I have fond memories of previous years with my wife, but in the last few months she doesn't want to help me with the simplest thing and we don't go have fun together either. We also have a daughter together and a son from a previous marriage of hers. She wants to me to do everything around the house and if I'm home I have to be the one to take care of our daughter (she's a toddler). My wife is in school and she even gets pissed if I don't do her homework when she has to write papers. I just hate her so much right now. My hatred has been growing for a at least a month. She has an explosive temper and will yell and throw things which is obviously bad for the kids too. Then she won't even talk about it and ends up acting like nothing happened. Just yesterday she had one of those episodes and then later tried to act all sweet and seductive and touching me sexually but I didn't even want to touch her or be around her or talk to her. She also has higher expectations of our toddler daughter than her teenage son which drives me crazy. I almost took my daughter and left her 2 years ago when things were really bad but she convinced me to stay. Then and now the only reason I'm staying with her is because of my daughter. To make it even more complicated now I'm in love with another woman. The woman and I have down business together for months, but just recently I opened up to her. The problem is she won't allow the relationship to develop because she is very traditional and thinks I should stay with my wife. Even knowing how my wife behaves she still tells me, "She's still your wife." but agrees that my wife's behavior is unacceptable. Again I would leave my wife right away if it wasn't for my daughter and if we could still stay in the same house with my daughter and just be split up I would be happy with that too.
wakeupdead wakeupdead
31-35, M
6 Responses Aug 17, 2014

Document it! I have so much info, texts, and video of her being gangster.

My advice, start documenting stuff. Also warn her that assault will no longer be tolerated and that she had better find another way of dealing with her anger or there will be consequences. the next time she throws crap at you that could seriously hurt you (or the kid, if she misses you and accidentally hits them), call the Police. The sooner you get her violent behaviour on the books, the easier it will go on you when it comes to Divorce and Custody.

Thank you for your comments. I definitely need to document. I think she would let me leave with my daughter though because a couple years ago I almost left with my daughter and she tried to stop me from leaving but didn't try to stop me from taking my daughter.

Do you know about BPD?

No no no... I do not feel staying in a negative abusive relationship is healthy for anyone, even your wife; you're enabling her too, allowing her behavior to continue and progressively just get worse. Sounds like She needs to seek help and that she has a history of of abuse maybe. Your daughter needs to be priority, and Just because she's a toddler, trust me. . What she witnesses now and as young as she may be IS traumatic and will have some sort of repercussion on her down the road, and even now. They are sponges and will retain any violence whether it's subconscious or at the forefront of their Minds. Try to get your wife to see she needs help and let her know YOU WILL take action and there will be consequences to her behavior. And I would definitely keep a journal of all the negative bad things that happen, you may need them if you would have to unfortunately vacate that situation and fight over custody. I am just thinking of consequences and what ifs, not trying to be negative that your relationship would indefinitely go there. Just CYA (cover your a**). I do have to also express that I don't think it's fair to you or the other woman to be involved at this time, not until you are in a good and happy place. And healed from this, what seems to be, a very toxic relationship. I wish you the best of luck and for the kids to be in a safe and happy environment :)

Thanks for the input. I expressed to my wife that I'm very unhappy with the relationship but we haven't had much time together to really discuss many details. I agree that its not fair to the other woman right now, but its hard to ignore. I know she wants to cool things down and take it slow so that's what I'm trying to do and focus more trying to figure out what to do with my wife.

That's great :) We have to take care of number one first .. What I have been learning through my failed relationships is that the other person can't make me happy or help my life or my problems. It starts with us. It made me sad to read that you allow her to treat you bad .. We should all be treated with respect and honor. She so out of line. I hope you two talk soon. Make that time your priority :) wish you the best .. Good luck!

I dont understand where you are coming from. Go ahead and divorce her to break her heart and make her life harder because its way better than breaking her heart by cheating.

I dont lie and deceive my wife. I just dont tell her everything. I've caught her in lies many times.

Nope I never tell her a lie to where I am. Omission is not lying by definition. And as I said I have caught her lying to me or omitting information to trick me. I say that because Im not sure why I owe her better than she gives me.

Not that I know of.

3 More Responses

What you tolerate today for your daughter, your daughter will end up growing up thinking its okay to tolerate other people's crap cause daddy did so.

Is this what you want?

Stay Strong & Good Luck

Thank you. You are right. This past weekend was pretty much the tipping point, but I'm forcing my wife into talking about it. She really doesn't seem to get it though offering up my stepson to help me sometimes.

When you said you are tolerating all these for your daughter, why don't you find yourself a better wife and a good mother for your daughter. If you don't want your daughter to be like your wife.

That's a good point. As much as I can tell (shes a toddler) my daughter is exactly like me in personality and appearance and nothing like her mother, but she could pick up bad habits and not to mention other hardships should could face if I try to stick it out with my wife.

I don't wanna say that you should leave your wife. But still give her some time to change. If that is not happening then you have to bite it. It might be difficult but still for the sake of your daughter. Think well