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I Am Sick of My Lazy Wife

We've been married almost 20 yrs.  She isn't the same girl I married.  We have 2 beautiful children who I love to death.  My wife can't stand to spend 5 mins with either of them.  This summer break is already a nightmare!  She has a part time job, works about 10 hrs a week and does absolutely nothing around the house.  I do the laundry, cook (when we eat at home) make the kids lunches, do the grocery shopping, take out the trash....  This is on top of my 50+ hrs a week at work.  If I leave the office 5 mins later than I told her, she has a fit.  She works 3 half days.  You would think at least on her day off she would fix something for dinner, that's a laugh.  She spends her day napping and playing cards online.  To suggest that she do something with the kids, "it's too hot, it's too boring, there's nothing fun to do"  Honestly, she complains more about being bored than my teenage daughter.  She is on anti depressants that her old doctor said he didn't think she needed.  She now has a new Dr.!  Then she complains that she is too tired to cook, play, do anything but lay around the house until I get home so we can go out to eat.  Sex? I remember sex - vaguely.  When we do have sex (about every 2 to 3 months) it's like she is treating me.  She lays there until I'm done, then its off to sleep.  Once when I was trying to convince her to have sex, she really said, "we just had sex last month!"  And she was serious.  Occasionally she will get a cleaning bug up her butt, but of course it is always late in the evening or on the weekend. (when I am there to help)  She has gotten so lazy, it's driving me crazy!  There is too much to post at one time.  I will keep you posted as she once agains proves "I Hate My Wife"!

jumpship jumpship 41-45 94 Responses Jun 20, 2008

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Hi guys,

I’m looking for a bit of advice on my relationship with my girlfriend.

We’re both in our very early 30s and have 2 kids (3 and 5) together, which makes it much harder to consider leaving her as I totally adore my kids. Basically, she doesn’t work and my eldest boy is in full time school and the youngest is there every afternoon. However, she keeps telling me she doesn’t have time to clean, wash clothes and do the other chores. She will occasionally run the vacuum over the floor and thinks this is enough to keep the house clean. I work a full time job doing 50 hours a week then after work I come home and work more hours and on weekends (at least an extra 20-30 hours a week) freelance to try save some money because she demands a wedding and a new car. She said if I don’t get the money together for a wedding within a year, she will leave and she will take my kids with her back to her home town, which is over 100 miles away. The sex is pretty much none existent, to the point where I have to beg every couple of months (as degrading as it is) and usually end up having to bribe her with presents. She is a good mum to the kids and makes sure they have what they need.

I get up at 7am every morning (mon – fri), get showered, dressed for work, wake the kids up, make their breakfast, get them dressed and make their lunch. She gets up at 7.30 and all she does is get herself dressed to take me to work in the car (I don’t drive and there is no public transport to where I work). At weekends, I’m still get up at 7 as I don’t like to waste the days. She won’t get up any earlier than 12.30pm on Saturday and Sunday, which just wastes our days. I’d like to be able to take the kids out as a family etc, but she is just sooo lazy!

She tells me all the time that she thinks she has OCD and needs to keep the house clean, yet she doesn’t clean the house and thinks vaccing constitutes as a deep clean. I have to clean the skirting boards and polish the units etc.

Whenever I question this, she tells me she’s depressed etc etc. I went along with this (pardon my ignorance) and helped her find a doctor and therapy etc. This was over a year ago and her therapist ended the treatment and was happy with the progress. Yet, she hasn’t changed a bit. Whenever I question the amount fo work she does around the house, I always get the same answer “I watch your kids, I’m a full time mum, that is my job!”. And this is then followed by showing me women’s forums where they all ***** about their partners complaining about how lazy they are and that a husband/boyfriend has no right to expect any more of them than watching kids (yet they are at school mostly!).

During the day all she does is watch TV and films. I know this because she has managed to watch the entire back catalogue of a popular TV show that has 10 series in the past 3 weeks and she hasn’t watched any on an evening.

