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I Am Sick of My Lazy Wife

We've been married almost 20 yrs.  She isn't the same girl I married.  We have 2 beautiful children who I love to death.  My wife can't stand to spend 5 mins with either of them.  This summer break is already a nightmare!  She has a part time job, works about 10 hrs a week and does absolutely nothing around the house.  I do the laundry, cook (when we eat at home) make the kids lunches, do the grocery shopping, take out the trash....  This is on top of my 50+ hrs a week at work.  If I leave the office 5 mins later than I told her, she has a fit.  She works 3 half days.  You would think at least on her day off she would fix something for dinner, that's a laugh.  She spends her day napping and playing cards online.  To suggest that she do something with the kids, "it's too hot, it's too boring, there's nothing fun to do"  Honestly, she complains more about being bored than my teenage daughter.  She is on anti depressants that her old doctor said he didn't think she needed.  She now has a new Dr.!  Then she complains that she is too tired to cook, play, do anything but lay around the house until I get home so we can go out to eat.  Sex? I remember sex - vaguely.  When we do have sex (about every 2 to 3 months) it's like she is treating me.  She lays there until I'm done, then its off to sleep.  Once when I was trying to convince her to have sex, she really said, "we just had sex last month!"  And she was serious.  Occasionally she will get a cleaning bug up her butt, but of course it is always late in the evening or on the weekend. (when I am there to help)  She has gotten so lazy, it's driving me crazy!  There is too much to post at one time.  I will keep you posted as she once agains proves "I Hate My Wife"!

jumpship jumpship 41-45 112 Responses Jun 20, 2008

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Similar story been with my girlfriend for 4 years. She's got fat over these years. She never initiates sex never has never will.
She just lies there as if I'm getting a treat. It's the same way every time. She lies down and takes her trousers off. Yes she goes to bed fully dressed. Havent managed to get and keep a full erection with her for over 2 years.
She wanted sex this night. Same way again. She took her trousers off rested her leg on my stomach.... Wow.
I just said I couldn't be bothered and rolled over. She's snoring like a pig right now which makes it hard for me to sleep. Would leave but we both live together. I work 40 hours a week her? 25-30. Yet she is always tired.
I wish I never took her her back the 1st time. You know what else sucks? If i leave there's like a 90% chance of her hurting her self. She has done it before.
**** my life.

Leave. If the only options are leave and see if she hurts herself in a classic bratty manipulation move, or stay and let her hurt you, then leave. Your life is worth saving, and right now she's destroying it, intentionally if it's true that she's hurt herself before to get back at you. Her life probably isn't even at risk, but even if she does hurt herself, odds are she would have done it anyway the moment something else didn't go her way - it wouldn't be your fault. If you genuinely think she's a danger to herself, you CAN call authorities, who can have her involuntarily committed. I guarantee once she gets a taste of what the inside of a real mental hospital is like (basically prison with lunatics and fewer beds), she won't pull that crap on anyone again. If breaking it off abruptly is too difficult, you could always just pull apart more slowly, e.g. obtain separate residences, force her to be responsible for herself.

First of all, I'm sorry you both are going through this. Secondly, things will only get better if you direct your concerns with her instead of others. The two of you have to solve your issues. Finally, I'm no doctor but I know that picking a good therapist will help. That is the only way to decode her actions and possible understand yours. I am a 31 year old wife who has depression and I have used anti depressants. On top of depression, ADHD, and anxiety -- I also heard my husband saying exactly what you are complaining about. I didn't know his feelings until he told me and that is why I chose to seek therapy. I didn't want him to feel the way you described not think I was a bad person. In conclusion, talk to her so she knows how frustrated you are and ask to go to couples therapy. I am a work in progress but I will what I can to make him feel loved.

@Buckeye83: You sound more reasonable than this guy's wife. At least you acknowledge his feelings, don't want to be a burden, and are willing to work to fix it. Too many dependopotamuses can't be reasoned with or talked to at all, because they get angry, indignant, and go on the attack rather than acknowledge that the world doesn't exist to serve them. For your initiative I commend you, but most wives aren't like you, and I still doubt the OP's situation can improve without parting ways in the end.

Sorry typing on a phone it is borderline personality disorder and Google the article listed below.

First off I read some of the responses below and No it is not your fault! This is a person who feels entitled to you doing everything. It sounds like to me that she may have a personality disorder and meds aren't goig to help that. Look up hostile dependency and cluster B personality disorders. Especially bleeder line personality disorder. It is not your job to take care of anyone else's responsiblities outside of your children. She is an adult and needs to pull her own weight. The withholding sex, moodiness and entitlement mentality are because she is an adult child that is angry with you. The comment below about not having sex being justified because she feels your resentment is just wrong! Why is it that when a woman man withholds affection and does not help it is just because someone else made her do it? No she is responsible for her own actions/inaction, emotions and choices. The helping occasionally and sound it late is an impulse control issue or it may be her trying to get you mad. This way you act out her anger and she gets to play victim. This is know as projective identification. Don't play her games and he her to account for bad behavior. Good "How to Train Your Borderline".

Can't blame your wife for not wanting sex.you obviously have bitter feelings towards her which she will sense and find not particularly alluring

Honestly I think some wives lose their motivation in life because they aren't happy being an unappreciated housewife (maid, cook, laundry service, nurse, *****, etc.) This unhappiness has caused them to just give up completely. They stop caring about themselves and especially about housework. They simply quit living and merely exist because they feel that being a servant and a hole for you to poke is all they are worth to you anymore. Especially if you are expecting sex from them and they aren't getting any romance or satisfaction themselves. They gave up all the self-identity they ever had when they tried to foolishly devote their life to you and their children. In the process they stopped feeling worthy, respected or appreciated from you and their kids. So their repetitive, mundane life became an unhappy one.In my opinion women should NEVER stop working outside of their home in order to become a stay-at-home mom. Housework and raising the children should be equal between spouses in all aspects. Also in order for the family to continue to respect and appreciate them and the things they do for them. This will also help ensure they never lose their self-identity or individualism so they can hold on to their self-respect and self-worth.

I don't know how to express how much your words meant to me. Thank you. I am one lazy housewife for the past little while, and I've never been able to properly articulate why. ^That is why. My husband ignores me completely, and when I am speaking you can bet he's rolling his eyes, and he's constantly telling me everything I do wrong, I can't please him, doesn't matter how clean the house is. We don't go out, my family died when I was a teenager, his ignores each other, and I have no one to help me or just take the kids for a weekend, I feel invisible 100% of the time for at least the past 9 years. We have 3 kids, I do all the housework if any gets done, and I'm tired, and I just don't care anymore, and I am isolated, and feel unable to open up to my perfect neighbors. I wish I could just snap out of it, but I'm stuck. I dream of the day when I'll have the resources to leave my douchebag of a husband, but I know I'm a douchebag too for allowing this patriarchy to render me useless. I just don't care, I'm too numb to try anymore, and I'm not a slave.

Try being a man in the same situation.
Not near as many of us to relate with, and most will view us as the worst kind of person.
We can't get angry about things, that we could have done something about, and get to turn into less than what we were made to be.
(some women try to orchestrate fights, to play the victim and gain control/support from the typical male stereotype)
Not many can realize the sacrafices that can be made when your physique suffers, and you start to look like a scarecrow.
Try to fix it, and the testosterone can backlash when you don't want to be treated like someone's pet/dependent.
Not including not being the caring nuturing parent the children need, when your wife spends very little time with them.

Ack no edit.
ie sacrifice, nuturing

ugh.

I feel for you! I know there are plenty of men are stuck in crappy circumstances with self-centered, selfish women. Please read the above response I posted for hailey381.

FYI - a woman who spends no time with her children is not a mom...she is a fool who's not worthy of their love! Children need to live with the parent who takes care of them not just physically, but emotionally as well. You must and can be the one they can count on no matter what!

Be wise! Never, never let her win by causing you to lose control! One hit and you lose; then she has you truly by the balls because she can and women like her will take your children from you in order to cause you to suffer more!!! It would be wise if you baby cam your house...for personal safety reasons. If she wants to play chess then outsmart her.

Best wishes!

Check out:

www . psychalive.org/narcissistic-relationships/

http:// macteacher.hubpages.com/hub/Toxic-Relationships-Surviving-a-Narcissit

not saying you are, but just in case you are in a crazy-*** relationship like this...

www . helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-men.htm

You are just stuck-in-a-rut with your emotions. You are not a douche-bag for wanting the happy family life...most people dream about this, but it isn't an easy thing to get these days.

You see sensitive, compassionate people (HSP - highly sensitive person) often fall in love with people who are completely opposite (Narcissus) in every aspect than us. And, too many times the HSP gets walked all over by the more narcissistic partner. In the beginning you most likely saw their confidence as attractive, but then you started realizing it is just arrogance...there is a huge difference. More and more they started showing their selfish, insensitive, egotistical nature. This eventually causes the HSP to become unhappy in our relationship because we want equality, understanding, compassion, sensitivity, romance, etc. which they are not able to give. Sadly we do not know how to walk away from a toxic relationship or find it to be very difficult even though we may need to and probably should. Therefore, if you plan to stay in the relationship then you need to accept that your narcissistic partner will never change because they literally do not know how to change. They cannot see any wrong in themselves and do not have the ability to understand. They are literally incapable of putting themselves in other people's shoes...they lack empathy.

I don't know old your kids are, but if you plan to stay in the relationship then as soon as all of your kids are in school you should find you a part-time job so you can save your sanity and get the hell out of that house...even if it is to go to another job. It will give you the opportunity to meet new people and get friends. You need friends. Believe me I know this! I am sick due to autoimmune diseases and other chronic diseases/illnesses. I am at home most of the time...alone. I hate it! And, I miss having friends. Even though I am sick...I realize I need to find a job so I can get the hell out of this house and feel human again.

All too often we merely exist instead of truly living. We need to start living! We need to stop letting others have control of us and we need to start loving ourselves again. It is OK to put yourself first (or at least second to your children) once in a while and put your partner last more often even though they will be unhappy about it (always drama) and it will most likely cause issues. As Taylor Swift eloquently sings, "Shake It Off!"

I wish you the best in whatever path (the one you are currently on or a brand new one) you choose.

Remember the following:

Your happiness truly matters! Love can come and go, but it can always be found a new. However, life is short and we may only have one chance at it!

Just in case someone needs this.

www . helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-and-battered-women.htm

This is a very good article to read.

www . psychalive.org/narcissistic-relationships/

http:// macteacher.hubpages.com/hub/Toxic-Relationships-Surviving-a-Narcissit

Too many women feel entitled - leave her and leave the kids, she'll either sink or swim. If you love someone sometimes they have to fall before they can stand. It's sad, but a lot of women feel entitled to a pampering husband that gives them everything while expecting little in return. It's selfishness and it's wrong. Life in bondage to a woman like that is hell and nobody deserves it. Leave her, plenty of women out there will love and appreciate a real man that takes care of his obligations.

I concur. Most men can't understand what it is like, not saying work is not very similar. But that would be entirely on the husbands that don't negotiate fair allowances, or run around after work.
The fact the poster is claiming alot of work after getting home, there should be no excuse.
But alot of variables in this mix such as freedom, money, or treatment suitable to a servant/slave.

11 More Responses

Maybe she hates you too and you both just need to get a divorce and politely walk away from each other so you both can be happy again.

