Miserable

I have been married now for roughly 3 years. I had my inhibitions going into this. I am now absolutely miserable. I found this site as I have to vent or I am going to go further into this dark depression than I already am.

She treats my son like total crap but I have to baby her whiny brats. I like her kids but they run my house, hell, I got yelled at by the evil woman for telling her daughter's punk *** boyfriend he was not allowed to be here when we are at work. She sticks up for her daughters boyfriend and does not back me. It makes me so damn mad I cannot see straight! This is my house and those are the rules. I told her daughter's boyfriend if he doesn't like it do not come back. I really wanna just smack the smartass. He has no manners at all.

I could go on and on but I stay because we do have a 19 month old little boy who is my world. I think my wife may very well be the most evil woman in the world with her mother running a close second. I just feel like I am alone. I honestly would rather blow my damn head off than have a life like this as I know if I leave her I will never get to see my son, I know she will move in with her mother and they will turn my son against me as he gets older, she will take everything I own. I hve basically two options: throw her and her spoiled brats out and fight her for custody or load up the old Winchester and be at peace.
Billy549 Billy549
36-40
12 Responses Sep 16, 2012

Well as of tomorrow I will be free.She is giving me my son! I am so happy. I cannot wait to be "me" again!!

Story of my life! I too had my inhibitions from the start. I loved her, but married her because I wanted her to be happy. I was always afraid of marriage because of these exact reasons. I made the choice so i will except responsibility for that decision. I know exactly what you mean when her kids can do no worng. My wife's kids destroy my house.I get upset about it, and somehow I am at fault????! I always get the "they are just kids" or the ole' "kids will be kids" response. That drives me nuts. I understand that kids do some nutty things, but some things just don't fly especially when they keep doing the nutty things over and over again.

You sound exactly like me. I do not want to come across like some mean, dictator type. I love kids but her children do no wrong. Her 17 year old is the laziest person I have ever met. She is spoiled. I just had new carpet installed through the entire house but it is fine and dandy for her daughter to run through the house with shoe's on; as soon as my son walks in the door: "TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF!" I am so over it. It is getting to the point that my son hates being here and fortunately my mother lives up the hill, so he spends alot of time there.

My family can get along with anyone but they too even have said her kids are the strangest kids in the world. My wife is the meanest person in the world. So, thankfully it is just not me. My sister put it best; she is a drama queen. She has to be the center of everything. My dad finally called me and said life is too short to be miserable and you look like your the most miserable person in the world and are not you.

So, I feel your pain. I am waiting until the holidays are over and I am filing for divorce and full custody of my 1 year old. I cannot take it. I mean, you know it is bad when you drag your feet leaving work, go into work on your own time, etc. I feel like going to work is a break. So, brother I am right there with you. I hesitated to even post here but I tell you what; there are some really kind and great people here. Hang in there my friend. If it is of any help this is what I do. I think of the past or anything that makes me happy then think of life without her. It works for me. I used to be the funnest person around now I am the opposite. I used to look forward to things, etc, now there is nothing. I feel empty, as weird as it sounds but when I think of them out of my house; I smile.

I'm glad you've chosen to file for divorce. You need to be happy in your life, and not miserable as you have been in this marriage. Before I saw your latest post, I was going to advise you that your son is your son, and she cannot change this. Don't fear what she might do, take the steps necessary to ensure she doesn't. Be positive and get legal advise. You have the right to laugh and smile each day, not be filled with hatred, because of the way you are treated. I know far too many men and a few women that stayed in your position because of the children or the child, it is not fair, nor is it right. It won't change their love for you. The more bitter she decided or chooses to be after it is over, the child will see this, so keep your head held high and don't do whatever evil things she might to try to turn your child's mind. It won't work, but the more stable you are and the more you don't speak cruelly, your son will see the difference. It's just too bad you didn't chose not getting married as you said you were not sure from the start, that was the first sign, it was a wrong move, but we all make mistakes. I know I have!

We all love our children, but if you don't mind me giving a small piece of advise, from my previous learning....don't let yourself be so involved in the protection of your child once you get divorced to the point that you are obsessed in trying to make him happy in fear of losing him, because this will ruin any life (personal) you might want in the future. Sometimes we don't realize that if we over-protect and spoil, as it sounds she has done with her children and alienated you in the process, this will also happen in your life, if you meet someone else down the line, when you are stronger. I know, because I just got out of that kind of life, sad, but he was obsessed with his son, because of the same relationship he had with the mother of his son as you did, and it tore us apart, in the worst way possible. It was sad to watch, but hard as well. I love my children, they are my world, but they can't complete me, if you know what I mean. Be happy, be strong and I am with you in your pain.

Thank you!

