I Despise My Wife. I Love My Kids.

I'm struggling to cope up with my marriage... I have no one else to talk to. I'm miserable. I want this to end. Sorry I have no one to write to. I have no one I can lean on. I love my kids but the pain is just too deep. Why did I get into this?! I have no way out. If she gets custody she will screw our kids up. The only reason I'm staying is for my kids. I have never lived a normal life for the last 7 years. Everyday over the last 7 years I have been bearing the pain, the misery, the regret. There is not a single day that I didn't think about leaving her. I have been weakened. All I know is I want to be far from her. I want to wake up one day not knowing her name. She has brought me incredible pain and suffering. No matter what I do she still thinks it doesn't make up to the "standards". Everything is fake. I fake every bit of me when I'm in front of her. I can't stand being around her. I'm feel forced in every bit. I don't even want to look at her. I wish I never knew her. I wish I never saw her ever. I wish she leaves me alone with the kids and goes away and don't come back ever. I wish she cheats and finds her true love so she leaves me and the kids alone. She's a terrible mother. All she thinks about is herself and how her facebook friends thinks about her. I know she's planning something and she is going to use the kids as leverage in the future to get money. I feel weak. I feel hopeless. I love my kids to death. I don't want them to grow up in hatred, seeing their parents hate and hate and hate each other. I just want her out of my life. I wanted her out yesterday, I want her out now, and I don't want her to be a part of my future. Am I morbid? Sorry for typing these words in. I'm typing in wild abandon. I'm typing my heart out. I'm saying the things I want to say to her but couldn't. The misery in my heart is overflowing. I have never been happy. Everyday is just another day of sorrow for me. There is nothing to look forward to. My success means nothing. My accomplishments are a waste. Nothing is of value. She never did anything to help me out. She never inspired me. She never helped me in the finances at all. I do everything, from the kids daily activities, to their choice of school, their welfare, their clothing, our holiday, our trip, our choice of restaurant... she is too dependent and never dependable. All her decisions has been a disaster. She does not have humility. Doesn't take responsibility for her actions. I do everything a mother should be doing to the kids. She is the most horrible person in the world. She is violent. She hurts me physically too. I have wounds, scars, and marks brought about by her violence. She is a danger to herself and the kids. When she's angry she screams unmindful of the scandal she would cause the fear she would instil in the children. I would cover her mouth when she screams so the kids doesn't hear. I will kneel in front of her when she's angry to beg that she stops so she doesn't scare the kids to death. She needs psychiatric help, she needs help. She is mentally disturbed. Maybe because of her past. Maybe because she had a violent childhood. I don't know. She is a horrible person. She does not respect me. She does not appreciate. She wants undivided attention to her non-sensical whimpers. She is uneducated. I feel embarrassed to be around her. She has zero class. I am trapped and I want to break free. I feel alone and abandoned. I feel forsaken. I feel plagued. I don't know were to start. I'm sorry for this message. I'm just typing in for someone to read. For someone to see thru. For someone who knows me. I'm not looking for answers. I already know the answers. Thanks for reading.
An Ep User An EP User
34 Responses Jan 15, 2013

Your post describes the bane of my existence exactly. I am setting money aside, separating accounts and bills. I have a second phone that I use without fear of her scrutinizing every website I visit. I have a post office box for important mail. Soon I will get a storage unit to hold important documents. Next I will get a cheap but awesome(she won't be there) apartment Then one day I will just give her the divorce documents. At least she won't be able to ruin my most important documents or access my cash. I'll fight for custody but settle for visitation. I will never trust another woman ever again. Never. No matter how young or gorgeous. They have a selfish agenda for men. F#ck and forget.

My problem is a bit different. Problem is that I still love my wife, but I hate her at the same time. She has taught me life lessons that have made me a better man and I am thankful for it, but as time goes on I feel like she is only making me better so she can benefit from it. She has a love of money in the sense that she thinks it will solve everything. She always looks for the path of least resistance and even my 5 yo. Daughter asked me why mommy is so lazy. I'm trying to teach her how to be self-motivated, wake up early and attack the day, while mom is still in bed barking orders, fussing, and criticizing; its counter-productive.There was a time when I made the mistake of putting my mother before my wife, but it was long ago and I have changed. Ask my wife and she'd say otherwise, all the while ignoring the fact that her lazy, unmotivated mother stayed in our house for a year and stressed everyone out like crazy. I am both a father and a mother, doing lawn work, repairs, working late, and even doing hair and playing with dolls and teaching my daughter how to be a lady (well, trying to, at least), but the wife believes that I'm lazy and selfish.I agree, I am selfish sometimes; In all my imperfections, I am a man after all. But she is not so much better than me to hold every single mostake over my head like an anvil on a fraying rope. A married woman in her own family is a very rare thing, so its safe to say that she doesn't know what it is to be a wife and respect a man. TV shows have unfortunately served as her model for marriage, and her expectations are unrealistic.I'm loosing my will to fight... can't quit, though. I want to restore the love, but it seems impossible because she has given up. I can't let the kids be a product of a broken marriage. I still love her despite her imperfections and I'm willing to have patience with her, but only if she can step down from her pedistal and reason with me. I wish this matriage b.s. wasn't so darned hard...