Marriage is work not a Disney fairytale. I wouldn't get a divorce. No one is perfect and my husband and I really are a lot more happier after therapy. With therapy, I learned about myself and he surprisingly found out about himself. He was very quiet in our session when the therapist implied he was being insensitive and basically an *** in a very eloquent way. I loved it. Finally , my point was made and he got it too. My husband took it like a man and has changed. Thank you to therapy;)

Well this seems like an epidemic! Same here, my wife and I have a daughter who is almost two and we love her dearly of course. My wife used to work but we decided it would be best if she stayed home when the baby was born. So the understanding was that she would take care of the baby and get the housework done. Not repairs or outdoor stuff, but things like laundry, basic cleaning, the dishes, preparing dinner, etc. But instead when I come home there are messes everywhere, dirty dishes in the sink, garbage to be dumped, nothing ready or even thought of for dinner (instead I am asked what's for dinner), etc. Once in a while she "does" laundry, which to her means washing and drying it only, in other words I am the one who must do the most time consuming part of actually folding it and putting it away. A monkey can be taught how to load a washer and press a couple buttons. Anyway, so I am up at least 3 hrs before my wife / daughter, work my 8-9 hrs, then come home and get the football hand-off of my daughter. "It's your turn, she drove me nuts today!" my wife will say as she plops down to fool around on the internet. I love my daughter so much and enjoy playing with her, but hey, I deserve a break too for busting my hump all day to provide for my family. And yes our little girl is active, but she naps at least 2 hrs during the day, and mommy and baby go out to the park, on play dates 1-2 times per week, etc. So it's not like there's a lot of stress involved for my wife, whereas for me I am dealing with employees and customers alike all day. If my wife ever had a job like I did, she would see that watching a baby is a breeze compared to supervising 20+ people and taking care of business emergencies all day. But for the rest of the night after coming home, I am the one feeding our daughter, changing her, bathing her etc. I don't even get offered help. Meanwhile wife is on the iPhone or computer texting friends and playing games. So essentially I have a 17 hour workday from getting up to going to bed, and my wife is up at 9 and done by at least 5 when I get back. So right away I clean the pile of dishes in the sink, which I am amazed how large it is for a small woman and a not-even 2 year old girl. I mean it's ridiculous, and the thing is is the dishes aren't even really "dirty" but just dusty from chips crackers cookies, etc. And my daughter is at the age where she is ok for a couple minutes as long as she is nearby, so my wife could easily spend 5-10 minutes rinsing the dishes. Nope instead it is my job.
I seriously do not know what happened to women in just 2 generations or so. I don't expect to be waited on hand and foot, but to me we have a "traditional" arrangement right now of husband works and wife takes care of the house and kid. But women today pale in comparison to women of the 40s and 50s who took care of a home, had meals planned and ready the entire week, and raised the children. Heck, farm women in the early 20th century were raising like 6-7 kids, taking care of all the household stuff, etc. And the women in those days dressed nice for their husbands. Gone are the days of coming home to a pretty wife in a dress and high heels of the 50s, now women are lying around in pajama pants and oversized tshirts playing computer games. And that standard is ok for them, portrayed in the media as the "tired multitasking mom" whereas a man depicted the same ways is a lazy bum.
On top of this all like others have said, any intimacy with my wife is non-existent, the only time she gets frisky is after a friend or relative has a baby or she sees a pregnant friend on facebook. No way am I ready for 2 kids yet, right now she can't even handle the one. So as hard as it is I have to resist her urges because I know she just wants another baby. Which I don't understand with women, it seems contagious that they want to almost have a kids just because someone else did.
Oh well, just a rant here. Good luck to the others going through the same.

You have every right to. And a perfectly good reason to.
I have seen some of my wife's friends do the very same thing and try to use up credit cards for all that work.
I have tried it both ways, and either way its a problem.
Go to work, come home and work. Get no money and no respect. And worry shes running around while your gone.
Stay at home and it is the same thing, but then you get looked at as pathetic, instead of normal, while your wife doesn't even have kids to hang onto while she networks.

But one thing to note.
My second set of kids and I have a much closer connection in alot of ways, and I haven't tried to miss a minute of it.
Good thing too, as its a 7day job with no car, as she must be afraid I might try to run away.

Your story is so alike mine! See my story. Having the second kid does put the ball in your court because she wouldn't even contemplate running away with the child, unlike when we had only one earlier. 2 is too much to handle for lazy ***** to handle even for a hour. For me, I'm walking as soon as my youngest turns 18, that way they will be able to see the **** I go through and see for themselves what I put up with. I don't want to burden myself with custody, alimony etc after having been through an earlier one, thank god no kids then. I'll ask myself one simple question, can I see myself, at the age of say 60, enjoying semi-retirement with her sitting on the porch chatting or cruising or travelling with her? I can't see any of that happening, so good luck to her and she better start planning her own retirement fund. I'm counting down the days and will live with it in the meanwhile, as these types don't change. Getting bitten by poisonous snakes, knocked down by a car while crossing the road, electrocuted, kidnapped etc .... I'm keeping my fingers crossed in the meanwhile for one of these to happen.

I realize this is an old post, but this situation is far from unique. For any young men in similar situations who happen across this page, I want to say something: You need to get out, and fast.
My sister started out the way you describe your wife, and has only gotten worse. Several years ago, she was everything you describe. Here is how the next 10 years panned out for her, so consider it a glimpse into what may be in store for you:
She was 30 with 2 children and a Master's degree. She'd quit work 2 months into her first pregnancy because her pregnancy was especially difficult, as noone else in the world had been pregnant and survived it before she did. At this point, she started online gaming. Well, not really gaming, as she was pretty terrible at that, but she spent time in online games chatting and trying to woo high-ranking guild leaders. She did the webcam thing and struck up intimate relationships with a handful of these men in their early 20's. She also got into a cycle of trading the family car in for an upgrade in order to get the "no payments for 6 months" deal. She did this 4 times until there was nothing left to upgrade to and they couldn't afford the car payments. Then she went off to meet one of her online boy toys and got pregnant and had his illegitimate kid. In doing so, she maxed out her husband's credit cards trying to acquire an apartment to run away with her new boyfriend in. Surprise surprise, her boyfriend found out she was pregnant and fled - stopped taking her calls and emails, refused to see her, etc. When she was finally forced to confront her husband, she cried depression and said she wanted to kill herself. Classic manipulation move. This allowed her to deflect the onslaught of well-deserved insults raining down on her, and instead garner sympathy. She got put on anti-depressants, naturally. The car upgrades, apartment lease, and medical bills were enough to put them in bankruptcy and foreclose on their house. Her husband decided that he still loved her, and also that it'd be best for their 2 children if he worked it out with her. So he did. He took on this 3rd child and loves and spoils it as if its his own, as if nothing happened. From that point forward, she made it clear that she had no interest in her husband, and she walked around the house openly vowing that if she had the money, she wouldn't be there. She surpassed 300 lbs. She'd always had at least 6 cats, but she upped that number to 10, then 20, then 30, then added 10 dogs to it under the guise of a "home business" where she intended to breed and sell them (and obviously failed). Her hoarding didn't end with animals either. An addictive personality is addictive no matter what the addiction is. She started accumulating junk she'd gotten "on sale" everywhere, until every room in their house was lined and stacked with junk, mostly with computers and personal electronics devices. Her husband started to FINALLY get overwhelmed by it all. He wanted to put a stop to acquiring more animals and objects they couldn't afford or clean up after. Feeling the slightest pressure about being a leech, she turned to extreme couponing. This justified her sitting around on her computer all day, because she was "researching deals." If you know anything about extreme couponing, you know it is not worth doing. When you see women saving $900 off a $1,000 grocery trip, what they fail to mention is that to achieve that, she has to work as much and often more time than a full-time job takes, AND that many of those coupons are purchased online, returned from mail-in rebates that cost money to mail, that the gas expended to drive around to retrieve all the coupons costs half as much as you save, AND that every couponer is a major hoarder. If your family only goes through 4 bottles of mustard in a year, there is never any reason to maintain a cache of 40 bottles of it. So not only does this new habit justify her sitting on the computer all day, but it also justifies her hoarding habit. It's the perfect plan. After blowing $500 on their 3rd deep freezer and installing a new shelf next to the living room TV to store the 60 boxes of vitamins nobody eats, her husband started to get sick of this too. They begin to speak of divorce. Then what happens? Uh-oh! She's pregnant! What a perfect excuse to sit on your *** all day again! And so she did. The last time I visited, this 4th child was 1 year old. I stayed for the weekend, and my sister only bathed the first day I was there. She smelled like rotten vag the rest of the time. The children wore the same clothes all 3 days and never bathed. They didn't even brush their teeth? Well, actually, they didn't even HAVE toothbrushes. They were all covered in bug bites. Some of the female dogs were in heat, and there were blood drops all around the house from one of the leaking dogs. The 1-year old baby, covered in dirt and bug bites, was crawling around on the floor, through the dog blood, and eating dog food off the ground. Her response? "It's just dog food, it won't hurt him." The converted garage room I stayed in contained a pile of broken kid's toys that was approximately 10 feet wide, 10 feet long, and reached the ceiling. It was also soaked in cat urine, and the ammonia was strong. Because she used washable diapers, but didn't clean them out before tossing them in the washer, any clothes washed in her machine came out smelling like baby ****. She literally cleaned nothing, cooked nothing, fixed nothing, did nothing with the children. She slept until 2pm every day, didn't bathe, and sat around on the couch watching TV show after TV show, periodically screaming at her children to bring her snacks. Her husband worked 50+ hours a week, woke the kids up in the morning, fed them, and drove them to school. After work, he went to the gym, came home, fixed things, cooked dinners, did what little cleaning he had the energy left to do, and went to bed unsatisfied, and also with an oxygen mask over his face (because of the stench and his allergies to some of the pets). Her one and only responsibility in the day was to pick the kids up from school. At one point, her husband had to go out of town on business for 3 days, meaning she also had to take them to school in the morning. The kids missed all 3 days of school, because she wouldn't get up early enough to take them. When confronted by her husband, she said she wanted to homeschool them anyway, because they weren't getting a good enough education. Ah, homeschooling, the classic excuse for eliminating one more daily duty of driving the kids to school. She "homeschooled" the children for just over a year. This involved absolutely no interaction with the children at all. No teaching. No anything. During one of my visits, her oldest son actually took it upon himself to try to learn some math, and asked her for help with a math book he'd retained from his last 4th grade class when he was in public school. She couldn't figure it out, and told him to ask his dad when he got home. I offered to take a look at the math. It was simple order of operations. I taught it to him. I'm not sure why my sister thought she would be capable of educating children when she herself can't even perform 4th grade level math, but needless to say, her children were forcibly put back into public school. Oh yeah, and they were placed 1 year behind where they would have been had they stayed in public school in the first place. And that 3rd child? Yeah, that one will be graduating high school at the age of 20, going on 21. Fortunately, she finally got into kindergarten at the age of 7. Now? Just when you thought she couldn't be any more horrible, my sister kicked it up a notch. She became 14-year old girl style obsessed with some famous actor. So much so in fact that she now lives in a land of delusion where she walks around the house talking about the dates she's going on with her movie star lover. She still spends all of her husband's money, except now most of it is on posters, paintings, action figures, statues, clothing, and other items depicting her new imaginary boyfriend, to the tune of $500-1,000 a piece by the way.
Why he hasn't left her at this point is beyond me, as is why he hasn't simply resorted to treating her like another child and just given her an allowance, instead of giving away all his money to her. The way they live is atrocious. They've been reported multiple times to the humane society (since they routinely accidentally run over their own dogs and have bouts of parvo kill off some), as well as child protective services (neighbors reported that her children were locked outdoors naked, filthy, and covered in bug bites so as not to bother her indoors).
People don't change. They may change their habits, they may change their lifestyle, but the essence of their being, at their core, never changes. A lazy, leeching, manipulative devil woman will always remain as such, and will only get worse over time if not forced to face a harsher reality, such as the prospect of losing her husband and his money (though alimony laws in this country are so ******, there's no way he can get away from her without spending the rest of his life paying for her anyway).
I know nothing about you or your wife, but I feel 100% confident that she will only get worse. Your best bet is to start shifting your lifestyle to be more independent. By that I mean you no longer share joint accounts. You control your own money. You still provide for the family, but you do it yourself, alone. This WILL **** her off. She will be outraged that you aren't handing over money she feels entitled to. You should also invest in some nanny cams. She WILL try to manipulate you by threatening to divorce you, tell the judge that you abused her, and walk away with alimony. Install the nanny cams. If you can find a way to encourage her to work, do so. If you can gather evidence that she's unfit to raise children, do so. She WILL do her best to rake you over the coals, purely out of spite, by aiming for the sky in alimony and child support payments from you.
Disregard the indignant women here who are sympathizing with your wife. Another thing I've learned over time is who these women actually are. They are my sister. They are my sister's like-minded friends. They are not human. They are slimy manipulative creatures who hate men who don't agree that women should be entitled to own men like slaves. Do not listen to them. Listen to me. I feel for all the poor saps who landed such devil women and, out of love and hope, continue to be strung along. It's truly sad. Women are dangerous creatures, especially once you give them the slightest taste of how easy it is for them leech off you. Start working on getting out as fast as you can.

