The Blessing and the Malodiction

Before we married I was sure that we spoke about the important things. Who would work, where to live,birth control, how many kids. But unbeknown to me those silly words meant nothing. Working, yeah right. Pulling your weight around the house? Hell no. Sulking and crying and being so depressed you want pills, but to "tired" to do anything about. Not getting the damn exam to get the birth control pills because "I'm afraid it will hurt"? First off it won't hurt any more than your well endowed ex boyfriend, so to play the pain card is just stupid.(although not as stupid as me believing it.

We have only been married a few months. First child on the way. She doesn't work, doesn't clean, doesn't contribute anything to the relationship or the household except for bills. I love my wife. I thank God everyday for having her in my life. But I was under the notion we both believed that the marriage would take both of us trying our best.

Now to prove how much I'm trying I have racked up a pretty nice bill with the Doctors. I'm slowly dieing. Mostly on the inside. I have never been so depressed in my life. Plus now we don't have sex anymore. I think its great how I waited until I was married to have sex.Then after a good two months of woo, and then nada. "Not until the baby is born and I have a six weeks to heal". In all honesty I'm looking forward to the day when I am not physically attracted to her. It will make things a lot easier.

She praises me as a very good husband. Her family loves me. But she always seems to be throwing a pity party. As soon as we married everything became about what she wants and needs, and gently jabbing at me for the things I can't provide. She actually tells people how broke we are sometimes and then tells me look we got some money when they take pity on her. First off, since when does contributing to the household include begging?

Our whole courtship was a nightmare. Her family almost made me lose it, so I guess now Its her turn. God If she wasn't pregnant I would of sent her to her parents months ago.

I just hate being lied to. I also hate being manipulated. She is so scared and indecisive, and no matter how much I try I cannot make her do anything. She says things like I dont treat you well do I? I say well what are you going to do about it? She shrugs her shoulders and looks sad. She has lied to me. She has handled me. She is slowly killing all the love I had for her. People make mistakes and deserve second chances, but I don't think this body will withstand much more. I have been severely depressed for months now and If we weren't having this kid im pretty sure I would of left or died by now.

I don't want a divorce. I want a marriage. Not a life sentence to unhappiness. Because I could of done that by myself.

drjdakota drjdakota
22-25, M
13 Responses Jul 26, 2007

Gosh, there are a lot of jerks commenting on here. If your spouse is depressed it is a REAL illness. Would you leave someone you love because they have ongoing cancer? Grow a pair and get some counseling for yourself, not her, for your self. Learn how to be a healthy thinking partner and try practicing the things you learn in all aspects of your life. PS> you are obviously not thinking very clearly if you think you can just send her away to her parents because your done with her... very controlling statement. Expectations will get you in trouble... life happened to you, so rise up and meet it!

Depression is not cancer. To compare the two shows how ignorant you are.

This is so enlightening. I posted a story on "I hate my husband", and I just decided to read up on the other side, and I was amazed. Once we get in marriages, women act the same and men act the same, but we can't be truthful about how ****** up and miserable we are, because the truth is just too cruel. We're all miserable, but incredibly in love with our children. A lot of what you guys are saying probably could've been written by my husband. He would never tell me, but I am depressed, disconnected, used to be hot, and after two babies I feel unattractive, less interested in sex, and I feel like it's his fault I gained weight. If you can stomach more estrogen ****, you should do what I did and go to the other side. Check out "marriage sucks" by epost. I don't know where I'm going with this email, but it blows my mind that our experiences aren't original. We're all trying to live up to some fantasy, but what?