I rarely drink alcohol, maybe 2/3 times a year if it’s a special occasion and she’s (thankfully!) the same. She hates me going out with friends and makes it so difficult to the point where I just stopped going out with them. She doesn’t like any of my friends and I have tried on so many occasions to try get her involved with my friends partners etc, but she is so stubborn and judges everyone before she’s even met them. She has no friends of her own and I’ve tried so hard to help her make friends, but she just hates everyone.

She doesn’t pay any bills and keeps the child benefit money as spending money on top of what I give her too, which can be anything from £100-£200 per month. I don’t spend any money on myself (there’s none left unfortunately). The last time I bought a new tshirt was about 2 years ago and then it was only about £4.

I’m at my wits end. I work so hard to provide for my family and feel like a mug and trapped. I can’t leave her because she will make it a living hell to try to see my kids, she’s already told me so.

Am I the bad guy here? She really makes me feel like I am.

Divorce her, I mean I work a full time job, I make dinner every night my husband works hard so I make sure his lunch is made, coffee set for the morning cause I'm at work. If I am home and he works I get up at 40 am with him fix breakfast and make sure he is ready. I do laundry everyday he does help out . I have my health issues but I'm not dead yet so I try to keep a clean home it could always be cleaner I think. Sex is wonderful my husband and I enjoy each other yet we still work hard so the sex is less that's kind of sad. I still respect and love him though. Kids well they are grown I now have a grandchild and I love to hang out with her she is just a baby but I love my children and did everything for them when they were young. Tell your wife to get off her *** or you will replace her lazy ***.

The tonic for you is “A Wife is a Terrible Thing to Waste”.

My wife is the same way, we have two wonderful kids 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 she just recently got a part time job of less than 10 hours a week where she works from home. But she always works when i am home. So I am watching the kids as soon as I get home. She does not want to do anything with the kids or together as a family unless it is going to see her family. I do all the cooking, cleaning, mowing, snow shoveling, etc. First thing when i get home I turn off all the lights that are on in rooms where no one is of course give my kids a big hug, who are excited to see that I am home, then I shut off all the applicances and things that are running that no one is using or even in the room, the tv is always running. I then clean up all the toys and messes that the kids have created downstairs then work my way upstairs. I then change into casual clothes gather laundry go downstairs and start it come back up and start on dinner. We all eat at the table, she is always upset about something. Then I clean up and do the dishes. I have maybe 30 mins or an hour to spend with the kids. I give them their baths, she refuses to do this. then Its PJs and bedtime. If I am still awake after putting my son to bed, I will go downstairs. She is ussually watching tv or playing a video game, so I am not able to watch what I want to, so I go to bed. get up the next morning and begin the same process wake up get my son breakfast. go to work ...

She has her folks watch the kids quite a bit too or has playdates. But she is always needing time alone with friends. I recently got together with my friends, it had been over 5 years since I last got together with my friends. I am not going to let that much time lapse again.

My wife is also on anti depressants as well.

HELP!!

We have been to 9 sessions of marriage counseling as well

Hi there, to be totally honest she probably doesn't respect you. She sees you more as the help in the house while she's there doing nothing! Believe it or not women want their hubby to be the Man of the house the boss!! It is one thing to help her around the house but if you do absolutely everything then she just sees you as her free housekeeper!
Sit down and talk to her and ask how she would feel if you behaved like her, but you need to have a serious face and not look sad or angry... Make her realise that she needs to wake up and her only problem is lazyness and lots of women take anti depressants when they don't need it just to have an excuse to behave like that. Sorry if I sound harsh but you need to wake up and wake her up and if she doesn't change then leave for a bit and see how she reacts.
This is not fair on you or any other person to be with someone who's so selfish to the point that even their kids come after everything else.
Best of luck

