women are lying around in pajama pants and oversized tshirts playing computer games. And that standard is ok for them, portrayed in the media as the "tired multitasking mom" whereas a man depicted the same ways is a lazy bum.
On top of this all like others have said, any intimacy with my wife is non-existent, the only time she gets frisky is after a friend or relative has a baby or she sees a pregnant friend on facebook. No way am I ready for 2 kids yet, right now she can't even handle the one. So as hard as it is I have to resist her urges because I know she just wants another baby. Which I don't understand with women, it seems contagious that they want to almost have a kids just because someone else did.
Oh well, just a rant here. Good luck to the others going through the same.

You have every right to. And a perfectly good reason to.
I have seen some of my wife's friends do the very same thing and try to use up credit cards for all that work.
I have tried it both ways, and either way its a problem.
Go to work, come home and work. Get no money and no respect. And worry shes running around while your gone.
Stay at home and it is the same thing, but then you get looked at as pathetic, instead of normal, while your wife doesn't even have kids to hang onto while she networks.

But one thing to note.
My second set of kids and I have a much closer connection in alot of ways, and I haven't tried to miss a minute of it.
Good thing too, as its a 7day job with no car, as she must be afraid I might try to run away.

Your story is so alike mine! See my story. Having the second kid does put the ball in your court because she wouldn't even contemplate running away with the child, unlike when we had only one earlier. 2 is too much to handle for lazy ***** to handle even for a hour. For me, I'm walking as soon as my youngest turns 18, that way they will be able to see the **** I go through and see for themselves what I put up with. I don't want to burden myself with custody, alimony etc after having been through an earlier one, thank god no kids then. I'll ask myself one simple question, can I see myself, at the age of say 60, enjoying semi-retirement with her sitting on the porch chatting or cruising or travelling with her? I can't see any of that happening, so good luck to her and she better start planning her own retirement fund. I'm counting down the days and will live with it in the meanwhile, as these types don't change. Getting bitten by poisonous snakes, knocked down by a car while crossing the road, electrocuted, kidnapped etc .... I'm keeping my fingers crossed in the meanwhile for one of these to happen.

