My Happy Place

I am currently in the process of putting together my strategy for escaping from the living hell that is my marriage. It will take a lot of time, a lot of planning, and a lot of legwork. But, the results will be beautiful. And, if she comes around and starts acting like an adult, and gets her **** together and we grow back together in stead of apart, then I will abort the mission, and stay married. First, I will put her through her bachelor's degree, then her post-graduate degree. These will take a long time. But, they will demonstrate to the courts that I am a supportive husband. Also, it will increase her earning potential to equal mine. This will eliminate alimony and put us on equal footing for child support. It will also put her in a position to buy her own house, and not take mine. Second, I am currently learning the bullshit language of relationship therapy. These ******* ****-heads spewing forth their whiny-*** ***** babble are a major cause of misery in relationships. They have people convinced that anything their spouse says, does, or thinks that does not meet with their liking is abuse. To succeed, gentlemen, we must all learn to express our thoughts in this whiny, limp-wristed, babble. It is the language of the courts and the psychologists that will determine our future and the outcome of our divorce proceedings. We must take our time and master this step. This is the most critical. Many of our wives have already done this. Mine has. I will never be able to out *****-babble her, but if I can hold my own in a legal proceeding and provide the documentation, I will win. This is where we men fail, and loose our ***** in court. Our women can frame any annoyance in their lives a abuse, and cast themselves as victims in any situation. There is a site that, no ****, defines abuse as, "anything that makes the victim feel bad." No, I am not making that up. I guess my boss abuses me when he pages me while I'm busy. I guess my dentist abuses me when he fixed my teeth. And I don't even want to talk about the abuse that the government produces by asking me to pay taxes, just because i avail myself to the infrastructure and protection it has to offer me. I don't want to part with the money. I want a boat. It is abusive that the boat dealer won't give me one. It makes me feel bad. :( According to one *****-babble site you can commit "abuse through body language." I **** you not. Even if you say the exact right thing, if you don't display the proper body language, IT IS ABUSE! According to the pudding-brained, man-hating author eye-rolling is just as abusive than punching. Google it. I swear it is true. We will never be free of our hateful, lazy, soul-sucking vampire spouses until we have mastered the ability to speak like these people. We must be ably to convincingly convey every thought in this asinine non-language. Once this language has been thoroughly and completely mastered, then a written account of our spouse's transgressions must be made in this language. Also a journal of all of our efforts to be stand-up guys must accompany it, also in this language. Then after I have accumulated a volume of her bullshit and my trying to make it work and being supportive, then time comes to pull the trigger (figuratively, only). I will take her off of my checking account, cancel all cards on MY credit of which she has copies. Then, I send her to get a pedicure and a facial. While in the chair getting her feet played with and cucumbers on her eyes a deputy will walk through the door and serve her with the papers. The beauty of the thing is that her copies of MY cards won't work to pay for the spa treatment. Then when she comes home, she will find her key no longer works! My happy face is the spa. I imagine the cucumbers falling to the floor as the deputy drops the divorce papers in her lap. Every time I pick up her candy wrappers from allover the house, every time I stumble over **** she leaves on the floor, every time a load of wet laundry sours in the washing machine, every time she undermines me with the kids, every time she lays on her back or sits on her *** instead of doing what needs to be done, every time I get that same lazy-*** ******* (given while she is laying down, of course) I go to that happy place. My second happy place is my living room, with my kids and their new stepmom (position available), and my little guys commenting on how peaceful and orderly our house is, and how nice we are all getting along. Of course, if she gets her **** together and starts acting like a respectable adult and not a bon-bon gobbling, TV addicted ne'er do well, I will become happy with her again and will be proud to stay married to her. But I wouldn't hold my breath.
WTFnow WTFnow
36-40, M
4 Responses Mar 5, 2009

So this is a reAlly old post. What happened how did it play out? I'm looking for tips on how to implement my exit plan. Btw, the way u describe the babble is not isolated to women. My narcissist husband is a lawyer and he is a pro at twisting the truth telling lies and claiming everything is abusive to him. Amazing actor and Proclaimed victim. I don't think the babble is gender specific.

Very bad time to be a man, especially in the USA.

WOW - I hope you find a good step mother

You just put hope back into my life. Next if you could lay all of the legal stuff I would have the perfect step by step plan to follow.<br />
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regguy62, my thoughts exactly!