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Horrible Selfish Wife... Want a Way Out

i married this person i thought i loved about 2 years back... worst decision of my life. even during our courtship we had terrible fights and arguments. But always thought it resulted due to her past experiences in previous relationships. but it wasnt, i was wrong and its just the way she is. shes has problems...

she is selfish (cares pretty much only about her needs and emotions), she has several strong traits of borderline personality disorder - childish/childlike behavior, deflection of all blame, impossible to reason with... the works. she is super-sensitive (without caring about the sensitivities of others).

ive been putting up with her **** for a while now, but im particularly disappointed now... my folks are here and despite their best efforts and mine, she doest care a damn. not only will she not speak with them, but she wont let me spend time with them either (im seeing them after several years now). she is posessive and controlling and all this stems from some *****ng insecurity of hers and it sucks. she constantly accuses me making her play second fiddle.

what really gets to me is that she is "happy" and "chatty" only around her friends and family. around mine she is aloof, disinterested or just plain rude. she picks apart everything my friends/loved ones say and do. she takes offense to everything the say or do. she makes it a point to sit in a separate room or plan parallel activities when they are around. this makes it extremely difficult to have a nice time with my friends/family. its particularly distressing because my friends/family visit very rarely - for instance my folks are visiting us the first time since we got married!

she always blames me when i try to prod her to speak with them, be nicer or do anything differently. she is overly critical of me around my friends and family. she is visibly happier when they arent around.

i cant take this anymore... im at a point where i wouldnt mind ending it all.. not just the marriage if only i didnt have people that depend on me.

thinking back... she reacts negatively to anything i like passionately. from trivial things like clothes/cars to big things like people.

there was a time when i would do anything for her... but i hate her now. hate the thought of going back home to be alone with her. hate the prospect of having to spend the rest of my life with her. marriage sucks.... but i guess all of us here have already made that mistake.

myrtlethyme myrtlethyme 26-30 95 Responses Oct 17, 2008

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Add a response...Wow hate is a strong word it must be bad. I remember the first 2 years of marriage being quite hard at times. My husband and I went out for 3 years before we married and but never lived together as we are Christians and no sex before marriage. I was taught a man must love his wife as his own body and a wife must have deep respect for her husband & visa versa. This was hard to do at times when things get tough and sometimes when complaining or whatever I know I was being unreasonable hearing myself and saying in my head you shouldn't be acting like this. But what really did it for me was that my husband always has cared about my happiness genuinely cares, I love that and in turn I care now more about his but it took time and yes I loved it when I was being unfair he put me in my place but never in an unloving way and that must of been hard at times. At times we all need to be checked and told what you are doing is hurting me communication and respect. 7 years on marriage will never be perfect to expect that is unreal but I love him more than anything him and our son. but you both got to want it to work. gives sound advice on marriage I used it many times with my husband.

same situation as my son is in married less than 2 yrs he wants out hes getting a divorce but wife screams shell get all his things they have no house or any kids she came in the relationship with just her clothes and added nothing to it all this time he did everything for her also she is constantly texting him numorous times a day saying negative things his lawyer is getting a restraining order on this he cant wait till it over

**** yeee...that is true and i am willing to donate for this!!!

Here is my experience to the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage. I really love Louis so much that i can not even do without. I was married for 7years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time... it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce... I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because i loved him with all my heart and didn't want to lose him but everything just didn't work out... He moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce... I pleaded, cried and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful man who eventually helped me out with spell... I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice... He did special prayers and used herbs... Within two days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news... Just thought I should spread my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need's it... NOTE THAT he will ask you to pay a small token amount of money to get the materials to work for you. You can email DR SANJAY via (sanjaylandofsolution606@gmail . com) Don't give up just yet, the different between "Ordinary" & "Extra-Ordinary" is the "Extra" so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it's truly worth it.