I realize this is an old post, but this situation is far from unique. For any young men in similar situations who happen across this page, I want to say something: You need to get out, and fast.
My sister started out the way you describe your wife, and has only gotten worse. Several years ago, she was everything you describe. Here is how the next 10 years panned out for her, so consider it a glimpse into what may be in store for you:
She was 30 with 2 children and a Master's degree. She'd quit work 2 months into her first pregnancy because her pregnancy was especially difficult, as noone else in the world had been pregnant and survived it before she did. At this point, she started online gaming. Well, not really gaming, as she was pretty terrible at that, but she spent time in online games chatting and trying to woo high-ranking guild leaders. She did the webcam thing and struck up intimate relationships with a handful of these men in their early 20's. She also got into a cycle of trading the family car in for an upgrade in order to get the "no payments for 6 months" deal. She did this 4 times until there was nothing left to upgrade to and they couldn't afford the car payments. Then she went off to meet one of her online boy toys and got pregnant and had his illegitimate kid. In doing so, she maxed out her husband's credit cards trying to acquire an apartment to run away with her new boyfriend in. Surprise surprise, her boyfriend found out she was pregnant and fled - stopped taking her calls and emails, refused to see her, etc. When she was finally forced to confront her husband, she cried depression and said she wanted to kill herself. Classic manipulation move. This allowed her to deflect the onslaught of well-deserved insults raining down on her, and instead garner sympathy. She got put on anti-depressants, naturally. The car upgrades, apartment lease, and medical bills were enough to put them in bankruptcy and foreclose on their house. Her husband decided that he still loved her, and also that it'd be best for their 2 children if he worked it out with her. So he did. He took on this 3rd child and loves and spoils it as if its his own, as if nothing happened. From that point forward, she made it clear that she had no interest in her husband, and she walked around the house openly vowing that if she had the money, she wouldn't be there. She surpassed 300 lbs. She'd always had at least 6 cats, but she upped that number to 10, then 20, then 30, then added 10 dogs to it under the guise of a "home business" where she intended to breed and sell them (and obviously failed). Her hoarding didn't end with animals either. An addictive personality is addictive no matter what the addiction is. She started accumulating junk she'd gotten "on sale" everywhere, until every room in their house was lined and stacked with junk, mostly with computers and personal electronics devices. Her husband started to FINALLY get overwhelmed by it all. He wanted to put a stop to acquiring more animals and objects they couldn't afford or clean up after. Feeling the slightest pressure about being a leech, she turned to extreme couponing. This justified her sitting around on her computer all day, because she was "researching deals." If you know anything about extreme couponing, you know it is not worth doing. When you see women saving $900 off a $1,000 grocery trip, what they fail to mention is that to achieve that, she has to work as much and often more time than a full-time job takes, AND that many of those coupons are purchased online, returned from mail-in rebates that cost money to mail, that the gas expended to drive around to retrieve all the coupons costs half as much as you save, AND that every couponer is a major hoarder. If your family only goes through 4 bottles of mustard in a year, there is never any reason to maintain a cache of 40 bottles of it. So not only does this new habit justify her sitting on the computer all day, but it also justifies her hoarding habit. It's the perfect plan. After blowing $500 on their 3rd deep freezer and installing a new shelf next to the living room TV to store the 60 boxes of vitamins nobody eats, her husband started to get sick of this too. They begin to speak of divorce. Then what happens? Uh-oh! She's pregnant! What a perfect excuse to sit on your *** all day again! And so she did. The last time I visited, this 4th child was 1 year old. I stayed for the weekend, and my sister only bathed the first day I was there. She smelled like rotten vag the rest of the time. The children wore the same clothes all 3 days and never bathed. They didn't even brush their teeth? Well, actually, they didn't even HAVE toothbrushes. They were all covered in bug bites. Some of the female dogs were in heat, and there were blood drops all around the house from one of the leaking dogs. The 1-year old baby, covered in dirt and bug bites, was crawling around on the floor, through the dog blood, and eating dog food off the ground. Her response? "It's just dog food, it won't hurt him." The converted garage room I stayed in contained a pile of broken kid's toys that was approximately 10 feet wide, 10 feet long, and reached the ceiling. It was also soaked in cat urine, and the ammonia was strong. Because she used washable diapers, but didn't clean them out before tossing them in the washer, any clothes washed in her machine came out smelling like baby ****. She literally cleaned nothing, cooked nothing, fixed nothing, did nothing with the children. She slept until 2pm every day, didn't bathe, and sat around on the couch watching TV show after TV show, periodically screaming at her children to bring her snacks. Her husband worked 50+ hours a week, woke the kids up in the morning, fed them, and drove them to school. After work, he went to the gym, came home, fixed things, cooked dinners, did what little cleaning he had the energy left to do, and went to bed unsatisfied, and also with an oxygen mask over his face (because of the stench and his allergies to some of the pets). Her one and only responsibility in the day was to pick the kids up from school. At one point, her husband had to go out of town on business for 3 days, meaning she also had to take them to school in the morning. The kids missed all 3 days of school, because she wouldn't get up early enough to take them. When confronted by her husband, she said she wanted to homeschool them anyway, because they weren't getting a good enough education. Ah, homeschooling, the classic excuse for eliminating one more daily duty of driving the kids to school. She "homeschooled" the children for just over a year. This involved absolutely no interaction with the children at all. No teaching. No anything. During one of my visits, her oldest son actually took it upon himself to try to learn some math, and asked her for help with a math book he'd retained from his last 4th grade class when he was in public school. She couldn't figure it out, and told him to ask his dad when he got home. I offered to take a look at the math. It was simple order of operations. I taught it to him. I'm not sure why my sister thought she would be capable of educating children when she herself can't even perform 4th grade level math, but needless to say, her children were forcibly put back into public school. Oh yeah, and they were placed 1 year behind where they would have been had they stayed in public school in the first place. And that 3rd child? Yeah, that one will be graduating high school at the age of 20, going on 21. Fortunately, she finally got into kindergarten at the age of 7. Now? Just when you thought she couldn't be any more horrible, my sister kicked it up a notch. She became 14-year old girl style obsessed with some famous actor. So much so in fact that she now lives in a land of delusion where she walks around the house talking about the dates she's going on with her movie star lover. She still spends all of her husband's money, except now most of it is on posters, paintings, action figures, statues, clothing, and other items depicting her new imaginary boyfriend, to the tune of $500-1,000 a piece by the way.
Why he hasn't left her at this point is beyond me, as is why he hasn't simply resorted to treating her like another child and just given her an allowance, instead of giving away all his money to her. The way they live is atrocious. They've been reported multiple times to the humane society (since they routinely accidentally run over their own dogs and have bouts of parvo kill off some), as well as child protective services (neighbors reported that her children were locked outdoors naked, filthy, and covered in bug bites so as not to bother her indoors).
People don't change. They may change their habits, they may change their lifestyle, but the essence of their being, at their core, never changes. A lazy, leeching, manipulative devil woman will always remain as such, and will only get worse over time if not forced to face a harsher reality, such as the prospect of losing her husband and his money (though alimony laws in this country are so ******, there's no way he can get away from her without spending the rest of his life paying for her anyway).
I know nothing about you or your wife, but I feel 100% confident that she will only get worse. Your best bet is to start shifting your lifestyle to be more independent. By that I mean you no longer share joint accounts. You control your own money. You still provide for the family, but you do it yourself, alone. This WILL **** her off. She will be outraged that you aren't handing over money she feels entitled to. You should also invest in some nanny cams. She WILL try to manipulate you by threatening to divorce you, tell the judge that you abused her, and walk away with alimony. Install the nanny cams. If you can find a way to encourage her to work, do so. If you can gather evidence that she's unfit to raise children, do so. She WILL do her best to rake you over the coals, purely out of spite, by aiming for the sky in alimony and child support payments from you.
Disregard the indignant women here who are sympathizing with your wife. Another thing I've learned over time is who these women actually are. They are my sister. They are my sister's like-minded friends. They are not human. They are slimy manipulative creatures who hate men who don't agree that women should be entitled to own men like slaves. Do not listen to them. Listen to me. I feel for all the poor saps who landed such devil women and, out of love and hope, continue to be strung along. It's truly sad. Women are dangerous creatures, especially once you give them the slightest taste of how easy it is for them leech off you. Start working on getting out as fast as you can.

