I Am Sad I Am Not Alone.

I had a good relationship with my wife until my son was born. After that it has been down hill. It certainly not from lack of effort on my part. I have tried to make thing work. I am unsure if I can continue to keep things going like this. I have been married for about ten years. 7 of them have been complete hell for me. She has left me twice, Slept with another guy on one occasion. Has taken my kids away from me. Screams, attacks and tries to belittle me. I am not a submissive *****, I can become aggressive as well but I choose not to with my wife because it only makes things worse. We have had sex less than 20 times in 7 years and I am done. I am seriously at the point where I am ready to get out. I don't want to loose my kids though. It seems every time she has left for some reason she automatically decided she takes the kids. I need to figure out how I can move on and keep my kids.
Jamcojay Jamcojay
31-35, M
68 Responses May 3, 2007

Sorry to heat. I don't know what it is, but my wife became a different person after the kids were born. They became her only focus. She was amazing up until we had kids.

She lost interest in sex, became very angry all the time and then one day woke up and decided that marriage and kids were not for her. We divorced and its been better not coming home to an angry b):@ch every day.

She drove the entire divorce decision and tried to control my life with "rules" post divorce, constantly "borrowed" money (never to be repaid) and really went down hill in every way imaginable.

I finally declared my independence and she's been awful ever since. WTF happened? I have no clue. Brutal experience - but my life is now 1000% better. There is hope.

M

crazy ******* don’t know how to treat their men and they get them round their finger get pregnant and then rule them for the rest of their lives , whereas nice peaceful ladies usually end up with men who have baggage and they put up with it fine because they love the man ..so much unfairness

Truer words could not have been spoken amen sista!

Never ever get married.

I know it sucks, the laws need to be changed. Divorce law was written when men went out to work and women stayed home. It's not like that anymore. The courts favor women. My wife drinks and leaves the kids at home sometimes. I got her on video doing it. So my advice to you is get your evidence, video, messages. Put a PI on her tail when she goes out and then drop the effing hammer on her.

Get her *** thrown in the slammer for neglect. Hard to get everything and custody if she is in jail. That's if you don't mind having the kids and caring for them. Hate it when idiots do that after reading about kids dying because mom wanted to party, and I use the word mom lightly.

I don't envy your situation. My ex and I shuffled our kids back and forth for visits all of their lives.It is important for children to have both parents but it can cost them when there is bad happening between parents too -- so hard to take a spouse's grief toward you. There always has been a feeling by my ex to get back at me. People get changed by experiences, sounds like your wife has been, I hope your children and you, will be alright. Hope you can stay strong. There is nothing to win in arguments over children, best is to find some mutual agreement, sometimes it cannot be done.

Sorry for your pain. This sounds like a really frustrating and hurtful relationship. In all honesty though, it sounds like you need to get really acquainted with who you really are and step up to the plate. You are not submissive, yet I still get the feeling your wife wears the pants in the family. My advice: A woman doesn't want to wear the pants in the family. She may gain more respect for you if you start to to gain control BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE CHANGES TO DO THAT!!! Cannot stress it enough! Men often lack the action which will bring them to fulfilling their potential. Best of luck with your relationship. :-)

It's sounds like you both are tired of eachother

I would start recording her outburts!!! It's illegal to record over the phone without her knowleged! "BUT you can have your phone on record, on your person! and is not illegal!! "oh I didn't know it was on....oops! someone like that should NOT be around your children! that is abuse even if she is not directing it to them! she's doing it to you! and that's not fair to your kids! how sad to have to hear there mother belidering there Dad:( record an outburst and take to a proffesional with out her knowledge at least someone else will hear it and you can get a opion as to what to do...... take it from there!<br />
"And you are WAY to young to not be having alot of sex....just saying.<br />
"I wish you Peace for You and your Kids!!!!

Dude. Stay with that ***** untill your child is 18
. I'm in same page my sin is now 17. I have one more yr to go. It's not about u. It's about ur kid. Don't leave no matter what.

I had a good relationship with my wife until our last son was born. He was caesarian and I think they too out her brain with my son. It has been downhill ever since then. That was 26 years ago and I have been miserable ever since ! I cannot leave since she would poison my sons against me!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I have something that may make it easier. I work for a law firm that practices Family Law. You should know that you will not "lose your kids". Florida courts almost overwhelmingly lean toward 50/50 timesharing (Florida's word for custody) - even in situations where one parent has an extensive criminal background. You can even put restrictions into the parenting plan such as neither parent can move more than 50 miles away, etc. I know seeing your children half the time you're used to isn't ideal - but neither is living in a loveless, trustless marriage and not showing your kids what a loving relationship looks like.

