What Happened to My Life?

Well, in some respects I suppose I am lucky. My wife does not spend money with abandon, doesn't cheat on me, and at least does a little bit of work around the house (more on that later). We are each employed with decent jobs. But she is a self-centered, domineering, nagging *****. Every day I am tense around her because she is always nagging me to do something, or reminding me of some stupid commitment she has made for us with her idiotic family. And she is completely, neurotically hypocritical -- six days a weeks she will leave dirty dishes and pots and pans and crap everywhere, then one day a week she'll do a little cleaning and start preaching about the fact that the house is a mess. Of course it's a mess, you stupid *****, you leave crap everywhere! It's not MY stuff you end up cleaning when you finally decide to do a little work, now is it? Meanwhile, I am fairly neat by nature and rarely leave things out of place. But if I happen to leave a jacket tossed over a chair, well that will be the one thing that is the cause for the universe of disarray that our house has become (in her twisted little self-pitying mind).

She makes no effort to learn about the things that interest me, or participate in the things I enjoy, while I am stuck playing the stupid reindeer games with her stupid friends and family all of the time, because we are surrounded by them and I don't want to raise feathers.

To be fair, she is not technically unintelligent. She just has no ability to look at things objectively or see any perspective other than her sad, self-absorbed, woe-is-me, nonsense. I met her about eight years ago when I had just been transfered to Denver from my home near New York. I was travelling a lot for work and maybe I have no one but myself to blame, because even before we were married (six years ago) I had the sense to say to myself, "You know, I don't really know if I completely love this person." But I convinced myself that all our little problmes were because I was travelling too much, and that once that ended, everthing would be fine. Stupid me.

So now we never have sex, which is fine with me in and of itself because I find her repulsive now, but obviously it's a problem for larger reasons. She is a controlling, self-pitying *****. I am no shrink but I really think she is a product of this ridiculous upbringing where she was told how wonderful and special and perfect she was from day one. I know self-confidence is important, but what too much of it creates is a self-centered person who always feels someone else is the cause for all the problems. I have sacrificed everything for her - I left my home and all my friends and family. I ended up leaving my job when they wanted me to come back from Denver, so I started over making much less money. Her family and friends are decent enough but totally ******* stupid and shallow. I would leave her except for our kids - two girls who I love more than anything. And there is no way the judge would give me custody - we each look respectable on paper, but she has the family and friends that the girls know, and I would want to move them back to NY. I feel I am living in an island of bitterness, with no friends, no family, in a city I dislike, trapped with this ***** because I don't want to lose my girls.

miserable3 miserable3
36-40, M
78 Responses May 15, 2007

Dude you are not the only one in the same situation. My wife does nothing around the house, no sex, overweight, just sits there and plays Bubble Witch Sage or some crap and watches stupid TV shlt where she picks up behavior from these guttersnipes in society dresses who bltch at each other on TV. She's a child and always blames people that they are after her and attacking her (specifically me) and so on.
Why don't I leave her? Well we're financially intertwined, probably same with you. Luckily we don't have children.
I have kind of arranged myself with the fact that this is going to be so for the rest of my life.
My constant mistake is that I talk too much with her, always trying to make things better and hope that she turns nicer, but it never happens and it ends up in another fight. We're also politically on the opposite sides of the spectrum, she is a devout christian who wastes lots of money on the parasitic priest who's lifestyle she supports like a wh0re that of a plmp while I am atheist.
If you cant leave your wife, try to distance yourself in your mind. Speak as little as possible, get used to doing the dishes yourself whenever there are any, don't let the house get dirty. If you clean up right away and do it yourself, imagine you're a bachelor. You would have to do your own cleanup anyway. Try to put her out of your mind as much as possible, ignore her as much as possible, let her have her own life and find something for you, maybe your own friends. Don't try to bring them to your home. Go out. Find peace withing yourself as much as you can and shut out your outer world from your mind. Hell, maybe become a Buddhist even :)

Wow, and I thought I was the only one. What's mind boggling is how similar miserable3 story is to mine. We have no joint accounts or anything. She ****** sucks, she's a dope. Can anyone recommend a lawyer? We been together for 5 years married 4months. I don't want her to take a hold of my future endeavors.

Same here, but she ran up 65K in credit card debt and then filed bankruptcy without my knowledge. Good times my friend, good times.

My wife is the same way this dumb *****. She actually thinks I fight for my marriage because I am just head over heels about her. No you self centered **** I want my son to grow up with a family something she can't say she had as a kid

I totally hear you with this one. Without taking away from your version, I can say mine is very very similar. I question if it's really that you want to leave or if your want her to mature and understand your concerns. Would you feel different if there was some light at the end of this tunnel? I for one have tried to fix my situation but now know that it won't happen. Hope things have gotten better for you since last...

I feel your pain

Hey man I know how you feel. I loved my wife when I met her 12 years ago. We've been married for 10 n a half years and have three kids. Right now I am completely repulsed by her. I don't want to go to bed with her because she may want to cuddle and I don't want to touch her fat stinky body. She's a slob and when she's not working shes out with her friends. My kids get mad at her because she messes up the house with her dirty dishes and leaves everything she touches lying around the house, including my younger daughters dirty diapers, then she makes the kids clean it. She never spends time with me and the kids and would rather be with her parents and brother, at work or with her work friends. She is a horrible person and I cannot stand her anymore. You and I may never be happy unless we rid ourselves of our burden of marriage.

Seriously? Dude, you are lucky. My wife spent $10K more than I made last year and left us flat broke at Christmas. She's completely nuts and in denial and does absolutely nothing around the house except play games on her computer. The kids are a mess, the house is ready to fall apart, you can't walk 10 feet without stepping on something or another, she can't cook worth a damn and hasn't had sex with me in 3 years, and I am recently starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. And you know what's really messed up? I still love the psychotic *****.

Wow. Same boat, almost. I know I have my faults and she more than likely hates me too, but I cannot stand her.

She had a kid from her prior marriage who I adore. She got pregnant and basically forced me into a proposal after our daughter was born. Well I get deployed in the army (she hated me being in the military and forced me out after 12 years by saying she was taking the kids and leaving). She has never worked since we have been together and says it's the mans job. I haven't been the best but I am going to a good college so I can get a good job and take care of the kids. I don't want them to grow up with nothing. She constantly mocks me for going to college and acts like its a vacation for me.... Self admittedly it is because being away from her is always good, but the work is challenging mostly.

i like to do stuff. I'm outgoing. She is worried about everything, won't try anything new, is an extreme hypochondriac with bad anxiety(it's runbing off on my 4 year old), messy as hell, etc. says no napping in the house and tries to take a nap at least twice a week. Our oldest has autism so she will not vaccinate the kids. I take a kid to the hospital every 2 weeks to the point of it ruining my credit.

Basically I feel like what she was like before we got married and had kids was 100% false advertising. But I understand that kids change things. Oh... We went from sex everyday to sex maybe twice a week and it feels like I'm pulling teeth by getting her to do it.

I am so ******* miserable. I am willing to suffer for the rest of my life to keep the kids happy. I understand why some men are the way they are now. They couldn't handle this ****.