Thank you for sharing this it helps put things in perspective. Maybe, my wife isn't so bad...

I always do for my fiancé and he gives nothing special for me in return. He doesn't even try. He is always online day & night and when I tell him to get some life goals he tries to slap me or say I won't watch the kids. He gets mad that I can get daycare while I work and go to school. He says I'm not a real women because I can't stay home. I am 22 years old and feel like a 40 year old fat women. I'm not fat either I only weigh 122. I am very active and it's scary that he doesn't want me to do anything with my life or spoil me either? I go to college in the day and work at night and still cook and clean!!! I wish I could actually find someone to appreciate me.

Not sure if it's a case of marrying without having our eyes opened or hoping the partner will change after marriage, which will never do. With all the social media profiling these days, I'm very sure in time not far away that all dougebags can be identified just based on their social media profile and they can all just hook up leaving the small percentage of us to live happily ever after.

Man, I think I'm heading down that path. I work, help out with all the household chores, some less like laundry and dishes, but more with yardwork, cleaning bathrooms and toilets, trash, fixing things, auto maintenance. We have 4 kids and one on the way, I play with them, help out and spend time. My wife stays up late on the computer, then claims she is too tired to get up in the morning. Almost every day the kids are up and hour or two before her as she likes to sleep in, with nothing to eat, making messes. I don't get breakfast, or even a lunch most of the time. The laundry pile on the couch never, ever, goes away! It's infuriating, and my work clothes are always the last to get done, if at all. I tell her I can't wear wet or stinky, dirty clothes to go meet customers! I have to spend hundred of extra dollars on eating out for breakfast or lunch because she can't make me a lunch and I often times don't have time when trying to get out the door. The floors are always disgustingly dirty, unless I clean them up or yell at her to do something. The little kids dump stuff on the floor, and she will let it sit there for days until I finally have to clean it up. I don't know if it's that she's lazy, she watches the kids and homeschools them, and does a lot of putting out fires, but she just won't get ****** organized! She won't make the older kids clean up their messes or help with dished or laundry. She won't hire a maid (if I didn't have to eat out so much we could afford one). She won't go to bed earlier so she can get up earlier. She won't do the laundry during the day, so she waits until late at night so she loses sleep, and the clothes sit in the washer and mildew, so my clothes stink when they are just cleaned and I have to wash them again.And physically, she refuses to exercise (but she's not fat), she won't bathe every day, doesn't regularly shave her leg or arpits. And her face! She has a really pretty face, but she refuses to take care of her complexion. I have to ask to squeeze her festering zits because she won't. I have to ask her to pull the wild hairs on her chin. I gave up some stuff to buy her a face cleansing kit, but she refuses to use it. Or put on makeup to look nice. I'm at the point now where I don't want to kiss her face, thinking about kissing all the pimples that she could easily do something about disgusts me. The fact that she's got to keep her selfish routine and let everyone else get the short end of the stick is making me lose respect for her. I should have a pretty young wife, but with her ugly complexion, frumpy clothes she wears, and refusal to pretty herself up, even when we go on a date once or twice a year she does the absolute minimum and I have to remind her to take a shower, put on some makeup, use perfume, and wear something nice. I'm losing my physical attraction to her.Oh and we have a home business that I'm working night and day to build up. Money is tight, and she refuses to help one bit. It's a home ba<x>sed business so how much easier can it get? Oh you are home all damned day, and you just couldn't find time to call someone to make a sale, after they have already said they wanted to buy something? Now that is lazy.Anyway bro, like I said, I feel like I'm heading down the path like you are. The only two things I can think of are 1) Counseling or 2) Make enough money so I can pay other people to do all the S**t my wife should be doing, so she can be a lazy, real housewife of wherever.

