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My Husband Hates Me

My husband hates me. He never wants to spend anytime alone with me so consequently we never have sex. I am going to seperate from him but do not want to have the same relationship next time. Anyway, what is the top 5 worst things that a woman can do to make her husband go into this state of hate. I really want us both to have a happy sexlife and fun in my next relationship.

I need advice, and just to say that I never criticise him personally. I do not smoke. I am not lazy and I look after the kids and do all the housework and work. I do not watch TV all day or gamble. I keep my weight to the same when we met. I look nice everyday. I do not talk all the time to my friends, I do creative and active things with the kids, walking, sports etc and only see my mum once a year. I don't get drunk but I do drink if we go to a wedding or party or the pub. I am not with him for money but for love and sex. He still hates me. 

BeMySelf BeMySelf 46-50, F 96 Responses Oct 29, 2008

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Hope u don't mind this but this is what I personally think.... Do something drastic, different and get that spark back. I've just split from the woman I believed to be my soul mate but obviously that wasn't the case but we got into a ground hog day type of thing and it was just the same everyday. Do something to make him think, God I'm lucky... Surprise him with the wildest thing u can think off and get the cobwebs off... Enjoy x

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I've been with my husband for 15 years. We were high school sweethearts I felt like I knew him better than he knows himself. And after the birth of my children who are now 4 and 2, he is different. He no longer speaks to me, we don't communicate at all. We can sit in silence for hours. When I do try to start a conversation it's normally ends in an argument so I no longer bother. He has been unemployed for over a year. Fired for "sexually harassing" a female co worker he swears to me that was never the case and I believed him. However I received an amazing opportunity to work in a different state and accepted the offer, he was all on board. The same company offered to hire him, and now 3 weeks before I am to arrive, they pulled out of his offer. He's angry, depressed, wants me to not accept the offer and refuses to move. I'm so confused. I hate this feeling. Part me feels like we have grown apart, I'm mature, I work, take care of the kids, do EVERYTHING! He does nothing, everything is a chore, the kids annoy him. He is very depressed and cuts himself. I'm afraid if I leave him he will hurt himself. Don't know what to do!!

I am married for 15 years and receive emotional abuse almost everyday. First I did not know what to do, later I fought thinking what he did was wrong. Now I chose to be silent and not to give any notice of him.
I am married for 15 years but he never told me "I love you" It was an arranged marriage and some days I asked him, "do you love me?", then he replied "yes" that was all.
I have to do what ever he chose to do. For instance if he want to go to a function I have to go with him, regardless my choice. When he need me to be with him in public, leading up days, he speaks to me really nice to me and I really feel good about him and myself. When we are not around with any one he chose to be silent or speak to his friends on the phone.
If I tell things happen at work and the situation not good for myself, he is happy and laugh about it, or if I tell him I received any rewards for my work he never ask further questions and some instances pretend as he did not hear me.
I left shift work for a day job. That means no nights away from home for me. My kids were really happy but my husband seemed to be unimpressed about it. He told me that "I have to spent all nights with you now". I felt so humiliated and lonely. The reason he likes me doing shift work was not to be with me every night or spent more time without me. I felt terrible and I cant find a reason to justify his comment.
People say I am a pretty and commend me for my looks. But he mentioned few times in a jokingly way that he cant sleep with me if the lights are on.

Emotional affairs make guys act this way. He is connecting emotionally with a co-worker. They laugh together etc. maybe more...

I am a guy.

What should you do?

Ignore him at him at home. Do your own thing. Take care of your duties. Don't be a jerk. He'll either move on and leave you or come around. If he chooses to leave he will blame it on you no matter what. Just don't annoy him. Let him figure out what to do.

I never cheated. After being a d*ck for a while I finally understood and came back around. My cutsie co-workers were bamboozling me for my married-man-attention. Now I don't give them a second look really. My wife deserves my attention. Even friendly banter with female coworkers is cut short and swift now.

A Muslim friend explained to me that he's not supposed to mingle, shake hands, or even look women in the eyes really while talking to them. I laughed at first, but I totally get it now! Our wires are totally feeble minded. Good luck, ladies.

It is not you it is him!depending on how old he is it could be a middle life crisis! These are happening to men in their thirty now. This happened to me and my husband a,he left me a year ago after six painful years of hurt. He was a man that did not communicate well , very well educated but his people skills where lacking, to say the least.
What I am saying is don't think it is you, it sounds to me as if he has all the problems. When men are lost , whether it is in themselves or a career that is lacking they act this way.
It's time u started living for you are important and so are your children.
)love is 50/50 any other way and it is not going to work, sounds as though you are giving 99%!
Start going out, see your mum much more, do things with other mums and their children.
You are worth it, u are lovable and u are a kind caring person, let's face it you are a mum and I am sure put everyone before yourself.

I think after 24 years my marriage has run it's course. I'm done with his crazy antics and the cheating and the non communication and the no sex and the....something is wrong with you it's not me type of attitudes. Think <br />
it's time to be done with him ...however....our life here is comfortable and our grown children live with us...we have a dog and we get along relatively well considering. I'm just tired. Started having affairs after he stated he didn't want sex anymore with me and wouldn't explain why that was 14 yrs ago so I have been sexually happy. After that blow it took me two years to decide that I needed sex and to let go of the fact that he wasn't going to give it to me. Now I'm in love with two men who are also married we all understand each other and we love each other. So now my husband is like a boil that won't go away. He won't commit to an open marriage so I have to sneak around and I know he's been sleeping around since before he dumped me...so what now?

Im sorry but I lost all sympathy for you as soon as you stated you were seeing married MEN. Have you no conscience? What a horrible thing to do. I guess you just ignore these mens wives and the hurt and devastation you help contribute to. If these TWO men say it's ok with their wives, THEY ARE LYING! Married men who cheat lie lie lie! I have been on both sides of the fence cheating with a married man contributing to the demise of his family because I let him convince me he was a victim in his marriage. I fell in love deeply in love and married him only to have him crush me beyond repair. I got what I deserved. Fast forward...we are still together after 11 years and I am no longer the same person I once was. I was happy upbeat, fun to be around now I am a sad nearly homebound shell of a woman with huge blue bruises around my neck from an attempt to hang myself. Please stop what you are doing try being a decent human being and date SINGLE men. Or if its sex and affection you seek there are plenty of websites for that. Please think of someone else not just yourself.

No you do not deserve to be treated lime you are lesz of a person! Please try to pick yourself up and move on! I was with my ex for 118 years (18 but it felt longer) he ignored me and playex mind F@#% with me for the entire marriage. He was hateful towards me. Lied to everyone about me and made me feel like i had no purpose in life. It would have made his day if i would have ended my life. He tried to make me feel like i was crazy. And of course everyone agreex with him because of all of his huge lies about me. You have value! You are important! So sad that you feel like you deserve this type of treatment. I dont care what you did in the past, that is over now. Its time to get you back and let him punish someone else. You are better than that

Sorry Corriereshan I don't need your sympathy. I do agree with you that dating married men is wrong....but I refuse to shed another lonely tear for a man that doesn't want me sexually and I refuse to date men who are single and might need more from me than I am prepared to give. Personally I don't think any of this is fair ...I would rather have a healthy sexual relationship with my husband but he doesn't want that nor does he want to move on. Dating single men while I am married is not fair to them nor to the single women who deserve a chance....I think that if a man is married and he chooses to cheat for whatever reason they are fair game, I can't be responsible for their wives...like me...they have to figure it out for themselves. I have to say...I understand the pain you have been through....I think we have chosen to deal with it differently but I remember how much I could feel my heart breaking when I realized he was cheating that he didn't want me...physically I felt my heart breaking. Other women are not the issue so much as the one in the relationship that decided to stray and not brave up and talk to their spouse.

My husband left me because he did not love me anymore. 26 years of marriage and no fighting. He has traveled to china a lot the last few eyes with work and I think he like the freedom away from our marriage. Now he plans on living over there and coming back for our sons graduation. I have to pack and move by myself and find a job. I feel so alone. He just has to work and relax all night and not deal with anyone. I have tried to get him to talk but he won't even try. I'm hoping time will heal and he would come back to me. I'm just giving it to God and trying to get on with my life alone.

I was in your shoes in 2009. My husband of 18 years filed for divorce and i was down and out with my 17 year old daughter and my 3 year old in tow.. needless to say it was by far the best thing he could have ever done for me! I moved in with my Mom. Within 4 months I met her neighbor, who was in the middle of a divorce himself. We have been together since and we are truly happy! I couldnt imagine being with my ex husband now. I would still be crying myself to sleep at night and living a miserable life where I felt like I was unloved and unappreciated. Things do happen for a reason.

I'm in the same boat- except that I have many flaws that I am working on! Maybe if I am PERFECT then he will be interested in me? Top 5 from my experience?

1-DENYING SEX- I made a rule way to late in my marriage that I could only deny him 1 out of 10 times- It was too late- 4 years to late, so the last 2 yearsBEI I am the one being denied!

2-Nagging/Nit-picking- I did this early on in our marriage and I learned it was a big mistake!

3-CHEATING- I've never cheated but I'm sure this needs to be on here!

4-SILENT TREATMENT/NOT COMMUNICATING

5- NEVER EXPRESSING APPRECIATION

But really, there is only so much you can do! Like the woman below said her husband is a negative thinker- mine too! Can't ever change that!

I didn't know that so much should have been taken into account before I got married-
How well you get along, understanding each other, ways things are communicated, appreciation,Inlaws are very important, appearance, finances- who pays what, similar interests are important! But where I really ****** up is that I just expected him to love me for me- No, he wants me to be just like him! There is no appreciation for who I am- why I am the way I am!

Avoid Narcissists! I looked it up the other day and my husband fits the textbook description. He takes care of us- but only because it benefits him! He does nothing unless it benefits him, for anybody!

He is loud and talks over everybody, they can't even get there say in! He brags about his nice things to people! He dismisses their ideas and what they have!
He is racist and narrow-minded. He can only see his self!

Good luck- you deserve so much better!! You'll find somebody that fits you just right!

My husband doesnt live with me and if i ask to get together buy a house and have family he goes beserk. if I cry or tell that i miss him he gets angry too he doesnt understand my needs and i dont understand he is like that. He threatens to divorce me. I have always loved him and still do. I am schocked to see these stories from other sisters felt the need to join in and maybe that way find some sort of comfort.. may God ease our problems and may He give our husbands the right heart Amen

Look up the 180 method relationship advice. It work's fantastic magic for many but you must stick to its plan

Well... according to my personal experience, my husband always thinks negative!!! this is his nature and cannot be changed.. Secondly, they are jealous that why their wives are better than them.Thirdly, they will try their best to prove this by having max number of affairs and know their gf opinion about them. They will show how miserable their relationship is, and their wives are horrible to make themselves look better!Not only this, in order for them to survive this relationship, they always put their wives down to their level or even lower so that they are superior or better (men's nature)Throughout my entire 14 yrs of marriage, I've shown him that nothing bothers me! He was bugging me so that I leave him but I never did. He does this so He looks good and everyone blames me. All his hard work was a waste hehehe.. until He was exposed and he openly said our relationship is over! He is trying his best to get out of this house and live by himself so he won't have any responsibility (kids, home, bills etc)He has set up a biz in another country so he can flee and have no laws enforced on him.. smart eh! but he forgot one thing.. GOD IS GREAT! He is everywhere and so are laws :)

cutiepiez...I believe you live in my house or I live in yours. Every single line and every single sentence explains my current life.
Even the part with him going out of the country. It give a sense of understanding and to realize that I am not alone...but as you said: GOD is GREAT...and as a child of God...His payment won\'t be long.