Good point, I mean I love my husband crazy. He's wonderful to me . But I do think woman need men to be the boss in the house . He is but I can ask for anything and his reply is always and I mean always " what ever you want dear " . To be honest , that's not what I want to hear from him but take advantage of it anyway . I guess you are right when you say " she doesn't respect you" I feel like that at times. To him , I'm always bitching At him and he works All night long and tired of my bitching but alway will love me , because I'm his wife . Hang on I did say I love him and I do very much . We don't have any kids together . I do but they are grown and still live in New Zealand . My husband drinks every day/ morning after work . He good when he drinks he not violent , but he loves to flirt with woman dirty on Fb games and his woman friends , I hate it he watches **** while I'm taking care of his 97yr old grand mother next door . I'm not dusty myself but I have this erge I spy on him coz my scared I will lose him and I can't fully trust his with his flirting with woman he knows . I mean she's married to for goodness sake . What am I to do. How can I let the past go and be happy with my husband . Plz help me . I need to stop bitching at my husband because my bitching is turning his sex life off :( .

I dont agree with the man being the boss in the house. i believe that it shud be 50/50. I am going thru the same thing. But its just that i am the female and he is the male.

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dude shoot the shrew

If your looking to validate a reason for terminating this relationship, you have it under "irreconcilable differences". Unless you've already tried marriage counseling, get a divorce and move on with your life.

thissounds like my man I work 10 hour days do all the house works take care of the dogs my daughter and his son he works a couple nights a week for a few hours and the rest of the time he is laying in bed watching t_v waiting for me to serve him dinnerhe complains that the house is a pigsty and that I need to get some something bigger for us he acts like I complain too much and stress too much about getting all the bills paid but he thinks nothing about going out and running up our bills even more for something stupid when I don't buy anything for myself I tried to talk to him about it and he gets mad and threatens to leave he acts like I'm the one that's wrong and that there's no excuse for me to complain about bills when I make enough to pay all of them and I should get plenty of sleep and he always acts like he is doing all the work once in awhile when he gets something up his b*** to do something small like take out the garbage or wash the dishes I'm supposed to praise him for itI'm tired wore out and hurt I can't talk to him I'm embarrassed to talk to anyone else and I don't know what to do anymoreall I hear is promises when he gets his big break and his big time job I won't have to work anymore I've heard that the whole time we've been together and funny how every job he sometime somehow says he has falls through he only applies for one maybe every month so I don't know how he expects to get anywhere in life he gets mad when I tell him his child can't come over because I'm too tired to watch him he promises I'll watch him you don't have to worry about it on my one day off but he in the playing in bed well I'm the one that's up making sure his kid doesn't get into anything and destroy anything I've had it I can't take it anymore I'm too tired to even fight anymore

If he is truly the way you say he is, you would be better off letting him go. Love certainly can make these relationships go on like this for a lifetime, but do you really want to live like this the rest of your life? You certainly have grounds for a divorce. If you do get one he'll be forced to financially support you and your children more than he is doing now. Good luck and God bless.

I have a sister in law that does the same thing to my brother and it makes me so furious. they have two kids, the eldest being 5 and in all my years of seeing my neice, I have never once seen her play with them. She will hold them, kiss them but for whatever reason always needs help when she is with her kids. She can never watch them alone and ******* and moans when she does. Ive seen my brother cook, clean, do all the chores while she claims she is so tired. Her job is not demanding at all. She will come to my house and let my nieces run around and turn her back and go hide in the bathroom to avoid, changing diapers or being engaged. It annoys me so much that here is this woman who decided she wanted children and now all of sudden is incapable of doing anything. Always needs my brothers help to do everything....I really want to give her a heart to heart and say you need to step it up but then again it isn't my relationship. I've seen my brother get so annoyed and frustrated it is almost at the point where it like he is a single dad - i veer on the side of communicating your issues to your wife and really try to understand what is causing her to be so lax. Also it is making a plan, what ACTIVE steps can we both make to make this situation better. Eventually once the conversation starts you both get to understand each others feelings but eventually you do get frustrated and it really is if things don't change it will negatively affect our relationship. All you can do is be honest, open and try to find resolution. Long rant but hope that helps.