I realized going into my relationship that my future wife had significant psychiatric and medical problems (OCD, depression, passive aggressive, MS). Her two adult kids fully support me. However, I am reaching a point where I myself am slipping into depression and may have to do what is best for myself.

I do all the housework, yard work, etc and at the worst have to get by on 4 hours sleep a night. I went through a few layoffs and despite her having savings from a spinster wealthy aunt, never once offered to help. I however am expected to cough up.

I cared for both of my parents before they died, and that was a breeze compared to somebody who has psychiatric problems. She refuses to seek treatment as she doesn't trust doctors - ironic as her daughter is in medical school!

She will stay up until 4am and expect to sleep until 3pm. This drives her kids crazy when they rarely visit, her son will actually scold her. She thinks her kids don't "respect" her and are "out to get her". The OCD kicks in when she spends an hour scrubbing a single pair of socks. If I do laundry, or clean, its never "good enough" and she has to do it all over again.

Her first marriage was to a real loser of a guy, he had more psychiatric problems than she does. She also had an affair with another loser, who happened to be married. But when she found out about all the girlfriends I had over the years (One at a time, no affairs) somehow I'm the "sinful" one.

Yes, she is a religious nut, a Mennonite.

Whenever I suggest that we may have to separate, the "i'm going to kill myself" line starts up. Or, she will say that she will go live in a tent at the garbage dump. I also get the "you never listen to me, women need a lot of time to talk" line.

When we got together, she knew I had two cats, they were my parents. It didn't take long for her to banish them to the garage, and I'm convinced she purposely starved the older one which is why his kidneys failed. His last day alive, I wanted to take him inside the house and she said "you can pick the cat or me. Then I'm going to a motel and you're paying for it".

At this point, I'd be better off just leaving, at least for my health. I really could care less if people think I'm dumping an obviously sick woman with MS. Enough is enough.

And to all those who think I haven't done enough, give your heads a shake. To those who think they can somehow "work through" these sort of severe problems, it NEVER gets better. You have to get out sooner instead of later.

And never ever feel sorry for or get a religious nut, especially a Mennonite. Their upbringing leaves them with so much baggage that its impossible to fix their heads.

Heres what i have to say to all you idiots men have feelings and needs 2 and when a woman wont fufill them men tend to look else were to find it then we are bastards for doing it but its ok for a woman to lay around do nothing cheat and be spoiled **** that get off your ******* high horse you spoiled ******* as for the poster i feel you i bareley get sex with the woman im with and weve only been dating 6 months she lays in bed spends all the money complains that shes bored does what she wants but **** what i want so yeah i know how you feel

Maybe you're just too much of a d-bag to realize that she's sick, dude. She deserves better than you. I go through the same problems, and my hubby takes beautiful care of me. I guess I'm just spoiled. I feel sorry for her, and not any sympathy for you. You are her husband and you should be taking CARE of her, not b***ing online about her. If you hate her that much, get a divorce, it might be the best thing that happened to both of you. You can find a slave, and she can find the man who can treat her like a princess.

She needs a REAL man. You're going to cry when she passes away from an illness you are ignoring, sweetie. I don't know you, or her... but I know that I am very sick and my hubby helps me with everything. Maybe she doesn't want to tell you how sick that she really is. You are heartless to not at least take her to a doctor. Her symptoms sound similar to mine. But you just go online to go on-whine. Shame on you.

He is a REAL man. How many wives would kill for a husband who comes home from his job and still helps around the house. She might be suffering from a mental illness, but that doesn't entitle her to doing nothing around the house and depriving her family of affection.

It's easy for those suffering from mental illness to become comfortable with it. I sure did. But she has to realize that she's not the only one affected by it. She has to make a conscious effort to fight it, because her loved ones can only take so much.

I don't agree u see he might still be with her because of the kids some ******* are scandales as hell u sound like one too

um hell no, he seems to have a very detailed perception i think he would have noticed if she was sick this actually happens to men and woman a lot they just give up aka mid life crisis not all men and woman do this but it happens alot and this is something you should know just by living life.