She's banging another dude and hiding it from you. Run. Screw your kids. Go drink some beer and play some video games, and then go the bar and get laid.<br />
<br />
--signed, a happily single almost-30-year-old with no kids.

video her attacks in front of the kids<br />
ask for custodial joint custody<br />
and let her have lenient visitation<br />
<br />
or you leave and I mean leave for a good long while<br />
her just living on child support alone sucks<br />
so that will give her a serious wake up call<br />
have her suggest to you to get marriage counseling<br />
then go...<br />
<br />
those are the only things I can think of<br />
good luck

No matter how much of a jerk my husband is, I find it difficult to withold sex and intimacy. I don't know if its because I feel like that will change things for the better or because I simply needs those physical needs met as well.<br />
<br />
I will be honest, I have been on both sides of the fence... I had a good man and I treated him like dirt because he lacked ambition. He was a great father, a good friend but he wasn't 100% for me. I was young and dumb.<br />
<br />
I married a man who was the utter opposite! I have trash now. He is pure trash! We have no communication, he is disrespectful and NONE of my needs are being met.<br />
<br />
He begged me to have a child and now he forces me to raise her basically alone because he lackes the parenting skills needs to help me.<br />
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I'm sorry your wife is neglecting you. Now that i've been neglected I totally see how it feels and this feeling sucks!

Serves you right. Sorry, but that's karma by the very definition. He didn't lack ambition; he had already achieved his goal: he got you. Sometimes, that's all a guy wants. You threw it away.

My wife is a *****, sometimes. She has control over everything, she does a lot for me. But, all i ask of her to do is let me work on my dreams. Every time i sit down on the damn computer, I'm either (in her eyes), cheating, playing around, or using the computer to get away for her and ignore her, which is not even close to being true. She kept smoking when she was supposably pregnant - i got over that. She nags about our sex life, but after i give her some hot- hot sex, 30 min later she is complaining to me about me not talking to her. Crazy **** if you ask me, and i put up with it......

Just have another kid. Duhhh...

If you want to keep your children, or at least have regular contact you need to consult with a lawyer NOW. Because divorce is war and she's probably already preparing on how to screw you over first.

I feel like times I am walking on eggshells with my hub He gets frustrated from not working and only collecting a small SS CK. Our financials are our burdens. Then he has the biggest most selfish pain in the *** sister who he is very close to that annoys me to no end. I cannot open up on that one too for he knows I am not fond of her yet HE THINKS SHE IS A GODDESS!!!! AHH The frustration of things. He also has accumulated A LOT of dept because of her. She is struggling as we are now <br />
Yet I doubt he will ever get anything back from this self rightious B. <br />
<br />
So guys out there what do you say??

When a grown man is closer to his sister than he is to his wife...he is gay. Your husband is in the closet.

What is it about the birth of a son that makes guys turn on their wives? When I was pregnant with my son, my husband was horrible! when his brother had his son he tells him: "get ready to be replaced." I don't get it. I thought men want sons to carry on their name & whatever male bonding consists of? With my daughter, he is so different, he spoils her, & my son has he refers to as a burden... he's 9 months old!!!! WTF?! Then you wonder where mama's boys come from... they are the result of having a disappointing husband! If things are bad try to fix it cuz if you aren't part of the solution then you are part of the problem!

We had sons. Some guys just aren't capable, I guess. They wait til they get in their teens to bother much with sons, and then try to be best buddies like trying to get them into alcohol, corrupt them somehow, it is sad, pathetic.

I dunno...what makes women who make poor choices for husbands then generalize about the entire male population?

I see this is such an old post, I wonder what ever happened? Either way, I hope the poster has come to find some peace. Regardless, a sad but not uncommon story. I am amazed when I hear the inside story about a lot of young, attractive couples. Seems like men are often the targets in our current culture, and that is not totally inappropriate. But I too am in a relationship where I have often been neglected, harassed, and ignored. <br />
<br />
I also am not some pushover, but I do have a tendency to wonder what I have done wrong first, and am always trying to change and improve to make her happy. My wife comes from an abuse family, and sometimes I wonder if all this is just some game to see how much I love her. I really do, but something has to give... Like the original poster said, sadly those of us in this spot are far from unique. Who knew it could all disintegrate into this?