TriNyx,
Thank you for sharing this it helps put things in perspective. Maybe, my wife isn't so bad...

I always do for my fiancé and he gives nothing special for me in return. He doesn't even try. He is always online day & night and when I tell him to get some life goals he tries to slap me or say I won't watch the kids. He gets mad that I can get daycare while I work and go to school. He says I'm not a real women because I can't stay home. I am 22 years old and feel like a 40 year old fat women. I'm not fat either I only weigh 122. I am very active and it's scary that he doesn't want me to do anything with my life or spoil me either? I go to college in the day and work at night and still cook and clean!!! I wish I could actually find someone to appreciate me.

Not sure if it's a case of marrying without having our eyes opened or hoping the partner will change after marriage, which will never do. With all the social media profiling these days, I'm very sure in time not far away that all dougebags can be identified just based on their social media profile and they can all just hook up leaving the small percentage of us to live happily ever after.

Man, I think I'm heading down that path. I work, help out with all the household chores, some less like laundry and dishes, but more with yardwork, cleaning bathrooms and toilets, trash, fixing things, auto maintenance. We have 4 kids and one on the way, I play with them, help out and spend time. My wife stays up late on the computer, then claims she is too tired to get up in the morning. Almost every day the kids are up and hour or two before her as she likes to sleep in, with nothing to eat, making messes. I don't get breakfast, or even a lunch most of the time. The laundry pile on the couch never, ever, goes away! It's infuriating, and my work clothes are always the last to get done, if at all. I tell her I can't wear wet or stinky, dirty clothes to go meet customers! I have to spend hundred of extra dollars on eating out for breakfast or lunch because she can't make me a lunch and I often times don't have time when trying to get out the door. The floors are always disgustingly dirty, unless I clean them up or yell at her to do something. The little kids dump stuff on the floor, and she will let it sit there for days until I finally have to clean it up. I don't know if it's that she's lazy, she watches the kids and homeschools them, and does a lot of putting out fires, but she just won't get ****** organized! She won't make the older kids clean up their messes or help with dished or laundry. She won't hire a maid (if I didn't have to eat out so much we could afford one). She won't go to bed earlier so she can get up earlier. She won't do the laundry during the day, so she waits until late at night so she loses sleep, and the clothes sit in the washer and mildew, so my clothes stink when they are just cleaned and I have to wash them again.And physically, she refuses to exercise (but she's not fat), she won't bathe every day, doesn't regularly shave her leg or arpits. And her face! She has a really pretty face, but she refuses to take care of her complexion. I have to ask to squeeze her festering zits because she won't. I have to ask her to pull the wild hairs on her chin. I gave up some stuff to buy her a face cleansing kit, but she refuses to use it. Or put on makeup to look nice. I'm at the point now where I don't want to kiss her face, thinking about kissing all the pimples that she could easily do something about disgusts me. The fact that she's got to keep her selfish routine and let everyone else get the short end of the stick is making me lose respect for her. I should have a pretty young wife, but with her ugly complexion, frumpy clothes she wears, and refusal to pretty herself up, even when we go on a date once or twice a year she does the absolute minimum and I have to remind her to take a shower, put on some makeup, use perfume, and wear something nice. I'm losing my physical attraction to her.Oh and we have a home business that I'm working night and day to build up. Money is tight, and she refuses to help one bit. It's a home ba<x>sed business so how much easier can it get? Oh you are home all damned day, and you just couldn't find time to call someone to make a sale, after they have already said they wanted to buy something? Now that is lazy.Anyway bro, like I said, I feel like I'm heading down the path like you are. The only two things I can think of are 1) Counseling or 2) Make enough money so I can pay other people to do all the S**t my wife should be doing, so she can be a lazy, real housewife of wherever.

I realized going into my relationship that my future wife had significant psychiatric and medical problems (OCD, depression, passive aggressive, MS). Her two adult kids fully support me. However, I am reaching a point where I myself am slipping into depression and may have to do what is best for myself.

I do all the housework, yard work, etc and at the worst have to get by on 4 hours sleep a night. I went through a few layoffs and despite her having savings from a spinster wealthy aunt, never once offered to help. I however am expected to cough up.

I cared for both of my parents before they died, and that was a breeze compared to somebody who has psychiatric problems. She refuses to seek treatment as she doesn't trust doctors - ironic as her daughter is in medical school!

She will stay up until 4am and expect to sleep until 3pm. This drives her kids crazy when they rarely visit, her son will actually scold her. She thinks her kids don't "respect" her and are "out to get her". The OCD kicks in when she spends an hour scrubbing a single pair of socks. If I do laundry, or clean, its never "good enough" and she has to do it all over again.

Her first marriage was to a real loser of a guy, he had more psychiatric problems than she does. She also had an affair with another loser, who happened to be married. But when she found out about all the girlfriends I had over the years (One at a time, no affairs) somehow I'm the "sinful" one.

Yes, she is a religious nut, a Mennonite.

Whenever I suggest that we may have to separate, the "i'm going to kill myself" line starts up. Or, she will say that she will go live in a tent at the garbage dump. I also get the "you never listen to me, women need a lot of time to talk" line.

When we got together, she knew I had two cats, they were my parents. It didn't take long for her to banish them to the garage, and I'm convinced she purposely starved the older one which is why his kidneys failed. His last day alive, I wanted to take him inside the house and she said "you can pick the cat or me. Then I'm going to a motel and you're paying for it".

At this point, I'd be better off just leaving, at least for my health. I really could care less if people think I'm dumping an obviously sick woman with MS. Enough is enough.

And to all those who think I haven't done enough, give your heads a shake. To those who think they can somehow "work through" these sort of severe problems, it NEVER gets better. You have to get out sooner instead of later.

And never ever feel sorry for or get a religious nut, especially a Mennonite. Their upbringing leaves them with so much baggage that its impossible to fix their heads.

Heres what i have to say to all you idiots men have feelings and needs 2 and when a woman wont fufill them men tend to look else were to find it then we are bastards for doing it but its ok for a woman to lay around do nothing cheat and be spoiled **** that get off your ******* high horse you spoiled ******* as for the poster i feel you i bareley get sex with the woman im with and weve only been dating 6 months she lays in bed spends all the money complains that shes bored does what she wants but **** what i want so yeah i know how you feel

Maybe you're just too much of a d-bag to realize that she's sick, dude. She deserves better than you. I go through the same problems, and my hubby takes beautiful care of me. I guess I'm just spoiled. I feel sorry for her, and not any sympathy for you. You are her husband and you should be taking CARE of her, not b***ing online about her. If you hate her that much, get a divorce, it might be the best thing that happened to both of you. You can find a slave, and she can find the man who can treat her like a princess.

She needs a REAL man. You're going to cry when she passes away from an illness you are ignoring, sweetie. I don't know you, or her... but I know that I am very sick and my hubby helps me with everything. Maybe she doesn't want to tell you how sick that she really is. You are heartless to not at least take her to a doctor. Her symptoms sound similar to mine. But you just go online to go on-whine. Shame on you.

He is a REAL man. How many wives would kill for a husband who comes home from his job and still helps around the house. She might be suffering from a mental illness, but that doesn't entitle her to doing nothing around the house and depriving her family of affection.

It's easy for those suffering from mental illness to become comfortable with it. I sure did. But she has to realize that she's not the only one affected by it. She has to make a conscious effort to fight it, because her loved ones can only take so much.

I don't agree u see he might still be with her because of the kids some ******* are scandales as hell u sound like one too

um hell no, he seems to have a very detailed perception i think he would have noticed if she was sick this actually happens to men and woman a lot they just give up aka mid life crisis not all men and woman do this but it happens alot and this is something you should know just by living life.

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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

I am a wife of an 11 month old baby. I am taking 100 mg of zoloft at the moment. Tell you what guys, taking anti-depressants could actually make you feel sluggish. I myself is just as lazy as hell. I just had an argument with my partner earlier about house cleaning, don't get me wrong I do clean the house everyday it's just that you couldn't go into all the details when you have an 11 month old bubba who is so clingy and cries a lot. I'm so thin and I don't get enough sleep, I now look older than my mom and yes I don't have the right to complain. Because remember I am the mom I get to do all the house chores and look after the baby. Another thing is that, when I discovered that I'm having post natal depression I never knew that was the reason why I was crying, bad mood, too lazy to go out and all these crappy stuff you could ever think off. Instead of hating your wives why not try to support them and help them be back on their old selves. I know it's hard, I feel bad for my partner too everytime I get my episodes of mood swings. We do have issues we know that but we just need your support too. Please don't hate us, love us instead. xx all the best guys!

I do feel with you buddy. When i was reading your post, i saw myself and felt the same way. How have you been able to put up with her for so many years ? It's been only 4 years for us now and I am already sick and tired even so, she is claiming she has psychological problems which leads her to take some anti-depression pills. I am still in the prime of my life and honesly, i remember sex vaguely, too. You were lucky to have at least one bite of it from time to time. Me ?? Not in a million years, three months ago as far as i can remember. It is as if we changed the roles in the house. Oh man, I hate her too.

Sounds exactly like my husband. He "cant have sex" most of the time and though he does work...so do I...I am a nurse he acts like my job is easy...lmfao
He goes on and on about his, which is not anything important believe me...if I told u, u would laugh. Than at home he does absolutely nothing...on the computer constantly and blows a gasket if I say anything about it. The funniest part is if u listen to his story you would think he was a wonderful man, but I know the true story and it is such a miserable/loveless marriage that I pray everyday for god to find me a permanent way out of. I have left many times and he has managed to pull wool over my eyes thinking he will change I always took him back...BIG MISTAKE...my kids hate him and always have...he either has nothing to do with them or yells at them for stupid ****. I really wish I had never met this man!!!

I know how you feel. When my wife and I got married we were both college juniors (such a great Idea at the time!) and had a good amount in common. After graduation I started a well paying job and she decided that working part time was enough. That was seven years and two kids ago. Since then, instead of just working full time in the nursing field she went to school for, she has hopped from grad school major, to grad school major, starting but never finishing anything. She's managed to rack up $48k in student loans and a $100k+ in lost income she would have, had she just worked full time after graduation.

Even though she only works 24 hours a week, she finds it too labor intensive to clean/tidy/dust the house, wash clothes, shop or cook (or even learn to cook for that matter). I'm left with all these tasks in addition to the 46+ hours a week I work. There was even a two year stretch that I did all that and grad school. We'll have big fights about her laziness and she'll make a half-assed effort for a few weeks, but then just defaults to her norm.

For 5 years my husband felt that way about me. I was tiered, cranky, emotional, lazy and definetly had no libdo. Finally I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. Kinda a ****** diagnosis because typical symptoms include energy and weightloss so my husband of course believed I was making it up. 2 years later I finally had the perfect thyroxine dosage and was my old self again. Bitter at first my husband had given up on me actually making my symptoms worse but so thankful we had a deep true love that we could eventually over come those dark years and made room for way more happy years

Hi, just about the thyroid thing. I am also losing weight. I eat normal but I'm so sluggish. I'm taking anti depressants too. I am suspecting that there is something wrong other than my depression. What were your symptoms?

I really in same boat, but on top of all that he Dr gave her pain pills and she eats the like candy and is on a lying kick! Can't stand this **** anymore! I think the only reason I stick Round is cause of my kids! Hit me up so we can talk and maybe come up with some ideas together to help each other out bro, am at wits end!! 48O228OO83. Leave a message so I know its u or text. Sean

Hi guys,

I’m looking for a bit of advice on my relationship with my girlfriend.

We’re both in our very early 30s and have 2 kids (3 and 5) together, which makes it much harder to consider leaving her as I totally adore my kids. Basically, she doesn’t work and my eldest boy is in full time school and the youngest is there every afternoon. However, she keeps telling me she doesn’t have time to clean, wash clothes and do the other chores. She will occasionally run the vacuum over the floor and thinks this is enough to keep the house clean. I work a full time job doing 50 hours a week then after work I come home and work more hours and on weekends (at least an extra 20-30 hours a week) freelance to try save some money because she demands a wedding and a new car. She said if I don’t get the money together for a wedding within a year, she will leave and she will take my kids with her back to her home town, which is over 100 miles away. The sex is pretty much none existent, to the point where I have to beg every couple of months (as degrading as it is) and usually end up having to bribe her with presents. She is a good mum to the kids and makes sure they have what they need.