So...through reading all of these I've decided that us woman need to set these standards early in relationships. We overlook men's tempers and other problems until we can't take it anymore and by then it's too late. I personally want affection (any affection) and my husband says he never showed me affection and said that he won't kiss my a**, but all couples show affection at first and I just hoped that some of that would carry over, but by not requiring it for so long, now he won't give me anything.

I see this is an old query from you personally, but I'll reply, for posterity. I'm male and divorced from a woman who I'm pretty sure never told anyone I "hated" her, but I did come to find her dependence and negativity intolerable and unwelcome. When she refused to go to marriage counseling, I checked out. I think she sees herself as a victim all the same. My mother (herself a onetime social worker and family therapist) thinks that it actually suits my ex-wife to feel like a victim. (My ex and I remain connected because we have a child, a son of whom I have primary custody.) I won't pretend to know about your situation or anyone else's, but I do think these questions have to be asked: are you primarily positive or negative, indulgent or critical, receptive or "touchy," accommodating or crabby? If you are positive, indulgent, receptive, and accommodating, then the problem probably lies mostly on the other side.

My husband doesn't want to have kids with me, picks things from past and tiffs start, he keeps saying to leave him leave him, in every fight! I have done everything as a "wife" is suppose to....cooking cleaning looking good all the time, caring for his parents and family, managing house well.Yet he picks up things he doesn't like about me. I constantly tell him in marriage acceptance should be from both the partners. Not just from the wife always, yet I can't seem to understand why he doesn't like me. We have been married for 5 years now. He doesn't like to provide financial support too, so I rely on my parents a lot for that. Just gotta be strong and believe in god. And remember to sustain your self Respect, no matter what he says or does. Need to think of ways to do that.

my husband too does exactly the same he doesnt want children with me because of problems from the past. and I try to explain and everything he just gets extremly negativ

Sounds like......wait for it..........HES A DOOSH!!!!!!

He is mad because he hates himself, not you. Your just the only excuse he has left to blame for why HE is so pathetic.
Been her hunny! The trick is....LEAVE. like the drop of a hat. men dont change .....which means.....start with a good one. See how he treats his friends and family that is the first show of how he will treat you when you arent "NEW" anymore.

That\'s exactly what happened, when I caught my husband cheating, he said I want to leave you coz he is unfit for me, he is like a rotten apple in the basket who has to be removed. I reassured him that I accept him with all his flaws, he need not worry about past!
But the prob is that he finds ways to torture me.. If I contacted him via msgs he won\'t reply.. He ignores me, He won\'t touch me, He says make a habit of sleeping alone. I have 3 kids with him and He does everything possible to hurt me :(
I am a student and the only thing I requested was to give me time to complete my education coz I am not able to care for kids if he left!

I found the answer here, the way you write it is exactly my husband, I left him already without anything but only my clothes. I left the property to him. I rent a place to leave now.
Thank you very much for what you wrote, I felt I did right thing.

do u need him for anything at all? men like to be useful. they like a bit of trouble, they like to be annoyed - not too much - just enough... you sound like the robot i want.

i have 3 guys who can't get enough of me, one just said i was fun and that turned me into a knock out for him - because then he found out i was smart... and trouble and ...
other guy just said i was smart because i had whole chains of logic figured out - i was the smartest person he knew and opened his world
third guy said and you put that altogether in a woman who loves guys, drinks with the guys, telling them all what to do... i tell them they are wrong. i tell them to go to hell, i tell them i love them... it keeps them on their toes

don't be me, be yourself - have fun, be smart, be sexy, do crazy stuff... be by yourself - because i enjoy being by myself first of all. i love me.

Yes, I love me too... Coz i look sexier everyday, I have achieved what I have desired (career), there is nothing that made me cry.. EXCEPT I showed him I need him sleep next to me, Why don\'t you reply my msgs.. and guess what? He tries his best not to do these things hahahaha!!
He tries to get on my nerves though but I told him straight on his face that I will not let you ruin or crush your own 3 children\'s future!!!!

You sound wonderful and he seems intimidated...you are outshining him and it's a darn shame. You are too good for him and he can't handle it. It's sad because most women are better than the men they marry. They just are. Men are competitors and seems like he has "sore grapes" because he thought he was going to be the star in your marriage and YOU are. Which proves he's a fool. EVERYONE knows the QUEEN is most important in the game of life. She can make all the moves and you will never win without her. Next time, don't just go for love and sex Queen, go for everything!

maybe you stopped being fun... being a great mom doesn't make you a great wife

Strange.....I got a lot of feelings and ideas from what you read....but hatred most certainly wasn't one of them :)

hi dear life is like a game..... all goes perfectly well before wedding all turns wrong so never try to change yourself for others and do what make you happy and if your kids love your husband so think about them about thier futur before taking any decision

Why would you change your life around to please a man who doesnt care how your feeling and how dare he hate you !!! You deserve so much better then that pig please women learn to love yourself and stand up for what you want in life don't let your life pass you by like this x

I'm going through hell at the moment. I just looked up my husband hates me on google. He is being so horrible it's scary. I want to leave him so much. He has so much hatred towards me and I don't know why. We have 3 beautiful children, he's not even talking to them. From remarks I have read in this forum, I believe that I can do better. I'm a good person, but to be honest he can go to hell. I've tried so hard to help him, but he keeps treating me like I'm some sort of mould. I'm not a cryer, but lately I've been crying alot.

Sometimes it\'s better to be away for sometime.. most of the time it works, they realize and return.. but sometimes it is opposite, they go for good.. do you think it is better for your kids?
my daughter who is 11 yrs, said that We (3 kids) won\'t let dad go anywhere :( and then my middle child pushed his Vice Principals hand away from him coz he reminds him of his dad.. who is never their with them in any meeting or school events :(
the youngest child started locking himself up in a room and slamming things on floor.. he wrote a letter to his father on Father\'s day: Dad you r the best father in the world but I don\'t like it when you hurt my mom, the only thing I want from you is that you don\'t hurt her feelings again and play throw ball and soccer with me every weekend!
Hons what i am trying to say is that sometimes it is better for parents to sacrifice their needs coz we are clueless that how terrible our kids feel without any of us!
imagine how much they love their parents and if anyone of us leaves them, how devastated they gonna be and aren\'t mature enough to handle their fragile emotions :(
pls consider your kids first and then yourselves!!!
Their future is in our hands..

my husband is a huge ***! He has been spoiled by his family his whole life and now treats me like he treats his grandma. I'm finding myself hating him. I'm a Christian and I believe that divorce will make me an adulterer. I don't know though how much more I can take. He says the most horrible things to me and just this morning threw a cup of coffee at me. I don't have any advice since I'm still in a similar situation but I want you to know you're not alone. Rely on God. He's the only thing getting me through this.

I totally understand what you are saying about God. But you know sometimes people are out of Gods hands. You believe in yourself first.

People are NEVER out of God's hands. He made the universe, moon, stars, sun, everyone on Earth and you think He can't handle one marriage?

Don't let the devil feed you lies. It's terribly hard, but even if your spouse isn't living right or talking to God, doesn't mean He can't lead you to something better. Don't give up on God and His plan for you.

Yes, however sometimes people try to hold together what god himself is trying to pull apart. My advice to all of you girls is to ask yourself how Christian was my husband before marriage. Like us women are taught to be kind honest and capable in the eyes of god. Men need to be to. A kind honest capable Christian man will never treat his wife the way you girls speak of here. I used that measure with my husband and have had 50 of the most wonderful years of my life. May god bless you.

Wow I loved mu husband with all of my heart, put him through grad school, stayed up late during that time so he wouldn't notice the time. Dealt with his highs and lows of depression; followed him all over the state of AZ with two children-he promised this summer that things would be better when we returned to OR-he moved us into a small town and started having an online affair with a 17 yr old girl while i was working my butt off. he told me he didn't love me anymore and soon abandoned me and the two kids in a tweeker town we just moved into with no financial support as he pulled out all of his money from our bank account. i left my job at the county and am living with my parents and children-god i'm being treated like im a stupid 17 yr old all over again. he recently told me that he wanted to come home but it was because his now 18yr old gf dumped him. i'm so hurt....i can't deal with the pain of watching the love of my life fall in love with a stupid child!!! and yeah i should just walk away but it's only been 3 months--yes i know lean on your kids, look to your family, get counseling---well screw that---i'm a bloody therapist and am on welfare because i can't mentally work after this-i feel like a weak person-want to die but i wont for a lot of reasons....this just hurts so ******* much i cant deal---oh god the pain is so bad!!!!

Please stay strong. What you have been through is so awful. But you have to understand that you are a person in yourself. Yes, I know you love him, but you have to think about what hurt and pain he has put you through, do you honestly think that's all your worth Hun. I know it's so hard but please start thinking about yourself, and what you are worth.

PRAY TO GOD FOR SACRIFICIAL MARRIAGE.AFTER EVERYTHING YOU HAVE THROUGH WITH HIM DO YOU WANT TO LIVE FOR ANOTHER WOMAN? THERE IS NOTHING GOD CANT DO. AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME BUT I KNOW IF GOD LIVES HE WILL NOT LET ME DOWN. CONCENTRATE ON YOUR WORK AND CHILDREN AND CONTINUE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN FOR HIM. DONT LET GO MY DEAR SISTER. YOU WILL LAUGH LAST. GLORIA GHANA-KUMASI

A few weeks ago I told my husband that I needed some more attention from him and he tried for a few days and i was happy again. I told him again and he has completely withdrawn and won't even kiss me hi or bye. I feel like i made things worse but I would want to know if he was feeling lonely so I could fix it. We have two children under 6 and have been together since high school about 9 years! I try I really do! All i wanted was to cuddle more often. I feel betrayed for how he is acting. I am only 24 and have given him everything. I have to stay with him for at least another year until I finish school. I wonder if anyone can give me advice. Thanks

From the way you talk and I see why he hates you. I.blablabla....I.blablabla...I.blablabla...Next time if you say he....he....he... then you may have a good relationship.

OMG, i can't believe there are so many of us with the same story. I thought I was the only one. I must say, I'm a bit baffled by some of the responses. Everything from "leaving" to "take a beating for the sake of the kids"....Really??