Thanks for the advice Brian; my dad has given me the same advice. After Christmas and the holidays, I am filing for divorce. I can no longer take it and I no longer like the person I have become. I used to be a fun loving guy. These days, I work, get home and play with my boys them off to my oldest sons room where we hole up and watch tv until the three of us fall asleep. My family does not even come around me anymore as they cannot stand her. I am really close to all of them but my nieces and nephews do not like to be around her. I have never thought in my life I would say this about anyone but I hate her with every bone in my body. I am not that kind of person. I just look at old pics before I was married and I miss being that person. I am turning into a very bitter person. I would wish this relationship on no one. The only good thing to come out of it was my baby boy. I can see the light and I am going for full-custody of my son.

You are right in saying it is your house and you set the rules, but remember responsibility (such as restraint) comes with that. I say you consider long and hard what the rules should be, even talk the rules over with someone older and wiser, then enforce. But enforce gently. For example, a new rule is the step-daughter's boyfriend doesn't get to paw her in front of you any more. Explain this to your wife when she's in a good mood. Explain it to the girl in a quiet moment and why you find it upsetting. Then explain it to Romeo in a quiet moment (just the 2 of you). Then, when they next do it, quietly and calmly express your disappointment and ask them to do it elsewhere. I reckon as a minimum you will have then influenced the situation - they will now feel awkward doing it....

Don't do it dude, don't even say or think it. I feel your pain, even though I have a ton of my own. Go get a P.O. Box and a savings account at a different bank. Send your bank statements to you P.O. box. Save EVERY spare penny you get. Every time your disrespected put money in the bank. Walk around the house at peace with everyone. Focus on your health, your children, and your finances. 5 years from now if they don't work out, you'll have some money to help you get on with life. If they do work out (and I hope things do get better) take the money and go on a nice vacation with your family. As far as the boyfriend... Throw the little bastard out of your house.

I am doing that as we speak. She makes 1600 a weeks a clear 1800 every two weeks and I could not tell you the last time I spent a dime of my pay. She hides her money and I pay all the bills. Not to mention she gets a grand a month in child support. I loather this woman. After this is hopefully over, it will take years, if ever for me to get involved with another woman again.

I meant a week and "I clear", damn I-Phone..lol

ugh another depressing story being married is all that bad if you put some effort into it or marry the right person

Thanks for your kind message. Boyfriend update: Well Hitler (my wife) finally seen the light about him. Thank God, I have only been trying to tell her this for 10 months. Heck, I am at the point where I dread getting a text as I know it is more than likely her with something to screw up my day.

I told my parents; I am thinking hard about finally getting a divorce. I just cannot live like this anymore.

Hey Billy, Im new to this site. I read your post i too struggle, im on my second wife and she killed alot what was left from my first. But, im a fighter it sounds you do care, i wana tell you sir are a real man!! You got my respect, i faced the same struggles with a blended family. What i suggest is fight the battles not the war, build and allies not more enemies. First off, with step kids, you need to tell them everyday you love them. I know its crazy, but all they see is a warden not a father figure, spent time connecting to the kids, it sounds like its very divided. I would first forgive the step kids and work a relationship with them. Be sincere dont expect a full turn around but be sincere and dont look upset, have small talks, say that you care, have her bf come for dinner and put him in a light conversion. Its very difficult but not impossible, your not a doormat remember, enforce the rules. But, tell the kids you love them small encouraging talks will break them down. You win the kids, she will respect you more, leave the in laws last. If you work hard your wife will have no reason but to change, i did it and it works, women are attached to their kids (just like the mother in law). I have alot other problems but win the battles my friend, build allies and by God's grace you will win. Let me know how it's going am praying for you.

Thanks so much!

Hey guys thanks for the support. I never thought I would actually post on a site like this but it has helped. I appreciate the comments. Frustrated1978, do not worry. I would never do that. I love my sons too much. I was just so distraught yesterday it just kinda came out. I appreciate the support guys..keep it coming :)

I also think the same about my wife:-
"I think my wife may very well be the most evil woman in the world with her mother running a close second. "
My advise is take care of your son, and get rid of this woman as soon as possible through legal ways. Your focus in life should be your 19 month old son.

Thanks !

If your that much of an idiot to kill yourself go ahead leave your 19 month old son without a father and to be raised by what you called the most evil woman ever.

Regarding your thought process that you will never see your son again if you left your wife, Have you run this by a lawyer? Until you this do not presume anything.

If i were you i would see a Lawyer find out my rights and start to form an exit plan from that advice given

Stay Strong & Good Luck

As I said do not worry; I would never do that to my kids nor my family and friends. I was just so frustrated yesterday. My step-daughter's boyfriend was there and he constantly has to "paw" all over her. He has no manners, etc. I was so angry. He doesn't even ask to eat. I would never begrudge anyone of food but have manners, let the family eat then you eat. We never get a thank you, thanks for letting me come over etc. I never acted like that when I was younger at a GF's house. I wanna just slap the kid. I told my wife if she wants to raise her daughter like that, fine. Not in my house!!