Wow. It like your in my head. 10 years of marriage, 3 kids (my world), and one affair (hers not mine). I single handedly saved our marriage when the **** cheated. We had a beautiful baby girl to compliment the two boys we already had, and now other then my princess I regret even trying to stay together. I should have let her leave when 8 had the chance not to be the bad guy. But now I am stuck in a one sided marriage where I make all the money (not anough for her), I care for the kids more, I do most of the housework, I keep in great shape, and I still try to make our relationship last. To that she refuses to get a job, worries about kids she baby sits more then our kids, contributes to the mess in the house more then all 3 of the kids combined, complains from dusk till dawn about anything and everything her simple mind can come up with, and still finds the time to tell me no 99.9% of the time when I want sex. Yet here I am sitting across the living room resenting everything about her because I know if I leave my k8ds will not get the care they need and deserve not to mention I wouldnt be able to afford to feed myself after the ***** undoubtedly would take me to the cleaners for spousal/child support. On the bright side in 14 more years my kids are all 18 or over and I WILL BE FREE!!!!!!
441504000 seconds till I can have a shot at happiness, but whos counting

Tick tock goes the clock! I think many of us have our eyes fixed on an 18th birthday for us to execute our respective exit plans!

I am in that exact situation you described. The kids and I are treated as her students. She is sarcastic as hell, but more bitingly true tha funny with it. She is rude, self-absorbed, everything is someone else's fault or the convetsation is over. She constantly belittles me in front I the kids. Control freaks loathe that they cannot relax and blame their failures on others who drive them into their OCD natures.

Hey pal it could be worse. Actually I may have it better after all. The jury is out. I have a wife who does exactly as you described (it's all about her friends and what she plans, I work full time +, am in the reserves, and I go to school... not much time for planning events). I am not the neat freak, however I get blamed for messes that the kids make. Oh yeah... the kids aren't mine. I, a single and childless man, married a woman with kids and agreed to be a good father. I have been. I had one condition... I want a child of my own.

Fast-forward 3 short years. Hey honey, we're not getting any younger so it's time to talk about having a child. What is her response? I don't want to be saddled with an infant. But wait, you agreed to this before marriage... so... not exactly fair. Well, she just changed her mind, but I should stay to finish raising my step-kids because I'll be an evil bastard if I leave them.

I had a tough choice because I do love my step-children. Me wanting to have a child of my own is not about them being good enough. It's about the fact that I didn't get to hold them as they were born and know that they were my flesh and blood, and that my world had just changed because of them. It's about the fact that I didn't have a loving wife that wanted to expand the family with me because she wanted me to be happy and she wanted to have a child in common with me. So... long story short, I was forced to make a jacked-up decision. live in misery with someone I don't even like that much anymore anyway (even absent the child conversation) and die with step-kids who will never look at me the same as their dad, or leave the little girls I really love and start afresh. Honestly right now it's not about them, or even me not having my own. I can't live with the betrayal that my wife has committed.

Boy! That's a tough one! I was in a very similar situation, and didn't want to leave either, like you, because of the children. When they reached the ages of 12 and 15.....and, by law, they could CHOOSE who they would live with, I finally did leave my marriage....and they chose to come with me. Perhaps your girls, when they are older, would really love to experience living in New York....pretty exciting place. But, if their mother has a hold on them....with family members and financial rewards, they may turn down this wonderful opportunity. I guess, you could always suggest that they at least try it for a year....find a wonderful neighbourhood and school....and they will enjoy a new experience. Taking kids away from friends at that age, though, is REALLY tough....but, when you explain to them why this is happening they may be receptive to your 'invitation'.

What turned out to be REALLY interesting was the fact that the boys were actually relieved/pleased at the separation...and informed me that I should have done this YEARS ago. They were clearly NOT comfortable living in a tension-filled, silent household....VERY unnatural....and not at all good role models for them to be witnessing.

I stayed in my marriage MANY, MANY years beyond anything that was working for me. But, in order to survive/thrive, I did end up creating a VERY separate life for myself....friends, activities etc. It certainly worked to fill a huge gap in my life...not having a husband as a close friend. I assumed that is what married people are supposed to be....best friends....boy, did I get a surprise!


All the best....it's a HUGE decision to have to make...but, once I did make it, I felt a HUGE, HUGE burden lifted from my shoulders. It is 'criminal'(perhaps a bit strong) that one person must sacrifice his/her life, so that the other one always gets his/her way....

I guess I should add that being fearful of the consequences for the children is rather misplaced....they ALREADY know that something is terribly wrong(although, I don't know how old your daughters are). You may actually be doing them a favour. They will end up with a dad who is much happier than he is now....and that is a REALLY good thing!

GOOD LUCK!!!

Add a response...

Omg what the hell happened to all of us, this story is crazy true for me aswell, only no kids, I love here like crazy, but all she does is complain, from the moment she wakes up to bed time. Its insane sometimes I just sit back and count the complaints and it adds up to hundreds, little things mostly, god forbid there is a towel on the floor, that could lead to yelling name calling, even hitting.
I try so hard to be calm try to talk, nothing works, and this is more then nagging, I have lost every friend I ever had but one or two, even best friend of twenty years or more want nothing to to with me because of her.
Broken doors windows, my stuff nothing is off limits to her and usually over almost nothing.
She has literately screamed for hours over spilled milk,
other fact I don't like a kind of salad, we rarely have sex, strangely enough its good when we do, but even the mention of it gets her crazy with is that all I'm good for?
She attacks my manhood constantly, the one thing she does is clean up, but that's it and she complains the entire time yelling at me I am a pig, disgusting, stupid a looser, well you get the idea.
The worst part is shes a looker so I have to hear from every stranger how lucky I am, if only they knew.

Its hard to explain but over the years I have been made to feel so bad about myself that I could not cry if I wanted, tho that "feeling" is always there like going through a horrible break up with a woman who wont leave, spends your money rarely shows any affection
and shows almost no interest in my feeling at all.
I cant even remember if she has even ever asked me how I feel or said sorry.
I feel like I am in jail, I know I should leave but shes so mean she has nobody left but me, and I guest that's true for me, my only outlet is to wright this post.
How sad is that, I love life I don't like conflict I enjoy fixing things and working things out, actually trying to be happy, I guess I refuse to give up on her, but in a way I feel like its been over for years, o here is the kicker, I work from home, and she doesn't work at all.
So its a 24/7 deal.
Its like shes so mean I cant even admit this is really going on. Lately its so stressful I have problems working, money is tight, I need her support more then ever, but instead its worse and getting slowly worse all the time. I feel like all I am is a resource and that this is all a terrible dream that I cant wake up from.
If I have left years ago I may have been bad, but she has driven all my friends away broken my spirit and spent all my money.
Wow reading this back, makes me sound like a idiot for staying with her, maybe shes right after all.
I just have to wonder, out of everybody I have ever been with, why is she the only one who has treated me this way?
Is it possible to be "caught off guard for a decade?
Rono

I'm in the same boat as you, except she isn't a looker. So at least you got that going for you. Maybe it's just too much time spent together at home. Maybe rent a small office or something. Most times, i can't wait for Monday, or for quarter ends so I can spend late nights with the gang at work.
You got no kids, and looks fade, so you've still got a choice. Something I wish i had. I love my kids dearly, and the thought of a broken household and what that would do to them is keeping from leaving.

I'm sure GiGi meant well but that's bad advice. You're miserable and you're bitter. There are reasons but your reasons don't matter. I'm sure if you wrote this again, you'd come up with different reasons. Emotions are a reaction to happiness and you lack happiness. Maybe its her fault or maybe its something else in your life. It doesn't really matter. Fairness doesn't matter. Together you need to figure out what will make you happy.<br />
<br />
<br />
Given what you've said above, my guess is that your dysfunctional marriage is a large part of the problem. Start by reading "No More Mr Nice Guy". The Feminist Revolution was great but it's had the sad impact of producing men who are basically unfit for marriage. Why? Because we're way too selfless and this catches up to us eventually, in the forum of bitterness described above.<br />
<br />
<br />
To complicate matters, we've produced women are similarly unfit for marriage. Why? Because they've become way too selfish. They've been smothered with praise all their lives. Taught that no matter what, they deserve rewards. The result has been a polar reversal of the traditional marriage dominated by men, rather than equality.Together you need to figure out how to assert yourself better in your marriage and your wife needs to learn how to appreciate it. It's hard to do at this stage in the marriage and on top of that you have the history to deal with. It's certainly not easy and I'm not sure that it's possible. The only real escape is to learn to live with it. She's just a roommate who happens to live in the same house but otherwise, you can live your own life. As others have stated, at some point you both go your separate ways and live your second lives.<br />
<br />
<br />
I don't know why we haven't institutionalized practice marriages yet. I guess this is a large part of why Europeans just don't marry now. The divorce rate is so high already despite the insane costs that come with it. Just imagine what the unhappiness rate is! Wish you luck.