Anyway, besides these online confessionals, I wonder if there is some sort support group out there. I too have similar stories, but after reading some posts here I feel more that its him and not me. It's his mental problems, not me. Maybe his mom and dad didn't show him affection so he seeks it from other women. I don't know. I've dealt too much with the lieing and the cheating. I beg him to leave me but he won't. I don't understand why, if he act like he hates me so much.

We sleep in seperate rooms. Basically live seperate lives. He doesn't help me financially or with the kids. Yet he won't go. His face lights up when he talks to his friends or his on the phone. But the second he is alone with me, he looks so miserable. He can have endless conversations with his friends, but wont even say 2 words to me. Yet he won't go. If he's so miserable, why won't he go? I don't understand.

He wont go, because men need a trash bin "their wives" they can kick, vomit on them, spit, and so on, all their frustration, and we "are there" to give them that chance, where they release all his frustration they most probably lived with his parents lives.

I am also noticing a pattern of military men who are cheaters and mistreat women. It could be the lack of fathers in their lives so they turn to the military seeking the companionship of men they did not have growing up. Plus, if they grew up with single mothers, the mother is probably a source of resentment over many things and so the anger is then directed at you when you become his wife. Because the anger and cheating and mistreatment is not a once in a while thing, I am starting to think it is deeply engrained from childhood which is the reason it will not change.

I feel good, reading your responses, as I am going through the same thing. I've tried everything- counseling, dressing up, weight loss- you name it. My husbands problem- his past. He reaches out to women from his past, and continues this cycle of talking to them, meeting them and whatever else. I've read the letter and the emails, where he tells them he loves them, words he never says to me, and when he has too, he's so uncomfortable, you can see it on his face. I'm so tired of living like this.I've talked to him about this, he knows how I feel, but his blatant disregard for me says so much. I am a good wife. I'm still attractive and I do just about everything I should. He wrote to this woman that "marriage sucks because this one person knows everything about you, and could use it against you." I was so disappointed. This is a grown man. That's what marriage is about. We have four children. I've totally given up on us having any kind of marriage. I've thrown myself into activities. Right now, we eat dinner together with the kids, the rest of the day is spent living separately- work, home and whatever else we can do to avoid one another. I'm done contacting the "other" women- telling them that the time and attention he spends and gives them is taking away from his children. They don't care. He doesn't either. On friday, he came home. Barely said two words. Our youngest two children were so excited, and he basically ignored them. He loves our son, but he treats our daughters differently, maybe it's because they're just like their mom. I'm all cried out. I'm enrolling in graduate school, so that I can start working again and be able to fully take care of myself, should I need too. I would be so happy if he manned up and filed for divorce. That would make me feel so much better. He left me a long time ago.

sounds like your husband is like mine. his mother, my mother in law, treats him like her little boy and so he cries to women to get sympathy and attention. I firmly believe that is why they cry to women. he did it to me when we first go together. I heard all his sob stories and bought into it. little did I know that he what he does with all these women. he tries to get sympathy from women, who are naturally caring and nurturing, to get attention and for women to feel sorry for him. he runs to his exes as well I think because he has this huge ego he can't get over the fact that these women did not want him anymore. or if he dumped them for me, every time we have a fight is his reason to RUN back and seek sympathy from these poor pathetic women that he dumped the first time. It is sick and at the source of all of this is a weak, spineless man.

I am married to a former Marine. We lived on ba<x>se for the first few years. He wanted to marry me and then immediately when we got married was cheating on me and talking to other women. When I found out he begged and said he made a mistake and would never happen again. However, ever since then he has acted like he hates me and hates being with me. I have not trusted him since that incident and he has acted horribly throughout the 6 years I have known him. He left for 2 years on a deployment and did not take me. I moved back with my parents who were NOT pleased that I was back living with them and no where to go. <br />
<br />
I now have a job and hope I can move out. He still hates me to this very day. I cook, clean, work out all the time, maintain my weight, try to look good, and he still hates me. He has had ED and I notice he really enjoys being with men more than me. There is always some new guy he talks about and when he hangs with this new guy he always comes home hating my guts. Before on ba<x>se it was some other dude he worked with and now it is some guy he goes to school with. <br />
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He doesnt buy me things or take me anywhere. We never had a honeymoon. He went right back to work in the Marines. I do not feel loved. I feel hated and ridiculed. We have no children and I ask him all the time why he is so angry at me. He tells me to get away from him and stop talking to him and he "just wants to be left alone." Its very painful for me to say the very least. Now tonight he tells me he wants to move out again. This will be the 3rd or 4th time he has left. I feel relief he might leave but then stress over the ramp-up to leaving which will include a lot of drama. So I have considered moving out to find my own place because I do not want the drama. <br />
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I just want to feel loved. I don't because he hates me. He hates me for reasons he goes back years and picks apart things I do and throws them in my face. I have turned to God many many times and begged for God to bring about a change or to step in my life and help me. I have been praying a lot lately and now he says he is moving out next week. He really likes to see me cry which I do not do anymore. I have no more tears for him. So he has to work extra hard to make me cry like throwing things at me or pushing me or calling me very hurtful names. <br />
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Maybe I will get out of this mess soon.

Run, don't walk, just make a break for it now! You sound like me and unfortunately I wasn't able to leave since I had kids and no skills to provide enough for them. This is your chance to be with a truly good person who will love you and support you, why waste any more time on this loser? I have found that my husband wanted the marriage over but didn't want to be the one who ended it because he is afraid of what people (his family) will say about it so he just tortures me in hopes that I will leave him. Also I think he just likes to beat up on somebody to make himself feel better. Either way your husband is probably feeling the same stuff so please seize your opportunity and escape! You can do it and I know that there will be a real man out there who will feel lucky to have you in his life so don't let fear of being alone stop you. Face it, you are in a state that is worse than being alone, you are feeling alone and abused with no hope for better....just make your break for it!

Just do it, you deserve much better !!!!!

Too bad so many of us resort to posting online. Our relationships are so awful we turn to the cold shoulder of the internet for reassurance and advice.<br />
It's truly amazing how downhill our humankind has gone. So many children growing up without a father figure. Many will argue that they were better off and happier after their father left. TuT their lives were better for it. What's really interresting is the downward spiral of our culture. Women want equality. We want respect and love. We want appreciation for our labors as women.<br />
<br />
Men? They still want what they've always wanted..to be worshipped.<br />
<br />
Perhaps if my father had been brave enough to be different from his peers, and actually STAY with his wife and 3 kids after returning from Vietnam, my childhood would have been slightly less ducked up.<br />
<br />
If you do the researxh, you will find the devistation on children caused when they have no father figure growing up, or if the father is lsent but is absent in the sense that he offers no approval or love. The pattern REPEATS. THERES NOTHING WE WOMEN CAN DO BESIDES<br />
<br />
Ok GIVING MEN EXACTLY WHAT THEY CLAIM THEY WANT.<br />
if you have<br />
e no children with your man, get out!!! Now!!!<br />
If you do, then please, use your ducking brain and stick up for you and therefore your offspring. If he spews hate, nod and accept his BE for what it is. If he beats yo.u, accept it as a right of passage. Your children need his aprooval. He hates you, but not your child. Being a mother demands ultimate sacrifice. Are you willing to provide what your child NEEDS?

Obviously, as I can see from these many replies, trying to give a man exactly what he wants does not work. If he's set against his wife, he is.

Some suggest the wife should buy herself some sexy lingerie if the husband is cheating - ha ha! That will only disgust him if he desires another woman.

Remember when there was this kind of nice guy who desperately wanted to have you but you were just... not.. attracted?

One crucial point I have learned in my own relationship is to never behave as an unloved woman. That is a self-fulfilling propecy. My husband is absolutely not aggressive, he is more the withdrawing kind. If I withdraw, too, because I assume he does not want me at the moment, everything spirals downward. he withdraws even more. I have to be there and assume that I am attractive for him, and that we do have a physical relationship, and act accordingly. Sulking in my corner only makes it worse.

But then, he never behaved the way like in some of the rather uglier stories here.

i'm a man and can not believe what you said , you do all that and he hates you . it is a lie my dear you don't tell the truth at . i'm sorry that you start cheating on yourself and not facing the truth to solve your problem . you need all people to tell you that you are an angle living with a devil .

I am so sorry to hear that I am going through the same problem unfortunately.he is in the navy and our relationship is getting from bad to worst .i hope you will be able to find someone better when you move on as for me I am only going to live for my daughter so I don't want to get remarried.

It's impossible to say if a relationship is dead and buried, or if it is recoverable. Sometime's all it takes is a little spark to re-ignite the feelings that you had when you first met. Believe it or not, text messaging is a brilliant way of doing this. Michael Fiore has a free online presentation about this, where he demonstrates the power of text messaging and proves it on National TV. To anybody interested, here is the link: www.TextHimThis.com

My husband doesn't treat me like I'm his wife, he want to live like he is a single man and he always complains about our son when he cry at night. Our son is 8 months old and Everytime his dad holds him he cries. I feel like their is no bond between them. My husband was not around during the pregnancy nor at the birth of our son, he came when our son was 5 months old and I think that is the reason why my son does not bond with him or he does not bond with my son. My son is teething at the moment so he cries a lot during the night with fevers and so on for this sometimes I put him in bed with us because I find that he sleeps better in bed with us. But my husband complains and screams and fights wih me at night for that. So now when he wakes up at night crying I take my son an sit in the living room wih him until he falls asleep and this can take up to 3 hours. Now he has only been with us for about 3 months and already he has packed his bag several time. He goes to his sisters house and when he has had enough there he comes back home. Oh and his sister - that's another story. When he is at home he goes in the room to talk to her on the phone. Once the baby monitor was on in the room and I was in the living room. He got on the phone to her then when he put his voice down as he was talking then he noticed the monitor was on so he turned it off, I went into the room to see what was going on so he ended the conversation and hung up. I asked him what is wrong then he said "between me and my family it's not your business" meaning him and his sister. So I said to him but me and our son are your family an he didn't like it. I feel like he doesn't yet understand that me and him and our son are one family, he doesn't understand that I'm his wife and I should be treated like I'm his wife and not just any woman. He doesn't support me or my son financially, he doesn't believe that he should. Infact when he needs money I provide for him an I spend on him. Yet the first payment he got from when he lived with us he sent it to his parents. He tries to keep me away from family ( mum, dad, sisters and brothers) for this I decided to stay away from his family. I asked his sister to stay away from me and keep out of my life because I noticed that Everytime there is a fight between me and my husband and knows about it and she gets involved. Now we hardly talk and our sex life is going down hills. When he is off work and at home I asking him to look after our son so I can go to university he says to me take him with you because I'm going to help my sister with something. I feel like I'm doing every thing on my own as he doesn't support with anything. I'm sick of this life I can't wait to finish university because I don't want to our my son in Childcare as I feel like he is too young for that. My study is about early childhood and so I know how important the first few years of the child's life is and how important it is for the child to spend those first few year with their patents which should be full of love and affection. On the other hand my husband doesn't know or care about the early childhood for this he expects me to put him in Childcare. Anyway I'm not gonna put him in Childcare and my mum and sister offered to help out until I finish so me and my son don't need his help.

