Love My Kid. Can't Stand My Wife. Stuck In The Middle.

Hate is a strong word. I've been told to never "hate" anyone. So I'll just say that I strongly dislike my wife. I am not attracted to her. I don't like the way she treats me. I cannot stand her personality. I am exhausted in spending time with her. I cannot relax and just be myself around her. There is always something wrong that needs to be debated. We just do not fit well personality wise.

I am not looking for sympathy, but in order to see where I am coming from I have to explain that I left my family, friends, job and country to be with her. I gave up everything and moved to the US (from Canada) to make our relationship work. I took a job that I don't particularly like because I had to (love the job market down here). I tried to make things work, but lately I feel like I just don't care anymore. I don't care about making her happy because she does not make me happy. I don't even know how to make my wife happy. She is never happy. I'm so tired of dealing with her mood swings and negativity. After all I surrendered for our relationship I feel unappreciated and generally frustrated with our antagonistic marriage.

We've been married for a year and a half. Before that we dated long distance for almost 5 years. I thought moving in together would remedy the long distance problems, but I've come to realise that people just don't change. All those issues that you see from hundreds of miles away just become bigger when you deal with them on a daily basis. We had a kid together a few months ago and he is the light in both of our lives. I don't think either one of us could imagine a life without our wonderful son. But I can, and do fantasize about a life without my selfish, volatile, moody, miserable wife.

I know people shouldn't remain together just for their kids, but I do not want to loose him. I love him and I want what's best for him. While I think my wife is a great mother, I think I am an equally good father. If I were to leave I would probably return to Canada and be hundreds of miles away. I don't know if I could win a custody battle. Like I said my wife is a great mom and she has a good support system in place. I would be starting over (again) to return home and it would be a challenge to get everything in place for my son. But of course I would do anything for him and would ultimately make it work. I just fear loosing him. I don't want to be a long distance dad. But far away from my wife is where I want to be.

I wont go into all the sorted details of her negative attributes, behavior and personality. I simply do not love her. I do not care if she wanted to be out all the time and just leave me alone. Clearly I am not happy and I don't think she is either. But I do think she knows she has me by the short-hairs. She risked and gave up nothing for our marriage. If it were to end she would have little, other than financial obligations, to juggle. I feel like she knows this and exerts power over me. She treats me poorly because really, what can I do about it? I don't like to fight, and normally I let most things slide, but lately I find myself being drawn into heated arguments over nearly every little decision almost on a daily basis. I feel like I'm being worn down. She makes me feel like no matter what I do its not good enough. I resent her for letting herself go, complaining about it, and being too lazy to do anything about; suddenly not wanting to work, accusing me of not earning more money, picking on me for my (harmless) hobbies, second guessing me on decisions I make when it comes to raising our son and generally being a ***** whenever things don't go her way 100%.

So what do I do? I am grinding it out on a daily basis. I want my son to be happy and have a great life. I want to see him and be a part of his life every day. Help.
ohiojohn ohiojohn
8 Responses Jan 7, 2013

My suggestion is get back who you are. You need to find yourself again, that goes for everything, career, hobbies, dress code, appearance everything you want to be and can be, you should focus on yourself first, then after your balanced in your life you can look at your relationship and the decision will be allot easier when your established as a all round balance individual than when you are out on a limb. Giving up everything puts you in a out of control position, a man like this will always be pushed around, trust me I been there. Either two things will happen, 1) you find yourself and your wife changes dramatically for you because she wants to keep you, or 2) You find yourself she has not changed, you give her an ultimatum that she follows, if not leave. Lifes too short buddy, I dont have to tell you to continue support for your kids, Its obvious you will. Kids are not stupid, they will figure out who the nutty one is.

Feel really sorry for you and myself, cause I know what it's like to be in your shoes.
I find myself in the very same disgraceful situation. I simply hate my wife to the guts and can't live without my 2 sons.
I was searching on the internet cases like mine to find relief.
But at this very moment I can hear that *****.
I am from Brazil, gave up on my dreams to marry her.

I am feeling sorry for you and can only recommend counselling, I suppose, as you don't seem to want to go through divorce proceedings. The way things are between you, are not a good basis for your son to grow up happily. With all the fights and resentments that exist in your daily life it's not a good environment to bring kids up in. They do feel the aggrevation between the parents and suffer from it. Bring on a change in her attitude or leave, would be my recommendation. Personally I fear that you have left it for too long to be trampled all over by her, in my opinion she needs a strong hand to show her the ropes and to get rid of her lazy, moody ways. If you don't master that strength or take action to change something soon, things for you will go from bad to worse...

Feel for you brother. I am in a tough spot myself with a new baby and a terrible marriage. Have you tried counseling?

ur in a bind man.. seriously.. not trying to bring u down, i'm being honest, that sounds rough

Whose idea was it to get preggers and have a kid???? Was this a haapppy planned pregnancy by both loving wannabe parents....or did she just throw a pregnancy-pee stick at you and tell you to get a second job?

If you had triple timed the protection, you wouldn't be in this mess. You think you men would learn this by now.
Live & learn. Keep it in your pants or it'll derail your life.

John i heare your pain. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet visit a lawyer find out your rights and start making an exit plan.

With the wicked cows that we deal with actions speak louder than words or arguments.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

all of her negative attributes, she showed no signs of these before you married her? when i read stories like this one it gives me the impression that people marry folks that they no nothing about. you would think that people would show even a hint of their true colors before a relationship progressed to the point of marriage.

I only have to make two statements regarding this comment: it is hard to find fault in something that you have fallen in love with, and people do not show their true colors while dating.