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I thought I was alone with this. I feel the same way and don't know what to do. I'm in a near exact situation you described and don't want to hurt my child's feelings.

I understand how you feel but you need to remember that it's not about you anymore. It's now about the kids. You need to take control of your life cos if you die of depression or heart attack or she finally finds away to get violent enough to kill you, your kids are doomed. I once had an aunt stay in a marriage with a man she never loved just because she didn't want to be tagged divorced. Though she had cancer, the stress of the marriage killed her first. Today her kids are living a hard life, Thank God for our aunt who's helping them. I have learnt so much watching married people that I will NEVER stay in a marriage with anyone who makes me miserable, never. Life is too short for such. Take control. Decide today. It's time you stop being a weakling and become a man. For your kids. Am here if you ever need to talk.

I know exactly how you feel and if it makes you feel better, I am worse off because of my wife I am in debt to my ears. We have a 5 year old son, I was planning to leave her, even tried to live her several times before he was born but the compassionate idiot that I am betrayed me when she tried to take her life. I know she had a trouble life but it looked like things were getting better the first years then she just stopped trying and let herself go. Her pregnancy was not planned, we were on the rocks already but I held back after she told me she was pregnant, I thought maybe a child could help her self esteem, it didn't. I love my son so much but hate being married to her, I see other couples and wonder why I couldn't have his wife. Why did God choose me out of a million men to marry her, she manages to make every argument about her somehow and I hate it, almost lost it several times. I work so hard to provide for them and she always has something negative to say about me, always comparing me to other husbands.
She doesn't like my family because we are close and she isn't with hers, she tries to keep me away from them all the time. I am going to lose my job in a couple of months, the company is closing and I have very high debt, thanks to her who always wants new stuff, she doesn't like to have things repaired. I really believe God hates me for something I did in a previous life. I am hanging on because of my son, he really loves me and listens to me, the only time I feel happy is when I am with him.

i am in the same boat. i have 2 kids that have shaped me into the man i am and a wife who is the crushing force to all of us. she is miserable and makes poor decisions and horribly manages money. i cant leave because my kids will suffer even more. she will never change. and the worse part is she used to be everything i wanted and now she just refuses to try and get back to that point no matter how much i do. no matter how much romance i attempt. she just wants to be a child

Don't worry

Firstly, I hope you don't mind me saying, but chill out a little. Take a night out, just either drive somewhere and have a meal by yourself or do whatever you want.

Secondly, I am so glad I found this site to vent my frustration, but the one thing that amazes me, is how many of us are in the same boat.

Looking at the responses I have seen, I reckon there is a common thread - WE HAVE children and we get "kicked out of the love list" and "treated with contempt" - we have been together for a few years and we get "kicked out of the love list" and "treated with contempt" and for me, many of us are the bread winners that struggle to make ends meet and we get "kicked out of the love list" and "treated with contempt" .......YOU CANNOT BLOODY WIN.

I reckon you should take that night out and then come back here again - you may feel better about it if you do.

My wife has this full life - basically paid for by me, whilst I struggle to cope. Maybe we need to give them the finger and do a few things ourselves.

Stay strong - because I hate my wife more than you do

You ate a mean man maybe you should of shown her love and support and she wouldn't be a *****.

I feel sorry about your message ,what does it mean wife :wife is created from the rib of man not from the top not to become master not from bottom not to be the seal of foot just love her but if she goes beyond limits just put your shoes on her head for sure and then you will see the results.thank you

I feel the exact same way, if it wasnt for my daughter i would have left her years ago. I dont love her, she doesnt offer anything of value to me, she is ugly, lazy and stupid. Very stupid, didnt finish highschool stupid. I feel trapped today on Mothers day, she wants to stay in bed all day and expects gifts, expensive gifts. Shes a horrible women and i wish she would run off with another guy and leave me and my daughter alone.

I know it's old. But what ended up happening. Been living in your shoes for 3 years. Got 2 kids. Help. I need to know. I Won't be a bad father for leaving HER.

im feel sorry for your self you need to pray to God for all what you said about the mother of your kids .

after reading this it feels we both written it together, i thought my wife was the only female excuse to treat people this way but hey there's a bunch of them out there.

You and me both. My wife is hateful, vengeful and vindictive. I wish I never met her and now she is pregnant with my child.

I feel your pain. Every wold you wrote describe my miserable live.I'm 37 and I believe that my marriage is the biggest mistake of my live. Divorce is not an option. what am I supposed to do I have one kid.