Why are you even still with this man? I have never heard so many reasons why you should leave him. Is it because you have no where else to go? It is best for the child to not be around his father, because it will only scar him down the road. Sometimes children do certain things because of how they are raised, and that does not sound like a pleasant atmoshpere to me.

i am going through the same. i have been with my husband for 20yrs. the past yr as been hardly any sex. none since feb. when i try he turns away. in the past 2 yrs we have lost our home and business. but he says this is not a problem for him. i asked him if he still luvs me and he said he doesnt know anymore. i dont think i can carry on like this feeling unloved. it is very hurtfull especially as 4 yrs ago we moved 250 miles from my family to be near his. i hope you get a happy ending as thats what we all want.

I married a retired x-Navy officer 20 years ago who now hates me for two things. Sex and money. Sex because he says "he's not getting what he's paying for" and money because his Navy retirement is HIS money and he's been putting it in a private account now for at least 2 years. As to sex I soon found him impotent - only responsive to things he hired women to do to him overseas and those things having nothing to do with love or emotion. Merely physical servicing of "his needs." To my gradual dismay I observed my husband could only EMOTIONALLY respond to men, certain men, although he has never acted on anything that I know of. He still acts like a flaming fool when around a man he perceives to be powerful and authoritative and wealthy. I know him well by now and if this were to be mentioned he would kill me. That's not an exaggerated for effect kind of statement. About 10 years into the marriage I learned bi-polar disorder was in his immediate family, his aunt was sick her whole life and one of her daughters, and to a lesser degree his mother and that he was medevaced off a ship in New York Harbor and put in a psychiatric ward. And as for money he has throttled our living down to his social security alone (mine is dedicated to life insurance payments and credit card debt - all automatic payments he STRONGLY ENCOURAGE I take on) and I haven't been in a supermarket in years. I'm not allowed to have a car or a cell phone or shop for my own food. I have to take what he allows me to have. I have no money and nowhere to go. He'll go to counseling as long as I pay for it, knowing I have no income. I can have anything I want as long as I pay for it. He never has any money and all he does is talk about he can't pay for this or that until he gets paid and he lies about the dates his social security pays and his navy pay. I think some of us are trapped in situations where only death will release us to peace.

I am so sorry you're living such a life. This so-called husband of yours sounds very sick, and sometimes you cant help others, you just have to save yourself. You don't realize (but i'm sure he does) that you would do extremely well financially if you divorced! Please be careful, but you CAN leave if you want, just go cautiously so he can't hurt you.
Everyone deserves to create a life full of peace, at the very least.

Very, very carefully... get out! You have stated that it is not an exaggeration that this man will kill you for certain things and that death seems your only way out. He's obviously an extremely controlling man, verbally & mentally abusive (physically???). There are shelters. No, it's not an ideal situation, but is the situation you're in? In a divorce, he would be legally obligated to pay you allimony because he has been the sole earner for all these years. Arrange with your attorney (who will require him to pay the legal fees) to have those alimony payments sent direct-deposit so that this man does not have access to your new address. Immediately get an order of protection stating that you are in fear for your life from this potentially violent man who has threatened you. There is help out there. It's hard, and it's scary, but it's better than being trapped.

My husband hates me for some reason I don't know why I take care off him asif I am his mum I'm only young. I don't know what to do anymore either we have such big fights he plays wid me like I'm a rag doll. When I gt married all I wanted was a life PARTNER nots a rich man a hot man jus a partner feel like dying sometimes

My husband hates me too. I've tried to do everything right but he just doesn't like me. He constantly disagrees with anything I say, he's antisocial when my friends and family are around, he's gotten physical with me. I've been trying to make this work for two years and I'm not having much luck. He doesn't talk to me unless it's to berate me or just small talk. I'm fearing I made a huge mistake in marrying him. We go see a counsellor but he doesn't follow her advice. I just never wanted to divorce. The person I fell for was a fake, because his man has no desire to be with me. I've seen him talk to other people with the same enthusiasm he showed me once. We use to do things together now all he wants is to play video games, watch tv and sleep. He is like a bad roommate, leaving dishes and a mess wherever he goes. I think it's time to leave.

I often dream of freedom from my husband. He doesn't talk to me, he doesn't touch me, he doesn't respect me; and I'm pretty darn sure he doesn't love or even like me, but I have a mortgage & a seven year old and I work 12 to 14 hour days... So I am trapped because of my schedule and money. The most common story. Pretty much it sucks.

Hi fren...my story similar like dat......................facing same problem with my husband but not coz antr gal but his mum n sis

Hi fren....i m facing da same problem with my husband.............my husband will listen 2 his mum adivce n scld me all the time...i cannot leave him also coz i luv him so much...........

@ BMS, i haven't read all the comments but yes few pages. It feels like someone has written my part of the story ....:( i can understand what u have gone thru... even if something has happened from ur side...if he didn't say it or tell u why he is upset...how wud u fix it..or know what went wrong...!! After all no woman wud want to separate with kids and spending more than 10 yrs with someone! It is tough decision...To tell u the truth, i have tried to ask friends, my parents, siblings to guide me, i am confused blah blah! but nobody can do anything...except for u and only u! see what happens after sharing...ppl make false assumptions, make fun and then in the end everyone jumps in to give his/her suggestions and conclusions and we get more confused LOL!<br />
so do what ur heart says, I know u dont want to separate and are confused that is why u are asking for suggestions but it is U who will decide and my suggestion is don't separate, actually ur husband needs u! and i have been going through all this same to same. but i have learned one thing from my experiences that instead of leaving them alone and giving them what they want, fight for ur right! get what u want! dont give up! and make him feel that u are there for him!!<br />
Even when our kids misbehave with us or don't follow our directions, what do u do? separate them from u? NO right, You try to help them and sit down and talk with them and make them understand! and bring them closer to you, even though you know they don't like rules, or you! <br />
so work on bringing ur family together! <br />
I fought for this for 10 years too! slowly things r changing, he is realizing. it is not that u want to see changes in seconds and they will happen it is step by step! one change at a time! Involve kids in it! bring them infront of him and ask him whatever you want through your kids! Make ur kids ur strength. <br />
My husband didn't realize when I told him that why u enter the house with sad face or why you don't talk with us until one day, my middle child said to his dad by imitating him: Dad when u enter u have a sad face like this, take shoes off, walk like this to the bathroom and come out, eat, take the remote control and start changing channels. what is wrong with you why don't u talk with us,<br />
OMG you can't believe it, he was so embarrassed that he started to act normally by entering home with a smile and talking to his kids, sitting in the living for 5 min. before going to the bathroom LMAO!<br />
i was shocked, how they realize it so quickly when others say! so bottom line is You stop complaining and ask your kids or a family member to do the job for u :D<br />
<br />
Separation is a cowardly act! anyone can do it! If u love ur husband and ur family then keep them together :)<br />
GOOD LUCK

I like that you have courage to fight for your marriage, but what woud you do if he never changed? What would you feel if he didn't care about what his kids thought and never changed behaviour? You are lucky in that your husband wants to try too. Otherwise your opiinion would be different. you would be miserabale to seperation is not cowardly when you are giving 100 and the other person is giving nothing. THere is a breaking point for everyone- the important thing is that the person gives all that they can and doesn't make an excuse to get out of marriage, that is where the line is drawn, but please don't generalize about seperation being cowardly. Sometimes it just has to be done.

I have read so many posts about women saying their husbands hate them......well, what else could it be, when a man continues, to make me feel like I am forgetful, when all the time it is him. I purchased two vehicles new and by some odd reason the seats in both the vehicles got crooked and slanted and both look very used. I traded the first one because of that reason and got another one; and now it is the same way as the first. The same goes for the house. Glass in the doors have been scratched, furniture. floors. He will not fix anything and does not have it fixed. There was almost new American flag hanging on a flag pole a few weeks ago while we were out picking pecans from under a tree just a few feet away and I couldn't tell you how many times I looked at the flag and said to myself, "I wonder where he got that flag, because it looks new?" He never told me where he got it and I never asked. I opened the window blind and looked out on that side of the house one evening because of noises that were heard on that side. To my amazement, there was A flag on the POLE and it was in shreds. Hahaha I said, "Now how did that happen?" When I said something to him about it, his answer was, "That flag has been up there and the wind did that". BULL.......but I never told him that I stayed quite. He had a few affairs and most recent was with a woman just around the block and my grandson told me, (along with others), that it had been going on 20 some years. My husband ended that relationship, but now all this other crap is happening and makes me wonder if he wants me to leave so he can go back and get her. I do not bring her up at all and try my best to forget about it, but when things start happening in our home, it makes me wonder, what he might have up his sleeve or is he just so tire of me that he wants me to leave. Hmm.......I am not going anywhere, because I have worked to hard for what we have for him to call it quits now. I have spent 40 years and have watched him go out the door telling me AMF. Even go out the door with the woman that he had been seeing and I didn't know it! He has told me he wished I would die, he hated me twice..........but then turns around and says he is sorry. NO WONDER SOME WOMEN TURN AROUND AND WALK AWAY WHEN SOME MEN ARE TRYING TO TALK TO THEM AND PUTTING THEM DOWN. Some men are el sickoo's.

sassy - thanks, you are lucky to have such faith in your man, I hope that such faith is mine at last, but not with my husband as he has made his feelings very clear to me x

I love my husband and I know after reading the blogs he loves me, our fate & destiny lies in the Lord's plan. I believe in prayer & even while writing this I feel sadness & happiness that people are able to share their experiences. My life is far from perfect, but I try to pray and let God do the rest. Somedays, I feel impatient, even frustrated, but I believe God has given me a good partner. I feel blessed. We too, have our ugly days, but at the end of the day, we do want to be in this relationship & we try everyday, some good, some bad. I wish everyone on this site the best in your relationships. All of you have just reminded me how lucky I am to be where God has placed me.