Her hormones are going crazy, her body is morphing in front of her, via her intuition she knows how you feel about her & that would depress anyone!! btw, she isn't costing you money...I mean doc. bills are coming if you are with or without her!! Also, you still have the same rent/mortgage & bills if you are with or without her. So stop thinking about her "pitty party" caz you are without realizing it...... having your own! As for the marriage I think that's great you want it to work!!!! The best part is when YOU change so does your perspective. NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY can make our lives better but ourselves! Maybe you could read some books on relationships aloud together in bed at night...or maybe take a walk hand in hand in the evenings...just some thoughts=)<br />
I think you can make it!!!! Remember it only takes YOU to CHANGE your life experience.<br />
try checkin' out some websites that give you the chance to understand pregnancy better & connect with other expecting fathers. http://parenting.ivillage.com/pregnancy/pemotions/topics/0,,4rqm,00.html <br />
I realize this is all really HARD WORK but the pay off is soooooooooooooooooooo worth it!!! <br />
Tell her how beautiful she is EVERY morning & remind her often you are in for the long haul.....WOMEN (especially pregnant) NEED TO FEEL SECURITY!!!!<br />
MAY GOD BLESS YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!

love this post!

Some women do not deserve happiness.

Wooptydoo, your an idiot for suggesting that he needs anger help. You and many opinionated (mostly women) A$$holes are turning men into wussies. So he gets a little mad and wants to vent and now he needs help? What, is he supposed to just be a punching bag to her crap, and I say punching bag in a figure of speech because that is what it feels like I'm sure. The man is getting very depressed and though I do agree that he should stand up for himself in a kind firm manly manner, there is people that just don't fu**ing get it, or have not a conscious heart. My friend I feel your pain and unless your woman has the heart to listen and have compassion your situation will remain and you will loose yourself. People bring other people down, it sucks that it has to be our partners. If I were you I would try to talk to her about your feeling in a non offensive manner and if she doesn't listen try marriage counseling. If that doesn't work, then you have to decide one thing...stick with her the way she is hoping that she changes at your emotional expense or do something about it to change that. There is a very small amount of partners that actually care about our happiness *** much as their own. When you find one of them, keep them! If you tried everything and nothing works remember this...If you settle for what you got then you deserve what you get.

Wake Up!!! Yeah, I was at the same place - 19 years ago - and guess what? I should have gotten a divorce or shot myself 18 years ago. It is NOT too late for you! No respect = no love. She does not love you, she holds you in contempt. Money will not solve your problems - she will look for what she thinks you don't give her from somewhere else. For the love of God and all that is holy - start saving tiny bits of cash on the side - where she cannot ever find it. Use it to hire an attorney on the side - ask him/her about getting ready to divorce and what will happen. Even if you will pay pay pay it will be better! Sadly, you cannot guarantee that it is even your kid - after it is born you'd better get DNa testing - if it is your kid, no harm - if not - act fast or pay child support for 18 years for someone elses' kid.<br />
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All her behaviors stem from disrespect. She is not that into you because she diss's you. The comments, in PUBLIC ? How does that build up "her" man? Well you are not her man - at best no one is. If your sister told you about her live-in boyfriend who talked crap about her to others in front of her, refused to work, constantly said she did not make enough money to support HIM - would you be cool with that? Wouldn't you be tempted (no to do it! that would be a violation of law) to kick his *** out of her place and right down the street, out of her life????!!!! If you don't stand up for yourself NOW you will be worthless to your kid later in life. Be a MAN - not violent or nasty, but demand to be treated with a little Dignity - it is not too much to ask.

What I’m about to say is personal to my 14 year old past. I think some girls get married too young, Girls that are still unable to take care of themselves and have no idea what the rest of the world might expect from them. I personally refer to them as princesses, because they have probably got everything they ever wanted just off of their looks, even things they for sure didn’t want and are clueless how to deal with. From my stand point there is no way a princess will ever grow up unless she has absolutely no other choice. I wish there was a bad wife boot camp for such women. At least then maybe they would make ‘one’ decision on their own! Even if it was “I’m not ready for a relationship” because at least then there is a chance to move forward… <br />
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Maybe you can still find some shred of hope for this; you may not stay married but…<br />
Try to remember this: having a kid with a friend is so much easer than having a kid with an enemy. Good luck, BTW it’s not just men that are opting out of the idea of marriage being worth it.