Joint custody and leave. Not fair to anyone if you stay.

yh

sweetie as long as you live your kids will always be yours. As a father you do have rights. Depending what State you live in most are 50/50 . When kids are small (before school age) many courts will give you 50/50 time after that visitation will be put in place. My daughter was just two when I divorced my husband she is now 19 still lives at home she is a great child and we are very close. I NEVER had a bad thing to say about her dad, He is a good dad but wasn't a good hubby. No matter what a wench she might be the kids come first always. You can move on KNOW your rights. I am sorry you are going through this it sucks. I am going through problems with my hubby #2 at the moment but I can't give up on him. There are times when I hate the way he acts. LONG story. Don't beat your self up you will get through it..... <br />
SEX ummmm. well women are funny they look at it different than men. I personally love it and could do it a few times a day. My husband on the other hand could go with out for weeks. He is going through depression and that makes it hard for him. Your wife may be going through depression and that is why she acts the way she dose. As nuts as it sounds she just might need some counseling and may be some meds. I know there had to be a time when you thought she was the most wonderful woman in the world. She made you feel good and you could not get enough of her. If you could have a chance at getting all that back. ASK yourself would you??? If the answer is yes then give it a whirl. I am not asking you to stay and be unhappy move on if you must. BUT if you can give her another chance see about some counseling if she won't go then do it for you. If you do leave it will help you in the long run.... Sending you a hug and I hope it works out for you :)

I am sorry you are going through this but for one minute I hope you will consider what it's like to be on the other side of this.<br />
<br />
Your wife sounds seriously depressed. It sounds like she needs profound mental help. If she is yelling to keep the kids in the room then she seriously needs assistance. Call your wife weak, call her a loser, call her a slacker...you can call her what you want but seriously what she needs is help.<br />
<br />
I lived on the other side of your story 25 years ago, and here's how it looked to me....no matter what I did I was exhausted and it was never enough. My children needed me and my husband wanted to know why things couldn't be like it was before we had children.<br />
<br />
I didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time until our youngest was 6 years old. By that time I was pretty much used up.<br />
<br />
Once question I want to pose is why is the fact that your sex life is lacking is important to this situation? It sounds like you have many, many other problems that have more to do with commitment, with relationships, with maturity yet you just have to bring up sex and how it relates to your needs (with no regard to your wife's needs).<br />
<br />
.....women often look at sex differently than men...you may be craving sex but that pure fact may be causing your wife to look at herself as nothing more than an ob<x>ject in her mind as she relates to you. And if your wife truly has some mental health issues (which it sounds like she does) the very last thing she needs to hear from you is that she is an ob<x>ject.<br />
<br />
It is very possible that you will read this and think that as a woman than I have focused on a very small part of your post, but I want you to consider the possibility that you are making sex a much larger issue when talking to your wife than you are sharing here.<br />
<br />
Just a thought....

I was able to get out before we had kids, but being married to someone in the TV profession that became focused on the attention instead of her marriage was devastating. She has done so much publicly that is unforgivable, but KARMA will find its way back to her, and I'm sure the same will happen for you.<br />
<br />
http://tvbeware.blogspot.com

I'm in practically the same situation. I am working abroad and she left me and took the kids back to their home country. Same, sex 30 times in 10 years, she changed on the birth of our first child etc<br />
Problem is that she doesn't even realise that she has any blame and thinks that there is something wrong with me. She obviously doesn't care even a little about me, as when I was really sick recently she told me I only have myself to look after, not like her with three kids etc etc. Not an ounce of sympathy. I have a chance to marry again and not even divorce her (as I am a Muslim). What do you think folks? please put your predudices about polygyny aside - I have been utterly miserable for the last ten years and if I divorce her I will risk having ANY influence on or access to my kids. Life is not easy is it.

I would say discuss marrying again with her if she would have to be around whomever you marry. That seems fair. Pick someone that you can both live with. Your needs aren't being met, plain and simple, and it is okay in your religion. Just make sure that you are financially able to take care of your next wife and offspring.