1 More Response

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

I am a wife of an 11 month old baby. I am taking 100 mg of zoloft at the moment. Tell you what guys, taking anti-depressants could actually make you feel sluggish. I myself is just as lazy as hell. I just had an argument with my partner earlier about house cleaning, don't get me wrong I do clean the house everyday it's just that you couldn't go into all the details when you have an 11 month old bubba who is so clingy and cries a lot. I'm so thin and I don't get enough sleep, I now look older than my mom and yes I don't have the right to complain. Because remember I am the mom I get to do all the house chores and look after the baby. Another thing is that, when I discovered that I'm having post natal depression I never knew that was the reason why I was crying, bad mood, too lazy to go out and all these crappy stuff you could ever think off. Instead of hating your wives why not try to support them and help them be back on their old selves. I know it's hard, I feel bad for my partner too everytime I get my episodes of mood swings. We do have issues we know that but we just need your support too. Please don't hate us, love us instead. xx all the best guys!

I do feel with you buddy. When i was reading your post, i saw myself and felt the same way. How have you been able to put up with her for so many years ? It's been only 4 years for us now and I am already sick and tired even so, she is claiming she has psychological problems which leads her to take some anti-depression pills. I am still in the prime of my life and honesly, i remember sex vaguely, too. You were lucky to have at least one bite of it from time to time. Me ?? Not in a million years, three months ago as far as i can remember. It is as if we changed the roles in the house. Oh man, I hate her too.

Sounds exactly like my husband. He "cant have sex" most of the time and though he does do I...I am a nurse he acts like my job is easy...lmfao
He goes on and on about his, which is not anything important believe me...if I told u, u would laugh. Than at home he does absolutely nothing...on the computer constantly and blows a gasket if I say anything about it. The funniest part is if u listen to his story you would think he was a wonderful man, but I know the true story and it is such a miserable/loveless marriage that I pray everyday for god to find me a permanent way out of. I have left many times and he has managed to pull wool over my eyes thinking he will change I always took him back...BIG kids hate him and always have...he either has nothing to do with them or yells at them for stupid ****. I really wish I had never met this man!!!

I know how you feel. When my wife and I got married we were both college juniors (such a great Idea at the time!) and had a good amount in common. After graduation I started a well paying job and she decided that working part time was enough. That was seven years and two kids ago. Since then, instead of just working full time in the nursing field she went to school for, she has hopped from grad school major, to grad school major, starting but never finishing anything. She's managed to rack up $48k in student loans and a $100k+ in lost income she would have, had she just worked full time after graduation.

Even though she only works 24 hours a week, she finds it too labor intensive to clean/tidy/dust the house, wash clothes, shop or cook (or even learn to cook for that matter). I'm left with all these tasks in addition to the 46+ hours a week I work. There was even a two year stretch that I did all that and grad school. We'll have big fights about her laziness and she'll make a half-assed effort for a few weeks, but then just defaults to her norm.

For 5 years my husband felt that way about me. I was tiered, cranky, emotional, lazy and definetly had no libdo. Finally I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. Kinda a ****** diagnosis because typical symptoms include energy and weightloss so my husband of course believed I was making it up. 2 years later I finally had the perfect thyroxine dosage and was my old self again. Bitter at first my husband had given up on me actually making my symptoms worse but so thankful we had a deep true love that we could eventually over come those dark years and made room for way more happy years

Hi, just about the thyroid thing. I am also losing weight. I eat normal but I'm so sluggish. I'm taking anti depressants too. I am suspecting that there is something wrong other than my depression. What were your symptoms?

I really in same boat, but on top of all that he Dr gave her pain pills and she eats the like candy and is on a lying kick! Can't stand this **** anymore! I think the only reason I stick Round is cause of my kids! Hit me up so we can talk and maybe come up with some ideas together to help each other out bro, am at wits end!! 48O228OO83. Leave a message so I know its u or text. Sean

Hi guys,

I’m looking for a bit of advice on my relationship with my girlfriend.

We’re both in our very early 30s and have 2 kids (3 and 5) together, which makes it much harder to consider leaving her as I totally adore my kids. Basically, she doesn’t work and my eldest boy is in full time school and the youngest is there every afternoon. However, she keeps telling me she doesn’t have time to clean, wash clothes and do the other chores. She will occasionally run the vacuum over the floor and thinks this is enough to keep the house clean. I work a full time job doing 50 hours a week then after work I come home and work more hours and on weekends (at least an extra 20-30 hours a week) freelance to try save some money because she demands a wedding and a new car. She said if I don’t get the money together for a wedding within a year, she will leave and she will take my kids with her back to her home town, which is over 100 miles away. The sex is pretty much none existent, to the point where I have to beg every couple of months (as degrading as it is) and usually end up having to bribe her with presents. She is a good mum to the kids and makes sure they have what they need.