Ahh, sweet depression. How you have served me so well. <br />
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I think our wives have some sort of expectation about our (males) roles in life, that when we don't meet up to them, they just break down. We are not part of a romance novel. Not all of us are so well endowed that the sex makes the marriage. <br />
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Sex, IMHO does not make the marriage. For the young girls like your wife, maybe in their fantasizing minds it does...but not for long. <br />
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My wife suffers from depression. I didn't know that from the get go. When we decided to "tie-the-knot" she seemed to be much like me...trying to "find her way in life". NOT!!!. She was screwed up in the head with romantic notions of HER "well endowed ex-boyfriend" and how wonderful HE was. Whatever *****! <br />
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So now, the marriage is done. Now I find out she has serious depression issues. Now I find out she has serious financial issues. Now I find out that she has "serious" medical conditions like fibromyalgia (sp?) and such.<br />
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Now I am suffering from depression.<br />
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How ******* up is that?<br />
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I was a free spirit looking for a...how does Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite put it...soul-mate.<br />
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Now I have someone bringing ME down. I have never considered suicide...until now.<br />
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That's ****** up. And no...I'm not going to do it. I just never found myself in the muck like this before now.<br />
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This ***** never showed her true nature until she snared me into marriage.<br />
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However...comma...<br />
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We did have a beautiful...BEAUTIFUL daughter together who is the light of this world. I would not give that up for anything. If it were'nt for her, I would divorce this manic-depressive ***** right away. She could commit herself to whatever institution she belongs to.<br />
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God, I hate my wife for her incessant hatred towards herself and distrust towards me. I have gained about 40 pounds of ridiculous body fat in my own self loathing and depression because of this.<br />
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What the **** is her problem???<br />
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My advice to all of you is that if you find yourself trapped in this type of situation, LEAVE BEFORE YOU HAVE CHILDREN!!!<br />
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If you don't, your finances will be raped and you may lose sense of yourself and be stuck in a screwed up situation.<br />
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I will most likely divorce my wife before too long as I need to get back to myself...the real me. I will always love my children and would raise them myself if the dam n courts would allow it. (Stupid courts thinking that women are the best thing for the children) Whatever. I hate the stupid judicial system. I blame it on the overwhelmingly STUPID dead-beat-dads that give the rest of us a bad rap.<br />
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So, there it is.<br />
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It is OK to hate your wife for her transgressions...only if you are true to yourself and what is right. Go ahead and love her for the sake that we should love all human beings. However, sometimes a lemon is a lemon. Move on and make something of yourself.

I have lived your life for 16 long years. We have been to counselling, classes, doctors, etc., and have finally made the decision to divorce. My wife has spent most of the past 16 years making excuses to justify why she does nothing, follows through on nothing, accomplishes nothing, has no friends, wants nothing to do with family, and loves no one but herself.<br />
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Looking back, I should have pursued divorce much earlier in the process. I stayed in the marriage because of my child (now 13). In the end, I am convinced we all would have been happier and healthier if we had divorced early on. <br />
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I know it sounds harsh, but it is unlikely that staying in the marriage will be the best thing for the child.

Ummm ... marriage counseling??? I know you're a guy but try it. For the sake of your unborn baby. He/she will be able to tell if you don't love each other. FIx it before it's too late

You sound very angry. I am going to suggest you work through your anger. It will help you. I know she is going through changes. It is no excuse to treat you bad. When she asks if she treats you bad, tell her the truth. She needs to know how you are feeling. You loved her very much at one time to even think of marring her. Marriage is a lot of work and it sounds like you are going through a learning curve. Good luck and work through the anger or it will eat you up.

Sometimes you have to tough it out, even through depression if you are having a child. Maybe you two need to find a church where you can both be taught how to improve your marriage.

Leave her dude.... the ***** doesnt deserve you. <br />
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THis is the VERY ******* reason I will not get married. Before marriage the women have all the reason to take care of you and to work hard to make you happy. Lots of promises on how good your life together will be ..... and once you get married , she knows she is on pole position come the divorce. It becomes your responsibility to look after the "family" ( which is the hyped up word for "YOUR ******* WIFE" . .... **** it man !!!! <br />
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Leave her. Get a good Lawyer and kick her fat depressed *** out. Life is VERY short. Every day that you spend depressed, is just a waste of LIFE !!! You deserve Better !

why doesn't she want to have sex until the baby is born? In the last month of pregnancy sex is suppose to help induce the baby.