I work 60 hr s a week and no love no understanding I do all the shopping and take care of my boys and have always been there for my family and yet I live like some guy on the couch and with out love with out caring. I have always been someone who cares about all he does for them.. I have been married for 20 years. I have so much to give and yet no one who wants it, what am I to do?

I scream inside as I struggle day to day to do for my wife and my boys. I get to my feet and go every day and yet I receive nothing. I am in pain both physically and mentally. My parents split up and my father dumped us yet I refuse to do that to my sons and I hope that I can hold on until they are grown and yet my self worth and caring seems to be under microscope at all times. I am made to feel that I am unworthy and a monster if I dare reveal my feelings yet I give all I have and my love is all that carries me forward in life. We lost our home and now rent and I am made to feel that I am not fit for my family and yet they are the only reason of continue to do everything. to take care of them. I don't know what to do and rapidly becoming hopeless

I wish I had a Dad like you. He left when I was a small child and I never saw him. Kudos to you. Divorce isn't bad if the parents are happier separate... As long as they're involved, IMO. Sometimes that sets a better example than dysfunctional marriage. Best of luck and keep your head high.

I married my wife 10 yrs ago we have two kids ages 10 and 12 that I love to death. ( I have been married twice before and the kids from them are grown doing very well) They are smart well adjusted kids and very active in school. Straight A school kids My wife who I believe is gay we have no relationship at all. I mean from the time we wake until she fall all sleep we have no conversation at all. If I ask a question or try to start a conversation I get a one word answer or nothing at all. We have not had sex in 6 yrs. At first I would try but not anymore, tired of the rejection and attitude that come with it. Now I am no longer attracted to her in fact she has let her self go It is discussing. She brushes her teeth maybe once a week and they are horrible so kissing is not an option + she smokes a about a pack or two a day and drinks every nite. About the lesbian thing, after we got married I notice very small changes like the way she would dress and an interest to going to lesbian club. (she says because she and her friends like to have a good time with out having guys coming on to them) WTF. I found out later that her friends are lesbian SMH. So I asked her point blank are you a lesbian her reply no " I have never been with a women" LIAR. I found lesbian videos hidden in her drawer, lesbian **** mags hidden behind her dresser so she is a ******. she doesn't work or look for work even though I have been unemployed for the last six months. My house is filthy unless I clean it wont get done. I am tired and want to leave but I cannot take that chance of leaving and having my kids living with that ****** especially my 10 yr old daughter. I don't love or like her any more but leaving her would cost me $$$. I am 52 years old ( look 40 and in great health and shape) she is 38, look like a fat *** cow that takes no care in her appearance . But here is the most confusing thing about it I want to love her.

Prozac or zoloft does EXACTLY that. Even if she were alone , it would be worse. Her house would look like a hoarders' dirty, depressing,. Its NOT YOU. Its those darned pills that she does not need to be taking. Hate the drug , not the wife. New doctor is needed here and get her off those pills .

I am sorry for your circumstances. I was honestly looking up, "why do I feel so drained?" and this is what popped up. I feel sorry for you man. I am a women, I've been married to a very wonderful man for 10 years we've been together for 13 years and have two kids. We are high school sweet hearts and I think we have things going great, and it wasn't always that way. One of my issues lately is that I go to school and take care of the home but I feel so tired lately. I just think it may be the whether change here in Texas, but anyway. I could not image being like this. She may be depressed, but this is no excuse. I suffered a sever depression years ago and I literally had a nervous break down, I still cleaned, cooked, and took care of my kids because that was my job. I just remember waking up one day and saying enough is enough; I no longer needed medication, I started looking at everything I had that many do not have and I started being happy by speaking, acting, and being happy. My advice to you is to try to tell her how you feel. If this doesn't work, tough love. during my depression I started to take a lot of anger out on my husband, and to be honest, much of it was well deserved, but when I stopped giving him ultimatums and just left, he changed. He completely did a 180 because he didn't want to lose me and he knew he was neglecting to be the husband he vowed to be. It's been years now, and he and I have a close relationship and we rarely fight. If I hadn't of stuck to my guns and said enough, I deserve more, I wouldn't have gotten him to see that it was truth behind it. I know this post if from 2008, but maybe if you still need the advise or anyone else does. This is here for you. I wish the best for all of you.

