Question From a Slighly Puzzled 16 Year Old
I suppose I must be kind of an outsider among people who are members of this group. I'm a girl, I'm 16 years old and I'm pretty naive I guess. This means that I probably don't understand men. At all. I had one boyfriend in my life. He was complicated, sex-obsessed and stubborn. The most complicated girl I've ever known was easier to understand than he was. He frustrated the freaking s h i t out of me. So don't blame me if I say something incredibly stupid. I guess I'm not smart or subtile or diplomatic enough for this kind of matters. I know there's a big amount of people unhappy in their marriages. I know people hurt each other too much to stand the look at each other's face sometimes. I know many people eventually get divorced, even after long lasting marriages. But finding this group here with a pretty big amount of people still confused me.
I have always thought of marriage as something... contructive. I always thought it was a commitment between people who love each other and want to build something. Together. Getting married to me always seemed like something you don't just decide to do, and most of all I couldn't imagine doing it more than once. Wedding vows contain a promise with the word 'forever' in it. And I always thought forever meant forever. So you don't just promise forever to someone just like that. When you get married you stay with each other, because that's what you vowed. The good and the bad.
So, based on this assumption I can't understand how something like hating the one you're married to is possible. Of course I've heard of arranged marriages, but with people who voluntarily get married I can't imagine how something like hate could grow between two people.
Of course coming with this question in a group of men doesn't mean the question is asked only to the men. It's just that, If I'm not mistaken, the group "I hate my husband" does not exist. Also the wives that are being hated are dubious to me. How can you marry someone if you're able to start hating that person? If that happens the marriage can only be a mistake, and how come people treat a commitment like that with not enough care? How come? I don't understand. Could any of you guys try and explain some things to me? 'Cause seeing this kind of things kind of makes me feel like every relationship on this earth will end up like the one I had with my ex. And that's definitely not something I want to believe.
Oh and by the way, I don't really want to get comments like 'you're only sixteen, you don't understand.' I sometimes understand more than is good for me. Maybe that's the reason why I'm here on EP anyway. And if I don't understand, please explain it to me if you do understand. I'm not like other 16 year olds. These things actually have my interest.