What Did I Do to Deserve This?

Well...where do I start? I had reservations about marrying the woman in the first place. But she was pregnant with my child, and thought that would be the right thing to do. Not to mention she threatened to abort our daughter or leave the state with if I didn't. but now Our daughter is almost 4 my step-son but i call him just my son is now 9. And life has just gotten worse. I am constantly nagged at and put down. Currently i was laid-off, and sometimes she acts like it is my fault and not doing enough to get back into work but it sucks because i am a graphic designer and there are only 3 places in our town to get a job at. I try to apply  at other places and they all want experience. I would not mind learning a new trade but no one here is willing to train anyone right now. So i am basically a stay at home dad right now. When my wife is at work life is great. It's when she gets home that the hell starts. She starts to walk around the house looking for something to complain about. Even if was out in the yard all day trying to get our yard to look nice she will ***** about one dish in the sink. Or even a wrinkle on the bed. She will ridicule me about my weight, when i was kind chubby when we met. She will blame me for our sons behavior telling me that i am not hard enough on him. If i try to defend myself she will get pissed off at me and yell at me in front of the kids and the next thing you know we are fighting in front of the kids. Yelling at eachother and saying hurtful things. She has even threatened to hit me before my raising a fist at me. And then she says that i was being an ******* and deserved to get yelled at. Her excuse for her behavior is that i am not affectionate enough towards her, but i tell you it is hard when you are constantly abused mentally and verbally. I have realized that i truly hate my wife and I swear she hates me, but she says she loves me. Things always have to go her way. She wants to go hang out with her friends and get high, i have to let her or else she will just yell at me and threaten to take the kids away from me. That what she always says. The only reason why I stay in the marriage is for the kids. She yells at them and naggs at them just the same as she does me. My son is to scared to speak up for himself, ad my daughter is to young so i stay here to protect them from her when she goes off the handel. And trust me she has gotten mad at me for that too. If we didn't have kids i would have left along time ago. But now it is getting worse and is affecting me mentally. I am beginning to think irrational now, I think about taking off with the kids and getting myself and them away from her, i have thought about knocking her the F' out, I have hoped that she would die in a wreck on the way home from work to free us of our misery, and yes i have thought about taking the ***** out myself. But Won't do that that. I know it is wrong but that is where my mind goes into these sick fantasies of my wifes demise and my freedom. I swear if she were to die i would not mourn but i would be rejoycing and declaring my freedom. If that is not hate i don't know what you would call it. Only thing i know is after the kids are raised and out on the own... I'm out! i only have to put up with this for 14 more years i think. I just hope i can make it without losing my mind and ending up in some asylum. and that is about it the story of the last 4 years of my life.

ADyingSoul ADyingSoul
1 Response Jul 20, 2008

I think redcedar really has the right idea: you're being abused and need to get away. It's not just women who suffer from and in these kinds of relationships. But please, PLEASE make sure you never physically threaten or abuse her -- the law will come down on you so hard and fast you won't believe it -- and say farewell to your children, too. Of course, there's no law against her slowly killing your soul through mental and verbal abuse, and there really should be.<br />
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I'm no expert, but it sounds like staying isn't helping your children -- you say that your son is already afraid -- your daughter soon will be, too.<br />
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The fact is, your wife (I believe) acts this way because she is missing something in her life. But it's likely something you can't provide, nor should you be responsible to provide it: we all need to be responsible for our own happiness.<br />
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I wish you all the best and just remember: all her criticism may be unbearable, but it really isn't about you -- you're a good person -- it's about her own anger, emptiness and failings.