This is a woman writing... I have a sister like this and tons of women friends (and I say friends loosely because when they confuse me with their husbands and start their Hitler routine on me - I put them off my bus). I have told these women over and over this is male abuse -- the going nuts over a Kleenex left on the table, the having a melt down because their inlaws are coming...and it goes on and on - Pitbull to Poodle. The worst is the 2 sided rules -- she can be 40 mins late - no apology but yet she is seething if you get caught up in traffic and you get radio silence from then on. Or oh dear God if you get them a gift = they don't like or give them a gift certificate because you can not please them you get hell. DAMMED IF YOU DO AND DAMMED IF YOU DON'T.

There is nothing good about these relationships because she sucks all the joy out of life and if you want any kind of freedom OR CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE you have to get up on your hind legs and fight for it which just results in her attacking you and then screaming abuse. And naturally every police office and counsellor in the land..of which I know what I am talking about...could never believe that Sandra Bullock is the mean faced, aggressive, its my way or the high way, punch you in the face Rosie Odonnell behind closed doors. Even Billy Graham would eventually after day in and day out of being talked down to like a dog, screamed at, bad attitude and tantrums probably hit he with his bible. It is like living with the teenager from hell.

So before she convinces you that you are the family abuser and drive you to crazyville ..go..make her pay child support....and if she doesn't get Therapy, Chill Pills and Anger not go back they never change, they actually get worse once Menopause kicks in. And you may be able to take her abuse, but it is extremely damaging for any children or a daughter role modelling her Pitbull mother!

I'm in the same boat, as long as she gets what she wants,she's happy...I'm at my whit's. I need help,financially I can't pay for a divorce,without falling behind on my bills that I have to pay. I'm on a fixed income...she's fifteen years younger than me....she had an ad in the news paper.that's how I met her....I made a big mistake,and paying for it since I married her....GOD PLEASE HELP ME.....

Mate I'm in England and my wife is the same. Yes I have character defects but she is oblivious to what I do for her on a day to day basis, she is intentionally oblivious and ignorant to that. My little fella (4) loves me far more than her, no competition, but reason that bond to her and its only do the good / meaningful things with him (well actually I spend more time with him than her so he would say that). She will always play the 'mum' card and I will lose but I as well as my son knows which bond is stronger now, as well as in a few years time when we undoubtable separate. She loses but my son loses more because of her pig-headed ways.

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I can understand what you are going through. My bro is going thru is..... wish you the best

I'm going through the same situation . Everything you are saying . It's my life. I'm about to say **** it.

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Please don't end it sound like a warm, compassionate human being who deserves to be happy. I hope things improve.

Me, too

I can totally relate, I have been married for 12 years to life sentence. The thing that keeps me here mostly is my daughter who I don't want to abandon. MY family rarely visits and my parents like to talk about all the things that re going on with the family and just want to share. My wife is always making faces and mumbling under her breath about my parents, and the things she dislikes. She will turn what people say and use it against me, she does not drop anything even if it happened when I was in my youth and I didn't even know her. I am at the point that I am living just to live and am here for my daughter. But lately she will say things negatively about my family so my daughter will dislike them as well. But with her family I have no problem with I go with the flow and I don't act the same as she does with mine. My parents share with people certain aspects of what is going on so they watch what they say or they totally ignore us for the fact that they may say something that she can use as ammunition at a later time. My wife/warden doesn't give a S*&( of how I feel and says I don't like it get out. Her perception to others is that she is this nice person, Id rather be at work then to hang out with her. I hate going places with her because she is constantly nagging about me liking this person or that person. I will be walking and she will notice every attractive person and tell me I am looking at them.
I wish it would end there but she accuses me that I have something going on at work as well. I am miserable and the one thing keeping me here is my daughter. But even with that I am ready to call it quits. So I can totally feel your pain.