Hi Everyone! Its sad to listen to so many marital problems. I always believed that marriage is about soul mates and friendship and ever lasting. <br />
I need advice too - Here is my story - <br />
We got married in 2010. I moved countries to join him (arranged alliance as families knew each other). We had many differences from the time of wedding arrangements as his mother always wanted it her way. My parents let them have it their way but me and my husband would discuss about some issues that were constantly hurting me. My sister in law being pregnant couldnt travel and had to miss the wedding which hurt me. I asked him many times to speak to his mother but he always said I would never inconvenience my family for anyone else. If you want you speak to her directly and so on. My family asked me to keep quiet at that moment as they thought it would lead to unnecessary chaos and MIL couldnt do much as she had 2 sons to get married in the same month.. Anyways.. After I moved to Canada to join him, we lived alone and the problems still persisted. The apartment needed many arrangements and I was focused on getting things organised. His friends kept wanting to visit and he wanted to have dinners for them but we needed to make many arrangements like lamps, tables, wardrobe, etc. It took us time as it was a new city and he too was living there for a few years like a bachelor. Most of our fights were on family related issues. He constantly wanted to visit relatives and I felt a lack of interest in the home, marriage and me. Whenever we went for weekend trips, we always fought. We felt like doing different things each time but I would try and enjoy what he liked to do. He constantly missed his mother and said that he wanted to move back to the place where family lived and resided. His fathers death when he was 19yrs seemed to have affected him largely and he was constantly closed in thoughts and barely shared about his aspirations or anything else. He seemed to be secretive about his salary too. He never wanted to discuss about salary no matter how many times I asked. On the contrary, when I started working with a bank, he had access to my salary account and would check it regularly. He wanted me to visit his mother and family alone after 3 months of the wedding. I found it strange and wanted to go with him. He made it a very big issue that I am going against his mothers wish and he will call off the wedding if I did not obey. He would not like to do home chores in the beginning and would say that it is a woman thing. I found him old fashioned in many ways. By then, he had started verbally abusing when we had arguments. I would get devastated and kept asking him why he does such a thing. He would apologise and say that it comes out in anger and does not mean it. Our sex life was not okay with its own peaks and troughs. In anger, I did insult him many times calling him lazy, boring and unaffectionate. He seemed sensitive to my comments and I am sure he too was getting hurt. In a nutshell, I felt a lonely, one-sided relation where constantly I kept fighting for my own rights. After some months, he said that I could refuse to give attention to his family if that is what I wanted and I am not obligated to do anything. Although I found that strange as I never had a problem with the family but asked him for time or wanted to take things slowly and gradually. For some reason, he thinks that I am against his family. When his mother came to visit us, she would taunt on the little things and that would bother me as it was my first experience with her. I did complaint to him but it was more like venting out and sharing my mind. However, all these things must have made his fear of me being against his family even more. I left his home saying that I will visit my parents but ever since his mother has stopped us from talking. We have been separated since 5 months. I am not able to point a finger on where he has pulled off and whether I can count on such a person. To add, he is 8 years older to me but is educated and a nice human being. However, i feel he is not able to understand me and was rushing into judgements because of the fights and hot arguments. His mother says that we should start fresh but to give it time and keeps prolonging the matter. However, I dont want a divorce and would like to make this work.. I do love him and want to make little compromises to understand him better. But the fact that he has just not called me in the past 5 months to ask how I am makes me feel that I cannot count on him. What should I do?

Sounds like you are from Indian family! My husband is indian. Problem is that you guys don't know each other at all. It's hard to build a marriage and expect it to be fine when you are thrown into an arrangement, and both parties cannot compromise or be mature. I would have called off the wedding when he told me to "obey or else" because it showed right there that he is too old fashioned towards women. But you did your best and no one can blame you, you are always hoping that they couldn't possibly be serious or somethinig like that, so you let it go, especially so early on. You have tried to understand him. It seems to me that he is too dependent on his mother, not that she is bad, but sometimes mother can feel like her son is being taken away, even though she doesn't mean to feel that way. The 8 years between you two will also cause some trouble. It is so early to think divorce will be the solution, and it seems that he is just having trouble adjusting to married and family life. It is not fair that he keep his salary from you, he must not have double standard. If I were you, I would call him, let him know that you want to make things work, but say that you are willing to try to make him happy if he can also try to treat you with respect and as partner, and as equal. Also, maybe it is necessary to build some relations with the mother. Maybe instead of staying with your parents, you could offer to stay with her for some months. If you two can build some love and care, and she can feel unthreatened, then she will also encourage you two to get back together, and maybe his ideas of you being against his family can change. But always maintain your self respect, in all relations. This will help guide you to knowing what can be the future. Good luck, God bless you!!

Hi Everyone! Its sad to listen to so many marital problems. I always believed that marriage is about soul mates and friendship and ever lasting. <br />
I need advice too - Here is my story - <br />
We got married in 2010. I moved countries to join him (arranged alliance as families knew each other). We had many differences from the time of wedding arrangements as his mother always wanted it her way. My parents let them have it their way but me and my husband would discuss about some issues that were constantly hurting me. My sister in law being pregnant couldnt travel and had to miss the wedding which hurt me. I asked him many times to speak to his mother but he always said I would never inconvenience my family for anyone else. If you want you speak to her directly and so on. My family asked me to keep quiet at that moment as they thought it would lead to unnecessary chaos and MIL couldnt do much as she had 2 sons to get married in the same month.. Anyways.. After I moved to Canada to join him, we lived alone and the problems still persisted. The apartment needed many arrangements and I was focused on getting things organised. His friends kept wanting to visit and he wanted to have dinners for them but we needed to make many arrangements like lamps, tables, wardrobe, etc. It took us time as it was a new city and he too was living there for a few years like a bachelor. Most of our fights were on family related issues. He constantly wanted to visit relatives and I felt a lack of interest in the home, marriage and me. Whenever we went for weekend trips, we always fought. We felt like doing different things each time but I would try and enjoy what he liked to do. He constantly missed his mother and said that he wanted to move back to the place where family lived and resided. His fathers death when he was 19yrs seemed to have affected him largely and he was constantly closed in thoughts and barely shared about his aspirations or anything else. He seemed to be secretive about his salary too. He never wanted to discuss about salary no matter how many times I asked. On the contrary, when I started working with a bank, he had access to my salary account and would check it regularly. He wanted me to visit his mother and family alone after 3 months of the wedding. I found it strange and wanted to go with him. He made it a very big issue that I am going against his mothers wish and he will call off the wedding if I did not obey. He would not like to do home chores in the beginning and would say that it is a woman thing. I found him old fashioned in many ways. By then, he had started verbally abusing when we had arguments. I would get devastated and kept asking him why he does such a thing. He would apologise and say that it comes out in anger and does not mean it. Our sex life was not okay with its own peaks and troughs. In anger, I did insult him many times calling him lazy, boring and unaffectionate. He seemed sensitive to my comments and I am sure he too was getting hurt. In a nutshell, I felt a lonely, one-sided relation where constantly I kept fighting for my own rights. After some months, he said that I could refuse to give attention to his family if that is what I wanted and I am not obligated to do anything. Although I found that strange as I never had a problem with the family but asked him for time or wanted to take things slowly and gradually. For some reason, he thinks that I am against his family. When his mother came to visit us, she would taunt on the little things and that would bother me as it was my first experience with her. I did complaint to him but it was more like venting out and sharing my mind. However, all these things must have made his fear of me being against his family even more. I left his home saying that I will visit my parents but ever since his mother has stopped us from talking. We have been separated since 5 months. I am not able to point a finger on where he has pulled off and whether I can count on such a person. To add, he is 8 years older to me but is educated and a nice human being. However, i feel he is not able to understand me and was rushing into judgements because of the fights and hot arguments. His mother says that we should start fresh but to give it time and keeps prolonging the matter. However, I dont want a divorce and would like to make this work.. I do love him and want to make little compromises to understand him better. But the fact that he has just not called me in the past 5 months to ask how I am makes me feel that I cannot count on him. What should I do?

hi there, i think we are all with the same man.my boyfriend of 5 years was sexually abused by a female relative when he was 10 and i wonder how much it has influenced his poor treatment of me. as soon as we moved in together, the kissing and affection stopped. we have sex sometimes but that is really the only time he wants my attention. other wise he locks himself in his office and he too eats and sleeps there. he blames me for too little sex, but how am i supposed to feel romantic about someone that ignores me and hasn't kissed me passionately in 3 years. only forced pecks. he stays all nt in his office until very late when im exhausted ready for bed and expects me to be chipper for intimacy after being ignored nt after nt. he doesn't like my friends or family. and as a result I never invite anyone over. he is always angry about something. he never compliments me. i used to cook for him but gave up because it was always meeted with criticism. too bland, to spicey, or even "this is crap" even though other people compliment and ask again for these very meals. and he always takes his meals to his office. now, he complains that it don't cook for him anymore. I cant win. i work full time as an office asst. but he has told me to get " a real job" even though i pay 50 % of all the bills and do 95% of the household chores. do u have any advice? do u think abuse caused this?

I was abused when i was a child too, and my poor husband as my boyfriend had to help be go through a lot to normalize my sexuality and ideas of such relationships. His secret was to always embrace me with love, and then talk to me showing that he could understand how i felt and then that it wasn't my fault and that things were no longer that way anymore. That he wasn't the person that abused me. Maybe you can try this. Yes I definately think his ideas of love and women are affected by his abuse. At the least, you can sit down and tell him all these thoughts you have shared with us, and say, honey, I am here becasue I love you and i have decided to share my life with you. You are important to me and i am proud of you. But you push me away with these confusing arguements and explanations. What can I do to make you happy?

The process is hard and he may need therapy. And you may not be the person willing to do it with him. Never do something out of pity, otherwise you may resent it in the future. You can also downgrade the relationship to friends, move out, but stay in his life to support him until he can get his head on straight and then you can continue in the relationship. But if you do something out of pity, it will cause resentments. SO - be there for him, as long as it isn't hurting you too much. And be clear and honest, and totallly upfront with him in communications. Good luck!

Hey everyone.... I'm going thru the same thing. You know why they are so DAM ANGRY BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY MISERABLE MEN. He hide all his monies millions.... Pissed off all the time. Low sex drive. I'm not here to figure out this moody mean evil human being anymore. Served him with divorce papers never been happier. Once a man plays this out on me again his smelly raunchy *** is kicked to the curb. If we tried all this crap on them they would go bolestic. Guess what I reached that point I don't care if he spends his millions in legal fees, I'll pack my lunch and plant my hiney at the courts. I'm a stay at home mom. No fault State. No money so he has to pick up the tab lol. Maybe if you men acted like kind caring human beings instaed of watching us be and plead for affection women would be able to make your dreams come true 50/50. Best of luck!!! Break the cycle move on and break the bondage.

Hey, I know what you are saying. In fact I am the husband and I am a crossdresser. I know how bad my wife feels about it. She tried to change me and she seems to have given up on making me give up on my crossdressing. Actually my crossdressing started after marriage and not before that. I dont spend any big money or time on crossdressing. I myself have become busy in life with work.

But my wife feels that she married a wrong guy, although now a days she doesnot express that openly. I dont trust her anymore, I see crossdressing being harmless affair compared to smoking and heavy drinking and gambling. but you know somebody doesnt see things this way.

I am a perfectionist and she is so very opposite. She asking every silly question on the planet and is always looking for permissions and approvals for every small thing. This makes me angry, "why the hell she cant think on her own" or "why cant she look for that information herself" what an idiot she is. Added to this she has liberally passed on her fears to the children, the children dont want to enter the pool, everything the mother felt is risky the children have believed into it.