I get up at 7am every morning (mon – fri), get showered, dressed for work, wake the kids up, make their breakfast, get them dressed and make their lunch. She gets up at 7.30 and all she does is get herself dressed to take me to work in the car (I don’t drive and there is no public transport to where I work). At weekends, I’m still get up at 7 as I don’t like to waste the days. She won’t get up any earlier than 12.30pm on Saturday and Sunday, which just wastes our days. I’d like to be able to take the kids out as a family etc, but she is just sooo lazy!

She tells me all the time that she thinks she has OCD and needs to keep the house clean, yet she doesn’t clean the house and thinks vaccing constitutes as a deep clean. I have to clean the skirting boards and polish the units etc.

Whenever I question this, she tells me she’s depressed etc etc. I went along with this (pardon my ignorance) and helped her find a doctor and therapy etc. This was over a year ago and her therapist ended the treatment and was happy with the progress. Yet, she hasn’t changed a bit. Whenever I question the amount fo work she does around the house, I always get the same answer “I watch your kids, I’m a full time mum, that is my job!”. And this is then followed by showing me women’s forums where they all ***** about their partners complaining about how lazy they are and that a husband/boyfriend has no right to expect any more of them than watching kids (yet they are at school mostly!).

During the day all she does is watch TV and films. I know this because she has managed to watch the entire back catalogue of a popular TV show that has 10 series in the past 3 weeks and she hasn’t watched any on an evening.

I rarely drink alcohol, maybe 2/3 times a year if it’s a special occasion and she’s (thankfully!) the same. She hates me going out with friends and makes it so difficult to the point where I just stopped going out with them. She doesn’t like any of my friends and I have tried on so many occasions to try get her involved with my friends partners etc, but she is so stubborn and judges everyone before she’s even met them. She has no friends of her own and I’ve tried so hard to help her make friends, but she just hates everyone.

She doesn’t pay any bills and keeps the child benefit money as spending money on top of what I give her too, which can be anything from £100-£200 per month. I don’t spend any money on myself (there’s none left unfortunately). The last time I bought a new tshirt was about 2 years ago and then it was only about £4.

I’m at my wits end. I work so hard to provide for my family and feel like a mug and trapped. I can’t leave her because she will make it a living hell to try to see my kids, she’s already told me so.

Am I the bad guy here? She really makes me feel like I am.

Do you really want to marry that?

Divorce her, I mean I work a full time job, I make dinner every night my husband works hard so I make sure his lunch is made, coffee set for the morning cause I'm at work. If I am home and he works I get up at 40 am with him fix breakfast and make sure he is ready. I do laundry everyday he does help out . I have my health issues but I'm not dead yet so I try to keep a clean home it could always be cleaner I think. Sex is wonderful my husband and I enjoy each other yet we still work hard so the sex is less that's kind of sad. I still respect and love him though. Kids well they are grown I now have a grandchild and I love to hang out with her she is just a baby but I love my children and did everything for them when they were young. Tell your wife to get off her *** or you will replace her lazy ***.

you go girl, marriage should be 50/50 i like the path your on.

You are awesome! I think most men would be happy with 1/2 of what you do.

The tonic for you is “A Wife is a Terrible Thing to Waste”.

My wife is the same way, we have two wonderful kids 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 she just recently got a part time job of less than 10 hours a week where she works from home. But she always works when i am home. So I am watching the kids as soon as I get home. She does not want to do anything with the kids or together as a family unless it is going to see her family. I do all the cooking, cleaning, mowing, snow shoveling, etc. First thing when i get home I turn off all the lights that are on in rooms where no one is of course give my kids a big hug, who are excited to see that I am home, then I shut off all the applicances and things that are running that no one is using or even in the room, the tv is always running. I then clean up all the toys and messes that the kids have created downstairs then work my way upstairs. I then change into casual clothes gather laundry go downstairs and start it come back up and start on dinner. We all eat at the table, she is always upset about something. Then I clean up and do the dishes. I have maybe 30 mins or an hour to spend with the kids. I give them their baths, she refuses to do this. then Its PJs and bedtime. If I am still awake after putting my son to bed, I will go downstairs. She is ussually watching tv or playing a video game, so I am not able to watch what I want to, so I go to bed. get up the next morning and begin the same process wake up get my son breakfast. go to work ...