I think some women have a chemical change after giving birth. My wife did the same thing as your wife. Now she is a raging alcoholic and continues to blame me for everything that has gone wrong in her life, before, during and after our marriage. Get away from her, build a firewall between you and her, and don't ever let your guard down.

dont cry just leave . Im sure u are no prize or u would be gone i hate when peolpe blame kids get a a life u moron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before you move on, you need to hire a detective to follow where she goes with your children and to get the evidence of infidelity plus exposing your kids to this kind of lifestyle. Did you ever hear of alienation of affections? You can sue the other party and you also might be able to get spousal support from her! Seek a lawyer to find out! If you don't do this, I can see her using the kids against you, telling the kids to stay with her so that she can use them for child support! She also sounds bipolar to me with all that screaming and attacking...Don't give her the chance to get the upper hand here. If you have any joint credit card accounts cose them out so that she doesn't leave you with horrendous bills. Good luck!

When your wife is screaming, attacking, leaving, sleeping with someone else, and all that other stuff -- WHAT is she screaming, attacking, leaving, sleeping with someone else, and all that other stuff ABOUT?<br />
<br />
NO, I'm not hinting that it's really your fault, but usually people act out for some kind of reason and you did say that it wasn't always that way. Is your child a tough customer to handle? Are you both 'handling' him? <br />
<br />
How did life get tougher after he was born? It's just so sad to see people quiting on seeing their family through when it get hard -- and it get hard no matter where you go. Life just gets hard -- seek help for your family before you split because you and your next wife and family are also guaranteed to go through life and all of it's challenges and lessons just like everybody else -- whatever the issues may be. Are you going to keep moving on when the next hard thing to deal with presents itself? <br />
<br />
My mother was a screamer for a number of years, Daddy was her rock, I know it had to be hard for him, but I'm nearly 60 now and my parents are still together and each other's best friend. I often hear them talk about how they made it all the way and they are both so glad that they did. <br />
<br />
Also, please remember that often imbalanced hormones are a SERIOUS problem for many women making it nearly impossible to cope and causing emotional outbursts -- could this be the case or a contributing factor? <br />
<br />
Just throwing a few things out there before you toss your marriage away. There's no guarantee that your next partner will always be stress-free and sane either. Life tends to happen to all of us. <br />
<br />
How close would you be with your wife if the two of your sought and found solutions to save your marriage and family and could look back, like my parents, and say WE MADE IT!

what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your an angel and she is hitler reincarnated. Stop walking on eggshells and give it to her. Tell her you need to talk with her and then politely and calmly point out what is going wrong. If she starts yelling ask her to leave

I don't know that any of that advice will get you what you really want - to stay with your kids and not go crazy. I have a four year old. I don't think I could go two weeks without seeing him due to custody issues. I really don't think that is healthy.<br />
<br />
Your wife is missing something crucial to her mental health. It is not your responsibility to figure out what it is. But I do know that if you are able to be the more mature person, your wife will be forced to see how her behavior is hurting you and your kids. If you bring up the issue of making the kids stay in their room, and that rules should be discussed between the two of you in a rational way, whatever hostility she shows will be evident if you keep your cool and are respectful no matter what. But you have to work really hard at not having hidden motives or trying to be conniving, et cetera (maybe it's easier for you than for me). Stick to your guns - if you know what's reasonable, if you respect your children with the rules you set, then you can expect your wife to follow suit. If a compromise needs to be discussed, then make sure you continue to respect your wife. What you should expect is that she will continue in her habits, but that you will give her something to think about. Then, depending on her maturity level, she will either let her pride go or hold on to it and continue to argue. I am still at a point where I don't know whether it would be healthier for my four year old to go through a divorce or to continue the way we are (through a lot of prayer, we are doing okay nowadays and my husband has been sober for 9 months). <br />
<br />
Once you are sure that you have confronted your own faults in the situation, then whatever behavior your wife continues will be on her own conscience, and you will be able to make a decision with your own clear conscience. I would definitely get a lawyer, but look for legal aid from domestic abuse resources. I know the states vary widely in their view of specific details of abuse, especially when it comes to emotional-not physical - abuse.

Most states do 50/50 custody nowdays this eliminates child support for both partys.

Guess again. In Texas, their is always a custodial parent and a non-custodial parent, even with "joint custody". The custodial parent is always the one with ****, the non-custodial parent is always the one who pays. Texas is like California, the one with he **** wins.

That guy: Submit to their husbands?? What a load of crap! Idiot.