Obviously this is a long done thread but should anyone read it, I thought I'd put in my 2 cents worth to hopefully reach someone who agrees with this man. Ok so you hate your wife for this reason or that. Some may be reasonable reasons, some may not. What I'd like to point out is that you aren't perfect either - she probably tolerates a lot about you that you don't hear about. apart from that, you mention how you never were really sure you liked her - do you think that might have leaked out along the way in subtle and not so subtle ways? Would that in turn begin to affect her and how she feels about herself (that the person she shares the most intimate aspects of her life with finds her repulsive?) Also, another note to add is that the explanation you've put on here makes me sad to even read...so much negativity and I empathize as I am alone in a foreign country with a husband and have no easy time and feel trapped myself but as a woman, I'd have to say that your view of her is so negative that I cannot believe that it hasn't slipped through to her more than one time and possibly had her feeling quite depressed. And negativity begets ? yes, negativity.

Dude, I have done this, this was my life, enjoy your children, move on... It's the best thing to do, the bitterness will poison you. God bless. Staying for the kids sake only teaches them what a bad marriage is, not a healthy one. Having time with you alone is what they need.

I also am very familiar with many of the situations you describe. My wife is a horrible person in general. I should have known prior to marriage by looking at her ancestors. She comes from a long line of psychopaths. She starts at least one fight about everything. Just last night i got in trouble for falling asleep downstairs on the couch after a 12 hour shift at work.... Thats not even the troubling part, I got in trouble the night before for falling asleep too early upstairs after working a mere 16 hrs. I guess she's just a bad person. I really just don't know what to do. I want a divorce and thats always her answer anytime we have an argument but as soon as I start looking into getting the ball rolling she cries and whines for 3 days getting me to stop. I really am miserable with her. I just wish she was normal but that doesn't look like an option. She is jealous about everything and I'm not ever supposed to leave the house except to work and with her. I don't see any of my other friends struggling with this... so i guess divorce is the only real option?

If you don't have kids then run away!! Make sure it's someplace she can't find you! If you do have kids then you're in the same boat as the rest of us. I suggest picking up a alcohol/drug habit to take some of the edge off. Not sure if it's better to divorce before or after kids turn 18, heard pros and cons for both.

I often feel the same way. first I reached out to my wife and tried talking to her about it. Though I was gentle, there was a very defensive response. Then we read a self-help book together and started using the communication techniques mapped out in the book. She abandoned this strategy quickly. We found a REALLY good family therapist. There was some relief as I got to see how a pro, subjected to the same communication challenges I face, handled it. It turned into a joke as my wife became distracted and disconnected during sessions, as though she were in a trance. Finally, she decided she felt threatened (by our 100 pound asian therapist!). She started showing up late and then not at all. I continued reading books on Zen. We had a few arguments that went too personal as she became desperate to deflect and project, and after considering my options I finally spoke to a friend who is a comedian. He called it a "narcissistic fugue". That led me to an internet search and some pretty enlightening info on "narcissistic personality disorder". Which is just a fancy term for *****. Good luck, you sound like a caring and righteous dude.

I can relate to the being dragged to family things very much, unfortunatley all of my family has passed away except for a brother who is one year older and even close in proximity we are miles apart . My wife constantly calls me names, drinks wine and becomes belligerent all the while in front of our five year old daughter. Now mind you Iam no angel, I often drink beer at home myself, but to relate to what you are experiencing, I too will daydream of her meeting someone and leaving me so that I can live a sane life once more, I am certain that with divorce she would win an ungodly sum of child support and and milk me dry, so I ask myself is she trying to make me miserable intentionally? and wonder? good luck

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I can relate on so many levels and I sincerely feel for you. The only difference between your story and mine is that I have extended family in the area otherwise every detail is the same. It's as if we're married to the same woman; truly uncanny. I've resigned to the fact that I must sacrifice the marriage portion of my life in order to maintain the family unit for my children sake, although I have doubts about how healthy that actually is. Thanks for writing, take care.

Wow..this is the story of my life.. Everything about this relationship sounds identical to mine. I have not had sex with my wife in years. She complains about the lack of intimacy and I explain that I cannot stand to be in the same room with her. I have slept in a separate bedroom for 5 or 6 years. I hate her voice, her gestures, her snide remarks about my family. She has a masters degree but stays home 6 days week with our 2 girls and complains about that and how her life is miserable. She complains when I call her so I don't. She blames me for every cold or illness the girls have caught. She nags me endlessly so I find myself traveling more and more for work. Unfortunately this also takes me away from my girls who I adore. I miss my girls terribly! She sleeps 14 hours a day and complains that she is tired. i have requested a divorce on numerous occasions but she always resists and uses the girls to keep me from following through. I fantasize about her finding someone else and leaving me with the girls. She has sabotaged my career, my relationships with my friends and my family. She comes from a blue collar family and neighborhood but now looks down on anyone that has not been to college. She has a twin sister that is also a b**** on wheels. She is frightfully ungrateful and lazy. As soon as my girls are in college, I'm dumping the ****. In reality, I'll never make it tat long.

She sounds depressed. She has a Master's Degree, so obviously expected to have a good paying job that challenges her. It's mostly about the challenge. Raising kids is monotonous. Pretty much the same day over and over. Imagine living in Groundhog's Day. Could you sympathize with that? Depression can have medical causes. Vitamin deficiencies-which cause lack of energy, thyroid problem-big culprit here-messes with immune function-causes lack of energy, sleep problems-lack of energy. 14 hours is long enough that I would get her to a doc to see what's going on there. Not necessarily for her, but for your daughters' safety. That indicates possible neglect on her part in caring for your daughters.

The lack of intimacy is part of the problem. I'm not just talking about sex here. We have hormones in our body that are released in response to touch. They cause the warm fuzzy feelings we have for each other. No touch-no warm fuzzy. Try cuddling even though you don't find her attractive. Just a few minutes before bed, nothing drastic. You might start feeling a change in your feelings toward her after a time. If not, that's okay. Sometimes it can't be fixed that easily.

Have you considered that her nagging isn't about whatever she nagging you about? Women are complex. Sometimes what we complain about isn't the problem. Convoluted, I know. She probably feels the lack of intimacy and is hurt by it. Instead of talking to you about it in a rational way, she nags. Have you tried asking her what's really bugging her? She probably also doesn't want a solution for her problem, just someone willing to listen. You are probably about the only person that she trusts to talk to, especially If it's anything negative about the kid's behavior. Why? Because other ladies look down on women who don't find motherhood to be all sunshine and roses. Try to let her vent, yeah, I know, it sucks. I imagine you do the same with work. "Oh my boss was a real ball-Buster...." Don't take it personally as her being mad at you. She's probably just generally frustrated. Kids can do a lot of annoying ****. Trust me, I know. Encourage her to laugh about some of it. Better yet, laugh together. Remind her, they won't be that age forever. I remind myself that.

Please try to empathize with her. Her dreams were possibly given up to raise your kids and she probably has medical issues that need to be treated.

We all feel like this at times. Some of us feel this way on-going.
When romance is gone, you are basically friends living under the same roof.
If you are no longer friends, then it's an issue that may or may not need a conclusion. That is up to you.

