I Hate Her

 I have been married for 23 yrs, have 3 children.  My wife does not support me when it comes to dealing with the children.  I feel like I am always the bad guy.  Our children basically walk all over us and when I try to change that and get some respect again my wife does not support me and then my kids end up hating me.

My wife does not work but 3 days a week she takes care of my nephews.  Almost everyday I come home nothing has been done around the house.  Cooking a meal is not a priority and we end up with carry out.  It bothers me that she takes for granted that I work hard everyday and seem to get nothing in return.

Sex is essentially nonexisent especially now as I feel so much less attracted to her.  She does nothing to spice things up.

Unfortunately, she is not the women I married.  I have talked to her about the above but she just will not change.   Granted, I am not perfect but would be willing to change if she would change.

Divorice is too expensive of an option, I feel trapped, as nothing seems to have worked to correct things.

I hope the above makes sense.


orthoindy orthoindy
2 Responses Mar 1, 2009

I feel ya bro. (I don't really talk like that, but it seems to convey the empathy).<br />
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Get a bail-out plan together. I am putting my 240lb tumor through school. It will take several years, but when I pull the trigger on the divorce, she will be making as much money as me. NO ALIMONY! EQUAL CHILD SUPPORT! WOO HOO!<br />
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It will take a long time to implement a properly conceived exit strategy. But, those ensuing years will be past us whether we plan and execute our escape plan or not. For you, I'd sugget keeping a journal. Document every time the ***** looks cross-ways at you, or raises her voice to the kids. Learn the bullshit language of relationship therapy. Learn terms such as, "emotional bullying," "passive aggressive," and how to apply them to your wife's bullshit. And keep a ******* record. That is admissible in court, but not if you don't make one.<br />
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Go visit a lawyer NOW. Let him help you get a plan together. He will tell you what your rights are, and hers are. He will also tell you what kinds of things will serve and hurt your cause. Document everything bad she does. Also document everything you do to try and make it work. And be really civil in your journal. Don't say, "I hate the fat lazy *****." Instead say, "It breaks my heart to see her not caring for herself and the kids."<br />
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After a couple of years of this, pull the trigger (figuratively) ad have the ***** served. My plan is to have her served while she's ******* my money off on a pedicure and facial, and have the locks changed simultaneously. If you have something sublime like this to live for, to be your happy place, you can put your head down and soldier through your own bat-brained-*****'s bullshit.<br />
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Every time I pick up after her lazy *** I imagine the look on her face a a deputy serves her with divorce papers, and she finds her copies of all of my credit cards no longer work to pay for the spa. :)<br />
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I also imagine me and my kids on our own, and able to have a peaceful life. I also imagine introducing them to their step mother. (I haven't met her yet, but there is still time). I imagine them seeing how a grown-up is supposed to keep house, and what it is like when both parents contribute, financially and domestically. I want them to see that not all mommies will stay on the GD couch and never quit typing on Facebook when they hurt themselves, instead of telling them to come see her, because she didn't want to go through the hassle of putting her computer down or pausing (DVR) of some ******* Law & Order show.<br />
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Oops. Got carried away. Sorry.<br />
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But you all get the picture. Plan now. Plan long. Get all your ducks in a row, then when the time is right, execute the plan. Until then, just visit YOUR happy place as much as you need to.<br />
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Good luck, all!

It is a sign of the times that there are "wives" who are like this and are absolutely clueless.<br />
I've resigned to ever hope that my wife will ever change. I've not been married as long as you but I know my wife enough to know that deep down inside she really doesn't know what she wants, she knows she wants something, but doesn't know how to get there ... <br />
I've resolved that people like this (extremely confused) can't really be helped - especially if they're not asking.<br />
So, in my case anyway, I made up my mind to be the best father I can be ... and try to kill the HATE that's been festering in me.<br />
It's foregone conclusion that I don't "love" my wife anymore (well in the way I used to when we were just married) but I try to respect her and distance myself (ignore) her when I feel its important enough to do something - especially when it comes to the kids.<br />
I really, really don't care what she thinks of me at this point (bad or good) ... my only motivation is sincere love for my children and a desire to be a "better" person.<br />
I know that my children (or my wife) may never show any gratitude, but that's never been my motivation.<br />
I'll love them and listen to them (in so much as it is up to me).<br />
... well, this is what I tell myself anyway.