Wow, I could have written this post! Although my wife hasn't had any affairs, I haven't experienced a day in a long time without her hate and abuse. We haven't had sex for two years now and I have lost interest in sleeping with her at this point. I try to convince myself that I still love her (I certainly did love her once), but I know it's not true any longer.<br />
<br />
I am miserable and I really want to leave, but I am afraid to lose my son. My wife is a foreign national, and she would immediately take our son and return to her home country in Asia if we divorced... I'm tired of my life and I know our situation isn't going to improve and that it is hurting our son too, but what can I do? I couldn't live without seing my son...

As a divorced woman who has never liked being divorced, I hate to admit it, but it does sound like you and your wife have come to the breaking point.<br />
<br />
My ex and I stayed together too long for either of us & the relationship became abusive - on both sides... Me with my words and him being too physical that I was able to handle. Neither one of us were bad people - but circumstance ocurring brought out the worst in us. <br />
Good Luck!

I felt that woman should not be submissive to the husband.It is the modern century,isnt it.But at the same time no woman should put their husband in this kind of pain.And as a mother,she is not a good role model.Have her to the court or sue her.DO anything just to have the custody of your child.I believe you would be a great father.However, take into consideration that your children would be hurt because they see things on the surface but not into dept.Explain to them so that it will not leave a mark in their lives.

Dude,that really bites.Sometimes I feel that way about my husband.We have been together for 20 yrs.,married for 3yrs,we live with his mother who is atotal *****.I have a question,are you with her because of your kids,or because you are comfortable having some one near u?From experience I'm in it for the wrong reasons,my kids to have their father in their lives

You can move out and still see your children. Get divorced and get on with your life. Staying together because of the children is a sacrifice most parents make but fighting in front of your children is more damaging to them. Sure no kid wants their parents divorced but it's a part of life and life isn't always what we planned it to be.

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Hey man, Don't stay for the kids. They will love you forever and will be thankful you changed the family dynamic. This family of yours needs a new definition. Mom and Dad don't get along. Thats OK. Kids don't see all the anger, and don't have to put up with yelling and screaming. Be a family where Dad has his place and Mom hers. Kids love having happy parents and two places to visit. Sure all the fairy tale stuff of the Brady bunch creeps in, but thats bull. My kids are in their 30's and the scars they have are not from mom and dad being divorced but waiting too long to make the break. Go to mens groups and mixed groups, get private counseling, talk to lots of other folks who have been there. You are not alone! Don't bad mouth your wife ever in front of your kids. Keep your opinions of her in your therapy. Show them love and respect. That seems to be missing in your family. You have lots of work to do. Good luck.

why don't you leave her and decide that you're taking the kids!

Hi there, I just read your story and my heart goes out to you. If you are not happy in the relationship then you definitely must get out. Remember this. You are divorcing your wife not your child. I was in my first marriage and my husband was great for about the first 2-3 years then things started changeing, he became abusive, a compulsive liar and a cheater. He still to this day denies ever cheating but a woman knows. You need to find a good lawyer and set it up to where you can share joint custody and be able to visit with your son. You said things changed after he was born but what made things change? I stayed in my first marriage for 10 years then after my son was born things did not get any better so when our son was about 2 thats when I filed for a divorce. Now there father has hardly any contact with his children, he lives all the way in California and we live in Michigan. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide and if you need someone to talk to then I am here.

Hello,<br />
<br />
If I was you I wouldve left awhile ago, I understand your afraid you might not be able to see your kids but, In all honesty you come first not your kids, without taking care of yourself how can you even be a good dad , a good role model. Im not saying your kids are not important , but you are youll ever truly have. Please do the the right thing for yourself, and get out . Your kids will understand as they get older.

I am still young so havent experienced a whole heck of alot really. However there is one piece of advise I have given to my younger siblings who are having relationship problems, and it is this:<br />
<br />
"If you love your women, then fight for her. What ever it takes. Never lay down your sword and give up. You thought she was worth marrying, so she must be worth a fight."

Very romantic, not too practical.

But please don't say in a relationship just because of your kids. Because in the end you'll hurt them a lot more. I totally agree with SimplySarah's idea. If you feel bad, why not change something, I had been in the same dilemma, I just choose break up with the woman, as a single father, I live a life better than the past, now I plan to date with a girl who I have met at Agematch.com.

I've been through divorce in the past and the courts are pretty fair to visitation for both parents. I know everyone fears their kids but you will get your time with them. She doesn't have control over that decision. It all has to do with what is best for your kids. The court views it that way. My kids use to go with their dad every other weekend and also every Wednesday evening. So that way he did have contact every week. As time goes by and the bitter feelings fade from seperation maybe she would be willing to give you more time. To bad she can't think of the kids and not hurt them in that way. It's hard to make the decision but once you do i'm sure you'll be happier. Good luck.