It's time to set some boundaries. I've been working on this in my marriage as well. You need to start valuing yourself more. She takes you for granted, so start enjoying your hobbies and assertively tell her that she needs to step up.

Get to the reason why she isn't stepping up and come up with a plan. Maybe she's depressed? Even if she is depressed, that is only a reason and not an excuse. See if she is interested in couples therapy.

Some good reading material for you might be Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch and No More Mr. Nice Guy (focus on the behavioral strategies, not so much the theory) by Robert Glover.

I'm not married. I am convinced the problem is not marriage. it is having kids together. pure and simple. I can't leave my little baby even though she's turning into a leisure clone.

your wife is your responsibility.so housework is your equal duty and when your wife is lazy and she dont like to do any housework so u have not any option so you do all housework its nothing wrong dear. many couple have same situation and husband do all housework.u have two children and 1 wife u think u have three children include your wife is as a children after that u have not problem to do housework.

I stumbled across this looking at lazy husbands lol!! I am a women, married for 2 years, been together 7. We have 4 lovely children. I dont know if i list feel sorry for myself or not or even how to make changes as my husband always says in in the wrong not him. I basically was doing 4 jobs, him zero! He complained so i cut aload out and set up my own business which is thriving. He now works 4 hours a day 5 days a week..and come home late with a few cans and normally had a few beers from 'his hard working job'. He does nothing all day, well feeds the kids and puts them to nap but that's it. I now only work 9-5 5 days as was doing 7 days and usually 10 hours but he complained, i cook, clean, shopping, bills...everything as well as school runs and work...we have sex a couple times, he still moans for more!!i really dint know what to do, i make so many changes, have done so alot over last 6 months to try and be with him more and children also who i also love with all my heart but he still just moans and moans!!

i am a woman, im lazy, and thank god i am single.

lol...I like U being honest !!

Woman tend to be less tending these days to understand thier role in society as they can't compete with women who are acheiving more. It's not much different than what happened to the African American society after the Civil Rights movement. With power comes great responsibility. They can defend the rights they are given in words but not in actions. I am African American so i am not speaking off the cuff. Women can't expect femininity to be a softer weakness to use when they want something and then expect to be respected for their lack of inaction. Men, we must look for that higher value women we can work with to build something. not the softer lazier one that just thinks that things will happen for her because she is viewed as the weaker sex. My ex left me for a weaker black man because he fits the mode of stereotype. I do not and expected her t live up to a higher standard for my kids. Now i am looking for a higher standard women who makes me want to do more because she expects more.

Sounds like my wife. She does not tell me she is bored. I call my wife a pro gamer. She plays Bakery Story for 10 hours a day. I never have a cooked meal, clothes washed, clean house, organized stuff, or grocerys in the fridge. I do it all. I work at home with my own business. So I see all this all day long. I hate to go on vacation because I have to pack everyone up. My wife is so lazy that we went to Alaska and did not unpack till a year later because I did it......It is pathetic.

You all are a bunch of selfish people posting this crap on here about your other half. Get a therapist, because if you think anyone feels sorry for you, your mistaken -
get a life

I don't feel sorry for the OP or others, but I have empathy for them. They're trying to get a life; they're asking for help.

Glad your content butting into others conversations with nothing but arrogant insults. Really shows how strong of a person you are. You don't have to feel sorry for someone to lend a helping hand. Eh, your just bitter because you probably have a better half posting nasty things about you on the web somewhere... So sad.

