Not Even Married a Year

A few months ago, we admitted to each other that leading up to the wedding, we both wanted out of it. But we had bought a house, had wedding parties, and everyone was so excited for us - the cost of getting out just seemed so high, and I think that we both thought that the other person really wanted to get married so we'd pull through somehow. Next month will be our one year anniversary. Maybe we'll have sex? Maybe. I can count on one hand the amount of times we've had sex so far in 2007. The thing is, the last couple of times having sex, they were terrible! I don't even want to have sex with her, I'd take a BJ or an HJ but neither of us are into sex, there's no intimacy. All my friends and family know me as a happy-go-lucky, easy-going guy. Usually all smiles and very jovial. But in my own home, the second I want to do anything the least bit self-indulgent and my wife is home, the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I can't enjoy myself unless she's out, otherwise she's just steamed at me for not doing some type of cleaning. She questions everything I do and critisizes me all the time. It's so diminishing and emasculating, to the point where, around her, I become that nervous, bumbling, no-nothing idiot she makes me out to be. That's not me, I'm a confident, compitent person in all other areas of my life. I get respect outside of my home, and if I were single, I'd be able to get a date just like that. (snaps fingers) Why oh why did I get married so young (24)! This marriage is doomed! Either one of us is going to cheat or we'll find out a way to live out this miserable marriage, never feeling fulfilled and happy, for the rest of our lives.
hcirlut hcirlut
22-25, M
12 Responses Jun 1, 2007

that does blow. sorry to hear that. cut your losses. maybe I am lucky. my wife phucked my brainz out for many many years... I have to count my blessings there... but everything comes with a price tag. My little brother and his wife were pregnant at the alter... went right into child rearing... I got to paint the town red! HA! I also remember my friend who "had it all"... hottie, nice cars, multiple homes, money, etc. and he still cheated on his wife. I asked him why one time... his reply? He said, well you can go to Hawaii with some chick and have an OK time or if you could go to Hawaii with a different chick and have a GREAT TIME... what would you do? Let a playa play!!! I don't want to seem off topic, what I am trying to say is... GET OUT!

Out, Out, Out! Get out now. Take your losses financially and move on.

This strikes a cord with me. I got married at 24, lost the initiative at the outset, spent most of my marriage feeling like a useless appendage and didn't manage to escape till I was 40! why did I wait so long?! Life is so much better now. Escape as soon as you can. I only managed to get away by cheating on my wife, now looking back I wish I'd just said, I dont like the way you treat me, and walked.

I feel for you man. It seems like everyone was telling me how great it was I was getting married. We both had doubts, but convinced ourselves that we just had cold feet. Everything was booked, I'd put up with 9 months of an obsessive bride, met with everyone, planned the honeymoon......somehow I missed the fact that we really aren't that great for each other. Everyone telling you what a Wonderful/ special/ great thing is happening to you can make you doubt your gut. Always go with your gut.

GET OUT NOW...don't throw good years after the bad AND for sure...do NOT get her pregnat. Don't let responsibility, what people think, social pressure dictate your life or you WILL be one sorry old man some day. Your'e young...get a life. Yes, it WILL be bumpy but you'll feel like a thousand pounds are off your back...Its sad that I feel happiest when I'm not home......when your throat closes up and it's hard to breathe when your'e driving home then you kNOW it's time to change

get out before she gets pregnant mate...easier now than when you have a child...take it from me...you have your whole life in front of you...dont let your ***** of a wife **** up your life

Thanks for your support guys. When I was going through the marriage process I was bombarded with "Congratulations!" and "That's so great". Even though I knew I didn't want to get married. I felt like I had no support for anything but getting married. Hopefully I can work up the balls to end this and soon!

To be the voice from the other side here, it looks like you are having some major communication issues. If you think that you may still have hope, then look into therapy, couples or otherwise. If you've already left the marriage mentally, then there's nothing to do but leave physically too.

I totally agree. I have been married twice. Get out now. Do not waste another minute of your life in an unhappy marriage. You both need to move on to find happiness elsewhere.<br />
Good luck,<br />
Cassandra

From what I gathered from your story, it doesn't sound as if you and your wife have really talked about where you're going in this relationship. If you have and the feelings you're having are mutual, there's really no reason to stay in a loveless, sexless marriage. Who knows, it could end amicably.

I agree with sasxiv. the cost of enduring it will be far more. Nothing can be worth living like that. Im a 42 yeras old woman. you are just 24. you shouldnt liv elike this. take my word.

If you really don't love her - and she doesn't love you - then get out before you have kids and it gets even worse. - no matter what the cost - your (and her) happiness is on the line....