Hello I'm Belek Sandra if not for Dr. Oraede my marriage would have become a history, I got married to my husband in the year 2006, so we had a son, we were living happily everything changed suddenly, he don't come home anymore, he even asked for a divorce, I was so shocked to hear that from him, because he was not like that when i met him, i saw Dr. Oraede website and I visited it, I saw different types of things he can do so i know he can also change my husband's mind, I contacted him via his email, he advised me on what to do, which i did, I did all because of my wonderful son, he did a spell and my husband came back and canceled the divorce and now we are living happily, he even bought me a car; Contact him via his email dr.oraedespellhome @, contact me on sandrabelek @ or visit his website on the-great- dr- oraede. webs. com

I am a father of 2 lovely boys from France. Unfortunately , after 6 years of an awful married life , I am filing for divorce.

I am experiencing exactly the same kind of wife : .......

I was afraid to leave her because of my kids and also because she keeps telling me that I a a bad person.

Now , I know , it is the best choice for my life and health : LEAVING

Oh, my friend... How only TOO wel I understand what you are going through. I also got married back in 2001, though my wife and I began to live together in 2002. She was for another country, so it took me about 7 months of very hard and intensive labor to get her over to the US. She was ok for the first several years, though, as I had learned later on, she was not getting along with her parents. Then, as stupid as I was, I helpd her sister to come over, put ther through school, college. Then... I helped her parents to come over... BIGGEST mistake of my life!!! They destroyed my relationship with my parents, I had not speken to them in over 5 years. Thank God, I was able to re establish the contact with them. I have two lovely sons. I love them dearly! A year ago, she had moved away to NYC, thus, technically she has abandoned me. I work as a merchant marine, therefore, I spend a lot of time at sea. It is a good money, but... It is literally blood money! I made everything for her - education, car, good house. Nothing was good enough for her. So... I decided to end it all. Yes, it is a very hard decision. It took me years to realize I had to do it. I am still in the process. But, you do need to think of yourself. I know this may sound egotistic, but it is not. Think about this, if she is destroying everything you are, everything you cherish and stand for, everything you hold dear and believe in - get out! It is very hard, but it will make you stronger. I am weak in a lot of ways. But, I will persuade in this endeavor. Do not give up hope! You are not the only one! There are other people in far worse situation than yours, and we all understand why it is like to have someone you had cared for and loved so much! It is devastating to see your love being crushed and ignored by the one you had thought was your life time mate. But... Sometimes, you need to stand up and say enough is enough! If it is meant to be, you will find someone else who is much better and deserves you, and who will appreciate you! I know I will stay away from. Any relationship for a while now. The pain is too much. The last thing you want to do is to get in another relationship and go through it all over again. Men are actually more prone to heart attacks because of this. Why do you think there is a saying "he died of a broken heart"? Look at the whole thing as a game of chess. Plan, think, and attack.

I will itemize how I think you should deal with her but I warn, my list will only work if what you say about her is true
1. Be happy around your family and friends and tell them she is depressed (excuse for her behavior)
2. If she works and you work buy she doesn't have any financial responsibilities because you pick up all the bills. Have her pick up some bills and if she refuses, cut the service she refuses to pick up and be ready to live without that service.
3. If you sleep in separate rooms and are without kids, buy a lock for your room door and advice her to do like wise.
4. When next she accuses you of anything, tell her she is right (even when she is not) and then ask her what she plans to do about it.
5. On her birthday, don't give her a gift even if she got you one on yours. Just say happy birthday and if possible go out all day.
6. When her family comes don't be rude but don't go out of your way to be courteous.If you can, as soon as they walk in, tell them you are on your way out.
If she doesn't leave you, then you know she loves you. And if she doesn't complain about you, then maybe she thinks you are too soft.

Regard s

I have a selfish wife, too.
The Jehovah's Witnesses are helping me to deal my narcissistic wife.

The JWs give me love. The wife does not sit still. She interrupts and walks away from our conversations.

She stays angry for years.

She blames me for her arthritis, money problems, and says that I never am there to help her.

It is true that I don't work for 7 years, but I did try to tell her what to do with the $100,000.00 but she did not listen to me. She just spent it.

She is angry that our tenants don't pay the rent.

She does not let me deal with the tenants or to let me help her in any way.


Please sir, read the bible. I keep a serious face because if I smile then my wife starts yelling at me.

God bless you.

