How Could This Have Happened to Me??

Hi There,

Yes, I'm not a very smart guy.  I watched a movie and decided I liked latino girls...So naturally I was so excited when I met my first Latino girl...She was so sexy and curvy and I couldn't believe that such a sexy girl was so attracted to me...an ordinary white guy.

Anyways, we got married, under her pressure of course...she was so sweet at first that I actually thought she was going to treat me like a King like she said she would.  I really believed her.  I am a very nice guy.  Always putting other people before me. 

After we got married things soon changed.  She started being so bossy and of course I would naturally try to make things ok...She always had a way to make me thing I was the one that was wrong....

Now after 5 years and time to contemplate I know I deserve more than this.  She has weaseled her way into my family and she acts so nice with them that they think she is the best thing since sliced bread....

all the while I am going crazy...I have turned to the bottle and drink so much that I have turned into an alchoholic.  I never drank until I met her...Not even a sip.  but now i find I can't stand to be home with her without a drink...or 20....

I wish she would leave or get a divorce but she won't even do that....she is waiting to drive me nuts and me be the one to get a divorce to turn my family against me...I sound paranoid, but I know that is what she doing...I hate her so much...she is mean as mean can be.  I used to be such a nice guy with a selfless heart and she has turned me into such a cold person. 

I am at the end of my rope here....I cannot deal with her without the booze and I cannot deal with the booze anymore either...What to do?

Should I leave her and alienate my family? Should I care what my family thinks? Or do I do the selfish thing and take care of myself only?

P.S. my favorite song is from Pete Schelegal titled "it takes a whole lot of liquor to like her"....that is my sentiments indeed....

Peace,

Ian

stupidswanz stupidswanz
31-35, M
10 Responses Jul 21, 2007

No one can make you drink and as the clich├ęd saying goes living a great life is the best form of revenge. Something tells me that passing out with vomit on your trousers will only make you look pathetic.

I have to say that I had exactly the same situation, and it was VERY hard to know what to do. Ultimately, I hated my life so much that I was contemplating suicide, and I decided that even if my family turned against me, and my spouse said terrible things about me that they believed, I had to leave for my own sanity. This has, unfortunatley, been a very difficult lesson for you. And, I agree with previous posts that race has nothing to do with the problem, because my spouse was not latino. You know how to spot these kinds of people because they all have one specific thing in common, and that is that when you say no to something, they try to talk you into it, or if you say yes, they try to change your mind. Whenever a person does not respect your need to do (or not do) something, I hope a BIG red flag goes up for you. If your family and friends do the same thing, that may be why you married into misery. Kick anyone to the curb that does not respect your yes or no answers. You will find that a lot of the drama in your life magically disappears.

Why don't you tell her your seriously considering divorce because you think you would be happier? My husband drinks and is trying to stop. He's become nicer but I don't want to live with a drunk even if he just drinks on the weekends and works. She might just thank you later, and be happier without you also if you make each other that miserable. If you want things to work out get into therapy with her. There is a book out there called " Why don't they just quit." for alcoholics and families of alcoholics, it let's family members know how to deal with alcoholics in a manner that doesn't hurt but help them. If you don't want to get the book get the DVD, AND SIT DOWN WITH HER AND WATCH IT. Maybe letting her know you want the marriage to work will help. If not, Doing something about your marriage problems is better than doing nothing. Divorce or work it out. SIMPLE AS THAT.... AND TELL HER THAT. Just trying to help, try not to take it to personal but emotional intelligence plays a part here. Look it up and find out how you and her might grow and become more emotional intelligent. Man I'd be impressed if my man would do any of the following. Good luck thinking and acting, progress is good in a wife's eyes. If your ready to give up, do it. I wish mine would leave and find someone else, she just might be thinking this. If not do what it takes to make things better, if that doesn't work let your family know she is a sociopath and she's a different person while they are not around. Do something anything, drinking hasn't seemed to help but only made her more upset, I know it would me.

This is so easy. If you don't have kids, then leave. Don't worry about what you're family says. I'm married to a lady of the same culture as your wife. She's a bossy little bitty also. I don't take her crap. I always turn her "nagging/orders" back on to her by rephrasing them so that she's aware that I know what she's complaining about but that I won't do anything about it, unless I hear a nice respectful request from her. She knows this, but rather just keep b!tc#ing. I really don't get it.<br />
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Anyway just leave her, ASAP.

First you need to make peace with yourself and go to AA. Then you need to find a way to make peace with her. Hating her will only mess up any furture relationship.

my wife is p.r. with bipolar ,I understand fully,it wont happen with a white gurl

leave before you have children, that's when it really bites.

man i've been there. the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. If your really unhappy then leave. Once you do you will be wondering what took you so long in the first place. I have recently liberated myself from the cluthes of a man-defeater. It is like you've just been released from prison. It is a little difficult to adjust at first but soon you realize that even though it was a bad experience you have become a better man for it. I think it is time to bounce buddy!

Brother, as a man that is experiencing some of the same **** you're going through...**** your family, **** your friends, and most importantly **** that woman who you married and leave, for your own sanity, leave...<br />
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good luck bro

uhm just for the heck of it "NOT ALL LATINAS are like that Lol." but to what im understanding i believe that your happiness is more important. If it truly is the way you say it then believe that you deserve better.