I moved out of my bedroom. I live a separate life. I no longer look at women for sex. I find the idea repulsive. With STD's out there, it's probably a good thing. But sometimes, I miss the intimacy. I don't have the money to have an affair anyway. Affairs are expensive. And they are damaging. Once you do this, you are basically saying goodbye permanently to the trust in your marriage - in my opinion.

I never had children. That's tough. I hope that you can reconcile this. If not, you have two choices. Live with it like I am doing, or divorce and move on.

Good luck.

I am in no way a therapist. I would like to try to help. I don't think that you "hate" your wife. Instead of being on here, you'd be cheating if you hated her. You'd berate her every chance you got, which by your writing is not something that you do. You wouldn't grudgingly spend time with her family. You wouldn't have positive things to say.... I think that you're annoyed by her actions and you feel lonely in your marriage... What does that mean? Being lonely in your marriage. She's there, but not meeting your needs, so you feel resentful. That does not make you a "Bad" guy.Try to see things from her perspective. Usually, in the case of women, we're responsible for cleaning up after kids. So, you might be neat yourself, but she's still doing the lion's share of the chores. Kids are not neat. Parents have to establish habits with then because they don't come out knowing how to stay clean. They're messy by nature. Cleaning up after kids is a full time job in itself. Her complaining about the coat may not even be the problem, maybe it's the lack of help? How often do you cook? Cooking for a family is a chore in itself, and men doing that sometimes is a huge turn-on. Especially if the man cares enough to take over chores and cook while we're sick. That's not much to ask, but so many men assume that it's women's work, so they shouldn't have to help, even when we're puking our guts up. Meanwhile, while men and kids are sick, we're expected to wait on you hand and foot. Give us a break when we're sick. You know how it feels being sick. Have mercy. Maybe she hates some chores. Maybe you could do some of the chores she hates, and she can replace them with other chores? For example, I don't mind mowing the lawn, but I hate dishes. My husband and I swap those.Find out your habits that annoy her and don't do them. Coat on chair, Obvious no no. It may not seem apparent to you, but your kids emulate you. Your coat on the chair = 3 coats that she puts away. Not one. And kids tend to pick up the bad habits, not the good. Try to get her to respect you the same way. What habits does she have that annoys you? Tell her gently about them. She may really not know. Yes, you risk her getting mad, but isn't it better for her to have a little fit then for you to live with this stuff forever? Decide what you can live with. Sometimes no matter what, she will always do something that annoys you. In your marriage, it seems that communication is the issue. If you help meet her needs, the sex is more likely to happen. Women's needs are not the same as men. I break the rule in that I'm the one who is not affectionate and he wants affection. I have to force myself to cuddle with him. It's not a need that's high on my list, but it is important to him. I love and respect him enough that I do it to make him happy. Sometimes that is what you have to do to get your needs met. She needs someone to listen to her. She doesn't want the problem solved, just a sympathetic ear. Usually ladies like cuddling, kissing, hand holding, being told, "I love you", etc. We like to be shown that you care too. When you help with the kids and chores, it shows that you care. When you take the kids every once in a while so we can see a show, that shows you care.And, she doesn't have to like what you do. My spouse and I have separate interests, some similar. We just do them separately, and talk about our similar interests. Tell her that you don't like spending time doing her family's activities. She might think that you do, and maybe that's the only reason that she goes. My husband and I went to the same restaurant for 3 years, because we thought that the other liked it. We felt stupid when I finally said, "I really don't like it." My husband chuckled and said, "I didn't like it. I thought that you did." 3 years of going to that restaurant could've been avoided if one of us spoke up. We now think of it as really romantic because we cared about each other's needs more than our own. She might get mad, but again, better than living with it for years.Marriages have their ups and downs. Seems to me like you're in a down spot. That can be fixed, but that has to be something that you both want.

wow this is so educational and now I really know what is going on in mens heads when I see them with a crazy wife.. damm and there is no easy way out because of the kids ...

I hope things have gotten better for all involved. I had a fantasy for years that my ex would die in a plane crash that helped me smile and survive for many years, but in the end, I had to bite the bullet and throw away a lifetime of earning and saving to purchase my freedom. It is rarely the people in your life that die, always the ones we love. In later years I had a boss whose mantra was divorces are expensive for a reason - they are worth it, and after reflection, I think he may be right. Most of us got married too young before we had the opportunity to define what we really wanted or needed, or sniff through the BS of women trying to be something they are not in order to close the deal on marrying herself a man - primarily to impress her mother and friends. Live and learn my friend. Good luck.

Stupid men don't think when they get married all they care about is to get laid every night and have a great sexual climax. They don't realise it only last until the first day of your honeymoon. And the rest consider it a nightmare that will last for the duration of your marriage or life whichever comes first divorce or death either of the two will hurt your children. My suggestion is, they are going to get hurt anyway, might as well get divorce and enjoy being single again. Nevertheless I warn you do not get married again. Rent a prostitute to satisfy your need no comittment hassle-free sex just prepare to put up some cash which is still cheaper than to be with your wife anyway.

I did think about my responsibility to two innocent children coming into the world when I got married and sex was never my motivation. I did not realize how financially devestating ending a marriage would be after my children were old enough to take care of themselves, so I hung on for many more years in denial, hoping, praying, a better solution would arise. Divorce for most men is not financially feasible. Most men make the bulk of the money in the marriage and the property is divided evenly at best with no kids - with kids, the financial hit is usually so great that the guy could never live long enough to recover. If you have a military retirement, wife gets half, plus survivor benefit. Half the 401K. Half the business in you have a business. In some states, the guy must pay alimony and maintain the wife in a lifestyle she is accustomed too, even if the poor bastard must live in his car. I did not get married by choice. I casually dated a woman and she assured me she had a medical condition that damned her to a life without children. Countless nights of crying as I held her to comfort her. I was naive. Suddenly, it was a miracle. She was pregnate - twins. I was raised to do the right thing and I married her so the children could have a name, a father and health care. In later years, her best friend told me it was all a set up and she had obnoxiously boasted behind my back for years of what a sucker I was and also how impotent I was - I was not attracted to her sexually. She would literally beg me for sex when we were dating. I learned that not only was she healthy and fertile when she met me those 25 years ago, she had somehow managed to obtain fertility treatments as insurance. When I eventually confronted her, she smugly admitted it - Hell Yea, I did what I had to do to have a good life. BTW, I was featured as a most eligible bachelor in a major publication and was a high profile guy around town prior to meeting her. She was/is lazy, and only had hollow ambition to be a big shot, but was never willing to invest time or energy to contribute or make it happen. She never earned over $30K during 25 years of marriage while I was making north of $150K. After the divorce was underway, things started coming out of the woodwork. I also learned she had many affairs and thrived on belittling me. When I met her, I was lonely and wanted somebody to hang with, although I did not think she was pretty or love her. She pretended to like the things I liked, martial arts, working out, shooting, cars, boats, ect, but that all stopped the second she got pregnate. I lovingly raised my children like a man in a stable home without strife and gave them a huge head start on life with great educations, down payments on nice homes and enough money to enjoy life without the struggle and sacrifices I had to suffer and endure. I was heavily involved in every aspect of my kids lives, school, sports, activities and they always knew they had a fan and unconditional support on the sidelines ready to rush to their aid if necessary. My wife seldom participated in their lives and loved to go on and on about how she was going to be somebody before kids ruined her life. I decided it would be a better investment to spend my savings on my kids to start their lives since I was going to loose it all in a divorce anyway. She was livid every time I spent a dime on the kids and unsuccessfully tried to force them to turn it all back over to her, which in the end, totally alienated her from the kids. Without me saying a single word of negativity against her, my kids figured out they were only a weapon my ex used to steal herself a life. She is their mother and will always hold that place, but they feel sorry for her, have no respect for her, do not trust her or want to have anything to do with her. I found myself divorced at 50 with a 10 year old car, a rented room and only half of a retirement I had risked all of my adult life for, but I had also built a set of marketable skills and made a lifetime of contacts along the way. I preserved my health with 25 years of working out religiously and good eating habits, all the while, planning my eventual escape. After I was free and clear of her relentless legal battles trying to drain every drop out of me. I started an unrelated business with the help of an investor, and my kids later became investors and then partners. I have managed to build a business that makes me and my three partners a very comfortable living. My ex and I could have each walked away with about $300K and went our seperate ways, but she got greedy and blew through all her money in legal fees within a year, which also drained me to defend her relentless legal battles. My best years may have been squandered and misspent, but I am on track for a few good ones to come. I have learned a painful lesson. It is true, prostitutes would have been MUCH cheeper.