I don't leave because I don't have money and also I will not leave our son alone with her because she will feminize him.

I teach my son Tai Chi Chuan and he is an athlete because I play soccer with him. The wife just wants him to sit still or to stay in the house and not exercise. She offers to take him to the mall, but my son does not like the mall.

I don't like the mall either.

She says that I should write here that I don't help around the house and that I don't even throw out the garbage.

I do throw out the garbage when she helps me.

I am Daniel Caron on youtube.

Bye for now.

Wow, that sounds like my wife's twin, although in conjunction my wife now does conversations with her self and breaks out in laughter with no one around. I too have debt and we jointly own a mortgage, my wife is not interested in working and honestly she can burn water in a pot, that's how bad her cooking skills are. Luckily for us I enjoy cooking my daughter and son now hate my wife and have no respect for her as she is always on a miss trust issue with our whole family. I am only here because of the kids, the other thing she does is she takes my credit card when ever she can and has a fling I can't leave my wallet around and I have to put passwords on all things she once broke into my Facebook and told everyone what such a nice person she was using my Facebook well surface to say I had to close my Facebook account which I only wanted to use when talking to relatives I have also had to cancel credit cards. So I can appreciate your dilemmas people say just leave but I can't rely on her to look after the kids in a 50 50 split scenario but I have a high management role and I do struggle at times and I have become very tired from all this I even had a heart attack from stress last year, so at times reading these misadventures does in some ways make me feel somewhat not as unique as I nay have thought my problem was. The thing is I have never played up ever and have even pushed aside advances from other women but I don't know if I can continue to go on too much longer before I break, but I will try and hold out at least until my children are at an age where they can look after them selves then I can let go I just hope I can last that long.

You know sometimes if we decide to be extra nice to the one we think we hate so special things unexpected things take her out for a special date buy her flowers do things that make her feel special try every day to do something nice and I think you will see her attitude change. We cannot change people but we can always change how we react and treat others with kindness sometimes people soften and you will again find each other back were you were when you first met. Don't give up never give up for you might loose something that is of great value if you treat it as such. Just try it even if she at first shows no change keep at it keep doing nice things keep showing her love and she will come around.

I try to do nice things for my wife daily. I get her gifts, spend all my money on her, spend all my time and efforts to make her happy and she always finds ways to start a fight. Recently she bought a car! So dump me I got her the tint and Stero system in the car that we really couldn't afford along with her new high car payment. She wanted a breast augmentation so I put it on my credit card. I eat caned tuna most days and thats all I can afford to do. She claims I'm selfish and rude, she calls me names and I'm getting ready to give up. I bring her little gifts and show her all love languages, I help her in every way possible and it never gets me any where. I don't know what else to do! I have been trying to love her every way possible. However, she always finds some way to pick at me or pick some kind of fight. We have tried everything but it seems hope is running out. She says she hates me most days and calls me various names. My life is based around her. She has know idea how selfish and mean she comes across as. I guess for now I'll suffer until I can make a plan. Who knows she is always saying were done..

she is selfish. learn to love yourself. give yourself the same love and attention you gave her. you will be better off. if you dont do this for yourself, you are to blame as much for playing the victim role. plan an exit strategy. take care of yourself cuz you are in charge of your life

If she actually has BPD this does not work. Gifts, nice things, kindness- It will never be enough. There is no "coming around." She needs professional help- years of it. Can you hang on for that long?

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I'm divorced now she blames me when she's the one who filed ... Its takes time to get your self esstem back... Im a grand father now and mine didn't want them to visit ... she would say things like I give you al the time in the world to be with them why do they half to come here ... get out and take back your life .. mine has so many personality disorders ... I cant believe I stayed married to her for 17 years ... your dream of marriage and life is not hers ...