She has her folks watch the kids quite a bit too or has playdates. But she is always needing time alone with friends. I recently got together with my friends, it had been over 5 years since I last got together with my friends. I am not going to let that much time lapse again.

My wife is also on anti depressants as well.


We have been to 9 sessions of marriage counseling as well

Hi there, to be totally honest she probably doesn't respect you. She sees you more as the help in the house while she's there doing nothing! Believe it or not women want their hubby to be the Man of the house the boss!! It is one thing to help her around the house but if you do absolutely everything then she just sees you as her free housekeeper!
Sit down and talk to her and ask how she would feel if you behaved like her, but you need to have a serious face and not look sad or angry... Make her realise that she needs to wake up and her only problem is lazyness and lots of women take anti depressants when they don't need it just to have an excuse to behave like that. Sorry if I sound harsh but you need to wake up and wake her up and if she doesn't change then leave for a bit and see how she reacts.
This is not fair on you or any other person to be with someone who's so selfish to the point that even their kids come after everything else.
Best of luck

Good point, I mean I love my husband crazy. He's wonderful to me . But I do think woman need men to be the boss in the house . He is but I can ask for anything and his reply is always and I mean always " what ever you want dear " . To be honest , that's not what I want to hear from him but take advantage of it anyway . I guess you are right when you say " she doesn't respect you" I feel like that at times. To him , I'm always bitching At him and he works All night long and tired of my bitching but alway will love me , because I'm his wife . Hang on I did say I love him and I do very much . We don't have any kids together . I do but they are grown and still live in New Zealand . My husband drinks every day/ morning after work . He good when he drinks he not violent , but he loves to flirt with woman dirty on Fb games and his woman friends , I hate it he watches **** while I'm taking care of his 97yr old grand mother next door . I'm not dusty myself but I have this erge I spy on him coz my scared I will lose him and I can't fully trust his with his flirting with woman he knows . I mean she's married to for goodness sake . What am I to do. How can I let the past go and be happy with my husband . Plz help me . I need to stop bitching at my husband because my bitching is turning his sex life off :( .

And people wonder why men & WOMEN remain single and are loving it.
I got depressed reading these stories and REALLY feel sorry for the men and women trapped by children in their marriage. It is obvious from 3/4 or more of these stories that that they would leave in a heartbeat if it wasn't for the children. Imagine a life like that,being in a living hell because of children in the marriage.

Why is he watching **** and flirting with other women if your sex life is good? Have you talked with him about whether he is satisfied? I don't think he should be looking at **** and flirting at all. That is not helping anyone. As his wife, you can help and it starts by communicating. lots of women don't ask their husbands if their sex life is satisfying, they just assumed that since they are satisfied, their husbands must be! But that's not the case, and if he's looking elsewhere then you should be worried and better do some communicating. It doesn't mean you go be his sex slave, but it might mean being more sexy. Men don't like it because p**n starts do it. P**n stars do it because men like it. "It" can be lots of things. There is hope for you because you actually care and want to make things better. Lots of women just don't care.

I dont agree with the man being the boss in the house. i believe that it shud be 50/50. I am going thru the same thing. But its just that i am the female and he is the male.

Help her. I am taking zoloft 100 mg. they make me lazy as hell. Motivate her to walk or do some exercise and watch her diet. She'll get there. You guys will be alright. Don't be too hard on yourself, you're a good husband and a good dad.

4 More Responses

dude shoot the shrew

If your looking to validate a reason for terminating this relationship, you have it under "irreconcilable differences". Unless you've already tried marriage counseling, get a divorce and move on with your life.

thissounds like my man I work 10 hour days do all the house works take care of the dogs my daughter and his son he works a couple nights a week for a few hours and the rest of the time he is laying in bed watching t_v waiting for me to serve him dinnerhe complains that the house is a pigsty and that I need to get some something bigger for us he acts like I complain too much and stress too much about getting all the bills paid but he thinks nothing about going out and running up our bills even more for something stupid when I don't buy anything for myself I tried to talk to him about it and he gets mad and threatens to leave he acts like I'm the one that's wrong and that there's no excuse for me to complain about bills when I make enough to pay all of them and I should get plenty of sleep and he always acts like he is doing all the work once in awhile when he gets something up his b*** to do something small like take out the garbage or wash the dishes I'm supposed to praise him for itI'm tired wore out and hurt I can't talk to him I'm embarrassed to talk to anyone else and I don't know what to do anymoreall I hear is promises when he gets his big break and his big time job I won't have to work anymore I've heard that the whole time we've been together and funny how every job he sometime somehow says he has falls through he only applies for one maybe every month so I don't know how he expects to get anywhere in life he gets mad when I tell him his child can't come over because I'm too tired to watch him he promises I'll watch him you don't have to worry about it on my one day off but he in the playing in bed well I'm the one that's up making sure his kid doesn't get into anything and destroy anything I've had it I can't take it anymore I'm too tired to even fight anymore