Until you have had to live and experience this dont talk. When i have a partner that wont help with ANYTHING and you are in this together it can be devastating to you physically and mentally. I even express that i want to break up and would like her to leave MY house but they refuse. They think since you had a kid with them you owe them a free ride for life. Its not fair of them nor you to judge anyone on here. Thats what blogs are for to help people talk things out and figure out whats the next best step from here

Wow that sucks! I totally feel you. However, my better half.... thats a joke lol has a full time job, that she works from home!. She does all of the above....NOTHING, wait, she sits on the couch all day and nite! I literally put her plate of dinner that I cooked on the coffee table in the living room while me and the kids sit in the kitchen eating dinner!. She does nothing around the house. After my full time job, i come home to a messy house, whcih i have to pick up after while cooking dinner at the same time, than do laundry every other day, clean up the kitchen after dished were packed in the sink halfway to the ceiling, apparently she can open the door on the dishwasher, than there the kids homework , baths and bedtime. Wait, it gets better... she is insanely jealous, the mail lady hands me the mail and apparently i am sleeping with her! God bless me. if it was not for our son i would be long gone!

Not being funny but if your working your tush off and coming home to a shift of the domestics too, then surely its not too much to expect a swallowing gobble every now and then, or a surprise "lets try this hole tonight babes". Jeez do your bit you old slag. Gulp the batter and do the jailhouse grind. We have all become puffs in our quest to become modern 'respectful' men---all we got to show for it is an expensive broke down piece of furniture that costs us plenty of $$$$, that is offended as a new age woman, demanding of equality when we ask them too pull their weight and put the effort into putting a strut in the walk of their man. One night she'll be awoken to the groans of my midnight hair starching treatment the ******* ****!!

shes cheating and doing drugs I didnt know you guys were still married she just told me that you come by to see the kids
my bad

For me is the opposite so i guess no one is ever happy. I stay home and dedicate my time to my two kids, play, help them with homework.Get them showered and ready for bed, cook ..pack his lunch for work, make brkfast, lunch and dinner for when he hets home , do laundry maybe 6 times a week, all this from 6am to 9pm maybe get a 1 hour break and here i am spending my time to relax my mind and myself. And get told i don't do nothing, why am i stressed, gaining weight and i should be giving him more sex. Which is maybe 8x a month. I love my husband but seriously. I think its time to move on...

Sorry to hear if you rally are pulling your weight, but i mean 8 times a month is cool but why do you girls always put a limit on it or bring up the last time??? Woman im talking about this ***** not that one! Really if you girls stopped arguing about why u cant or wont for 10 min and just gave us some cheeks/lips/ **** a handy even! We all be a lot more happy. A unexpected rub and tug in the middle of the day/night for no reason can go a lllloooonnnngggg way

To Lunie, Not sure if you would read this but your story broke my heart. Good Lord I can't imagine if my children thought of me, as a mother, like that. That is neglect, abuse. That has to be the saddest thing I have ever seen. Mostly because your life didn't have to be that way. My mother was a working mother and pretty much neglected 6 kids. Not as bad as yours but not what I consider being a mom either... I decided to be a homemaker when I grew up. I found myself not knowing how to do anything, cook, clean, pay bills. Not even knowing how to be a true Lady. Because no one ever taught me, But 22 years later I have done it. I fear that girls see thier mothers being neglectful, lazy homemakers and end up working full time and caring for kids and a home and the cycle starts all over again. I just remembered women from my past, aunts, friends moms, my paternal grandma. I mimiced what they did and how they treated thier husbands and children, and thier homes. Not nessesarily fancy homes, just clean loving homes. I feel for you and your brother because your brother will be afraid women will be like her. Hopefully you will do as I did and do everything NOT to be like her. Good luck to your family and God Bless

These women are missing out on alot, My step son bacma a Marine and now in college, when the first thing he does is hug me and asks for my famous casserole.... Hearing my daughter now say " I want to do what you did mom "... My youngest son only 15, holds the door open for me and treats me like a lady, not to mention mows a 3 acre yard and other chores without complaints, not to mention kills the ocasional spider and rodent for me.... My children and husband have been my life and allthough it was a thankless job, now I have my reward. I need nothing more than that. All these lazy women are really missing out on what becomes a beautiful thing for a woman. the most fullfilling job ever, wife and mother.