My sons mother left me when he was 2 years old she blamed me for how she felt which was bad I begged her to stay ... turns out she is bi-polar, by the time my son was 7 years I won custody. When he was 14 she blamed me for her life being in ruins. He's 16 now, today when she dropped him off from her 2 of 4 days a month visitation she was still fuming. Over what? She hasn't hardly talked to me in the last decade so what is there to be mad about?

its funny how the media always potray men as the uncomitted ones in a relationship. Do you think any woman would tolerate what you are going through after all 75 percent of divorces are filed by women. But you dont have to take it, go see a lawyer and fight for the interests of you and your daughter fiercely before it is too late. Read the book infidelity by Michelle lynn (know it might seem unrelated to your problem but pls do) and know how bad it can really get

Wow. This sounds like I wrote this. For being married, I've never felt so alone.

My family is not really welcome in my home, or I'm discouraged from seeing them or she makes plans or needs me to do something, taking up any time I could use for visiting family and friends.

She usually leaves, sleeps or hides in a room when my family comes over. Getting her to interact with them is like pulling teeth.

Her family and friends are more than welcome and are treated vastly different than me and my family. She hasn't established boundaries with her mother. I feel like she should have just married her damn mom. Rather than my wife and I being a family and make decisions as our own family unit, my opinion is either discarded or not asked for. My wife instead makes decisions after consulting her mother.

Her mother oversteps with my daughter, and is constantly around, she tries to take over and replace me. Her opinions always being shoved down my throat.

My family has a nonexistent relationship with my daughter, which breaks my heart. The only family my daughter is really allowed to know is my wife's snobby family.

My goal every day is to not be criticized, interrogated or hassled. My actions and daily routine is motivated solely by this.

My wife works 2 or 3 days a week and complains about being tired. I just got done working 7 days a week 12-14 hours a day for over a month (definition of tired) and she had the balls to get pissed at me for not helping more around the house during that month. So I f**king cleaned the house too.

We haven't had sex in 2 months almost. We have sex once every month or every other month. Even then, it's a chore to her. There is no passion or enjoyment. Just mechanical . when I brought it up, I got quoted a statistic that it was normal for people in their 20s to not be intimate very frequently. Bullsh**.

I would leave but we have a daughter, and she has told me that if we did split, she would do what she could to keep me from getting even so much as joint custody.

She won't admit mistakes, won't hardly apologize, and wants me to go to counseling to work out my issues, because I'm the problem. I realize I am not perfect, and I have made mistakes, but at least I can admit that.

I have given her everything she wanted, when she wanted. Ring, house in the nice neighborhood she wanted dog, kid, trips, affection, everything.

And after giving for so long, and receiving no mercy, kindness or affection in return, I have become selfish and bitter. She says why should she be nice to someone who is mean, and that I'm not who I used to be. Damn right I'm not who I used to be, maybe if it had been appreciated when I was that guy, he would still be here. I never wanted to be a selfish, depressed *******.

I want out, but hope it works out. I don't know.

I can relate, I'm in the same situation!

I hear you bro the exact same thing happened to me and when she doesn't get her own way she verbally and sometimes physically abused me but because I got tired of the abuse and started to stand up for myself she left me thank God im a little lonely but its better than walking on broken egg shells all the time :)

I typed this

I understand man I am going through this right now

I am a woman and I really do sympathize with you. Some women need to wake up before it is too late. She should respect you as you deserve it. I hope everything goes well for you I really mean that. I love my husband and I would feel totally gutted if I thought that I made him feel like that.

My future ex wife is exactly the same : she hates my family , friend , my hobbies , ME!!!!!

She has destroyed my life during 6 years , now i've left. it is difficult because I miss my sons , but i am very happy anyway!

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I'm so sorry that marriages are so lost these days. I'm reading these things and I'm seeing many of you men hurting, angry, etc... some of you even wishing to just not live anymore. For anyone in that situation, please seek some counseling. Change your life and circumstances by changing how you deal with them. Find out how to have a fulfilling life. It's possible even if you decide to remain with her and she doesn't change. You can change by setting boundaries in your life and in the way other people treat you.

My husband and I hit a really rough spot because I was sometimes selfish, but so was he. He fell into a depression after a job loss (while I was preggie with number two) and we had so many issues. After many more tough spots, we were on the verge of divorce when I was pregnant with number three.