I am wasting my time with a god fearing, society fearing, future fearing, life fearing, non-adventurous, stupid women. Since i have talked about her negatives, there are some positives too.

She is best at being a critic. She can easily criticize other people, her own people, her own children, talk about their failure, their mistakes, and feel good about that. This is really some quality I get pissed off very quickly. She says she wants to do it.

Now my nature is I am sensitive to words. The fights and arguments are on and on. I have even tried speaking about her that if i am the cause for her worries then she could leave me. but she is afraid of her own life the security. She cant answer the society and stuff.

To hell with her thinking

Hey everyone.... I'm going thru the same thing. You know why they are so DAM ANGRY BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY MISERABLE MEN. He hide all his monies millions.... Pissed off all the time. Low sex drive. I'm not here to figure out this moody mean evil human being anymore. Served him with divorce papers never been happier. Once a man plays this out on me again his smelly raunchy *** is kicked to the curb. If we tried all this crap on them they would go bolestic. Guess what I reached that point I don't care if he spends his millions in legal fees, I'll pack my lunch and plant my hiney at the courts. I'm a stay at home mom. No fault State. No money so he has to pick up the tab lol. Maybe if you men acted like kind caring human beings instaed of watching us be and plead for affection women would be able to make your dreams come true 50/50. Best of luck!!! Break the cycle move on and break the bondage.

My husband doesn't hate me , but he does't respect me enough to care about my feelings, and he also has a angry problem that he cannot control. He has insulted me in the past, he has put his hands on me physically, and he's made really nasty comments on how he doesn't need me. The only difference here is that I am not the ugly housewife. I am very sexy, I have exactly what he has bodywise in a woman, and my personality is great, full of fun , and alot of friends are constantly looking for me. If I was such a *****, no one would give a **** what I do, but my friends do, the only problem is my husband is so ******* mean when he's angry. He will say things that shock me, even telling me he resents me cause I bring up his cheating. You see he is/was a seriel cheater, craigslist ho'z were his *******, then he met a chic in the street and was busted with her. She told me everythng, he left all of that ****** behavior and changed over the past 3 years. But he's still a mean bastard and he raves how rotten he is when he's upset. he has taken my heart from my chest and stepped on it plenty of times. He has slapped/punched/and kicked me and bruised me in the past , and cheated on me with hookers in the past and I resent him for it at times. <br />
An example of our fights : Once he repeatedly told me that I was an idiot and stupid, that he was leaving ME ok? Ha! That I was an *******, he's insulted me in front of our friends, etc....etc...etc... and I stood up to him and said for someone who's so smart and mightier than me-you certainly got busted with the next *****. How smart were you ? <br />
He then shut down and ignored me for days , like he has done for years. He denies me communication.<br />
Then a few days later he is literally trying to fix it all and apologize. Well Its been ten years, I think I tried enough. He has anger issues that were there before I came into the picture, all of his ex gf and him broke up on bad terms, I know I'm not perfect but having him in my home, yes MY HOME, makes me feel I am with a drill sargeant.<br />
He makes comments on shows i watch, music i listen to, things I want to do, etc.... He just seems to love to downtalk to me, and when another male is trying to get a hold of his goodies he goes bananas and tries to drown me with affection. Why is that? what the **** is that about?

Honey, when you have every reason to leave, why don't you? If things were so clear cut for me, the choices in my life would be made in a snap. And all my troubles would vanish at midnight, like the huge ******* pumpkin that it is. :)

It is quite evident that you are in a controlling relationship, possibly with a man who has narcissistic personality disorder. Please google "control freak traits" and "controlling husband" and "narcissistic husband"<br />
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It is almost impossible to change this kind of abuser so you should make plans to safely get out. In the mean time, know that this is not your fault.

my husband is insecure but cant see it. we even heard about it in anger management. I guess he wasnt paying attention. I used to be his world when he wanted a relationship. Now that he has that his focus is achieving an awsome job. He looks for work every day. Its all he talks or thinks about. He gives his best to his co-workers and I feel I take the brunt of his frustrations. If I say something he doesn't like..and it really doesnt take much he gets made and starts a fight. Then he blames me for starting the fight when really he got over the top mad for just something I said or an opinion. For example.. I brought his fathers day gift to a bbq my brother had. He got mad I didnt give him his gift in private. You would think it was a sex toy for him.. Geez..it was a fr<x>ame with a picture of our son for his desk. He didnt even know what it was and he went off on me. Then because I say anything at all he considers us fighting. After that he said I ruined his whole weekend. What is the opposite of drama queen? My gosh! It's like this all the time. I feel like I'm walkin on eggshells. He is a good man with a lot of good attributes. We do still have sex but he is sucking the life out of me while I am trying so hard. I am so damned if I do and damned if I don't.. nothing works except never saying anything about anything. Sometimes I'm set up. Today he wanted a haircut because he said he was too hot. He has super short hair and it was just slightly longer. I cut his hair on a regular basis to save money. We had to go outside into the heat for this. My hair is really long so when we came in I was so hot especially under my hair. I found myself to be a little short because I was hot. You would think he would give me grace..hello...I just cus his hair cus he was hot. I even told him I was a little irritable cus I was hot. Later when he got mad at me over another little thing he brought that up saying I had a problem cutting his hair, I had an attitude and he didnt want me to ever cut his hair again... Dude! I don't know what to do. We have a 9 month old and besides not bearing the thought of fighting over him and sharing him I don't want to start over. I love my husband. I am a romantic who doesn't believe anymore in the dream of a good relationship. I am so afraid all one does when they leave a relationship is get into another with its own problems. I just want to solve this one... Calgon...take me away...

LOVE. Sometimes we need to just take a step back and consider what is more important, a psychotic husband who obviously doesn't love you or being alone. You know being alone isn't as bad as it seems. I know its nicer to have a partner and it is even a moral requirement if you believe in God but if your partner drains you of positive energy then how can you be a good mother for your children. Let alone a good person? You just don't know, there may be a match for you out there somewhere...you never know...or your husband may change. I think the way men behave begin with their own upbringing.

I feel for all you women I to have the same problems, we have now been married 10 yrs as of june 16, 2011. But my problem is that my hubby bonds way to much with his real (16) yr old daughter ,Iam only step mom. maybe I see to much into it as hubby saids I do.But his daughter said today she wants to go golfing put put with him tomarrow BUT DOESNOT want me their, this girl & I have never got along & she trys everything in her power to keep it that away & if it was her way it would only be her & dad & no ME, I also don't get sex for my hubby he tells me he can't get it up well i can for him, and the things i do will keep it up BUT when he gets it near somewere down before it goes down, and if I was to get on top of him he would say his back hurts come on this man is 6'2" 260 to 290 and Iam only 5'3" 114 to 120 how do I hurt his back? Then if I would go to sleep early the next morning hubby would have scare marks on his back I never did it, or marks in other places I didn't do, odd things but Iam told I see way into things? am I see to much I love him so much it hurts & he tells me he loves me to, He tells me its not me , we both see a consulor in other places,I don't understand & I cry to the daughter is 16, & hubby has told me not to cry in front of him because it depresses him more so I go off and cry somewere.

steptalk.org have a look

Your marriage is exactly like mine. I have tried and tried to make a man happy who is never happy. In the beginning of our marriage we both made mistakes. While I begged for forgiveness, he was busy thinking that he did no wrong. I have tried to stand behind him, been submissive to him like it says to in the Bible, even went broke trying to make him happy and it was never enough. Between the constant watching **** to having to beg him to have sex with me, I hit my breaking point. I gave him 2 beautiful kids, and he's only had one job since we got married, and yet I manage to be all of these names.

Is he hiding homosexuality?

Exactly my question!

Seriously, Im not married but I do have a boyfriend who I have been seeing for about 4 years. We use to be engaged but I couldn't stand his attitude so we broke up. We got back together again after a few months. Im not a man but I can tell you why I hate him. He claims he is innocent and sweet and that he tries to do everything in the world he can to make me happy...ha!!! He is so rude, just his demeanor, the look on his face is stupid, he just thinks he is the best thing to ever walk this earth. He claims he does sweet things and that he is appreciative of all I have done for him but his attitude says a much different story. I use to think he was just socially awkward and that is why he never talked to me much, but after seeing him around other girls I realized that he is very interesting and happy and outgoing. He doesn't act like he likes me and that in turn is making me hate him. I am very much thinking about cheating to get what I need to feel fulfilled (feel wanted/liked) but I don't want to leave him because him and I have a kid together..so, my reasoning is if he doesn't get HIS **** together, I will put up with it, but I will be cheating. He can deal with that or not, it's so his choice. Remember ladies! This world is too damn big to stick with one guy if you don't have too.

Why don't you think of your child? If you are cheating, and your husband is a dumbass, where is the child supposed to go? What is he supposed to think of his parents? Would he/she be proud of you, ever? I don't think so. Be a good example and clear the air with your man and get married, or move on.

I would leave mine if I could. I would live in my car, if I had one, just to get away from him. I have no relatives who would let me stay, no job, no savings, and no car. I'm stuck with this man forever, and he really does hate my guts. <br />
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I'm considering killing myself just to get away from him. I used to have a nice love life, but now, nothing. He's never been into it--once a month, the first 5 years, and now it's about once a year. We did let two years go by once, without it. Now we're probably never going to do it again, because I have a condition that makes penetration really painful. I've begged him to try other things, but he's just not interested.<br />
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He has no job, and we have no savings at all. There's really nothing to divide, except the cats, a quilt, and a nice TV, and he can have all that if I can just get out. If you actually have a way to leave a man, do it! Don't sit there hoping it will get better. It won't. <br />
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Men don't feel guilty if they make a woman cry or make her feel bad. He doesn't care what your problem is, or how you feel or what you need. He just cares that he feels criticized. Men aren't really capable of being sorry for hurting you or seeing things from your POV. What they are capable of, is whole heaps of punishment for you not seeing it their way 100% of the time. I don't think I've ever, in all my years of experience, heard a man say he regretted treating a woman badly, or that he feels responsible for a single hurtful thing he said or did to her. I've seen thousands of guys posting online, and they all say the same thing: it's really the woman's fault, no matter how the man behaved. She didn't give him enough ********, didn't dress sexy enough, dressed too sexy, wasn't pure enough, gained too much weight, wanted money too much, worked too many hours, criticized too much, paid too much attention to the kids, whatever. <br />
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It's all BS. It still comes down to men thinking it's your job to please them, not the other way around.<br />
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Bottom line: if you treated him the way he does you, he'd have been gone YEARS ago. Being nicer than he is, doesn't inspire him to be nicer. It tells him he doesn't have to respect you, or try to be kind to you, because you'll just take whatever he dishes out. <br />
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Sad, but true. Love is great, but when it's over, it's over.

You should nver think you have no way out. Even to get a friend to drive you out of town to a wman's shelter, you can do that. If you have no friends, get a police officer to do it. If you really want out, you can find a way!! :) good luck.