I feel your pain but I know you have it better than some ^^

Let's start by saying I do love my partner and our children very much and (usually) have no desire to leave her, I'm currently looking around for a coping mechanism for my situation as I'm getting to the point where I'm struggling now myself but don't see a way out. I just don't think I can trust her to look after the kids alone and I won't put them through that life without someone looking out for them...

Unfortunatley, I lost my job almost a year ago due to redundancy and have struggled to find another, I keep being told by prospective employers that I'm over qualified, not likely to stay, etc etc lmao... As a result of this, I've been spending a lot of time at home, most of this involves looking after the kids...

My typical day is getting up at 06:30 with both of our kids (2y and 6m) while she stays in bed 'tired'. I'll then look after both kids to the best of my ability while she 'rests' until the little one needs feeding (to her credit she breastfeed the little one). I'll know feeding time is over when she sits up in bed and stomps repeatedly on the floor as a summons for me to go collect him again...

Obviously, while I'm up with the kids, I'm doing the household chores, cleaning, washing, cooking, changing them etc and will usually prepare an evening meal for the family. Now, as I write this, she's still in bed (4pm) and I'm not expecting to see her get up and come down to 'help' until 6 or 7 at which point she'll sit on the laptop in front of the TV and get annoyed if disturbed.

This goes on until 7:45pm when the 2yo goes to bed and that's right, it's my job as well. So shower, teeth, story, lullabye etc while she typically lies down to feed the 6mther and get him to sleep. The 2yo usually has sleeping issues so it's not uncommon for this to take an hour or 2. In the mean time, the 'little woman' will be on her PC browsing the internet and blogging away.

Once both kids are asleep, my last jobs of the day are to tidy up the chaos of their toys and head out to the local supermarket to do grocery shopping. Once all my chores etc are done it's typically somewhere between10 and 11pm at which point I'll sit down to rest - usually to get asked and begged to go get her a snack (at which point a huge row ensues if I say no). I'll get frustrated and 'hit the sack' just after midnight, she'll stroll into bed a little after 3am and the cycle starts all over again in the morning.

One of these days, I'll find a solution I hope. Not sure how I'll survive this too much longer though.

Hi all,

I am now seventeen years old, and also an outcome of a marriage much similar to yours. My mom however is a raging alcoholic. I'm sharing my experience with you all hoping to bring along another point of view...a wall of bitter text ahead, sorry! >:) If you don't care for the story, skip to the last paragraph for some thoughts.


(Sorry about getting sidetracked at times, but I'm frustrated and tired...:P)


She has been like this (lazy, rude, arrogant...the list goes on) as long as I remember. When me and my brother were little, she stayed home every day to "take care of us". This later on turned out to be an excuse to stay at home to do nothing. I do not know what she did all day but she sure wasn't taking care of us. Now that I'm older, my dad finally had the nerve to tell me that often when he came home from work she just pushed us to him and told him to feed and take care of us. Never did she play with us of even bothered to change our damn diapers. There we were, two toddlers sitting in our soiled diapers sometimes for almost six hours a day.


When we built a new house and me and my bro finally started school, she got worse. She never cleaned, started cooking bad food (old leftovers, frozen things and such) and on top of that started drinking more. Simple housework like filling up the washing machine became something we all would hear about the next day. It was almost like as if she kept a list of the things she did and she'd bring it up anytime we complained about her laziness. She also often cries when we confront her about it, usually complaining how hard her life is. I still wonder which part of her life is hard. Getting up at 11 in the morning or choosing the time she takes a nap?