You have proved that you are in NO way qualified to respond to this very serious question. Take your ridiculous and prejudiced opinions elsewhere you fucktard.

My wife has a GREAT family. But she has become a fat, lazy, self pitty filled human being that blames me for "making her that way". I have a 9 and 11 year old and I am trying SO HARD to keep the ship afloat emotionally with them. I truly think that I abosultely hate her mere existance and just being in the same room with her makes me sick. Whenever I hear her speak, I hear a bafoon who doesn't know what she is talking about. When I see her lumber around like some wounded elephant, any remaining attraction I have dissapears. I see an imposter. She used to be beautiful, educated, easy going, and made me go the extra mile to impress her because I loved her. After the kids, she has become the opposite and serves absoluately NO PURPOSE living in my home. She sits on her *** all day making excuses, has no drive, has no organization, and addicted to TV. There are days she even goes without showering. She wears the same old **** and leaves the house looking like a pig. Shameful, because we live in a small community where everyone knows us. I try to always look nice, act the part of a very happy approachable community man, and not embarass my kids. When you look across a field when you are at one of your kids games and go "Wow, some hot moms in this town" and then you see the thing you are married to waddle towards you (late of course because she is time clueless) looking dirty, it just reinforces the reasons why you haven't had the desire to touch her, have sex with her, or even kiss her all year. That's sad..........and why I am so miserable. But my kids need two parents and I will sacrifice anything and go through any hell for them.

Sounds like a total dog your wife, at least my one looks good for her age. From my own research with counsellors its not clear to them whether or not it's better to stay together for the sake of the kids. Remember you are their role model as a husband and father and head of the household. You need to set some ground rules in the home and insist your wife and kids stick to them. No need for dramas and shouting matches, just be insistent over time about what you expect. Like your dinner on the table every night, like your wife not raising her voice to you disrespectfully. The family needs to see you are the head of the household and that your rules remain the rules regardless of the bad behavior of your wife/manager. The kids will back you up particularly if you have a son, because they know you are the king even if you have not yet claimed your place.

That doesn\'t work, been there and done that. If a wife wants to be a ***** and wants use her actions to make a point, nothing will ever change. I believe staying toghter is just as bad for the kids and a divorce. The only thing is that she will get all of your money and the kids in a divorce. I think that I would recommend staying together, if for only to be able to be a positive influence in your kids lives. I would also thionk about having affairs.

You are unhappy because of you. She can't make you happy no matter what she does. She's depressed. It's sad. You're not helping, either. Try to be compassionate. She needs to see a doctor. Sometimes the causes of depression are serious health problems that make it nearly impossible to lose weight no matter how much she tries. Sleep hypopnea , hypothyroidism, vitamin b12 deficiency, osteo-arthritis, PCOS... Make sure she gets tested for those as they are the most common causes. Once they are treated the depression should go away. Why she goes unwashed? She doesn't feel worthwhile. If she has yeast infections because of the uncontrolled blood sugar levels caused by PCOS, she doesn't ever feel or smell clean anyway, so bathing, to her, is kind of pointless.

" ... but I really think she is a product of this ridiculous upbringing where she was told how wonderful and special and perfect she was from day one. I know self-confidence is important, but what too much of it creates is a self-centered person who always feels someone else is the cause for all the problems."

That pretty much sums up my wife as well. I recently found out she was born after several miscarriages which is probably why her parents talk about her like she is some sort of a latter-day miracle-baby. They always downplay her faults which isn't helpful. There was this one time when we were going to her parent's house for dinner where she made a sudden and dangerous lane change and decided to speed because there were no cops around. She almost hit the car in the next lane. When the subject came up over dinner, her dad actually had the gall to defend her reckless behavior saying everybody around there drives like that. He goes hosannas every time she utters a half-intelligent sentence and actually seems to think it's okay for his daughter to be unreasonable - as if that is some right of passage or passing fad that will go away on it's own. My wife is not just unreasonable but also stubborn, self-absorbed, a control-freak and a power maniac who loves attention and likes to make others bend others to her will at every chance she gets.

This sounds similar to my relationship, I think all women are like this.

not All women are like this. 0.o im pretty shocked there are Actually women like this..(i thought that only happens in horror movies)

Lesson learned: Make sure you really know the person before deciding to marry ;)
Or better yet, don't settle for someone lesser than what you think you deserve :))

no not all women are like this :) but many are crazy

I also left everything for my wife.
I have also giving her everything She could ever wanted. I work and pay all the bills in the house. she works and never helps with anything but ocasionally she buys something for my two kids. ( socks shirts, ect. ) but later ends up charging me for that as well. I have always love her, at least i think i did. She tells me she loves me but to be realistic I never thought she did or does. She dont like to have sex and only doest it so im not bothering her. I am so ready to go back to the life i left 14 years ago. Now i have stop to think why i been here so long, and finally understood why....
she is a beautiful woman, hot, and intelligent. So i never wanted to loose her. But now I am looking at things from another point of view. Beauty is only temporary and i need a woman that respects me and loves me no matter what she looks like. I'm on my mid 30's Not a bad looking guy I exercise all the time and i'm a hard worker with a decent job. please tell me, What the hell am I doing wrong ???

I don't know you personally, don't know what you look like or who you are or if you will even care too much about my opinion since you have a few years on me but by what you said you seem like a nice person. In my opinion I think you are wasting your time with a dead end. I believe that eventually every relationship hits a make-or-break it point so to speak. Do I love this person? Is this long term material? You need to sit down and decide whether your interactions with her are overall an improvement to your life or if she is more trouble than she is worth? If your staying with her just for the sex &amp; because she is beautiful I would encourage you to look elsewhere, because you are right, while those are nice they are hardly the key qualities of a life-partner, if that is what your after.

I don't really know, I'm not there. Do you get out? Do you make yourself available? The fact that you take good care of yourself and seem to have some direction in your life is a good thing, but I also want to encourage you not to think or yourself as the problem. A lot of time love finds you when you least expect it. Sometimes prayer (to whoever you may believe in) &amp; patient waiting while you indulge your own hobbies and enjoy some "me" time can do wonders, but also in the meantime try to get out with friends. I'm talking making an effort to socialize. I am of the mindset that the more girls that you casually encounter, the odds are all the more in your favor of being THE casual encounter that can change your life.

I've been up all night so if this post is wordy I apologize, I can be that way when sleep deprived but I hope you find what you are looking for, your in my thoughts and prayers, Smokey. Oh and have you ever thought about online dating? There are a lot of good free sites and you can even pick a site for those w/ similar interests. Bye*(^_^)_

Have you thought about any way that you could talk to her or develop a way that you can ask for a separation, even a break? Ask her if she is happy? This is a scary situation... At least bring it to her attention that YOU are unhappy. So she isn't completely in the dark if you do decide to move on. I know it sounds weird coming from me considering I'm the other woman, but whatever you do try to get the divorce FIRST. Do not cheat... Cheating creates a whole other array of problems. I wish you the best and hope things work out for your little girls.