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.<br />
<br />
Do you love her?<br />
If you love her, then perhaps you should both go to councelling. <br />
But please don't say in a relationship just because of your kids. Because in the end you'll hurt them a lot more.<br />
<br />
x

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.<br />
<br />
Do you love her?<br />
If you love her, then perhaps you should both go to councelling. <br />
But please don't say in a relationship just because of your kids. Because in the end you'll hurt them a lot more.<br />
<br />
x

Jay, I have thought about this a lot. You have stayed in dysfunctional relationship for quite a while and put up with more than you should have. It might be time to make preparations to leave. (1) Go to a lawyer to see what your options are; (2) Consider some sort of nanny cam set up that would allow you to capture her behavior. #2 could bolster your side of the story in court. If you would like full custody, speak to a lawyer about your options. Planning early will be the key, I believe.

Your wife sounds like she might have borderline personality disorder. If so, you are up against a very difficult problem. You both need to go together to a counselor - that is, if you can get her to go! It will be difficult, but if you tell her it's as much for you as her she may be more open to the idea. In the meantime, please go on the internet and learn what borderline personality disorder is. It may help you understand what some of her behavior is about - and much of it certainly sounds abusive. You also need to worry how all this will affect your kids. They don't need to be damaged for life by all this.

i think the thing here is you want to keep your children. but do you think that dragging their mother through the courts and labelling her unfit will really help the situation? not that im saying you will do that, but it happens. the kids get caught in the crossfire inevitably.

I hope you can both try to better understand one another's frustrations, talk through it, and possibly decide to go separate ways if nothing else works. But for the kid's sake it is best to try to be as understanding as possible...

iLust is correct ...

i am soo sorry that you have to go through this! i agree with constant. it is not healthy to anyone involved to stay in a relationship that doesnot work. i really hope things work out in your favor. stay strong for yourself and for your kids

WE NEED TO START A "WISH I COULD BEATDOWN MY WIFE CLUB"<br />
<br />
I FEEL YOUR PAIN BRO.GET THE HELL OUT

YIKES! this is a story that i have personally suffered through personally and to some degree i spose i still am. <br />
<br />
if you all absolutely canNOT make it work, if she's not willing to seek counselling both individually and together, then ...<br />
<br />
before you do anything rash do yourself a MASSIVE favor! not only do you need to keep a journal of the daily events/moods/etc. but be sure to share these things with a co-worker, friend or family member and have them document these things as well. if your documentation matches for the most part, your case is stronger then most men who truly should have custody. do this for another 6 mos at LEAST! in that time you need to get with an attorney - a GOOD one and make sure it's a WOMAN! have her begin to help you devise a plan for splitting up assets, etc. then start to work that plan during the time you're documenting the abuse.<br />
<br />
however!!!! if she is willing to seek professional help and you are as well, do give it a try. that is yet another thing you can do during the next 6 months of documentation. not only will you have your own journal and that of a family member's (or whomever) but you will also have it documented by a PROFESSIONAL ... this is huge in the eyes of the court! <br />
<br />
and finally ...<br />
ask yourself one question: by staying in this relationship what are you teaching your children? are you teaching them that abuse is okay? are they observing that it's perfectly acceptable to live a miserable existence? if it's not overall a positive message ... it's time to consider a split for the sake of the children! children do not learn by what you tell them. sadly enough they learn and mimic what they have lived!<br />
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my best to you...

as someone who was in an emotionally abusive relationship ... you need to get out and trust me the courts will not take your children unless they have reasons to believe there is abuse which im sure there isnt ... my sons father trys to take me to court about every yr when he gets in a new relationship and decides he wants a ready made happy lil family ... and the last time we actually made it to court he was going on about how i have bipolar d/o and i cry all the time , Josh was always sick when he came back ( they took this child to the dr almost weekly and i had proof of that ) and they looked at us and said you guys need to sit down and get a mediator i want the decision in three months .. Laws are alot different now . we have shared parenting and its not hard to get if worse comes to worse file for them first as soon as you leave ... obviously she is neglecting the kids if she wants them in their room all the time . it doesnt seem as if there is any support there and children need nurturing ...