Yes I am still here. <br />
Thanks for your comments.

Lol I mean women in the sexual relationship (he never wants sex when I do only when he wants it....so I have to tease...lol me on the other hand never says no) he definatley wears the pants.....unlike my two sisters men....I'm the nice one lmao

No offense but my husband is a **** to it's in the guys genes. I don't think a man can ever be satisfied or happy with his mate...they are not like us. If a guy needs to be alone than fine but damn it woman if you want sex RAPE HIM (My husband is the woman in the relationship) <br />
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Honestly if my husband ignores me or refuses sex I'll go and get some sexy Night gowns from a sex store or vitora's secret and doll myself up. And walk around the house in it...(Kinda like throwing a bone infront of a starving dog)<br />
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Send the kids over to your parents or someone you trust for a the night. If you have to unplug the tvs before he comes home! put down the shades (Most guys don't need romance so forget the candles) if nothing else cook dinner naked LOL Maybe he needs a OMG! This is abnormal experience....After not having sex your drive and need for it disappears...<br />
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Hell girl if nothing else Voice yourself....

Wow, this conversation has been going on for 2 and a half years. Is the original poster still here?<br />
I can really relate to what you and others are saying. I also have a very difficult marriage for the last 3 years. On the night of the wedding my husband seemed to change - he was being quite stern with me, whereas he had not before. It was a surprise. There was sex for about 6 weeks and and then he told me he was not attracted to me. No sex since then - 3 years ago. I am not a model but I have been told by people that I am attractive. I have a good weight, dress well etc. We tried counseling but it didn't work for us. All the attention would go to my husband as the counselor would let him say his piece. They all concluded he needed individual counseling. My conclusion is that if you are to have marriage counseling you need someone who is very highly skilled who can see the issues and cut through all the crap. Those counselors will usually be more expensive - they are good at what they do and are in demand. cook dinner and he eats in his office where he also sleeps. There is no physical affection - rarely do I get a hug what to speak of kisses , hand holding or sex. My husband was sexually abused by a family member as a child so I think there are some issues there. I also do most of the housework, cooking, pay the bills and provide a cheap place to stay, try to be nice. Sometimes the nicer we are the less they respect us. There is a book that talks about this: "Love must be tough" which says that sometimes you need to get tough with someone like this. What he means by this is be strong and willing to set healthy boundaries (not a *****).The more you are soft and nice to get a result the more they take advantage, ignore and mistreat. We should keep our sweetness, but when the sweetness is aimed at getting something from them they sense it. Also look for Rori Raye's seminars on the web. Type in Rori Raye and you will find her site. I have really learned a lot from her. She talks about men's need for space and their need to take the lead in the relationship and when us women try to control the relationship (even by being nice and taking more than our share of responsibility) it kills the man's attraction. Even with my own husband sometimes he becomes more interested when he sees me talk to another man (innocently - I am not the cheating type). It is always surprising when this happens. If I talk to a man with the aim of making him pay attention it doesn't work.It's like he can sense it subtly. And sometimes when he is intoxicated he apologizes and tells me he is a fool to not appreciate me and that he is going to stay. I think he has a hard time feeling these feelings when sober. So my advice which I am also trying to do is to have my own interests, feel some amount of detachment, make solid friendships with others. Go out and have fun by yourself and with others. You will feel better and then he may wonder why all of a sudden you are not trying to get his attention all the time. Men will often be intrigued and come closer to find out what is going on, even if only momentarily, before going back into their cave. You see, when a woman makes a man the center of her universe, it usually gets really boring for them - well at least with men who have some kind of emotional issues - perhaps not the case with a mentally healthy man. And if you believe in God, prayer is very powerful. I work to see my husband as God sees him - perfect and loving. Very slowly he is changing since I started doing this. Now I rely exclusively on prayer and it has helped. 6 months ago my husband was determined to leave me but now he is considering staying.

Hmmm... guess I am a recovering addict of severe wife hate. For a long time maybe still do hate myself for being foolish enough to hook up with her. I'm trying to get off of the hate kick but maybe my experience can be some of a contribution. My ex is a gold digger, a fairly nice one but still a spoiled sugar baby all the way. Sounds like this group isn't part of that gang thank heaven.<br />
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Have you ever heard of the "God helmet"? Seems like the part of the brain that manages depression and doom has a counterpart that believes in the almighty. That helmet makes the subject feel good by turning on that part of the brain or so they say. Sounds like some of these husbands are gloomy maybe they need some antidepressant maybe. But those usually further reduce sex drive. ugh<br />
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Anyway my ex was consumed by consumerism and materialism. That partly can be attributed to her being an immigrant. I went through hundreds of thousands of dollars in a few years trying to satisfy but it was impossible. Even bought a house and moved where she wanted to be. She still lives in that house but she's supposed to give it back or pay something for it eventually. She couldn't stop trying to burn ALL of the money. I'm a saver not a spender. Geez I have to save something for retirement. But anyway.........<br />
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Some very basic and fundamental personality incompatibility is usually at the bottom of the hate problem. Her mentality was completely incompatible with my own. It grew into hate over a few years.

I am going through the same thing.My husband always prefers to be on his phone or be with his friends and totally ignores me.We have been together for 14 years and last year only had sex 3 times, i try talking to him and telling him how sad and rejected i feel and we just end up fighting because he gets upset.He even told me that after 13 years together it's not the same anymore.I cry a lot and always feel depressed.

Thanks usernamemike, yes we speak sometimes in ways that are not always 100% loving and positive. Unfortunately that is reality, I think that I am very positive but I do not live in la-la land but in a normal busy house with a normal family where sometimes we are nice and happy sometimes we are not so much because we are rushing or hungry but we still love each other at the end of the day. Except for my husband who does not love me at the end of the day. <br />
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I don't want to be walking on eggshells all my life just so as not to offend when I am already a very inoffensive person. BUT I will try, I will try to be nicer and who knows maybe it will work and if it doesn't then I will at least have tried.<br />
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My husband shouts at me when I have some bad news and I am upset. That is when he shouts.

Shred - i appreciate your comment but not your name calling. It is completely unacceptable. I said nothing bitchy. You remind me of my husband, angry at me when I have done nothing to you.<br />
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I gave up everything for my husband and I naturally put him first, I believe in that.<br />
But he still hates me. Just like you.

You're all a bunch of whinining ******* for cryin out loud.Maybe if for one second of your day you actually acted like your man he may return the emotion. You all want somethign for nothing. Well a guy doesnt give unless he's gettin!!! It's not rocket science!!! You man needs to know he is number one in the hose..kids or no kids!! Marriage comes 1st!!!!

OOoh you stupid americans, thats what you get for voting for Bush, now you got Sarah Palin ready win 2012. That will surely cause a Mayan end of the world prophecy. She would be pressing all nukes on random countries. You dumb americans better prepare for a bigger battle cause i'm rooting for china. China going to take you down and all you americans will than complain about them taking your country. Oooh yeah stop compaining about your relationships, because its pointless when you Americans don't know what relationships are!

I know my husband doesn't hate me....We have such a passionate relationship! It sure feels like he is very distant! I know we both have hurt each other so much that we are both scared to let our guards down. More him then myself....I have done many things to hurt my marriage because of my pain and took advantage of his patience.....If he only could be in my head and my heart just for a minute he would truley know how I feel.....He is very special....I love him so much and I can be the girl he fell in love with again and the mommy he wants me to be if he would just bring that wall down one more time!!!! I need him and I love him

My husband does not want to be around me. Takes his dinner to eat in the ba<x>sement. I must account for all of my time. It must be productive no fun. spending time with family always brings scorn for not getting housework done. rude to family if tey com over, says all he does is write checks i work a full time job part time job and do acctg for our own business unpaid he totally hates nme

My x guy friend was cheating & wouldn't commit & he went to stay in china with his guy friend & i didn't want him there as they're both single but known eachother a lot of yrs. my boyfriend got herpes while in china & i live in a diff state than him so I didn't trust him & he was cheating on the internet sneaking & i caught him several times,anyway he was after my body & money as I'm a widow so i got drunk when he had his man friend at his house & didn't want to talk to me much so I told his family & friends on facebook that he had Herpes & he has not contacted me since & I apologized for months & quit drinking & I am going to AA & I see how wrong it was?? WAS ITWrong to hurt him like that to warn other women? He could be bisexual as he wanted sex from the wrong place & I said NO!!

Hmmm. I see a lot of comments by bewildered women stating they didn’t do anything and get random hate attacks from their men. Well, I have trouble with my wife sometimes and often consider separation and have thought about suicide more than once. What you are doing is difficult to define. Women make little attacks on men in a passive aggressive way. This is a normal way people interact to find boundaries and blow off steam. You aren’t doing anything abnormal or even that bad. <br />
But you are doing it. You are undermining, patronizing, being obstructive and rationalizing emotional behavior. Men typically see an attack as a statement of conflict “Thems’ fighten’ words = lets fight.” Kind of thing. <br />
If you want to make it work with these guys you will need to first accept that you are hurting them (and stop thinking of this as a contest were you need to take turns hurting each other in equal amounts). <br />
I have quite a bit of baggage – damage from my younger days. It is likely that the men in your life are dealing (or not dealing) with some trauma as well. <br />
You have all said that you were shouted at – but failed to say what the shouting was about. Men are not complex. If there is something annoying them they will tell you. They won’t talk if they think you are looking for more ammunition and if you don’t hear them the first time they will say it louder (to the point of violence).<br />
It’s a burden to have a partner with emotional damage. Some damage will never heal. I cannot say leavening is the answer but doing the same thing and expecting a better result is absolutely not. Just be better, just try harder, just…etc, never going to work. To solve a problem, you need to understand its cause.<br />
Don’t beat yourself up, but don’t think things are one sided either. If you feel slighted, say so, at the time, without being judgmental. Give your guy the option of resolving that problem at that time, one thing at a time. If you internalize it, you will act out and things will escalate.<br />
BMS-> My heart goes out to you. I hope you have found a better match and have forgiven yourself, and your ex.

I am a male, 35 years old. Married 9 years and wish I had a wife like you! Sounds like a clear case of an overachieving underachiever. Meaning, your husband is very critical of himself, probably works his *** off at work. But when he doesn't get that feeling of accomplishment at work, he is not happy overall. You take it very personal when he rejects you but the reasoning sounds to be that he doesn't feel that he is worthy of a great wife like you - like he is letting himself and you down.<br />
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Sounds like he needs some encouragement. These are all just speculations but may help.

guess what? i totally agree with you!

my husband hates me-he calls me *****, *****, ****.