<p>"I was travelling a lot for work and maybe I have no one but myself to blame, because even before we were married (six years ago) I had the sense to say to myself, "You know, I don't really know if I completely love this person." But I convinced myself that all our little problmes were because I was travelling too much, and that once that ended, everthing would be fine. Stupid me."</p><p>I read this and chills ran up my spine. I made the very same mistake you made. I wasn't completed convinced that I loved her but she said that she loved me....and that turned out to be the biggest lie that I have ever been told. There were problems that I chose to ignore and soon after the wedding it became clear that I had made a terrible mistake. She immediately turned into a *****, never cleans or cooks, no sex and only a minimum wage job at a bank...that later closed. She turned into a entitled ***** who demanded to stay home with the kids. All of what you wrote about cleaning is exactly true of her, the little bit I have is cause for the entire house being a complete mess. She eventually got me fired at work by spreading rumors that my boss was having an affair at a company outing (lovely huh?) That caused a move across country where she began reporting to all that would listen I took her away from her family and made her live in squalor. I absolutely hate her. She is the most immature, irresponsible self-absorbed, selfish, stupid person I have ever met. Even the kids say they hate her emotional outbursts and selfishness. All I do is wish for the day I could divorce her without payment or having to lose my children. This is the penalty I have to pay for choosing a bride unwisely.</p>

I think your wife sounds like me. I am that type of wife too. It sounds like she is very unhappy with YOU. You can blame your wife for her making you feel the way you do, but if you had any kind of self confidence and respect, you wouldn't feel that way. You would communicate and treat her with respect to get respect.

your comment makes no sense.. "your wife sounds like me" ok so you're a selfish domineering nag and a critical hypocrite.. and somewhere in there you blame this guy? .. nothing you said here made any sense, and where did you get the idea that he doesn't give his wife respect? i'm sure he wants to explain how he feels to her and is on here because he is building up to doing such.. i'm also sure he'd divorce her if it was easy, but his kids are a major factor.. your comment was just very ridiculous

You actually want to admit to acting like the guys wife in the above story?? You have some serious problems!!

Just strangle the *****

I'm reading these stories and they sound so familiar to me. I don't think I hate my wife, but I HATE what she does and doesn't do. And it sounds the same thought out all of these posts. Do you hate her, or hate the way she acts?

people please don't juge anyone on here this is a support group and we are here to give advice and listen not nag or put them down thank you.

My last comment was a bit harsh. You seem focused on the negative aspects of your wife. When you spend that long with someone, all of her weakness are brought to life. Yes, she may be bitchy, self-centered, and not so bright. Have you tried focusing on the positive? Focus on how good it feels to have her pressed up against you when you wake up in the morning. Focus on how you love her little imperfections that no one else knows about. Does she have a weird nipple or a hair that keeps popping up on her chin? Don't hate those things. Love them. Because it's a part of her that probably only you share with her. Does she do dumb stuff like hum while she ears or twirl her hair when she's thinking? Just make a list of all the little things you know about her that no one else does, and you might remember why you love her.

"My wife does not spend money with abandon, doesn't cheat on me, and at least does a little bit of work around the house (more on that later). We are each employed with decent jobs. But she is a self-centered, domineering, nagging *****. "<br />
<br />
Get. Over. It. She doesn't drain your savings, she doesn't f--k other men, and she helps around the house. You have it better than probably 80% of men today. Quit being spoiled and do some f--king chores. God.

No. She owes you some respect also.

I am posting in a thread that is 5 years old. But the story is still the same, I hate my wife.<br />
I hate my wife, I hate my wife......

I know the feeling all too well, I'm married to one and she drives me up the wall everyday, I stay late at work everyday so I don't have to go home and see her. We are still together because of our daughter, if we didn't have a child together, we'd be divorced a long time ago.

Add to my previous message, my wife is a lap dancer, the type that dances nude in front of strangers, I totally disapproved of her "job", but she carries on regardless. She started doing this job after I'd lost my well paid job and because she loves money so much and as she hasn't got a brain, she decided that's the only thing she "can" do! Is she being unfaithful to me? Well, that's for you to decide.

ditto!

You don't need to listen to a damn word I say, and I'm not judging you at all, but I have advice for you if you want it. Read below if you do. If not, ignore it.<br />
<br />
I was in a situation very similar to yourself not too long ago... except I am the wife and the selfish twit is the husband. The travel, the selfishness... pretty much exactly as you describe. But...<br />
<br />
I ended up cheating on my husband because I'd convinced myself it was so bad, and needed to escape my marriage. This is how it will end up... one of you will be unfaithful if you allow yourself to keep thinking in this manner. If you don't want it to happen with yourself, I highly recommend the following:<br />
<br />
You've stated you don't want to leave her because of the kids. Have you tried being honest with her and telling her what's wrong and what you need? Is she aware of the issues? Does she listen if you try to talk to her about these things? If not, would she be willing to see a couples counselor with you as a form of third-party mediation?<br />
<br />
Beyond that, all I can say is if you really are that miserable, you need to think about what's best for you and your happiness. Granted the children make it much harder. Perhaps you can divorce her and make a life in Denver, and still regularly see them. I don't recommend going through this decision making process alone. Talk to a counselor if you have no one else (a good friend or family member) you can talk to in confidence. <br />
<br />
FWIW, my husband and I are on a healing path. Maybe communcation is all you need. <br />
<br />
I sincerely wish you good luck for the future.

Thank you for writing this. I am a 45 year old male in Austin, Texas and have been married for 12 years. Just about everything you say about your situation reflects my own. It's amazing. I am getting to the point where I can't take it anymore. Like someone said, life is too short.

I can see your frusteration and hurt. You pose some legitimate complaints. I know for me personally its sometimes easier for third parties to see things because Im sure she has heard this story so many times that as soon as you start she tunes you out. Which is also wrong but somewhat human nature. Be creative. You sound educated. Do her a service...buy her a rose, wash the dishes for her one night and then try to let your concerns be known. It may not all be fixed over night. Problems dont get his bad over night and they wont be solved over night but if your girls happiness is truly your goal you wont mind swallowing a little pride for the good of the family, right? Even if you are "right" youre not really right if you let it fall apart. Make sense? One more thing..I know your just venting and probably saying things you wouldnt generally say to people you know but you have two daughters..I know you wouldnt want some man speaking about them so vulgur. Maybe try to speak differently get a new outlook and it will come across that way.