But, I have to say, I'm soooo glad we didn't quit. I'm glad that we BOTH matured. We are so happy and love one another a bunch. It's well worth it to hang on there and find out how to reach that light at the end of the tunnel. We have friends from our church we attended at the time that helped us walk through our issues. My advice is to find others... learn, grow... set boundaries.

We BOTH changed, but we didn't change at the same time., that's another thing to remember. Watch the movie Fireproof and try doing the Love Dare. Give her a reason to want to change and be with you.

Great advice never give up and you be the one to change, we can only change ourselves and if we really look at ourselves we are not prefect either. Fireproof was such a good movie I think the way we treat others sometimes makes them mean and distant but if we decide to act loving and treat others as if they are special we can initiate change in others.

I dont hate my wife, but I hate being married to someone who lies, disagrees with everything, is controlling and doesnt listen at all. I repeat everything! She asks me a question and doesnt listen to the answer and then asks me several more times. She also has a convenient memory. I can go on and on. Her family moved in with us, though I told her that before the move happened we need to lay down some guidelines and expectations. That never happened and now they live here, her 29 year old brother doesnt work. (For 2 years) He is looking for the perfect job. Instead of working at Mcdonalds. They just sit in their rooms all day and only come out when I leave. Actually he finally left, he took his moms car (she let him). Now we are stuck with her, and she has no transportation. Any effort to discuss her moving ends in an argument between my wife and mom or sometimes the 3 of us. My wife complains that her Mom is stubborn and impossible to talk to, but they are just alike! They act like children and cant have a normal discussion without getting defensive. We did counseling and she barely tried what was suggested. She is nice, she does stuff for me, and I do things for her, but that will never change her controlling, manipulating, lazy and dishonest ways. I am now seeing all the things that she hid when we were dating. They are all coming out now that we are married. Her friends all disappeared, we are unequally yoked, and when I try to bring up a subject and have conversation, she has nothing to add. I have always wanted kids and now I dont think we will because Im afraid that I will be doing everything. Her mother never taught her to do anything, cook, clean, she was spoiled and always got her way. I want to do what is right by staying married, but its bringing the worst out of me. I have never felt further from God. Her commitment to God isnt as strong either because the way she was raised. She doesnt have one single christian friend that is her age. Even though I have tried to build relationships that she can have in her life, she is uninterested because they dont share the same tastes. Everyday is a struggle and I cry daily. My life isnt what I wanted, I feel like I was tricked into falling in love because she covered up all of these traits. They were there, but she never showed them. She also is horrible with money, makes more than me and rides me for not making more or if I make a purchase. So we had to split finances. Now i struggle while she is comfortable. I had my concerns but was to afraid to call off the wedding, now i regret that everyday. My only hope is to dive into the word and pray that the return is soon. Im afraid that Im displeasing God everyday with the way I handle this marriage. Dying to myself in this marriage means losing every part of myself that I have cultivates over the years.

Sounds a lot like my wife but she openly says she will kill herself if I left so she can guilt me into staying but I don't stay for her personally if I could I would help her kill herself but she would undoubtably take our son with her she has said if we were to divorces he would stop working just to make it more difficult. Then 15 minutes later she wonders why I don't want to be any where near her

Yup - mine threatens to call the police and frame me - [because it works at stopping me dead in my tracks!] - horrendous.

make a covert audio recording of this woman .... complile many hours so patterns emerge

So so useful

Trust me man. You are in good company. We all ended up looking at your post because we fell in love with this type of woman and then as things unraveled, we end up here. My situation is no different. Would never leave on account of our amazing children. Love thm more than life itself and would never give her the pleasure of taking any of my time with them away (let alone the place I built for for us). You hang in there buddy!!!

Many people are involved and married to people, or a person like this...I hope you get out before you have children

Why the Hell did you ever date or marry a person like that? Just divorce. Document as much dirt as possible over the next 6 month to a year and then take it to a divorce attorney.

I think you are talking about my wife. I didn't even know she had another husband.