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Should I Stay Or Go?

Ok, so recently me and my wife got into a huge fight. To make a long story short, it got loud and out of control and she threw an etch-a-sketch at me (which I also threw back at her). After that she proceeded to slap me twice. After getting slapped twice I pushed her backwards and told her to stop hitting me. After being hit I contacted a friend and asked if I could stay with him for a while until things cooled off in my house. As I was packing and getting ready to go my wife just up and left the house and left our 2 year old with me. So I waited until she got back because I could not leave with our daughter being there. Well she never returned but the MP's did (I'm in the military). They asked me a few questions and told me I was being detained and asked me to come with them to make a statement. I was placed in handcuffs and had to wait for child services to come take our daughter. After a few hours passed and my wife and I had both made our statements I was taken aside and told by CID (criminal investigative dept) that they had determined that my wife was in fact the aggressor and that I was the victim of this arguement; which they would indicate in their report to the court. They proceeded to release me to my battalion and told me that my wife was being charged with criminal domestic violence. I am now stuck in the barracks for a minimum of 30 days. Since I have been in the barracks she has told me she loves me and is so sorry for what she has done and is begging for me to give her another chance. But the thing is I dont know if I should (or can) give it to her. First of all we fight all of the time as is and we have always said we will make it work and give it one more chance. We've tried counseling too and that did not work for us either, so I'm at a loss as to how it will get better even though she swears it will. It's so hard for me to decide what to do because of my daughter whom I love more than anything, seriously. But, it's so hard to forgive her for humiliating me and for what she did. So, what should I do? Should I stay or go?
bt2311 bt2311 22-25 14 Responses Aug 22, 2013

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Run and dont look back. She is only sorry the MPs did'nt take her side. She is only looking after herself here. Had they sided with her you would of been one sorry man.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

I can't get past her leaving her baby with someone who supposedly just beat her up! What a nut! That says it all right there!

GO before it too late

dammit, i hate women who take advantage of the fact that the man they are with wont hit them back - it makes me sick to my stomach.
long story short - she doesn't love you. i couldn't lay a finger on my guy - i couldn't even force myself to.
i'd leave now - you shouldn't have to spend anymore time with this awful abusive woman. but you have a little girl :( i think she is the biggest victim in this situation...

Damn ,dude you are stuck in the sea-floor...i'm not marry (never will) so i don't know how thinks works but one thing is for sure that women are most of the time well-known in a relationship for losing control for not getting what they want from the male partner or not satisfy about what they have or jealous cause you are not providing enough as someone else's man...(can't really clarify why she done what she did) .Since you are the man in the relationship kill the emotions take the best logical decision to solve the problem. All i'm saying is try to find the source of the disease and cure it either by avoiding it or destroying it! Be always on guard (**** happens) .Take good care of the kid

...that's "for sure", is it? perhaps if she marries you for your money, then perhaps. but i've never heard a woman complain about the fact that "so-&-so's husband buys her better/more **** than mine". what the hell kind of women are you hanging out with?

Hey don't be against me ;we are both expose to different entourage...nowadays the good type of people to build a relationship with are rare, in that case I don't think he is the lucky guy! plus he asked for an advice instead of lecturing me tell him how to solve the conflict!

What a difficult situation. The easy advice would be to tell you to leave her. Considering that she is physically abusive, she's a danger to you and your child. Your wife needs counseling. You need to get your child away from that ASAP. Here's why: from a legal standpoint, you know that your wife is dangerous. If she harms your daughter, you could be considered liable, because you knowingly kept the child in a dangerous situation. As far as your wife goes, without counseling, she is not likely to change. Google Borderline Personality Disorder. I can't judge whether she fits that disorder or not, but if that is it, many therapists will not even try to treat it.

Hey, she's hoovering!
http://www.shrink4men.com/2012/03/28/hoovers-dont-let-the-crazy-suck-you-back-in/
"An abusive personality’s attempt to re-secure the relationship is sometimes referred to as a Hoover. It’s called a Hoover because, like the eponymous vacuum cleaner, the abusive personality tries to suck you back into the relationship."

I'm guessing that taking primary custody of your baby girl would kind of toss a monkeywrench into your military career, but if your wife is as nutty and belligerent as she sounds, you are probably the better parent and ought to try for primary custody...and if you think she abuses your child, you need to try for sole custody.
And it's gonna get UGLY, so get the best attorney you can.