To be fair, she is not technically unintelligent. She just has no ability to look at things ob<x>jectively or see any perspective other than her sad, self-absorbed, woe-is-me, nonsense<br />
<br />
I think my husband could be related to your wife............dam they are a lot a like in many ways. The above statement for sure!! <br />
<br />
When you are involved with someone like that you have to put yourself outside of her and even if managed to live a separate life somehow even if it is for a few hours a week. <br />
<br />
Otherwise you may need a divorce like the others have said....<br />
<br />
GOOD LUCK B

I am a 32 year old divorced man no children. All i have ever wanted in life was to meet a woman with some sense. Start a strong business and we could work together and have a good life.<br />
<br />
<br />
Now enter reality - for some reason GOD intentionally left out the sanity gene in women. Women are emotional hormonal and insane, yet men still love them.<br />
<br />
And men like having sex so those in control of the laws made really stupid mistakes.<br />
<br />
As asinine as this is going to sound and I do apologize ahead of time. This is something worth a try. <br />
<br />
You have given her to much power over you and she has taken on the nagging mother roll.<br />
Women need "THE STRONGEST MAN" this doesn't mean beat her. This means take control do this without yelling if possible, don't even get emotional.<br />
It sounds retarded I know but men and women need different things this is obvious.<br />
Try this next time she gets nasty with you. Get right up in her face, look her deep in her eyes with as much crazed passion as you can muster even if you have to imagine its not her. Tell her how much you love her and how sexy you think she is and how much it pleases you to have her in your life. If she hits you tell her to do it again because it feels so good. Throw her over your shoulder and take her to bed. and take her she is your wife. I mean if you cant take control of your cave how will you fend off the saber-tooth.<br />
<br />
If your lucky and do this genuinely. It will blow her mind that her getting all pissy with you just led you to ravage her cave man style. Doing this will take you at least temporarily out of weak boy territory in her mind. Your daughters need a strong male role model. they need to see that they will not be able to run over all men.<br />
<br />
Remember In most species the female is the hunter. This is a large burden. Show her your strength and power and let it be known the control you have over it.<br />
<br />
this would be the time to throw her clothes to the floor and lift her up and press her against the wall. This is not the time to use the bed unless it is a physical necessity.

I got half way through your story... then got board, sorry. I quit reading. <br />
<br />
I will try to understand your anger here though... because this is EP, therefore I am your ep friend or whatever... so here goes...<br />
<br />
Leave, you'll be fine.. once you leave you will feel free. k? If you wanna be happy, just go. Meet someone better after all... you deserve it.

....there is always two sides of a story..if i could, i would like to see the situation from ur wife 's stand point..just curious on how she sees u and how she views the things..anyway, good luck to both of u.

I am so sorry! I can somewhat relate to a lot of ur problems. Just how ur treated and the whole moving to a diff place and feeling alone... Not sure if you believe in God but I suggest you pray.. It helps. I really hope life gets better for you... sounds like my life. Good luck :)

Cycling Guy, that was a very thoughtful and well-intentioned comment; it's a pleasure to hear a voice of sanity with some practical advice.

Thank you for this story, I can identify with every bit of it, save the exact cities involved. Your words should be preserved for future schoolchildren learning history; like reading a few pages from the Grapes of Wrath to get a vivid picture of life in the 1930s, your story perfectly captures the life and thoughts of a married American male in the early 21st century.<br />
<br />
On a sidenote, it's revealing to read the comments from many women to your story, from feeble cliches like "work on your relationship" to the incoherent stream of text from pp888888. Clearly you've hit a nerve with female readers, and they don't like it.<br />
<br />
So, here's my attempt at constructive advice:<br />
<br />
You want is to have a good influence upon your 2 girls, while somehow extricating yourself from married life at some point. The benefit of your influence will come disproportionately from earlier years, how you influence them at 8 will matter more than how you imprint upon them at 16. I'd advise tentatively setting an age for when your work will be mostly done, maybe when they are in their early teens. For now, seek to do things with your girls that are simple, low cost, classic things that memories are made of. Try to do things outdoors with just you and your girls. Read stories to them. Turn off the TV, go for the classic feel good things that they will remember forever. Be the loving dad of wise words and fond memories, that will keep them going forever.<br />
<br />
The other thing to do is start prepping for a divorce. The key here is money. You want to downsize your disposable income so that your wife can't say she is accustomed to X dollars every month, where X is a high amount. A key factor is the money-earning *potential* of your wife, so encourage her to work or get training (but watch out for high priced tuition, generally not worth it). <br />
<br />
Do you have direct deposit pay? If so, consider setting up a fund devoted to an "irrevocable trust" for the benefit of your girls, and have an ever increasing amount of your pay deposited to that trust. One get more detailed background at http://www.divorcesource.com/research/edj/trusts/05mar25.shtml.<br />
<br />
The basic idea is to channel your income *away* from the wife, establishing new precedents about her "needs", and channel that income *toward* your children in a way that withstands assaults from women and divorce law. I'm not a lawyer but the core idea is that an Irrevocable Trust is not controlled by you or your wife, it is administered by a 3rd party until your daughters reach an age (21 is typical) and then it goes to them. Make sure such a fund is truly an "IRrevocable" trust, not revokable. <br />
<br />
Done properly this kills many birds at once: it demonstrates your affection toward your girls, which they will realize as young adults. I think there may be immediate tax advantages to you as well. Crucially, it re-allocates money away from the bad stuff (spending and "needs" of your wife) and to good purposes (your girls). If your wife grumbles, simply explain how much you care about your children and their future. There's no counter-argument to that. In a helpful way, you can point out that additional spending money could certainly come from a second adult income in the household! And voila, she gets an incentive to earn money (key precedent), her provable support needs go down, and your girls get more of your hard earned money. I hope that helps.

Start getting evidence. I have a very close friend who's mother was given custody because her father refused to sully her name in court. Her mother slept around and went out to pubs and clubs leaving my friend in the care of a known paedophile. Divorce is hard on everyone but the judges more often than not will award custody to the mother unless there is a good reason not to and I'm sure this counts as a good reason, as without your presence your daughters would be forced to live in chaos.<br />
<br />
Divorce isn't easy so I suggest you invest in the best lawyer you can afford.

i love reading this because it justifies this uselessness of husbands!! sorry, no offense but you've got "mommy" comments from mothers who have sons going through what you're going through. guess what? that jacket that you "happen" to leave lying on chair somewhere is the tip of the iceberg. i'm sorry, i try and be sympathetic to your comments but frankly, you're some boys who have failed to acknowledge the responsibilities you have beyond yourself and your perception of being "most influential person" in you children's lives. get OVER yourselves!!! sorry, i have NO link what so ever to you guys but WOOOOAH, stop the moaning and check into reality. life is not about YOU, it is about your family. women "nag" for a reason.... !!!! yikes. being self absorbed gets you to.... you. kiss kiss boys.

I would talk to her. She may behave terribly but if you don't tell people how you like to be treated you're not taking any responsibility. Good luck!

Dude, you are married to my ex-wife! I used to really hate that *****. Ultra-critical, selfish, self-centered, never EVER took responsibility for her life or her own happiness, always someone else's fault, angry, bitter, cynical...did I mention ultra-critical?<br />
<br />
Anyway, divorcing her cost me $1000 a month (after taxes, ouch) in child support, at least another $70,000 in attorneys fees defending against her false allegations. and more attorney, court-appointed mediator and therapist fees fighting her parental alienation. <br />
<br />
She was and continues to be an ex-wife from hell. But you know why divorcing her was so expensive? BECAUSE IT WAS WORTH IT!!!!!!!!! <br />
<br />
As for your children, there is no good or easy answer. Just a least worst choice. I would consult with the best-recommended family therapist you can find. Not to save your marriage, but to save your children. Work with a good therapist to map out what is the best path for your children. There are often more solutions than you realize, but b/c you're caught in the insanity, you can't think your way out of this. GOOD LUCK!