I am so sorry. I wish I could come up with a suggestion that others haven't, but I can't. All I can do for you is let you know that I honestly care. It's hard to believe that a person you haven't met can care so much, but that is truly terrible for someone so undeserving. I guess all you can do is give it one great last ditch effort and if that doesn't work, then call it quits. At least you can leave knowing that you tried your hardest.

yea, i think you know it is time to move on. Any kind of change is scary, but you know what you should do, now do it. Your children will be OK if you are OK. i know you are a good guy because you are willing to stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of your kids. stay open and honest with your kids. Don't ever badmouth your wife to them because that will only make them feel bad about themselves, but you can't sugarcoat things either. You'll be OK.

Hi there.<br />
I can relate to living in the midst of head games and manipulation, both of which sound like what you're living with. No one should have to. Have you talked to a lawyer about your rights as the father of your children? You have been and continue to be subjected to mental, emotional and physical abuse and marital neglect, not to mention the fact that your wife has committed adultary. If all of this has left you a mess, think of the impact it's having on your kids. You have my empathy and support for what you're going through.

Your situation is a hard one and I am sorry for your pain. My ex and I lived in a sexless marriage for years, ironically he was the one that didnt want sex. Sadly men get a raw deal when it comes to custody but I do believe it is changing. My ex is a FANTASTIC father and when i knew we were splitting I assured him that i would NOT put the kids in the middle of it. Quite simply children NEED both parents, and since I have 2 boys thay most CERTAINLY need their father. I guess what I am trying to say, is when she is CALM, can you approach her on this topic? I hated giving up my boys, mey ex has 40% custody and quite literally lives down the block, so when the boys get older they can quite simply come and go at either house, UNLESS they are trying to escape some type odf discipline. TRUST me had you asked me three years ago if we could have managed this type of situation I would have looked at you, like youwere nuts, but over time, when we made the kids the focus, it became clear that robbing them of either parent would emotionally scar them. Good Luck!!

Yelling at the kids to stay in their rooms. Not good. Been to counseling? After counseling, try sitting down together to write a division of chores to post on the fridge, but if these do not work, then you and your kids are better off out of this very stressful situation. I am so sorry you are experiencing this.

Wow..sounds pretty awful. Also sounds like you need to get out of there for both your sakes. Don't use losing your kids as an excuse. She won't automatically get the kids. The courts for the most part are pretty fair..most of the time. You sound miserable..she sounds miserable. Cut your losses and start again. She's not going to change. It's not up to you to try to make her change. I think you're brave for writing about it and it sounds like you're being pretty fair..especially on the "there's two sides to every story" part. Life is not meant to be lived in misery.

I wish my husband could express a feeling... You need to be happy first and then your kids will see it and even if you don't live with them they will be better off and so will you they sense tension even if you try to hide it and from experience it really makes growing up healthy hard. <br />
Hate is a strong word- moving forward for yourself is good but if you could look back to the woman who you fell in love with and try to see that maybe you grew apart???

Well I certainly don't believe she should submit to my every need or even be submissive. I just believe I don't deserve to be treated as a burdon. I am the bread winner I wake every morning to get my kids cleaned up and ready for school. I put them to bed at night. She yells at them to stay in their rooms. I know there are two sides to every story. I am sure she has hers. I just know that I cannot keep going this way.

Wives are supposed to be submissive to their husbands? Oh please. Mutually sharing and giving relationship mean anything to you? sounds more like your wife needs professional help. what you describe sounds like some violent mood swings. Unfortuantely, the laws in US side in favor of the mother unless you can prove her an unfit mother. Be the best dad you can for your kids and when the kids are old enough they will choose to live with you (as mine did and now all 3 of my kids live with me). Be patient....

i hate to hear about your situation. i feel no man should have to be put in a situation where he's gotta be the "yes dear" guy all the time. we don't have to be complete neanderthals but a man is supposed to be head of household and women are supposed to submit to their husbands. But with all of these musicians singing about "independent woman", a lot of women are losing good men because they forget their roles in a marriage. Some women do understand that no man is gonna be happy in a relationship if he feels like a *****. but not enough. if ya gotta go, ya gotta go. she will realize what is gone but it will be too late. from my experiences people really don't change, they say they will, they might even try a little but they usually revert back to their true selves. I'd look at your situation from a business point of view. is your investment steady declining? your kids will be alright as long as you stay active with them. i think it would be worse if they saw their father's life force sucked away by a harpee!!