Years went by and my dad had to accept a promotion he didn't really want. He didn't have a choice though because we were running really low on money. Of course we wouldn't have if my mom would have had the decency of even trying to find a job, which would have been enough to support our household even if she'd have worked in some supermarket. She also is ridiculously reckless with our money, blowing a lot of it on liquor, smokes and 500€ courses she visits maybe once or twice before deciding "it's not her thing".


We have always been really close with our dad because he has practically raised both of us by himself. Dad now works about 50+ hours a week (+ commute), sometimes almost 60 to keep the house up and running. We have a good life with decent money to throw around because of him, but it's not right. He's always been a hard worker and my absolute hero, but sometimes his never-give-up attitude hurts. He's still married to my lazy *** mom because he loves her, but he also knows what an absolute waste she is. He takes care of us, our dogs, the housework, garden, cooking, paying the bills and such when me an my brother aren't around. He even has to take care of my mom's elderly father because she or her brother can't be bothered to look for a senior home for him. Not only do we have to shovel the snow and mow the big *** lawn on our yard, we also have to deal with her father's house. I'd really love to not talk about my parent's eh, *nasty bedroom life*, but I feel sorry for my dad because she's not the best looking of moms. She looks like a bed ridden 70 year old at the age of 49. The alcohol and years of doing nothing have done that to her. Looks like they either get extremely fat or extremely skinny.


On top of that my mom has always been really resentful towards me. My dad has always told me it's because I'm prettier, more successful than her and that she's jealous of my youth (which is what he as my dad obviously has to say), but I'm pretty sure she just really, really hates me. I did develop anxiety and depression because of her but I have taken control of myself and bottled my anger up like a good kid. I also do pretty terrible in school but I try to do better because I know it makes my dad happy.


I like to think of myself as a survivor and a person who has become stronger because of her struggles, but truth to be told this kind of life has left me and also my brother very bitter and hateful. Especially towards her. No child should loathe their parent but look at us. If you're married to someone like her, I really wouldn't recommend getting children with her because people don't usually change. This may sound stupid but if you do get children - make sure to have two of them. There are few things worse in this world than growing up alone with a parent like that. It makes them grow up too fast having to take care of themselves too early. They may develop mental issues and eventually even turn out like her. Make sure to spend time with your child to even out the time she has corrupted, so he/she knows there is someone they can rely on. Truthfully, all I ever wanted when growing up was a divorce...

Dude,
is my wife related to yours! I need to figure out if there is anything legal I can do to get out of this before it kills me.
My stay at home wife always complained that she was so stressed out with all the duties of home that she would forget to thaw something out to cook, atleast she would do some nuggets or frozen pizza.
I don't know man, am I expecting too much out of a modern woman! I almost wish I was attracted to men so that I could atleast be on the same planet as my mate, unfortunately I'm a normal red blooded horny dude who never can get enough.
Just so you know, you're not alone man.

dude are you married to my wife?

My wife started of great but around the time our first child was born, the game started. Sex became rare, housework was never done and weight started to appear. That was 20 years ago. We had 2 more children and each time things gradually got worse. Funny thing is, that she is a very attractive woman who everyone loves but nobody knows what it is like to live with her. It is a nightmare. Now my kids are almost adults and the youngerst is 15. The weight problem is getting worse, she hasn't done any housework for 3 years and hasn't cooked a meal in a year. Sex is something that I have forgotten about as I only get it if I spend endless days doing everything from massages, cook a nice meal or if I just get lucky. Most times, I am so tired from working that I go to bed and forget about it. She always goes to bed after midnight and gets up around 11 am. I get up at 7am so go to bed around 10pm. i get the kids to school, make their lunches, take them, go to work and come home at 5pm to do the housework, cook tea and clean up afterwards. I begrudge my wife every minute. I won't divorce her for 2 reasons. My kids and I don't wish to be broke simply to be free. At least now, we have a comfortable life. Just a life that is hell for one reason...my wife is a fat lazy selfish ****. I feel for you buddy as much as I feel for myself.