I get up at 7am every morning (mon – fri), get showered, dressed for work, wake the kids up, make their breakfast, get them dressed and make their lunch. She gets up at 7.30 and all she does is get herself dressed to take me to work in the car (I don’t drive and there is no public transport to where I work). At weekends, I’m still get up at 7 as I don’t like to waste the days. She won’t get up any earlier than 12.30pm on Saturday and Sunday, which just wastes our days. I’d like to be able to take the kids out as a family etc, but she is just sooo lazy!

She tells me all the time that she thinks she has OCD and needs to keep the house clean, yet she doesn’t clean the house and thinks vaccing constitutes as a deep clean. I have to clean the skirting boards and polish the units etc.

Whenever I question this, she tells me she’s depressed etc etc. I went along with this (pardon my ignorance) and helped her find a doctor and therapy etc. This was over a year ago and her therapist ended the treatment and was happy with the progress. Yet, she hasn’t changed a bit. Whenever I question the amount fo work she does around the house, I always get the same answer “I watch your kids, I’m a full time mum, that is my job!”. And this is then followed by showing me women’s forums where they all ***** about their partners complaining about how lazy they are and that a husband/boyfriend has no right to expect any more of them than watching kids (yet they are at school mostly!).

During the day all she does is watch TV and films. I know this because she has managed to watch the entire back catalogue of a popular TV show that has 10 series in the past 3 weeks and she hasn’t watched any on an evening.

I rarely drink alcohol, maybe 2/3 times a year if it’s a special occasion and she’s (thankfully!) the same. She hates me going out with friends and makes it so difficult to the point where I just stopped going out with them. She doesn’t like any of my friends and I have tried on so many occasions to try get her involved with my friends partners etc, but she is so stubborn and judges everyone before she’s even met them. She has no friends of her own and I’ve tried so hard to help her make friends, but she just hates everyone.

She doesn’t pay any bills and keeps the child benefit money as spending money on top of what I give her too, which can be anything from £100-£200 per month. I don’t spend any money on myself (there’s none left unfortunately). The last time I bought a new tshirt was about 2 years ago and then it was only about £4.

I’m at my wits end. I work so hard to provide for my family and feel like a mug and trapped. I can’t leave her because she will make it a living hell to try to see my kids, she’s already told me so.

Am I the bad guy here? She really makes me feel like I am.

Do you really want to marry that?

Divorce her, I mean I work a full time job, I make dinner every night my husband works hard so I make sure his lunch is made, coffee set for the morning cause I'm at work. If I am home and he works I get up at 40 am with him fix breakfast and make sure he is ready. I do laundry everyday he does help out . I have my health issues but I'm not dead yet so I try to keep a clean home it could always be cleaner I think. Sex is wonderful my husband and I enjoy each other yet we still work hard so the sex is less that's kind of sad. I still respect and love him though. Kids well they are grown I now have a grandchild and I love to hang out with her she is just a baby but I love my children and did everything for them when they were young. Tell your wife to get off her *** or you will replace her lazy ***.

you go girl, marriage should be 50/50 i like the path your on.

You are awesome! I think most men would be happy with 1/2 of what you do.

The tonic for you is “A Wife is a Terrible Thing to Waste”.

My wife is the same way, we have two wonderful kids 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 she just recently got a part time job of less than 10 hours a week where she works from home. But she always works when i am home. So I am watching the kids as soon as I get home. She does not want to do anything with the kids or together as a family unless it is going to see her family. I do all the cooking, cleaning, mowing, snow shoveling, etc. First thing when i get home I turn off all the lights that are on in rooms where no one is of course give my kids a big hug, who are excited to see that I am home, then I shut off all the applicances and things that are running that no one is using or even in the room, the tv is always running. I then clean up all the toys and messes that the kids have created downstairs then work my way upstairs. I then change into casual clothes gather laundry go downstairs and start it come back up and start on dinner. We all eat at the table, she is always upset about something. Then I clean up and do the dishes. I have maybe 30 mins or an hour to spend with the kids. I give them their baths, she refuses to do this. then Its PJs and bedtime. If I am still awake after putting my son to bed, I will go downstairs. She is ussually watching tv or playing a video game, so I am not able to watch what I want to, so I go to bed. get up the next morning and begin the same process wake up get my son breakfast. go to work ...

She has her folks watch the kids quite a bit too or has playdates. But she is always needing time alone with friends. I recently got together with my friends, it had been over 5 years since I last got together with my friends. I am not going to let that much time lapse again.

My wife is also on anti depressants as well.

HELP!!

We have been to 9 sessions of marriage counseling as well

Hi there, to be totally honest she probably doesn't respect you. She sees you more as the help in the house while she's there doing nothing! Believe it or not women want their hubby to be the Man of the house the boss!! It is one thing to help her around the house but if you do absolutely everything then she just sees you as her free housekeeper!
Sit down and talk to her and ask how she would feel if you behaved like her, but you need to have a serious face and not look sad or angry... Make her realise that she needs to wake up and her only problem is lazyness and lots of women take anti depressants when they don't need it just to have an excuse to behave like that. Sorry if I sound harsh but you need to wake up and wake her up and if she doesn't change then leave for a bit and see how she reacts.
This is not fair on you or any other person to be with someone who's so selfish to the point that even their kids come after everything else.
Best of luck

Good point, I mean I love my husband crazy. He's wonderful to me . But I do think woman need men to be the boss in the house . He is but I can ask for anything and his reply is always and I mean always " what ever you want dear " . To be honest , that's not what I want to hear from him but take advantage of it anyway . I guess you are right when you say " she doesn't respect you" I feel like that at times. To him , I'm always bitching At him and he works All night long and tired of my bitching but alway will love me , because I'm his wife . Hang on I did say I love him and I do very much . We don't have any kids together . I do but they are grown and still live in New Zealand . My husband drinks every day/ morning after work . He good when he drinks he not violent , but he loves to flirt with woman dirty on Fb games and his woman friends , I hate it he watches **** while I'm taking care of his 97yr old grand mother next door . I'm not dusty myself but I have this erge I spy on him coz my scared I will lose him and I can't fully trust his with his flirting with woman he knows . I mean she's married to for goodness sake . What am I to do. How can I let the past go and be happy with my husband . Plz help me . I need to stop bitching at my husband because my bitching is turning his sex life off :( .

And people wonder why men & WOMEN remain single and are loving it.
I got depressed reading these stories and REALLY feel sorry for the men and women trapped by children in their marriage. It is obvious from 3/4 or more of these stories that that they would leave in a heartbeat if it wasn't for the children. Imagine a life like that,being in a living hell because of children in the marriage.

Why is he watching **** and flirting with other women if your sex life is good? Have you talked with him about whether he is satisfied? I don't think he should be looking at **** and flirting at all. That is not helping anyone. As his wife, you can help and it starts by communicating. lots of women don't ask their husbands if their sex life is satisfying, they just assumed that since they are satisfied, their husbands must be! But that's not the case, and if he's looking elsewhere then you should be worried and better do some communicating. It doesn't mean you go be his sex slave, but it might mean being more sexy. Men don't like it because p**n starts do it. P**n stars do it because men like it. "It" can be lots of things. There is hope for you because you actually care and want to make things better. Lots of women just don't care.

I dont agree with the man being the boss in the house. i believe that it shud be 50/50. I am going thru the same thing. But its just that i am the female and he is the male.

Help her. I am taking zoloft 100 mg. they make me lazy as hell. Motivate her to walk or do some exercise and watch her diet. She'll get there. You guys will be alright. Don't be too hard on yourself, you're a good husband and a good dad.

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dude shoot the shrew

If your looking to validate a reason for terminating this relationship, you have it under "irreconcilable differences". Unless you've already tried marriage counseling, get a divorce and move on with your life.

thissounds like my man I work 10 hour days do all the house works take care of the dogs my daughter and his son he works a couple nights a week for a few hours and the rest of the time he is laying in bed watching t_v waiting for me to serve him dinnerhe complains that the house is a pigsty and that I need to get some something bigger for us he acts like I complain too much and stress too much about getting all the bills paid but he thinks nothing about going out and running up our bills even more for something stupid when I don't buy anything for myself I tried to talk to him about it and he gets mad and threatens to leave he acts like I'm the one that's wrong and that there's no excuse for me to complain about bills when I make enough to pay all of them and I should get plenty of sleep and he always acts like he is doing all the work once in awhile when he gets something up his b*** to do something small like take out the garbage or wash the dishes I'm supposed to praise him for itI'm tired wore out and hurt I can't talk to him I'm embarrassed to talk to anyone else and I don't know what to do anymoreall I hear is promises when he gets his big break and his big time job I won't have to work anymore I've heard that the whole time we've been together and funny how every job he sometime somehow says he has falls through he only applies for one maybe every month so I don't know how he expects to get anywhere in life he gets mad when I tell him his child can't come over because I'm too tired to watch him he promises I'll watch him you don't have to worry about it on my one day off but he in the playing in bed well I'm the one that's up making sure his kid doesn't get into anything and destroy anything I've had it I can't take it anymore I'm too tired to even fight anymore

If he is truly the way you say he is, you would be better off letting him go. Love certainly can make these relationships go on like this for a lifetime, but do you really want to live like this the rest of your life? You certainly have grounds for a divorce. If you do get one he'll be forced to financially support you and your children more than he is doing now. Good luck and God bless.

I have a sister in law that does the same thing to my brother and it makes me so furious. they have two kids, the eldest being 5 and in all my years of seeing my neice, I have never once seen her play with them. She will hold them, kiss them but for whatever reason always needs help when she is with her kids. She can never watch them alone and ******* and moans when she does. Ive seen my brother cook, clean, do all the chores while she claims she is so tired. Her job is not demanding at all. She will come to my house and let my nieces run around and turn her back and go hide in the bathroom to avoid, changing diapers or being engaged. It annoys me so much that here is this woman who decided she wanted children and now all of sudden is incapable of doing anything. Always needs my brothers help to do everything....I really want to give her a heart to heart and say you need to step it up but then again it isn't my relationship. I've seen my brother get so annoyed and frustrated it is almost at the point where it like he is a single dad - i veer on the side of communicating your issues to your wife and really try to understand what is causing her to be so lax. Also it is making a plan, what ACTIVE steps can we both make to make this situation better. Eventually once the conversation starts you both get to understand each others feelings but eventually you do get frustrated and it really is if things don't change it will negatively affect our relationship. All you can do is be honest, open and try to find resolution. Long rant but hope that helps.

I work 60 hr s a week and no love no understanding I do all the shopping and take care of my boys and have always been there for my family and yet I live like some guy on the couch and with out love with out caring. I have always been someone who cares about all he does for them.. I have been married for 20 years. I have so much to give and yet no one who wants it, what am I to do?

I scream inside as I struggle day to day to do for my wife and my boys. I get to my feet and go every day and yet I receive nothing. I am in pain both physically and mentally. My parents split up and my father dumped us yet I refuse to do that to my sons and I hope that I can hold on until they are grown and yet my self worth and caring seems to be under microscope at all times. I am made to feel that I am unworthy and a monster if I dare reveal my feelings yet I give all I have and my love is all that carries me forward in life. We lost our home and now rent and I am made to feel that I am not fit for my family and yet they are the only reason of continue to do everything. to take care of them. I don't know what to do and rapidly becoming hopeless

I wish I had a Dad like you. He left when I was a small child and I never saw him. Kudos to you. Divorce isn't bad if the parents are happier separate... As long as they're involved, IMO. Sometimes that sets a better example than dysfunctional marriage. Best of luck and keep your head high.