If he is truly the way you say he is, you would be better off letting him go. Love certainly can make these relationships go on like this for a lifetime, but do you really want to live like this the rest of your life? You certainly have grounds for a divorce. If you do get one he'll be forced to financially support you and your children more than he is doing now. Good luck and God bless.

I have a sister in law that does the same thing to my brother and it makes me so furious. they have two kids, the eldest being 5 and in all my years of seeing my neice, I have never once seen her play with them. She will hold them, kiss them but for whatever reason always needs help when she is with her kids. She can never watch them alone and ******* and moans when she does. Ive seen my brother cook, clean, do all the chores while she claims she is so tired. Her job is not demanding at all. She will come to my house and let my nieces run around and turn her back and go hide in the bathroom to avoid, changing diapers or being engaged. It annoys me so much that here is this woman who decided she wanted children and now all of sudden is incapable of doing anything. Always needs my brothers help to do everything....I really want to give her a heart to heart and say you need to step it up but then again it isn't my relationship. I've seen my brother get so annoyed and frustrated it is almost at the point where it like he is a single dad - i veer on the side of communicating your issues to your wife and really try to understand what is causing her to be so lax. Also it is making a plan, what ACTIVE steps can we both make to make this situation better. Eventually once the conversation starts you both get to understand each others feelings but eventually you do get frustrated and it really is if things don't change it will negatively affect our relationship. All you can do is be honest, open and try to find resolution. Long rant but hope that helps.

I work 60 hr s a week and no love no understanding I do all the shopping and take care of my boys and have always been there for my family and yet I live like some guy on the couch and with out love with out caring. I have always been someone who cares about all he does for them.. I have been married for 20 years. I have so much to give and yet no one who wants it, what am I to do?

I scream inside as I struggle day to day to do for my wife and my boys. I get to my feet and go every day and yet I receive nothing. I am in pain both physically and mentally. My parents split up and my father dumped us yet I refuse to do that to my sons and I hope that I can hold on until they are grown and yet my self worth and caring seems to be under microscope at all times. I am made to feel that I am unworthy and a monster if I dare reveal my feelings yet I give all I have and my love is all that carries me forward in life. We lost our home and now rent and I am made to feel that I am not fit for my family and yet they are the only reason of continue to do everything. to take care of them. I don't know what to do and rapidly becoming hopeless

I wish I had a Dad like you. He left when I was a small child and I never saw him. Kudos to you. Divorce isn't bad if the parents are happier separate... As long as they're involved, IMO. Sometimes that sets a better example than dysfunctional marriage. Best of luck and keep your head high.

I married my wife 10 yrs ago we have two kids ages 10 and 12 that I love to death. ( I have been married twice before and the kids from them are grown doing very well) They are smart well adjusted kids and very active in school. Straight A school kids My wife who I believe is gay we have no relationship at all. I mean from the time we wake until she fall all sleep we have no conversation at all. If I ask a question or try to start a conversation I get a one word answer or nothing at all. We have not had sex in 6 yrs. At first I would try but not anymore, tired of the rejection and attitude that come with it. Now I am no longer attracted to her in fact she has let her self go It is discussing. She brushes her teeth maybe once a week and they are horrible so kissing is not an option + she smokes a about a pack or two a day and drinks every nite. About the lesbian thing, after we got married I notice very small changes like the way she would dress and an interest to going to lesbian club. (she says because she and her friends like to have a good time with out having guys coming on to them) WTF. I found out later that her friends are lesbian SMH. So I asked her point blank are you a lesbian her reply no " I have never been with a women" LIAR. I found lesbian videos hidden in her drawer, lesbian **** mags hidden behind her dresser so she is a ******. she doesn't work or look for work even though I have been unemployed for the last six months. My house is filthy unless I clean it wont get done. I am tired and want to leave but I cannot take that chance of leaving and having my kids living with that ****** especially my 10 yr old daughter. I don't love or like her any more but leaving her would cost me $$$. I am 52 years old ( look 40 and in great health and shape) she is 38, look like a fat *** cow that takes no care in her appearance . But here is the most confusing thing about it I want to love her.