You should contact an attorney and figure out what your options are. What is the likelihood of getting your daughter in a divorce, especially now that your wife is being charged? The bottom line is, your wife is emotionally and physically abusive, and you have a child to think about. An abusive situation is not the place for a small child to be. End of story. If she raised her hand to you when she was angry, do you really think she wouldn't do the same thing to your daughter? You probably have a good chance of getting custody if you push for it, but check with a lawyer to be sure before doing anything. Once you have a better idea of what your options are, you will be able to figure out how to proceed.For what it's worth, I was in an abusive marriage as well, and it DOES get better (edit: the marriage doesn't get better - very important thing here, abusive relationships NEVER get better long-term, they generally escalate and become worse and worse -, but life gets better after leaving the marriage, is what I meant). There really are people out there who are better, who don't do things like this, and they are not out of reach. I realized that my daughters and I deserved better, and I'm so happy I did. You and your daughter deserve better, too. Good luck.

Leave! You have evidence that she was the aggressor from the military, take that to divorce court and find a good men's rights attorney. You may never get a better chance to get rid of her. I wish I were in your shoes! I would have my wife in divorce court so fast she would never know what hit her!

Man, that is a tough situation. I am sorry you have to go through it. I commend you for not being the aggressor. I think many women actually take advantage of men who they know would never hit them. You should think of your kid and yourself first, and answer the question: are we better off in this situation, or in a different (divorce) one?

Miracles still happens , I am a living testimony of the spell powers of Devine Spell Temple ( devinespelltemple@gmail.com ).
I and my husband had dated for 4 years before we got married , after a year of our marriage , my husband started going out with a mistress in a neighborhood close to our because the woman usually give him money and entice him , he fell finally for him and packed out of the house and moved in with the mistress , but my heart was full of bitterness and I searched for how I could get him back but I couldn't till I cam across someones testimony of how devinespelltemple@gmail.com brought back his wife that left him for another man for 7 months , so I decided to try him , he told things to do , but I was with a little doubt , but I had to give it a chance because I had nothing more to loose . I was surprise on the second day after he had cast a Lost Love Spell for me , my husband called me and was begging on the phone that I should forgive him and that he would like to come home again . I am so happy about what devinespelltemple@gmail.com did for me . So I want to let people know that you can contact him for any similar issue .

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It is about you and what you are willing to do and follow through with. IF you have the energy the best option might be divorce (That is if she is significantly bad with her duties as a wife and mother as well). But, then again I do not know enough details to swear to that. But, that is not going to be the best option if you do not have it in you to be a single father and a man looking for a new partner. <br />
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Changing the dysfunctional dynamic is going to be literally starting over without a wife (even though she will be likely helping with the child). But, the fact that she is such a dishonest person that she tried to have you arrested means that you are dealing with a person with some level of sociopathy. And that is not a good situation to remain in or to have a child raised in.<br />
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It's not easy and there is no easy answer. But, there can be a good answer. Just think about it and find a wiser (likely older) person to talk through this situation. And not to sound condescending, try to find someone who you know is quite smarter than yourself. I hope all goes well. <br />
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I am truly sorry I could not give better advice. But, I think you need to find someone you can spend a SIGNIFICANT amount of time with talking this through to guide you. Our answers are going to be too one sided as we do not have nearly enough information and our inability to be present where you are constitutes a disabling communications barrier.

Don't do either. Let the situation cool down. She is upset that she has been charged and thinks you can make it go away. Once it escalates to violence you cannot turn it around, but you need to think of your daughter. Get her to a safe place. Then once your wife has been sentenced or whatever you talk with her. Try mediation. Tell her everything. Make it clear that you will not live like that. Then decide how to proceed. Time apart may help but I don't know for how long.

Only you can make this decision. You know how you feel about her and how things are now between the two of you. If you do love her and want to give your relationship one last chance, maybe you need to start from the beginning again. Live apart as though you are dating again but spend time together, both alone and with your daughter as a family. Do lots of talking and even start into counselling together and seperately if need be. Maybe doing this, you will each find the person you first fell in love with and see what went wrong and then you can work on that so it doesn't get between you again. Give it a good amount of time living seperately and when you both feel the time is right and you still want to be together, propose to her again and renew your vows showing that you are both in it to the end at that point and have decided to commit to each other for the rest of your life.

If, after alot of thinking, you decide it's not worth it or that it just isn't going to work, then you need to tell her and prepare to leave and start moving on with your life. Having a child together will mean, of course, you will be involved with your wife (or ex-wife) for at least several more years, but hopefully then you can both start over and find someone you each want to be with and continue on with your life.

I wish you luck and hope for the best for you in whatever you decide is best for you.