I married my wife 10 yrs ago we have two kids ages 10 and 12 that I love to death. ( I have been married twice before and the kids from them are grown doing very well) They are smart well adjusted kids and very active in school. Straight A school kids My wife who I believe is gay we have no relationship at all. I mean from the time we wake until she fall all sleep we have no conversation at all. If I ask a question or try to start a conversation I get a one word answer or nothing at all. We have not had sex in 6 yrs. At first I would try but not anymore, tired of the rejection and attitude that come with it. Now I am no longer attracted to her in fact she has let her self go It is discussing. She brushes her teeth maybe once a week and they are horrible so kissing is not an option + she smokes a about a pack or two a day and drinks every nite. About the lesbian thing, after we got married I notice very small changes like the way she would dress and an interest to going to lesbian club. (she says because she and her friends like to have a good time with out having guys coming on to them) WTF. I found out later that her friends are lesbian SMH. So I asked her point blank are you a lesbian her reply no " I have never been with a women" LIAR. I found lesbian videos hidden in her drawer, lesbian **** mags hidden behind her dresser so she is a ******. she doesn't work or look for work even though I have been unemployed for the last six months. My house is filthy unless I clean it wont get done. I am tired and want to leave but I cannot take that chance of leaving and having my kids living with that ****** especially my 10 yr old daughter. I don't love or like her any more but leaving her would cost me $$$. I am 52 years old ( look 40 and in great health and shape) she is 38, look like a fat *** cow that takes no care in her appearance . But here is the most confusing thing about it I want to love her.

Prozac or zoloft does EXACTLY that. Even if she were alone , it would be worse. Her house would look like a hoarders' dirty, depressing,. Its NOT YOU. Its those darned pills that she does not need to be taking. Hate the drug , not the wife. New doctor is needed here and get her off those pills .

Hi, I think you are right. I am currently taking zoloft and I'm way toooo lazy. I never regained my energy. :(

I am sorry for your circumstances. I was honestly looking up, "why do I feel so drained?" and this is what popped up. I feel sorry for you man. I am a women, I've been married to a very wonderful man for 10 years we've been together for 13 years and have two kids. We are high school sweet hearts and I think we have things going great, and it wasn't always that way. One of my issues lately is that I go to school and take care of the home but I feel so tired lately. I just think it may be the whether change here in Texas, but anyway. I could not image being like this. She may be depressed, but this is no excuse. I suffered a sever depression years ago and I literally had a nervous break down, I still cleaned, cooked, and took care of my kids because that was my job. I just remember waking up one day and saying enough is enough; I no longer needed medication, I started looking at everything I had that many do not have and I started being happy by speaking, acting, and being happy. My advice to you is to try to tell her how you feel. If this doesn't work, tough love. during my depression I started to take a lot of anger out on my husband, and to be honest, much of it was well deserved, but when I stopped giving him ultimatums and just left, he changed. He completely did a 180 because he didn't want to lose me and he knew he was neglecting to be the husband he vowed to be. It's been years now, and he and I have a close relationship and we rarely fight. If I hadn't of stuck to my guns and said enough, I deserve more, I wouldn't have gotten him to see that it was truth behind it. I know this post if from 2008, but maybe if you still need the advise or anyone else does. This is here for you. I wish the best for all of you.

It's time to set some boundaries. I've been working on this in my marriage as well. You need to start valuing yourself more. She takes you for granted, so start enjoying your hobbies and assertively tell her that she needs to step up.

Get to the reason why she isn't stepping up and come up with a plan. Maybe she's depressed? Even if she is depressed, that is only a reason and not an excuse. See if she is interested in couples therapy.

Some good reading material for you might be Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch and No More Mr. Nice Guy (focus on the behavioral strategies, not so much the theory) by Robert Glover.

I'm not married. I am convinced the problem is not marriage. it is having kids together. pure and simple. I can't leave my little baby even though she's turning into a leisure clone.

your wife is your responsibility.so housework is your equal duty and when your wife is lazy and she dont like to do any housework so u have not any option so you do all housework its nothing wrong dear. many couple have same situation and husband do all housework.u have two children and 1 wife u think u have three children include your wife is as a children after that u have not problem to do housework.

I stumbled across this looking at lazy husbands lol!! I am a women, married for 2 years, been together 7. We have 4 lovely children. I dont know if i list feel sorry for myself or not or even how to make changes as my husband always says in in the wrong not him. I basically was doing 4 jobs, him zero! He complained so i cut aload out and set up my own business which is thriving. He now works 4 hours a day 5 days a week..and come home late with a few cans and normally had a few beers from 'his hard working job'. He does nothing all day, well feeds the kids and puts them to nap but that's it. I now only work 9-5 5 days as was doing 7 days and usually 10 hours but he complained, i cook, clean, shopping, bills...everything as well as school runs and work...we have sex a couple times, he still moans for more!!i really dint know what to do, i make so many changes, have done so alot over last 6 months to try and be with him more and children also who i also love with all my heart but he still just moans and moans!!

i am a woman, im lazy, and thank god i am single.

Woman tend to be less tending these days to understand thier role in society as they can't compete with women who are acheiving more. It's not much different than what happened to the African American society after the Civil Rights movement. With power comes great responsibility. They can defend the rights they are given in words but not in actions. I am African American so i am not speaking off the cuff. Women can't expect femininity to be a softer weakness to use when they want something and then expect to be respected for their lack of inaction. Men, we must look for that higher value women we can work with to build something. not the softer lazier one that just thinks that things will happen for her because she is viewed as the weaker sex. My ex left me for a weaker black man because he fits the mode of stereotype. I do not and expected her t live up to a higher standard for my kids. Now i am looking for a higher standard women who makes me want to do more because she expects more.

Sounds like my wife. She does not tell me she is bored. I call my wife a pro gamer. She plays Bakery Story for 10 hours a day. I never have a cooked meal, clothes washed, clean house, organized stuff, or grocerys in the fridge. I do it all. I work at home with my own business. So I see all this all day long. I hate to go on vacation because I have to pack everyone up. My wife is so lazy that we went to Alaska and did not unpack till a year later because I did it......It is pathetic.

You all are a bunch of selfish people posting this crap on here about your other half. Get a therapist, because if you think anyone feels sorry for you, your mistaken -
get a life

I don't feel sorry for the OP or others, but I have empathy for them. They're trying to get a life; they're asking for help.

Glad your content butting into others conversations with nothing but arrogant insults. Really shows how strong of a person you are. You don't have to feel sorry for someone to lend a helping hand. Eh, your just bitter because you probably have a better half posting nasty things about you on the web somewhere... So sad.

Until you have had to live and experience this dont talk. When i have a partner that wont help with ANYTHING and you are in this together it can be devastating to you physically and mentally. I even express that i want to break up and would like her to leave MY house but they refuse. They think since you had a kid with them you owe them a free ride for life. Its not fair of them nor you to judge anyone on here. Thats what blogs are for to help people talk things out and figure out whats the next best step from here

Wow that sucks! I totally feel you. However, my better half.... thats a joke lol has a full time job, that she works from home!. She does all of the above....NOTHING, wait, she sits on the couch all day and nite! I literally put her plate of dinner that I cooked on the coffee table in the living room while me and the kids sit in the kitchen eating dinner!. She does nothing around the house. After my full time job, i come home to a messy house, whcih i have to pick up after while cooking dinner at the same time, than do laundry every other day, clean up the kitchen after dished were packed in the sink halfway to the ceiling, apparently she can open the door on the dishwasher, than there the kids homework , baths and bedtime. Wait, it gets better... she is insanely jealous, the mail lady hands me the mail and apparently i am sleeping with her! God bless me. if it was not for our son i would be long gone!

Not being funny but if your working your tush off and coming home to a shift of the domestics too, then surely its not too much to expect a swallowing gobble every now and then, or a surprise "lets try this hole tonight babes". Jeez do your bit you old slag. Gulp the batter and do the jailhouse grind. We have all become puffs in our quest to become modern 'respectful' men---all we got to show for it is an expensive broke down piece of furniture that costs us plenty of $$$$, that is offended as a new age woman, demanding of equality when we ask them too pull their weight and put the effort into putting a strut in the walk of their man. One night she'll be awoken to the groans of my midnight hair starching treatment the ******* ****!!

shes cheating and doing drugs I didnt know you guys were still married she just told me that you come by to see the kids
my bad

For me is the opposite so i guess no one is ever happy. I stay home and dedicate my time to my two kids, play, help them with homework.Get them showered and ready for bed, cook ..pack his lunch for work, make brkfast, lunch and dinner for when he hets home , do laundry maybe 6 times a week, all this from 6am to 9pm maybe get a 1 hour break and here i am spending my time to relax my mind and myself. And get told i don't do nothing, why am i stressed, gaining weight and i should be giving him more sex. Which is maybe 8x a month. I love my husband but seriously. I think its time to move on...

Sorry to hear if you rally are pulling your weight, but i mean 8 times a month is cool but why do you girls always put a limit on it or bring up the last time??? Woman im talking about this ***** not that one! Really if you girls stopped arguing about why u cant or wont for 10 min and just gave us some cheeks/lips/ **** a handy even! We all be a lot more happy. A unexpected rub and tug in the middle of the day/night for no reason can go a lllloooonnnngggg way

To Lunie, Not sure if you would read this but your story broke my heart. Good Lord I can't imagine if my children thought of me, as a mother, like that. That is neglect, abuse. That has to be the saddest thing I have ever seen. Mostly because your life didn't have to be that way. My mother was a working mother and pretty much neglected 6 kids. Not as bad as yours but not what I consider being a mom either... I decided to be a homemaker when I grew up. I found myself not knowing how to do anything, cook, clean, pay bills. Not even knowing how to be a true Lady. Because no one ever taught me, But 22 years later I have done it. I fear that girls see thier mothers being neglectful, lazy homemakers and end up working full time and caring for kids and a home and the cycle starts all over again. I just remembered women from my past, aunts, friends moms, my paternal grandma. I mimiced what they did and how they treated thier husbands and children, and thier homes. Not nessesarily fancy homes, just clean loving homes. I feel for you and your brother because your brother will be afraid women will be like her. Hopefully you will do as I did and do everything NOT to be like her. Good luck to your family and God Bless

These women are missing out on alot, My step son bacma a Marine and now in college, when the first thing he does is hug me and asks for my famous casserole.... Hearing my daughter now say " I want to do what you did mom "... My youngest son only 15, holds the door open for me and treats me like a lady, not to mention mows a 3 acre yard and other chores without complaints, not to mention kills the ocasional spider and rodent for me.... My children and husband have been my life and allthough it was a thankless job, now I have my reward. I need nothing more than that. All these lazy women are really missing out on what becomes a beautiful thing for a woman. the most fullfilling job ever, wife and mother.

I feel your pain but I know you have it better than some ^^

Let's start by saying I do love my partner and our children very much and (usually) have no desire to leave her, I'm currently looking around for a coping mechanism for my situation as I'm getting to the point where I'm struggling now myself but don't see a way out. I just don't think I can trust her to look after the kids alone and I won't put them through that life without someone looking out for them...

Unfortunatley, I lost my job almost a year ago due to redundancy and have struggled to find another, I keep being told by prospective employers that I'm over qualified, not likely to stay, etc etc lmao... As a result of this, I've been spending a lot of time at home, most of this involves looking after the kids...

My typical day is getting up at 06:30 with both of our kids (2y and 6m) while she stays in bed 'tired'. I'll then look after both kids to the best of my ability while she 'rests' until the little one needs feeding (to her credit she breastfeed the little one). I'll know feeding time is over when she sits up in bed and stomps repeatedly on the floor as a summons for me to go collect him again...

Obviously, while I'm up with the kids, I'm doing the household chores, cleaning, washing, cooking, changing them etc and will usually prepare an evening meal for the family. Now, as I write this, she's still in bed (4pm) and I'm not expecting to see her get up and come down to 'help' until 6 or 7 at which point she'll sit on the laptop in front of the TV and get annoyed if disturbed.

This goes on until 7:45pm when the 2yo goes to bed and that's right, it's my job as well. So shower, teeth, story, lullabye etc while she typically lies down to feed the 6mther and get him to sleep. The 2yo usually has sleeping issues so it's not uncommon for this to take an hour or 2. In the mean time, the 'little woman' will be on her PC browsing the internet and blogging away.

Once both kids are asleep, my last jobs of the day are to tidy up the chaos of their toys and head out to the local supermarket to do grocery shopping. Once all my chores etc are done it's typically somewhere between10 and 11pm at which point I'll sit down to rest - usually to get asked and begged to go get her a snack (at which point a huge row ensues if I say no). I'll get frustrated and 'hit the sack' just after midnight, she'll stroll into bed a little after 3am and the cycle starts all over again in the morning.