I feel your pain. Every wold you wrote describe my miserable live.I'm 37 and I believe that my marriage is the biggest mistake of my live. Divorce is not an option. what am I supposed to do I have one kid.

I feel like u just described my life to a tee. I am horrified for you. Its sad to live your life this way. You only have so much time in life. To be so miserable for so long can make you insane.

I feel like u just described my life to a tee. I am horrified for you. Its sad to live your life this way. You only have so much time in life. To be so miserable for so long can make you insane.

i know this post is old but. i feel the same way. but my wife has turned me into a evil person i have to catch myself when i act like she does. i have turned to religion and it hasn't worked. i do love her but love her enough to let her go. for everyones happiness. but she is spiteful and would. do anything to see me fail

i know this post is old but. i feel the same way. but my wife has turned me into a evil person i have to catch myself when i act like she does. i have turned to religion and it hasn't worked. i do love her but love her enough to let her go. for everyones happiness. but she is spiteful and would. do anything to see me fail

i know this post is old but. i feel the same way. but my wife has turned me into a evil person i have to catch myself when i act like she does. i have turned to religion and it hasn't worked. i do love her but love her enough to let her go. for everyones happiness. but she is spiteful and would. do anything to see me fail

i am just happy i am not alone. thank you for your words. thank you so much to those who validate me staying for my kids. my wife is actually a good mother, maybe i'm lucky. but the darkness she has inside for me is very painful. we hate each other too. thank you everyone. on to tomorrow.

Sounds like how I felt with my wife. We have two kids as well and had the same concerns as you. I bit the bullet and asked for divorce. I figured I can best be there for the kids when i'm happy. I'm counting down the days until it's official.

For men like you, we can only wish the family courts would start becoming more objective (i.e. not immediately siding with the mother) for the sake of our children's futures.

I know how u feel, I'm been with my wife now for 6 years and have two kids with her. She too only cares what her Facebook friends thinks. She is so dependant on me, I hate it so much. I too always Feel like I'm the mother and the father in my family. I love my kids so much but it hurts me that I hate their mother so much. She never helps financially, n whenever we talk about money she can't handle the responsibility of it n just spends and spends. Also the whole time we have been together I always feel like we have never had that bond that life partners should have, it's feels so fake all the time n I just grin and bare it all the time. I too have no one to talk to, I am also alone.. She has a big family n she never understands what I need for this marriage to work, emotionally, i always feel like she cares more about her family n her friends more than m, then always expects me to do everything. It's makes me so sad cause I used to have to many friends n live a very independent life, full of life. Now it has all been sucked away from me. But I will never leave because I love my kids more than what I need for myself. But when my kids are old enough I will leave, I will get my life back. Then she will realise how well I treated her. Hope u get thru, men suffer a lot. Love for the kids is all that matters.

Most women who have uncontrollable anger and rage have been sexually abused by someone...have you and your wife ever discussed that.....maybe, just maybe that's the root of her madness. Just asking ...thanks for sharing your story!

I wish I could tell you to get a divorce. Truth is that I am in exactly the same boat. I don't want to bore you by repeating the same story but I just want to tell you that there are more people experiencing the same thing than you realize. Life is a despair. I am thinking about leaving my wife everyday I wake up: is today the day to leave my wife?

My wife even told me that she had already decided to divorce me but she just doesn't want to do it now since she wants to suck me dry first. I am almost dry already. She insisted on living in a city 100 miles away from where I work and I have to commute back each weekend. The separation resulted undue finance burden that gradually drained my resources after 5 years of marriage. I am going broke after this summer. She has plenty of money left. I guess that is probably when she will finally and mercifully end our marriage.

I can't believe I am not alone. My family also lives over 100miles away from where i work. So am travelling every weekend to see my kids for over 5 years! I have been thinking we may get back together as a family someday, but finally my wife now wanted to get a divorce.

wow dude! that was interesting.. i wish u the best of luck in your situation.. sorry you got such a selfish wife with no humility or respect for u

I feel so sad for you, I hope you find happiness. Terrible things always happen to people who least deserve it.

I'm right with you! I feel like if I left my wife to her own demise with our kids they would end up as ****** up and depressed as she is. I stay to protect my kids. Her parents screwed her up, and I stick around to make sure she doesn't do it to our kids. The only problem is I see how unhappy her father is and I am becoming just like him. It's an obvious deficiency in her and her mother that's the problem. I hate being trapped like this. It has turned into a nightmare. I have a friend with no kids who started to go through this same thing. He asked for advice and before he could finish the sentence I told him to run while he could.

I wept reading your post

oh, my, God. I empathize so much with you. This is almost exactly what I came here to post. If it weren't for the kids, I'd be gone so fast it'd spin her head off of her shoulders. I didn't understand what unconditional love was until I had kids. I wish I knew the same love in my marriage.

So, what's your answer? I'm at a total loss.... feeling very helpless.