Hi Miserable3. I am kind of in a similar situation. My wife and I have 18-month old twin daughters and I love them more than I will love anybody in my life. My wife thinks she's a princess...nothing I do will satisy her and she always has this bloody face of anger-sadness-discontent... she has rules she never follows herself as you all know happens... She compares me with all the other husbands and I just think: I don' give a ****!! why don't you bloody go live with them??! I'm sure they'll be happy with all the nagging!! Financially it's impossible to leave her now... but then when I can do it (and she, I and the babies can survive financially) my girls will be 3 or 4 years old and it might be even harder!! She tels me I don't care about how she feels and she is right... when she begins the nagging I just picture myself somewhere else because all her non-sense just drives me nuts and I don't want to be so angry around her... I might become violent and that would ruin everything for me. Anyway, sorry I can't be of morehelp... I just wanted to let you know you are not alone... I am new in this website and just realising I'm not alone gives me a little bit of relief in this nightmare I live in. Cheers

Unlike most comments I'm living through the same situation as you are. My wife is a nagging *****. She is never satisfied and nitpicks at absolutely everything, every single f***** day. I'll up you one though...my lovely wife DOES NOT WORK!!! She gets up at 12 p.m. every single f***** day.<br />
<br />
Yesterday. I go to the kitchen to eat cereal for dinner and I accidentally (being the evil bastard that I am) leave the cabinet door open when I took out a cereal bowl. She screams like the demon that she is, "YOU ALWAYS leave things open. CAN'T you simply close the cabinet door." I've learned to lash out at her by profusely apologizing to see if this neanderthal would catch my drift that she is a ridiculous moron!<br />
<br />
Not only that but like you my twin brother, I have a beatuiful little 4-year old son. Not only does she nag me to near death, she nags and brow-beats my son. Luckily from Monday through Friday he goes to pre-K, which gives him relief from the monster that lives at home. "Arthur!!! Shut-up, you're screaming too much." "Arthur!!! You're not allowed to eat at the table with us because you're a little baby and you spill all your food" etc...

I thought for a second that you were married to my wife before me. <br />
<br />
Luckily we have no children, my escape is coming.

I thought for a second that you were married to my wife before me. <br />
<br />
Luckily we have no children, my escape is coming.

Man,<br />
<br />
I feel your pain. My wife is the same complaining self indulgent toxic ***** that you have described. Her two interests in life are spending my hard earned money and watching TV. I have never been more bored and absolutely disinterested in anyone as I am with her but like you, my two daughters keep me around. At least I serve as a buffer that prevents her from destroying my kids. Too bad I can't get a refund...

I really see how both men and women make the same mistakes in relationships and sometimes we (I) tend to assume the men should understand while I really don't make an equal effort to understand them, and it's only fair that I (we as women) should try, especially if we are demanding your understanding and patience for our needs. We get a little caught up sometimes in being treated like a lady that we forget, you're a dude and you have needs too! Different ones, but they're still needs and important to you. If a woman loves you, your needs will be no less significant than hers.. when I love, and want things to work, I even consider certain things my man needs above my own whims.. within reason of course. Love is unselfish. I've found that when I do a lot of whining in a relationship, it's usually something totally separate that's bugging me. I've learned to try and nip it before it gets to that point. Sorry you're having a rough time... all the best, I know it's ******.. Good Luck

Wow. I can't believe how similar our situations are. I simply googled, "I Hate My Wife" and found your story. I had no intentions on joining a group, however I felt compelled after reading your story. I also have two kids and feel trapped in a loveless marriage. I also have no friggin idea why I ever married her. I encourage you to read my story (which I will post after writing this). I recently found inspiration from my past....

I am sorry for what you are going through. If you aren't leaving her because of the girls, I must be because they are little girls. In this case the best you can do, is keep your self very busy, Find your self a hobby that you never had before adn that you really like also something that you can include your girls too sometimes. that way time will past faster than you think, once your girls are gorwn enough to understand, than you aren't happy with mom, you will be free and back in track with your self. Be patience and think positive, things will be better for you.

my wife keeps saying if we ever divorce i can see my son anytime i want, but the way she acts sometimes makes me wonder if i should go for joint custody or not. We have a written agreement that our son lives with her if we did ever get a divorce any thoughts on this anybody?

I to sympathize with your stories my wife of seven years thinks that yelling is the best approach towards solving a problem she is very aggressive minipulating and just plain sarcastic I'm sure everybody is guilty from time to time of being sarcastic, but i think you have to look at your situation and try to find every solution possible b4 you consider divorse cuz who knows it might be a sucess storey ne ways hang in there.

when i said "she" is out partying I mean my wife not my daughter obviously. i reread my post and it sounded like i said my daugther. but she's a bit young for drinking and sex at under 2 years old.

I am probably going to regret joining this b/c my wife willl probably read my email and this. I have two girls, one is almost two the other 3 months. I am so close to my older daughter i can't imagine some other "step-father" in her life. My wife hasn't come on to me since we got married. I have to bargain with her for sex. Its ridiculous. I hate my life so I drink but I think i'd hate it more if i didn't see my daughter every day. plus i don't want to mess her up. I am trying to quit drinking, but even when i don't drink, my marriage isn't any better. My wife has made out with a guy once when she was drunk. that's all i know of. I keep thinking it won't be better if we split. we've been in counseling once but she just pretended it was fine. who knows. i think all i live for is my daughter. without her i think i'd drink/drug myself to death or kill myself if i couldn't make life any better. alot of the time i wonder what is the point of life then i remember how much my daugther loves me and vice versa. in fact she is out right now partying while i am home with kids (i drink alot i'm not saint) and I almost hope that she ***** some other guy so i have a reason to divorce her.

Take control of your life dude. That's your responsibility. Perhaps you should be telling this to your wife, not us. I mean, if you are after something constructive, a positive change to occur, stand up and face the music. You have no right to waste your life. And remember, it's the choices we make that defines who we are, not our circumstances. Make a choice. Stop being scared.

I really emphatize with your story...my son has 2 kids & is sacrificing his life til they're grown..a real shame. I'm in a totally sexless marriage, for years, & it's such a waste. I wish I could be of help to you...it's amazing how people have to settle...I see women with great men, they don't show any respect or love, & I think, woman==someone needs to give you a real dose of 'wake up'..there's so MANY women out there wanting to change places with you!! good luck, sweetie.

Is there any way your relationship can be saved? Counseling? Or has it gone way past that?

ok someone has to be the a**hole, so it will be me. with two young girls, you gotta stay. read the "I lost my father" forum. those stories will be written by your daughters in 20 years. me, i am in a similar boat. mentally, i just tell myself that my wife is the kids "nanny", and i am a single parent raising my children. y'know as a father, you are the most influential person in your daughters lives. your relationship with them will teach them how to respect, choose and have a healthy relationship with their future spouses...

No one should be left without a voice. As for her dragging you around without consideration for what you might want is completely freaking ridiculous. This woman sounds like she needs a reality check something bad. She sounds completely self-absorbed. I'm sorry. I really am. It's completely unfair of you to be stuck in a situation like that. But you have to evaluate if you really feel as if you can live your life in complete misery so someone else can be just "content". It sounds like a bogus deal. Whatever you do, we're here for you!

I feel your pain brother. A lot of your wife's winning qualities seemed to be mirrored by my spectacular spouse. I also have 2 young kids. I am on the brink of divorce i a believe it will be the best thing for me and them. I just want to let you know that you aren't the only one going through hell. I like to think that these trials we are going through are just to make us stronger in the long run.

This kind of stuff makes me ill!! NOT you, her. BUT coming from a set of pathetic parents where neither had the backbone to do the right thing, we used to BEG them to divorce!! They NEVER should have married!! Can you at least talk to an attorney with regards to the custody issue, you might be surprised, courts ( and i am NO advocate for the system ) are learning that children need and have a right to BOTH parents. Don't stay for your kids, LEAVE for your kids. Either way it all SUCKS!! Sorry I couldn't be more positive. good Luck!!

See I am with you, Some are convinced that man and women are equal under the law. It is just not the case. I know that if I was to leave my wife I would lose my kids. It's just a fact under the current system. I will most likely stay miserable for the rest of my life just to insure I will remain in my kids lives full time.

I agree. you've gotta leave. Your girls will still love you. You can still see them. Don't live like this. It's not good for anyone.<br />
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

One has to ask if it really is the best thing to raise your girls in this kind of relationship? Its never easy getting divorced, everyone loses and gets hurt. But if you really despise her this much.....its called liberal visitation.