One of these days, I'll find a solution I hope. Not sure how I'll survive this too much longer though.

Hi all,

I am now seventeen years old, and also an outcome of a marriage much similar to yours. My mom however is a raging alcoholic. I'm sharing my experience with you all hoping to bring along another point of view...a wall of bitter text ahead, sorry! >:) If you don't care for the story, skip to the last paragraph for some thoughts.


(Sorry about getting sidetracked at times, but I'm frustrated and tired...:P)


She has been like this (lazy, rude, arrogant...the list goes on) as long as I remember. When me and my brother were little, she stayed home every day to "take care of us". This later on turned out to be an excuse to stay at home to do nothing. I do not know what she did all day but she sure wasn't taking care of us. Now that I'm older, my dad finally had the nerve to tell me that often when he came home from work she just pushed us to him and told him to feed and take care of us. Never did she play with us of even bothered to change our damn diapers. There we were, two toddlers sitting in our soiled diapers sometimes for almost six hours a day.


When we built a new house and me and my bro finally started school, she got worse. She never cleaned, started cooking bad food (old leftovers, frozen things and such) and on top of that started drinking more. Simple housework like filling up the washing machine became something we all would hear about the next day. It was almost like as if she kept a list of the things she did and she'd bring it up anytime we complained about her laziness. She also often cries when we confront her about it, usually complaining how hard her life is. I still wonder which part of her life is hard. Getting up at 11 in the morning or choosing the time she takes a nap?


Years went by and my dad had to accept a promotion he didn't really want. He didn't have a choice though because we were running really low on money. Of course we wouldn't have if my mom would have had the decency of even trying to find a job, which would have been enough to support our household even if she'd have worked in some supermarket. She also is ridiculously reckless with our money, blowing a lot of it on liquor, smokes and 500€ courses she visits maybe once or twice before deciding "it's not her thing".


We have always been really close with our dad because he has practically raised both of us by himself. Dad now works about 50+ hours a week (+ commute), sometimes almost 60 to keep the house up and running. We have a good life with decent money to throw around because of him, but it's not right. He's always been a hard worker and my absolute hero, but sometimes his never-give-up attitude hurts. He's still married to my lazy *** mom because he loves her, but he also knows what an absolute waste she is. He takes care of us, our dogs, the housework, garden, cooking, paying the bills and such when me an my brother aren't around. He even has to take care of my mom's elderly father because she or her brother can't be bothered to look for a senior home for him. Not only do we have to shovel the snow and mow the big *** lawn on our yard, we also have to deal with her father's house. I'd really love to not talk about my parent's eh, *nasty bedroom life*, but I feel sorry for my dad because she's not the best looking of moms. She looks like a bed ridden 70 year old at the age of 49. The alcohol and years of doing nothing have done that to her. Looks like they either get extremely fat or extremely skinny.


On top of that my mom has always been really resentful towards me. My dad has always told me it's because I'm prettier, more successful than her and that she's jealous of my youth (which is what he as my dad obviously has to say), but I'm pretty sure she just really, really hates me. I did develop anxiety and depression because of her but I have taken control of myself and bottled my anger up like a good kid. I also do pretty terrible in school but I try to do better because I know it makes my dad happy.


I like to think of myself as a survivor and a person who has become stronger because of her struggles, but truth to be told this kind of life has left me and also my brother very bitter and hateful. Especially towards her. No child should loathe their parent but look at us. If you're married to someone like her, I really wouldn't recommend getting children with her because people don't usually change. This may sound stupid but if you do get children - make sure to have two of them. There are few things worse in this world than growing up alone with a parent like that. It makes them grow up too fast having to take care of themselves too early. They may develop mental issues and eventually even turn out like her. Make sure to spend time with your child to even out the time she has corrupted, so he/she knows there is someone they can rely on. Truthfully, all I ever wanted when growing up was a divorce...

Dude,
is my wife related to yours! I need to figure out if there is anything legal I can do to get out of this before it kills me.
My stay at home wife always complained that she was so stressed out with all the duties of home that she would forget to thaw something out to cook, atleast she would do some nuggets or frozen pizza.
I don't know man, am I expecting too much out of a modern woman! I almost wish I was attracted to men so that I could atleast be on the same planet as my mate, unfortunately I'm a normal red blooded horny dude who never can get enough.
Just so you know, you're not alone man.

dude are you married to my wife?

My wife started of great but around the time our first child was born, the game started. Sex became rare, housework was never done and weight started to appear. That was 20 years ago. We had 2 more children and each time things gradually got worse. Funny thing is, that she is a very attractive woman who everyone loves but nobody knows what it is like to live with her. It is a nightmare. Now my kids are almost adults and the youngerst is 15. The weight problem is getting worse, she hasn't done any housework for 3 years and hasn't cooked a meal in a year. Sex is something that I have forgotten about as I only get it if I spend endless days doing everything from massages, cook a nice meal or if I just get lucky. Most times, I am so tired from working that I go to bed and forget about it. She always goes to bed after midnight and gets up around 11 am. I get up at 7am so go to bed around 10pm. i get the kids to school, make their lunches, take them, go to work and come home at 5pm to do the housework, cook tea and clean up afterwards. I begrudge my wife every minute. I won't divorce her for 2 reasons. My kids and I don't wish to be broke simply to be free. At least now, we have a comfortable life. Just a life that is hell for one reason...my wife is a fat lazy selfish ****. I feel for you buddy as much as I feel for myself.

I've been married nearly 12 years. For any relationship to work you both need to split the tasks equally. Life's hard work. I would suggest that you start by getting her counciling and get her off the anti depressants so she can understand herself better. This is very important because the anti depressants are masking a problem and not improving your situation. Anyway on to you. You need to tell how you feel and why. If you don't get the response you want then accept it! i know its easy for someone else to say and hard to do, but you need to for your own sanitys sake, so respect yourself. Something else thats very important I have learnt in life is that no one other than yourself can make you happy. Or simply put, no one else can be held accountable for your happiness other than you, it's a tough one to accept but when you do, you will respect yourself regardless of others. I wish you luck my friend. And remember, like it or not we are all alone in the end!

<p>Before you get married consider this. Einstein was one of the most brilliant men to have ever lived. He got a divorce. Do you really think you're smarter than Einstein?</P>

How long after marriage did she get this way? I ask because your wife sounds EXACTLY like mine except I'm only in it for 6 years and I'm still young (26). I'm going crazy though, I'm the only 26 year old making 70+k a year that gets sex 2-4 times a year, I'm sure of it.

I feel you, I'm 29 making about $70k a year and my wife and I hardly ever have sex. We have it about once every 3-4 months. And even when we do I have to initiate it. To add insult to injury, she routinely will say "We she have sex this weekend" and I get all amped up and then something will come up, usually she starts getting "sick" and then if I even try to initiate I get turned down.

Whenever we do have she there is no foreplay. She just wants me to do it missionary and be done. Then she jumps up and takes a shower, she says she hates how messy sex is and has to get clean afterward.

Welcome to the club my friend.

you are not alone man, seems out that this is universal

wow. if she can't even be a mother, you might need to consider leaving. my w does very little around the house, doesn't work, but at least she is committed to our toddler.

Why don't you divorce her?

Thank you I wish you where my wife

Get rid of that lazy ***** I'm going to do the same because my wife is the same the only difference is she will give me oral sex to keep my quite offen

Ger rid of her *** for a month remind her why she got with you or talk to her

I feel the life being sucked out of me. she walks upstairs and then phones me to get her a cup of tea. She wants a dog, we now have two but it is me who has to get up every morning to let them out, clean up after them etc.

I hear this sort of thing all the time and wonder what the guy expected when he married this woman. I work with so many men who married women because they were attracted to them sexually. That's it! Sole consideration and next thing you know the guy is vowing to stick with her for better or worse.<br />
<br />
I listen all day to these same men complaining about their lazy spoiled ***** wives and I think, 'what did you expect? She was this way when you married her. If you had been thinking with your big head instead of your little one you wouldn't be in this fix.'<br />
<br />
Meanwhile I know women who are rockin' individuals. Good careers, awesome ethics, NICE PEOPLE, that men won't look at twice because they aren't stunning.<br />
<br />
Guys, you deserve to be in this fix IMHO.

Ive been down that road myself so i know how you feel mate, me and my wife meet over the net and we moved in together and when i went to help her diabled mum, my mum in law she is paid to look after her not me, when i got home she just sat there watching the telly, on her laptop, taking a nap and I had to do the cooking, cleaning, washing looking after her cats aswell as mine and i had to do everything, now she has left me and moved in with a 50 year old bloke, let me clear 1 thing up1 when me and my wife meet she was 16 now 18 19 in december, and i was 24 now im 28,and she dose his cleaning, somtimes cooks for them and gose out for walks, meals cinima and she didnt want to do nothing like that with me.

Stumbled across this site myself... And I'm female my bad. Anyways this can easily be turned around... The husband can suck just as much as a wife can. But this site has me scared shitless to get married... I would say get a divorce, no one deserves to live with a selfish inconsiderate person.... How is it even possible for someone to gain 100 pounds in a year? That's disturbing. I will keep cooking for my boyfriend and try to keep him satisfied...

Came on net searching this topic today and came across this thread...am so pleased I am not alone. My wife is very much the same as others here...we have 3 beautiful kids which we both love dearly and give our all for, however she does not contribute to the house enough for a stay at home mum...she puts her activities before the kids, so if they are sick and need to stay home from school she will ask me to take a day off work (yes my paid job) so she can play tennis...go figure...she also does not put out more than once every 8 weeks. She freezes if I give her a hug and a kiss is a no no...I wish I had thought about my future more before I married her...I wish I had known women become self centred and LAZY as soon as the ring goes on the finger as I would not have done it!!!!

Typical lazy, Amerikan, presc<x>ription drug addict.<br />
<br />
JJ The Fed

UNREAL...you really believe that ****? How many times have I spoken to my wife nicely or asked her to do things in the way she wants or even have a ******* marriage counseler tell her to do things and the problem now IS HER. She still don't get it. LOL its time to go. I know I'm packing my **** and about to leave this "I AM WOMAN" type wife. Well be a woman...ALONE

Unreal! Did any of you stop to think that maybe your wives don't care about YOU and are unhappy with YOU?! And the redults are lack of good selfesteem on their part? Instead of pointing fingers, look in your own mess to see how you may be contributing to this unhappy mess. <br />
<br />
I, for one, can relate to not being happy with my own spouse for many reasons. In return, It HAS impacted own motivations and desires. <br />
<br />
As far as the medical thing goes, yes, that can be very real, as well (I am proof to that). Until you are an MD, stop making the diagnoses and ask her what you can do to help the relationship.

I am a married woman, and have been with my husband since I was 19. I'm 32 now and we have two beautiful girls between us. I came across this article by chance and before anyone suspects this is a wife posting a 'shame on you men' post, just hear me out first. I want to thank you all for making me realize that I need to be a better wife. My husband works so much,60 hours a week and sometimes more to support my kids extra activities such as dance. I am currently an at home mother who takes pristine care of my girls, from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed. Their hair is always maintained their clothing ironed and our bedding washed every several days with Lysol in between.<br />
<br />
My husband comes home to a full cooked meal ( because he deserves that) and not sloppy joeys either. I do the grocery shopping while he plays video games on his only time off or I push myself and my girls upstairs so he can have his time off.<br />
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I never ***** or complain about him going to the bar, a man needs to be able to feel like a man and still have friends. I try my best to keep my weight in check and my appearance at least acceptable.I'm looking into going back to school full time on top of everything else , with the goals in mind that my hubby can stay home and finally relax and figure out his goals since I will be making most of the money. And he knows of these plans.<br />
<br />
I wasnt always like this and it had taken some readjusting of my attitude to realize that the way I was treating him was selfish and lazy. I used to come to this place to read and fix the things that were wrong with me and I wish to thank all of the men out there who openly confessed here.<br />
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Ladies, please listen to your man's needs, treat them with respect. Remember, you met them a certain way and you fell in love with them according to what you saw, don't change that but change how you perceive things. Put on a little make up, give your man a well deserved hug and back rub when he comes home from work, show him how appreciated he is and thank him for allowing us to continue to stay home where it is safe with our children and still able to provide for us. It's the least we can do, even if it's keeping a clean house for them.