Kisgirl - thank you so much, you deserve better, it is so embarassing to be treated that way in public. He has lost respect for you, like mine. That is sad especially when you don't know why. I just ignore the haters here they are so not worth my thoughts let alone time! (hugs) x<br />
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Hamsy - yes, I am am not sure how relationship therapy works as it teaches us to be more selfish when marriage is about loving and giving, well I think so, so maybe it is not the answer. At least you have tried, you do care, she should appreciate that. Please don't let it drag you into the ground, you can see the doctor if you feel you can't go on, you need some support, sometimes it is just asking for help that can lift the feeling, I hope so. You are precious, we all are, we deserve to be happy, let's all be happy today and smile because we can be fine by ourselves (hugs) x<br />
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Thank you, rareindian, stay strong, please talk to your doctor if you ever feel that way, talking can help greatly. Unfortunately I have had those thoughts too but would never do that to my family so I went to the doctor and had some talks about my loneliness and pain. It really helped. You can have a life of happiness, start today think of your kids and yourself, and your happinesses together. (hugs) x

Hi:I know how it feels to be hated by husband. my husband's mood just goes off, at the drop of the hat. I have tried asking him 10000's of times if I have done anything wrong, he will just say 'No'. he won't talk to me for days, even weeks, forget sex, which is literally once a year. First I thought as time passes, he would be okay, but seems to get worse. Now he is hating me, I don't know the reason. I have given him all kinds of support, even financial, through all the downs of life, so that he will one day appreciate me but to no avail. Forget taking me out, if I ask for some change of place, he will think about inviting his sister to our house. I am just hanging on for the kids sake but then thinking how long have i do bear this. I even thought about suicide but the kids would be left in the lurch, they are the only reason I am living.

therareindian, my case is really similar to u, I am still in here to allthat verbal abuse just for my son, as if I go what will happen to my son. Indian culture is another reason stopping me.. but like this I will go crazy

I fell the exact same way..My kids are what keep me going. I hate that I have no idea why I **** my husband off so much. Everything I do makes him angry. (then when I get upset that he is so mean to me, he tells me I'm too sensitive)

Stay away from Councilors and Psychologists!!!!!! My wife and I started seeing them to try and get our marriage back on track, but all that happed was that they filled her head with all this trendy "female empowerment" garbage which has resulted in one hell of a mess. She now just walks away silently rather than sitting down and discussing it like grown adults. She believes that, no matter what, she doesn't even owe me an explanation or even a "sorry" for destroying me. She thinks that she has found a new "strength" as a person and that she is all that really matters, never mind the fact that because of this I have had a complete nervous breakdown to the point that I'm seriously contemplating suicide (I haven't told her that) because she has taken away everything I ever thought mattered to me.

:( Sorry :(

BMS... I am so sorry for you that you are going through this. I know a lot how you feel. My husband hates me too. I get yelled at regularly and put down a lot. The difference in my marriage is that sometimes he acts like he likes me or he's trying to like me or maybe he really does. But I have been there. Even right now, my husband does not want to hear me or even see me. And then I get yelled at for sleeping in the living room. But what am I supposed to do? We went to a local diner for dinner tonight and even there at the table he starts shouting at me in front of our children and everyone in the joint. I lost my appetite and asked the waitress to take my plate. He seemed satisfied by that. He just sat there and contently ate his meal. And then a few minutes later found something else to shout at me about. When he was done eating, he asked for the check and nearly jumped out of his seat and took off to pay it and walked out the door. Seemed as if he didn't even know we were there with him. It hurts, it hurts really bad. I am crying now and I know that if he sees me I'm going to get yelled at for crying again. It really sucks! It's not that you're an evil ***** like a previous poster said, that's just an angry person venting about themself. Another poster said to separate from him and see if that may jolt him into getting his s**t together, in my case that won't work. He's already physically tried to throw me out of the house. He has already told me that he doesn't care if I leave. He has demanded that I leave. I know what it's like to be hated by my husband. It makes you feel worthless and unwanted and undesired and useless and all-around a waste of skin, bones, energy, and breath. Try to keep yourself happy, do what you have to do to be happy. Don't make the same mistake that I have and stay with someone just because you think that no one will want you. Be happy, get healthy.

Thank you First Mistake - I still don't know, he denies everything I ask but deep down I think he has cheated, right at the beginning, nothing else explains it. His total change. I have tried to help him and wee things from his point, asking this question was a way to say "Why? What did I do wrong?". I have moved beyond pain now, I am past it and on my own path now, you cannot live like that without going mad, I was mad for a while but now I am happy and strong, and wish the same to all men and women in unhappy marriages, best to leave, start again, with children it is very hard, they need both parents, but if no kids - leave, be happy, love, have fun.<br />
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Hated by him - yes probably if you do not have kids you should consider a seperation to start with, think about the divorce later, take baby steps good luck to you, leave the pain behind there is always a brighter and better day around the corner, take care.

I am seriously thinking about divorcing my husband. I feel that he does not desire me nor does he spend any time with me. He is quick to jump for his friends but I am nothing but another female to him. My heart is sooo broken because I thought this man truly married me because he wanted to be a complete husband, but now we sleep on separate sides of the bed. We never go out. We never or rarely have sex may 30 times since we have been married which will be a year soon. I hate coming home because I know that my husband will never suggest an outing. I am a negative nagging wife now as opposed to my always being happy and full of life. I cry all the time now. I hate being married to him because he is totally ignoring me without any feeling. I feel like I am being mentally abused without words. I can't make my husband arroused. He doesn't look at me and desire me. I just keep crying and there is so much pain here and he refuses to acknowledge there is a problem. I feel like running away! Help me SOMEBODY!!!!

From what you wrote, it really sounds like you have no idea why your marriage is falling apart and that's probably the worst thing. <br />
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I have marital issues and they stem from infidelity on my wifes part. All our fights and disagreements and problems eventually boil down to that and I know that it is why our marriage is failing. Sometimes I just remember the whole episode and become cold and distant with her and she has no idea why and keeps asking me what is wrong and I just say nothing. She must be thinking the same thing, wondering why I'm being so detached. Maybe you have some relinquished issues hanging in the air between you and even though you think everything is fine and dandy, there may be unsorted issues that you need to work out.<br />
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I'm not saying that you are self involved or anything but people tend to take many things for granted and assume that their partner would just be okay with it and that might not always be the case. Maybe you have to look at things from his perspective and see if there is anything in your past that he would hold against you so permanently. <br />
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I genuinely feel sorry for you and I hope you find out what destroyed your marriage because not knowing is the worst thing.

If I'm an evil wicked ***** it's because I want MINE to leave..or get his **** together for his family. He was more evil to me FOR YEARS, and he had no good reason. Man do I have my reasons!!<br />
NOT HAVING SEX FOR MONTHS AT A TIME BEFORE YOU BECOME A WICKED B**** makes you even more of a wicked *****. <br />
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If your man was smart he'd find out what the hell is wrong with him before he no longer has a marriage partner. That's how I feel about mine. <br />
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GET AWAY BEFORE YOU STOP CRYING AND BECOME SO ANGRY YOU'D LIKE HIM DEAD!<br />
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OH, and if he drinks a lot that could be the cause. If he blames you for his drinking just say "okay" I'll leave and we'll see if you get better or worse. How's that! <br />
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Another thing if he's got an evil side...maybe he's not talking so he doesn't tell you all the mean things so many other men have no problem saying to there wife's. He's TRYING NOT TO SCREW UP YOUR MARRIAGE AND STILL DOING IT.....Sounds like he can't make decisions for the better like mine. SOUNDS LIKE HE NEEDS SOME DOCTORS. Mental and physical...I've got mine and my husband has his. <br />
Viagra cost $180 for 12 pills in case your wondering.

Ignore his stupid comments and just Look at his name, it's wifehater, he has nothing to contribute in your post and probably nothing going for him but his **** to yank on when he's lonely because he has no wife OR he has one that makes him unhappy because she rules in the house and he doesnt have the balls to stand up to her. Ignore his comments , this is what comes from a selfish ***** like himself. Yeah I said it loser, go play in highway traffic.

If I'm an evil wicked ***** it's because I want MINE to leave..or get his **** together for his family. He was more evil to me FOR YEARS, and he had no good reason. Man do I have my reasons!!<br />
NOT HAVING SEX FOR MONTHS AT A TIME BEFORE YOU BECOME A WICKED B**** makes you even more of a wicked *****. <br />
<br />
If your man was smart he'd find out what the hell is wrong with him before he no longer has a marriage partner. That's how I feel about mine. <br />
<br />
GET AWAY BEFORE YOU STOP CRYING AND BECOME SO ANGRY YOU'D LIKE HIM DEAD!<br />
<br />
OH, and if he drinks a lot that could be the cause. If he blames you for his drinking just say "okay" I'll leave and we'll see if you get better or worse. How's that! <br />
<br />
Another thing if he's got an evil side...maybe he's not talking so he doesn't tell you all the mean things so many other men have no problem saying to there wife's. He's TRYING NOT TO SCREW UP YOUR MARRIAGE AND STILL DOING IT.....Sounds like he can't make decisions for the better like mine. SOUNDS LIKE HE NEEDS SOME DOCTORS. Mental and physical...I've got mine and my husband has his. <br />
Viagra cost $180 for 12 pills in case your wondering.

Ok, everyone, deep breath.... The only person we can change is ourselves. We can blame our partners but marriage is a partnership, we have to own at least a little bit.... However, that does not mean you should stay in an abusive relationship. Slinging barbs at people who mean nothing does not help, get help where you need it most! Sometimes we have to walk away from what we thought was safe, because it really isn't. Home should be a haven and safe place, period.

Super like

its probably, because you are like my wife, an evil wicked *****.

Wifehater, you need to see a psycology doctor.

Maybe he doesn't hate you, he could be taking a medication that keeps his sex drive down. I thought mine hated me and he scrambled to keep me around once he thought I was leaving. But I think I'm in worse shape now because I didn't want it to end when it should have never began. I wanted marriage counseling for the longest time and never got it because he blew it off. Maybe you should see someone, before you get too depressed, like a counselor that might give you some advice. You never know he might want marriage counseling once he finds out you'd like a divorce. It's sad isn't it. I'm sorry. It sounds like you've already come to the acceptance part of the grieving process. Good for you! First stage is denial, then anger comes, then bargaining, sadness and finally acceptance. Acceptance brings peace, healing, and freedom-the freedom to take care of ourselves.

That was well said

Yes, he told me once he had a dark side but I don't know what he means, I thought it was Darth Vader - something in films not real life, I don't understand what it means. Yes, I did say I couldn't take anymore once and we seperated, he begged me not to leave and did apologise. Since then he does swear (curse) at me, use violence, does not shout at me or the children, or get angry all the time, but he still spend no time alone with me and we do not have sex. I am going to leave but I wanted to know if I could prevent this in my next relationship if I can ever trust anyone again to have one. How do you know if a man has a dark side, do you ask on the first date?? lol :-)

LOL i like that: "So, how Darth is YOUR Darth Vader?" If he's a nerd, he'd pull out the ring right there. "D

Yeah, I had a boyfriend say that once, about his dark side, that's all he ever opened up to. I was like, seriously? You are a friggin brick wall.