My Wasted Life

Been together since 1999 and married since 2004. I had a feeling, an instinct that we were not meant to be together the day she said we should get married. That feeling has never gone away. However, I’ve tried to make things work; to see the bright side and be optimistic about our life together.

I could tell things were getting worse by 2006. My exit strategy was to pursue a career in aviation (a family profession). I studied to become an airline pilot and was on my way. I already obtained my commercial license and was working as a professional pilot when she gave the ultimatum: “How will this work if you are never home. I don’t want to be a single parent.” We didn’t even have kids then and she was already looking into the future while I was looking to get out. I should have stood my ground then and continued flying, but I didn’t. I was probably scared of being alone.

Then in 2008 she really started in on having kids. When we first go together we agreed that neither of us wanted children. I was adamant about not having children. Kids were never part of what I thought my life to be. Now this became her second ultimatum. I caved. Again.

Shortly after having our son in early 2011 I was offered my dream job. It was in the aviation industry, not as a pilot, but as a safety consultant. My first assignment was with Emirates Airline in Dubai. It required me to be out of the country for at least 3 months. Her response: “How will this work if you are never home. I don’t want to be a single parent.” Ultimatum #3.

It is now January 2013. I’ve been unemployed for over year and am having a hell of a time finding any kind of work that will pay the bills. The pressure is mounting. My marriage is at its worst peak. My wife and I fight all the time. I can’t seem to do what I really want to do and she continues to demand more and more of me. I really want to end our relationship. I know it is going to be difficult, particularly with our son. I have been the primary parent since he was born and don’t want to give up our special time together. However, I don’t want him growing up with parents who hate each other. It is the worst thing you can do for a child in regards to modeling healthy relationships.

I don’t know how to end it. I feel totally drained emotionally. I have no job, no financial security, no family. I know I’ll lose what little I have left (my son and the house) but I can’t stand to be in this relationship anymore.
AsIs49824 AsIs49824
5 Responses Jan 5, 2013

Marriage is a very solemn undertaking and it should be open to the procreation of children. That is half of what it is for. It is hugely demanding to be separated for periods of time from one's spouse. Your wife should have clearly understood from the outset that this would be part of the bargain and she would have to find ways of coping. By caving in to her you have become resentful, and that is not fair to anyone, including your young son. To work on healing the stress you are under, you need to address several areas, your income, your communication problem and your conflicting goals. Bring in a third party to balance out the power which at present seems unfairly weighted in your wife's favour. It would be wrong for you to try to escape from your responsibilities and commitments, and it would also be wrong for your wife to expect you to continue labouring under such a lot of stress. She needs to meaningfully start accepting her share of the load.

You married a "Succubus" dude. She gonna suck the life right out of you!

You KNEW it in the beginning, but she made you weak. Thats what they do to their prey. Your life ended in 1999.

I feel your wife should have supported you all those years ago in your choice of career, regardless of how long she might have to be without you, (while you're away working), I might add. She should have looked at it as you working to support your future family, instead of being so selfish and making you give up your dream job and what you had in your heart. I am a woman and feel she was very insecure about herself that she needed you there 24/7. Now, years later, look where you both are at in your lives. The fact that you are now unemployed and unhappy is not healthy for you or your family. I say do what you need to do, to live the rest of your life in full. Your son will always be there and you will always put him first, so let him know this and do what you must to make a future for both of you. If you feel the need to put your foot down with your wife, chose to be on the other end, you give the ultimatum this time. Tell her you need to work, you need to do what you have missed of all your life, and either she chooses to support you and stay with you, or you can both go your separate ways, her choice. If you feel you no longer love her, then chose what is in your heart.

good luck to you and just be happy.

I truely understand how you feel, sounds like you feel the way I do. I believe I am ready to call it quits. It sounds like she's a little selfish, she kept you from your dream job by making you feel guilty if you left her alone. I don't believe a person should stay with a person if they are unhappy. You should do what will make you happy, seems like you been trying to please her, but hurting yourself in the process. All I can say is do what will make you happy, no one deserves to be miserable...

Start flying!! ASAP! The rest will fall into place. Whatever will be, will be.