I am a married woman, and have been with my husband since I was 19. I'm 32 now and we have two beautiful girls between us. I came across this article by chance and before anyone suspects this is a wife posting a 'shame on you men' post, just hear me out first. I want to thank you all for making me realize that I need to be a better wife. My husband works so much,60 hours a week and sometimes more to support my kids extra activities such as dance. I am currently an at home mother who takes pristine care of my girls, from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed. Their hair is always maintained their clothing ironed and our bedding washed every several days with Lysol in between.<br />
<br />
My husband comes home to a full cooked meal ( because he deserves that) and not sloppy joeys either. I do the grocery shopping while he plays video games on his only time off or I push myself and my girls upstairs so he can have his time off.<br />
<br />
I never ***** or complain about him going to the bar, a man needs to be able to feel like a man and still have friends. I try my best to keep my weight in check and my appearance at least acceptable.I'm looking into going back to school full time on top of everything else , with the goals in mind that my hubby can stay home and finally relax and figure out his goals since I will be making most of the money. And he knows of these plans.<br />
<br />
I wasnt always like this and it had taken some readjusting of my attitude to realize that the way I was treating him was selfish and lazy. I used to come to this place to read and fix the things that were wrong with me and I wish to thank all of the men out there who openly confessed here.<br />
<br />
Ladies, please listen to your man's needs, treat them with respect. Remember, you met them a certain way and you fell in love with them according to what you saw, don't change that but change how you perceive things. Put on a little make up, give your man a well deserved hug and back rub when he comes home from work, show him how appreciated he is and thank him for allowing us to continue to stay home where it is safe with our children and still able to provide for us. It's the least we can do, even if it's keeping a clean house for them.

I can't say that I hate my wife. I am really sick of her crap . She is an rn and works three maybe four days a week. The rest of the time she lays around in bed mostly and won't do a damn thing. We have two kids 13 and 5. We havent had sex for over a year ,and she tells me sometimes that she wishes things could be better. I work five days a week and do side jobs when I can but I still have do everything for her ... I don't want a divorce but I really don't know how much longer I can take it help !

Sorry man, but either get a marriage counselor and tell her how you feel or...leave. gotta do what you gotta now and think about you...she is doing the same now. Time to smack her with a dose of reality. She was too lazy to have it good with a marriage so now she has got to get off her butt and find a second job

If you haven't done so already, then ditch the ******* *****, she deserves nothing good and can go **** herself and choke on pills.

Well I won't be adding anything new to this, I have always been used to do my part in the home and take care of it, I like to live in a clean place. I married my Peruvian wife three years ago as it was the only way to take her to the UK and live together here. I soon found out how lazy she is, all she does is cook because she likes it and that is where it all ends. She NEVER even thought of looking for a job in the three years she has been here saying that she is limited with the language, the only commitment she has is going to ESOL English classes three days a week in a school that is the minutes walk away from here and she sometimes tries to skip class with ridicule excuses, usually I know the night before when she is not going to go to class the next morning. She refuses to speak English with me saying it's too difficult for her while she can and does speak English when we're out and about and she has to deal with British speaking people. She is so dirty that when she arrived here she was using the floor as a public road throwing her hair, dead skin, paper and what else straight on the floor, if she does any cleaning at all it is VERY approximative and it actually gives me more work as I have to go and look for and I find all the dirty work she has been doing. I just recently had a total knee replacement and I am almost totally dependant on her at the moment. I had to call my mother to come and do some of the cleaning as my wife is close to useless. I complained and showed her how to clean properly in the early days but I soon realised it would be better for me to just do it to maintain a level of what I call a clean home. Fortunately we have no kids which she has been bugging me for, I am thinking about divorce.

Wow I feel like I wrote this

Brother, i feel for you. I also have a lazy wife, with an extra helping of anger. There is hope for us men. My wife is getting better, and I didn't change her. I have found that first, take care of my problems, issues, crap, etc. with help before even looking at my wife's issues. You know, take the beam out of my own eye before I help take the speck out of hers. Then later on find out about how to love a women, in her language, so she will actually care or listen to what you have to say. And just this week we went to a marriage class that talked about her biggest need, Love, and my biggest need, Respect. I kept my mouth shut because any comment from me would set her off, but the opposite happened. She asked me why I didn't say anything, and wanted to know what I thought. I told her that respect to a man feels just like love to a woman. I told her what if I told you everyday that I don't love you? That is what I feel when you disrespect me! My wife has been trying to be respectful all week. I cant believe it! She is still in bed and it is 10 am, but I don't care. I tried that complaining stuff about her faults for 12 years, and it made her depressed. I have seen women do a lot of things for a man who they believe loves them, unconditionally. This is a far as we have gotten in our marriage. It is not fixed. But now I can see a little light at the end of the tunnel

well i am a woman and THANK GOD im not married, but i tend to have this problem with men. i have worked harder than them sweating my *** off in a factory six days a week to hear them ***** about how hard they work. i just want to kick them in the ***. then they still expect me to cook, clean and do their frickin laundry? and sex? i would rather eat ****. all they do is whine and cry like a bunch of babies because they dont get their way. real men? i dont think so. then they actually try to control what i do. when i look back on it all i think, getting married would be the biggest mistake a woman could ever make. you might as well put a gun to your head. although i know there are worthless women out there too. sorry this is a sore subject for me because my kids dad dumped me when i was 3 months pregnant cuz he couldnt stand the pressure of taking care of a kid. guys think they are so strong and awesome and everyones supposed to kiss their ***** but when it comes to really scary stuff like having kids i find they are the biggest wusses ever. well good luck to you, i have been single 2 years and never been happier just hanging out with my lil man and supporting him. its a hell of alot easier than dealing with guys bullshit. i would say if youre that unhappy get a divorce.

well i am a woman and i have the same problem with men,but iam not married THANK GOD. i worked just the same as them, harder more strenuos factory jobs than them, and they still expect me to do their frickin laundry and cook for them and listen to all their stupid problems, mostly because they dont get what they want.. wahhh. and sex? why the hell would i want to . maybe at first they were attractive until i learned their baby whining yet controlling personalities.i find them disgusting. mostly because of their me personality. there are times i almost puked at the thought of sex with these guys. i think marriage is a joke these days, men expect women to work just as hard as them but we are still supposed to kiss their ugly *****. sorry its a sore subject for me. my childs father dumped me when i was 3 months pregnant with my son because he couldnt handle the pressure. i have been single for 2 years and im loving it no stress and focused on important things like taking care of my son. maybe if you guys get divorced you will appreciate each other more!lol idk good luck to you hope you figure out all your problems

She probably has clinical depression and needs to be on zoloft. She lacks motivation, interest, etc.<br />
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Make an appt with a psychiatrist immediately and the whole family will benefit from this.<br />
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Good luck!

she doesnt need medicine she needs a divorce from any man that would post **** about her like this on here

Maybe she doesn't like you. Maybe you don't like you....otherwise you would leave someone who treats you that way. Are you overweight, unattractive, a bit on the dull-witted side? If she treats your children like that, maybe she sees them as just an extention of you....and she doesn't like you.

Maybe she doesn't like you. Maybe you don't like you....otherwise you would leave someone who treats you that way. Are you overweight, unattractive, a bit on the dull-witted side? If she treats your children like that, maybe she sees them as just an extention of you....and she doesn't like you.

Listen. I have a son. He's very small at the moment. One word of advice that I will give to him about chosing the woman he wants to be with is - look at her mother! If her mother has a young outlook and has an eye for the here and now - he might be on to a winner (or if you would sleep with her mother...).<br />
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If her mother dresses like a gran and is not in to 'music' - run as fast as your little legs can carry you. The only reason I'm talking like this is that I look at my girl (partner) and see her mother - and her mother doesn't like music.<br />
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My partner is so lucky that I'm around because the way that I've been feeling these last few months...well I've considered leaving. My girl (partner) at one point was an attractive, and exciting woman to be with (nothing like her mother) but she's become so dull of mind and dull of body.<br />
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While I am rediculously active, love cooking, enjoy my time with my son, relatively mobile in my job - she just seems to be so slow minded, coasting, listless - just plain boring. Too interested in the mundane, ordinary rubbish of life. Even making a cup of coffee - it takes her ages. She is also so unaware of her own space these days - I spend half my time planning where I'm going to be next to avoid her bumbling about.<br />
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Bollocks to all that junk about thyroid - she has changed from the vivacious young girl that I fell in love with to this mind numbingly boring sloth of a woman. Anything that she does is laboured. It's not like we don't share doing things. I do a lot of the cooking, I hoover, do the bins just general looking after the house like couples do. Admitedly she does more ironing than me but I've never seen her put up a shelf or tile a bathroom. <br />
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She has no concept of urgency. For example, getting stuff together for the morning before we both have to go to work, I'm the only driver so I have to drop her off at her part-time job and him off at the baby sitters before I get in to the office. I jump out of bed before the alarm goes off while she wakes up with a face like a slapped arse. I give her the easy task of changing my son - undressing him, changing his nappy (not that I have a problem with stink - I've dealt with enough poop in my time) and re-dressing him - only because I know that it will be done in some kind of timely manner.<br />
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Meanwhile, I've got dressed, shaved, put coffee on, sorted out the breakfast (for the three of us), taken him off of her, seated him, fed him, put his coat on, got his bag and my bag, carried him and the two bags to the car, locked him in the child seat, got the car ready (icy windows etc.) and been sat there tapping the steering wheel ready to drive off. At some random point in all of the above she'll turn up and not help much.<br />
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This is only one example. Another is - she's just so unimaginative in the cooking department I do it myself. Otherwise we end up performing some kind of opera regarding what meat to leave out of the freezer for the next day. It's just plain crazy. I've dropped hint up on hint about sparking up our relationship from going out to different places, to serious sexual innuendo (stuff like "It'd be nice if you grabbed me there once in a while." - nothing seriously perverse). Of course when I ask her what she wants to do. And (grammar freaks be warned) make it so, so clear that she has entire free reign on the budget and distance travelled to do what ever she wants - she doesn't know. I'm sick of the one sided conversations that we have.<br />
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I need some excitement in my life. Sometimes I get to thinking the only reason I stay with her is because if I cheated (and I am seriously considering it - I'm not short of potentials - I'm a bit of a schmoozer if I don't say so myself) I would jeopardise my relationship with my son. Even if we split and it was a mutual decision, I'm sure my in-laws (technically - we're not married) would cause serious problems.<br />
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Any help or advice would be much appreciated.

I love it when woman make excuses and justifications for mistreating men but don't consider any circumstances when a man makes a mistake. Only unwarranted accusations. Control Games are their craft. The only advice I can give you is to play the high ground no matter what. Don't fall into her traps. They love to argue. She will find your buttons and regularly push them. You need to learn how to respond differently and creatively. I know she isn't worth the effort but your sanity is. Oh, and don't bother trying to reason with her. They are not geared that way. Logic is way beyond them. All you have is what you say and how you say it. Practice your reactions. Prepare for her traps. Women love a mystery. Repeat after me.. "I don't know." Why do you think they keep going to different doctors! They want to hear, "I don't know what it is" from them. To them life is just a painful tale of tragic mystery that is only solved when they die. Just stay busy and save the drinking and venting for hangin with the guys (if you can handle the **** you will get from her). Good luck!

My mother in law always said "Quit your b**ching" lol, I love her. I learned more wife and mothering skills from my mother in law than my own mom!

My wife is really lazy, We have a 3 month old who sleeps 8 hours per night, she goes to bed at 8pm and wakes at 6am i get up at 6 and take her for 3 hours until 9 then the missus takes her, even though the baby goes straight back to bed at 9 for a few hours the wife just plays internet and does no house work. at night when its dinner time, if i dont cook, she makes an excuse to go out and then buys herself mcdonalds (with no offer to me) she is just so damn selfish, I work monday to friday and still come home...do laundry, dishes, make dinner....so over it.<br />
Our daughter only occupys 4 to 5 hours of her day, surely 30 minutes of housework is possible, its the last thing i want to do after a long hard days work. but instead i come home and shes there sitting on her *** while the house is a mess...<br />
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anyway, I stopped cooking dinner, i only wash mine and the babys clothes, I still do the dishes.<br />
So now we havent eaten dinner for a week and she seems happy to either not eat at all or just snack.....seriously, i should have looked harder as her mother is a lazy cow who seems to think men should be slaves to their wives,,,, **** this.... what do i do/..... i love my daughter and dont want to lose her.

