I’m so lost and confused emotionally, I really don’t know what to think or do right now with our situation. My situation sounds just like myrtlethymes situation. I have been married for almost 2 years and we have been severely arguing so many times since we got married that I find it truly unbelievable. Can 2 people who love each other fight so much? I mean just last weekend we fought intensely and then again last night! This is crazy! I can’t stand it anymore! I have read articles online about how to fight amicably but when my wife and I do start arguing, it escalates. I guess I just can’t keep my mouth shut and just take her verbal abuse and ranting. Maybe I should just suck it up, huh? I’m a stay at home dad and I work from home. I used to work outside the house 2 years ago in the corporate world as a manager and was making in the 30’s. I quit because my boss was something else so I found another job but was laid off from that a few months later. So, early last year I decided to find a work at home job. My wife was making more back then. My wife and I agreed to that arrangement because we have 2 kids and daycare was too much and I can look after them when there’s a holiday or when they’re off. That is what I’m doing now. When I used to make more money 2 years ago, I was able to pay for my credit cards and car payment. Financially right now I’m so strapped and hanging by a thread because my debts are insane. I don’t make quite as much as I used to….I’m only making 15K working from home…so that’s quite a big cut from what I used to make. My wife and I talked in the past about my financial situation and we agreed that she would help pay some of my credit cards and take over the car payment. We also have separate and joint checking accounts. I am thankful for her help because without it, I would have declared bankruptcy already. I have thanked her for help a few times. I know she has debt of her own that she needs to pay off. I understand that. She makes a lot more now…six figures and me less than 15K..which is fine with me. I don’t feel the need to compete with her. That’s not me. I know her job stresses her out and since I work from home, I am just doing my share, not financially of course, but any which way I can to help her out….cooking, cleaning, etc…which I enjoy doing. I try to make sure she is not stressed when she comes home and I try to take care of my family any which way that I can. We have a joint account but since I don’t make much, I don’t put any money in there and she is the only one putting money in there, her own money as she puts it which is true. I should have been doing that for a while now, even just a couple of hundred dollars or so, so she wouldn’t give me lip. But I have been trying to help out financially whatever way I can with my own checking account….groceries, gas, home ins, and most of my credit card debt except 1 card which she has been paying for me. I’m trying to do my share here with my financial situation. I’m trying to mooch off her. I don’t care about how much she makes and her money. I thought we were in this together…financially…I know she can do whatever she wants with her money and me with my chump change. That’s why with the joint account, I’m ashamed to just use it because I know it’s her money that she puts in not both of ours. I guess I need to change that and put in some cash of my own. Yesterday, I had to use our joint account card because I forgot my bank card at home. I made a purchase the night before and didn’t put my card back into my wallet…bad mistake! I used our joint card to pay for a watch repair….I bought my wife a new watch and needed a few links removed. I charged 13.25 for it. I actually gave the watch to my wife a couple of days before and she even asked me if she was paying for it……oh man…of course she wasn’t I told her….I did with my own bank account. I felt so guilty that I haven’t given my wife anything for a long time and now I’m somewhat able to so I bought her a watch. So last night she was checking our account and I told her I had to use our card to pay for the watch repair because I forgot my card at home. I specifically told her I was sorry. Then all hell broke out! I asked her nicely and calmly….which I shouldn’t have said anything at all….is there a problem if I use our card? Then she, which her annoying and sarcastic tone of voice said you’re the one that brought it up not me. True. But I felt bad that she had to ask that. I know it’s our joint account and I don’t put anything in it but I had to use something…I had no cash and my other credit cards are up to their limit. I was going to withdraw a $20 from my account and put it in our joint account to make up for the debit but didn’t have the chance to. I told her that and she said that’s a dumb thing to do. The nerve of her! With our joint account, I always feel the need to ask her if I can use it because I do feel guilty that she’s the only one contributing to it. I just need her help financially a while longer until I can get back on my feet again and start earning more again. Going back to last night’s heated argument…..so it got worse from there. She kept on putting it in my face that she’s the only one putting money in there and that I don’t….that I’m useless and that she wants me to start earning more and that people out there work 2 jobs to make ends meet…..I told her if she wants me to start working outside again to stop putting the kids into extracurricular activities…she said she can get a babysitter….I told I used to make more before I met her…..I told her my brother shouldn’t have introduced us to each other that it was a big mistake….my ex girlfriend was better than her….she doesn’t need to be married at all……it goes on and on from there. It’s just really really stupid stuff! I really hate this @#$%! I hate it when we argue! Every time we fight, she always says that she’ll remember the stuff that I say…..I say things when I’m so enraged that I don’t mean if I was calm and collected. Anybody out there say stuff that they don’t really mean? I apologized after I calmed down but then she just curses me out and she told me this morning to get out. I ignored her.
We just get vindictive and spiteful towards each other that we end up hurting each other emotionally. Is anyone out there just like me? I would definitely like to know.
Last weeks fight was about paying for my visa card which she pays off from our joint account in the amount of $300. She asked if I can start paying for it and I said can you please help me out and still pay for it because I can’t afford it with the money I’m making. Then she asked how much do I make monthly. I told her and then she raises her voice in a sarcastic way, which I truly hate so much, and said so you can pay for it on your own then. I said I can’t because I sometimes pay for gas and groceries. She then said she will pay for the gas and groceries so I will have enough money to pay my credit card. Then she goes off and says she pays for the mortgage, utility bill, cell phone bill, etc….bills, bills, bills……….I raised my voice because I was so scared of my financial situation that I’m not sure if I could pay of that card on my own. I agreed with her after figuring out my expenses.
She was married before and has 2 kids from that marriage…..I love those kids very much and would do anything for them! My wife told me in the past that her ex husband didn’t have a job and would just mooch of her and sometimes physically abuse her and he would do drugs too. I am nothing like that! I think she has some hang ups that she needs to get resolved. What do you think? She even told me that she might be bipolar. I think she has traits that are leaning towards that. But of course, I can’t tell my wife to tell her doctor about that. She’ll just answer back and be all defensive and sarcastic like she always is! I hate it when she just can’t shut up and not say anything at all and just agree with me! She always has a come back for everything that I say! Is it just my wife or are other women like that too? Please enlighten me. I think she feels that being the money maker in the family should be up to the man not the woman……in some respects yes but in our situation she has to be the breadwinner…..she makes six figures and I earn squat. I’m trying her to help out any which way that I can. I’m not sure now if I still love her….I wrote something down this morning while I was working that I love my family and wife. But something inside tells me that I hate her so much! I must still be bitter about last night. I know she is up to now. All these thoughts were running thru my head last night and this morning while in bed…..finding a job outside the home and once I make enough to get a place of my own and move out….divorce her……who cares about the kids….they are not even mine….crazy stuff. But I don’t think I can divorce her unless she does it first….I love those kids….and maybe I do still love her and I’m still in love with her.
I would sure like to hear your thoughts on this.