I Don't Understand

We have been having problems for sometime...  She comes home about a month ago and tells me that she is no longer in love with me and wants me out.

I built this house.  It was mine before she came and we got married.  We have to little ones so I maned up and moved out.  Spent a week in a hotel and finaly have a rental.  I hate it because it is not mine.  I get the kids half time, wished I had more time.

She wants my stuff out and man there is a bunch.  I have lived there for over 12 years.  We have been together for over 15yrs and married over 7.  I know, eveyone else has already told me that there is probably someone else but still....  She says she wants to be amicable(?), but that is not how she is acting. 

She is out of town next week for business and I thought I would take a day off to move.  She tells me that she wants to be there.  I don't get it!!!  She acts like I am going to steal from her.  I just want my stuff and nothing more.

She won't even talk about getting back together, she just wants a divorce.

I don't want to loose her, but everyday that passes, I hate her a little more.  It will get to the point where there is no going back...

Hatehersomuch Hatehersomuch
36-40
3 Responses Feb 19, 2009

My divorce will be final in about a month and although I am far from having legal knowledge, most of the research I have seen tell you not to leave your home during divorce. You have just as much right to live there as she. (When you move out it could be considered abandonment of the property and gives her more advantage). Also, I believe that you do not have to give up any value of assets you had before the marriage. Get a lawyer to advise on your rights as she probably already is working her plan. <br />
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Good luck. I am sorry to say that when they have made up their mind and have given up on the relationship, they have already moved on. My best advise is to protect yourself.

So she called last to talk about some stuff and during the conversations, she tells me that she is not in love with me, does not love me and does not care about me. To say I have done nothing to deserve this would be wrong, but I have not done enough to deserve this. When we would fight, I would just interlize everything. I don't want to yell. It would take a couple of days for me to filter thru everything and then I would be ready to talk again. This is how I have always been. I was not being quiet to punish anyone, I was being quiet to not cause more problems. I know that I can say things that can and do get me into trouble, so by being quiet I was avoiding that. That is the major part of what got me here.<br />
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I tried to talk reasonable to her and explain that it has not all been bad and I even brought up this past Thanksgiving. That was a great day, her family was at our house, I helped cook and get things ready, it truely was a good time. She tells me that she hated it, it was uncomfortable and no fun...<br />
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I am getting tired of the hurt that I am feeling and it seems like everyday, she throws a little more salt my way wether it is intentional or not.

I am in the same boat. Probably not much I can say to make you feel better, but I imagine time will lessen the hate (or at least I like to think so). This site has a lot of great stuff and I find that it makes me feel less alone in my pain. I wish you the best. Here is a snapshot of why I say I too am in the same boat (just opposite in that my story should be under "I hate my husband").<br />
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My husband on our 8th wedding anniversary (his cruel timing), told me he has never loved me and does not want a romantic relationship with me. He said we can be roomates for the sake of our 6 year old child. UGH... I don't want to be roommates; the pain of seeing him daily is insurmountable! The house is a rental, but he refuses to move. It would be much easier for him to move then for me and my child. He is the one that wants out; not my decision. He is incredibly selfish, if it doesn't benefit him, he won't do it. He spends about 10 hours a week with our child and I feel like a single Mom anyway. I have never hated anyone, but like you I find that I hate him a little more each day. He too says he wants to be civil with one another, but I can't get over the many cruel things he has said over the years and continues to say when he is angry. It looks like I will have to be the one to move. I am waiting until my son's school year ends, trying to save money and get the hell out of dodge. I never wanted this to end and at 47, the thought of starting over again is agonizing. At this point, I never want a relationship again. My energy is better served at raising my child with love, grace, dignity, etc. Obviously, I will have this man in my life to some degree because of our child. I will never disparage him around my child, but my insides are seething.<br />
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Thank you for sharing your story.