You do what millions of us are doing.. do the time for the crime. You got married and had kid(s). If the ***** is crazy and you know you would never see the kid(s), you fake it until the kid(s) moves out. If you think about it, its only about 18 years. Make the best of it and wait. Good luck!

I love my wife - but she does nothing in the house. Good for the community, good for PR - but I've done 5 years of cooking/washing up/laudry etc. and getting the kids ready AND I have a proper job in the city worth far more than her work. I want to get cleaners in as it makes finacial sense, but she says it'd make her look lazy - BUT THATs THE POINT. She's is lazy - she doesnt do any house work - ever.

Thank god im not the only one who thinks this, although come to think of it, its ******* **** for all us concearned. you see how dare we question what our wives do all day (mine sits on her arse watching movies and decides when i get home its time to cleaning (im there to help of course) she ******* sleeps in past 10 every day yet complains about being tired all the time from working too hard (the place is a ******* mess) oh heres the kicker, because she feeds our daughter on the nightshift, you know, maybe 30 mins in the middle of the night and sleeping for over 5 hours a night more than me anyway. **** this. Seriously i would never marry again. Any time i bring it up she just rattles off the **** she did that day (apparently even taking the garbage out rates a mention???) stuff that could all be done in under 30 mins. I leave at 5am at get home at 5pm, only to have to cook most days, clean, and of course baby is all mine until i go to bed (not that i care in fact i love spending time with my lovely daughter) all i hear is whinging about being bored, hot, tired, exhausted, whatever it is for the day. ******* sick of it

Housewives, nagging wifes, "marriage counselr wifes - go away to another forum. Do not be silly and think that we are somehow going to listen to your fix it advice. Go away!

I have this almost same problem with my wife. She refuses to do anything around the house expect lay around. I take care of everything from the laundry and sishes to taking care of our 2 little ones. Now that I have a job making really good money I feel that nothing will get done in the house and our kids will get put to the wayside since she does not want to do anything now with me home it is just going to get worse I feel. She has been in school three different times, then drops out after a month, so I get stuck with paying the money for that which is then wasted money at that point. She had a job at a bank maknig good money but as soon as we found out she was pregnant with our third and I was getting this job, she started missing work all of the time and now has lost that job due to her lazyness. Now all she does is lay around the house and does nothing of any sorts. <br />
The only time she wants to do anything is when it is something she wants to do and she does that when I have something planned on that same day, as if to say" screw you we are doing what I want to do today." On top of this is constantly checking up on me all of the time when I do get the very small chance to get out of the house. Always asking me when I'm going to be coming home and if I can do stuff for her when I get home. <br />
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And for Sex yeah right. It is like pulling teeth. We used to have it 3-4 times a week when we first got married, now if I'm lucky I get it once every 2-3 months and god forbid she would get into it. <br />
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Have fun with this as I am still trying to figure out a way to get her to stop being lazy.

Ha ha ha sorry I'm a single guy and won’t change it for the world. Everytime I got in a relationship with a modern woman, it doesn't take long to realize I'm much happier being single and free. Times have changed, women have changed, being single is much better for me.

i think no matter what we say woman are aways going to say that we are the bad ones and they are the perfect one, i think they see us as the slaves , and if we try to say anything they say, well i cheated on you because you wer never around, well i try my best to supply for you, and all you do is set around and eat and talk to other guys, i just want to share responsibilitys not do everything, thats all.<br />
after saying that she left for a week to her boyfriends and told the police that i beat on her , and i got 30 days for that and did not do anything , she told me to keep my trap shut or she well call them again.

you think your's is bad i split up with my wife for 6 months because she cheated on me, now my stupid *** is back, and nothing has change . i go to college /school all week, work 30 hr week job and clean,cook,wash dishes,do lanudry everthing and all she does is set there on the computer talking to guys all night, sleeps all day ,and then complains because there is nothing to eat when i ask if she would at least go grocery shoping , then she says , im not hungry anymore , so i have to stopp what im doing either cleaning or doing school work and go grocery shoping and she accuse me of cheating. i dont know what to do i just want to leave and get my own place, but she says im not alowedand locks me in a room and akes my keysand say if you leave i will kill myself.

hello,,i hear my wife maybe screws me 3 time a year ,everything is my fault shittty house cleaner ,wont work ,,now im disabled and shes on my check we been together 17 yrs ,,i cant make her leave no kids ,,shes a clone of her mother i hear her parents fuss word for word ,,im ready to kil myself ..i have no way out ive told doctors they say work it out ,bla bla ,,im not argumentive like her ,,she is so la ,and then zy ,,i was hurt in serious car accident ,,she eats my meds i live in constant pain i mean pain cant hardly walk ,,i have no way out ..my two puppies ,,are my family ,,and my 45 ,,im gonna wait till my next doctors visit then im gonna do it i wish i could make the law see its her fault

My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years. I work about 50 hours a week and do OK such that we don't really need another income. Overall my wife is a wonderful person and I would be perfectly happy with her staying home if she would just take responsibility of the house and manage our affairs. She's very interested in sex, thrifty with money, does laundry, cooks about three meals a week and dotes on our three older daughters (two college one high school). She just doesn't want to manage the house or get a job. She likes to piddle her time away on Facebook and neighborhood activities for the most part.<br />
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My biggest disappointment with my wife is her sense of entitlement and her obtuseness. I believe she has decided that she deserves to "retire" as a reward for staying home and raising our children. Even though they are self sufficient for the most part, she's still manning the home front just in case. Her activities, ordered in her priority scheme, are: activities for the "children", Facebook, laundry (thankfully the "kids" need clean clothes or I would be in a jam), shopping for food, preparing food, paying bills (accountant style not earning), cleaning.<br />
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I didn't attach a point system to weight the priorities of my wife but the "cleaning" barely registers on the scale. Not only that, she has pretty much trained our daughters to be just like her. They don't have to lift a finger in the house for the most part. Their rooms are a disaster and only when I grumble about them doing nothing, do they ever do a chore. We have a reasonably large house but almost every corner of every room has boxes stacked in a corner or two. We have mucho storage in the basement and attic but they are also full of boxes. Our counters in the kitchen are always loaded with junk. Our mail is a constant pile on the kitchen counter that grows until I have a fit (minor grumbling and doing it myself) and start processing the junk. I really don't feel I should have to do this since she's home all day and I have specifically asked her to manage this task. The dishes are left in the sink for days between washings. This with three daughters out of school for the summer with NO responsibilities other than to have a fun social life.<br />
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Compared to some of the other stories, mine doesn't seem that bad but I'm growing more resentful every day toward my wife's attitude. What bothers me more than anything is how she takes me for granted. She's the most diligent and conscientiousness servant to activities that she has attached priority. The serious problem lies with her lack of priority to my wishes. It's getting to the point that I don't really want to be around her on a day-to-day basis anymore. Every time I make an extremely infrequent gentle suggestion about a job, she gets defensive and accuses me of being a nag. She doesn't want a salaried position of course -- not enough flexibility. So, her hit or miss job search is pathetic at best and obviously will lead to nothing of value. I have no interest in other women but it's to the point that I would just prefer to live alone. I don't really want a divorce but I don't want to live with my wife either. I would be perfectly happy dating my wife and paying my children's expenses and my wife can pay her own rent. Kind of like going "Dutch" but still being married.

I don't hate my wife, I simply despise her behavior. <br />
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I am 52. We have been together for about 10 years. We have a 9 year old son.<br />
Before I met her I enjoyed many things about my life; I went out often, met new and interesting people, worked long hours, traveled 28 weeks a year in my business, made good money, remained fit, active and healthy, owned a nice home, and was generally very pleased with my life. Yet, I yearned for the companionship of a good woman and a kid or two. That's where the trouble started.<br />
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Had I known that I would have to trade all that I had created in my life for just a chance to be a father and a husband, in hindsight I would have taken up with a cougar and spent my leisure time sitting on cruise ships drinking fancy beverages.<br />
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My new gal badgered me for the longest time to work on a project with her. I was reluctant given the slightly controlling tendancies I had noticed in her. Finally, after she complained bitterly about not having enough money to do what she wanted, I agreed to work with her on software projects: she being the tech lead and myself business development and client management. I wrote a business plan, showed her the revenue projections, and in a very short time we had a very profitable business.<br />
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That was a problem for her: she was not comfortable with the big invoices going out, and uneasy with the big checks coming in. She liked the money, but with it came more responsibility and the need to share control. She would not train any one to cover for her, yet always complained that she "had to do it all". I hired and managed more subcontractors to lighten her workload, but she didnt like losing any control. I proposed finding somone to do her job so she wouldnt have to work more than a couple days a week, with the intention of selling the business. She wouldnt have that.<br />
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I resigned from the business and went back to school. 3 months into the program, she admitted she was 21 weeks pregnant. I say admitted because although I had mentioned my suspicions months before, she quickly denied it and took on extra kick boxing lessons and jogging 5 miles a day in an effort to stop herself from what she called "getting fat". When I asked her to marry me, she laughed at me. <br />
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Two weeks after our son was born she declared that I was a lousy father and didnt know anything about babies. (Funny, I only raised my two younger brothers, had read all I could find on parenting, babies, etc and actually wanted a family). I was out of school less than a year after I started, with her orders that I "had better start making some good money to suppport your family". (It's not looking good, is it?)<br />
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As I stumbled around trying to re-establish my career, the abuse started. Before long she had me convinced that there was something wrong with me, which I only realized after a couple years of counselling. I ended up on Effexor. I took weekly beatings from her. My work continued to suffer. She sucked up all of my investments, and I still dont know where the money went. <br />
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You would think that a man with any sepf respect would have left by now, but I cant leave my boy behind and she is anything but amicable. So now I am an unwelcome liability in my own home, long banished to the guest room, kept around for my potential labor around the house and any income I can generate, while she enjoys a highly paid position, takes holidays, and spends money any way she pleases. I had to go on a government plan to pay for my medication. <br />
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My son will be ten next year, and she ensures that he is suddenly fully booked up whenever he and I plan an activity or a fishing trip together. He knows what is going on, he's a smart kid, but it makes me sad. <br />
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I worked hard at looking after my physical health and keeping in shape. I was going to boot camp 3 times a week and playing hockey when I was recently rushed to hospital with a nasty case of kidney stones. I was supposed to be in and out of surgery in a day, but didnt get out for three days. She was too busy to come and pick me up at the hospital. When I arrived home my son and the dog were all over me with love; she never even extracted her *** from the chair she was sitting in or turned around, too busy watching a fictional hospital drama on TV. <br />
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At my post surgery check up I complained to my plumber that I felt like @#$%! He sent me off for some tests and a follow up visit to my family doctor, who told me that everything was fine, except for off the map cholesterol and blood pressure, and a case of Type 2 Diabetes. How could this happen I asked him? No family history, not overweight, eating right... he knows my situation, and told me it's the stress I live with.<br />
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I sent her his report and some links that would help explain what I am dealing with and how she can help, but she never looked at any of it. <br />
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That was a couple months ago. This sounds really pathetic, but since then my best buddy of 27 years dropped dead from a brain aneurysm at age 46, and I still cant get any work done, the diabetes medication made me feel worse, and I feel nauseous and dizzy most days.<br />
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When I ask her for some love and understanding, some help with all that I am going through, she declares that I have to do it all myself because she's "got nothing left". I cant even afford the meds to control my blood pressure and cholesterol, but she's out as we speak dropping another $200 on her hair. <br />
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Welcome to my world!

my wife dosnt like to work she has put us into bankruptcy more than once im getting ready to move on the problem is i love my children they are my life my life revolves around her she has to get over herself she has gotten bigger than herself i dont like to say anything aout her i realy dont care about her weight its not a big deal but she has gained over 126 lbs in less than 1 year im leaving her and im going to take my children is that a good idea