My Wife Is Insane

I have been married for almost 10 years and have 6 great kids to show for it but I also have an insane wife.  I hate this women so much that it makes me sick to think that I have to wake up to her every morning and listen to her ***** and ***** and *****.  She has pretty much abused me and my children from day one.

About 3 years in I actually defended myself and fought back and I went to jail and now she holds that over me every time we argue.  She will actually hit me pull knives on me and then 2 min later say she is going to call the police on me.  She says that since I went to jail that they will believe anything she says and take me to jail and you know something?  She is right. 

A few months ago I was talking to my sister on the phone and she attacked me.  Well my sister heard what was going on and after my wife grabbed the phone and hung it up she called the police on my wife and told them what was going on.  When the police arrived the searched me and put me in hand cuffs and asked her if she was OK and what I did to her.

I have no recourse at all, I tried to document things video and recordings but she found out and that was a day in hell.  She abuses my children as well, when my oldest daughter was 4 she got mad at her and held her head under water.  When she was 7 she slammed her into a wall and blooded her mouth.  She always calls them dirty names and worthless and many other horrible things.

If I leave I know I will lose my children and everything else I have.  I have been the only one working for about 6 years because she had to quit her job because she was sleeping around and they caught her doing it at work.  I wake up to her yelling and go to bed to the same.  I have been woke up being hit and beat more times than I can remember.  I am called every name in the book day in and day out and there is nothing I can do.  The cops are on her side her family is on her side hell they enable her.  

I remember this time she left and said she was going to kill herself because no one loved her, her mother came over later and yelled at our kids telling them it was their fault because they are bad kids.  I kicked her out of my house.

I am  not perfect and fight back but I do NOT touch her or try to control her in any way.  All I can do is try to get by and defend myself and my children when the need arises.

She is a clean freak beyond clean freaks, when she vacuums the rugs we have to stay in the kitchen all day until evening then we are allowed to go watch TV because she wants to at that point.  I have tried to get her to get help but she says there is nothing wrong with her and it is all me.  Well in a couple of weeks I am going to go see a counselor just to have someone to talk to about this whole situation. and hope that they can help me figure out what to do.

Thanks for reading.

 Update:

Well counseling did nothing. The abuse is becoming more severe every day.  She has gotten very bold over the last year.  Our kids are getting to the age to where they take up for me and threaten her with the police but I don’t like them putting themselves in harm’s way for me.

With her job she has to get up sometimes at 4am so of course everyone else has to get up as well.  Sometimes I just wish I could be a “Yes Dear” man and just go with the flow of her insanity. But I cannot bring myself to do it.

I find myself wishing for death just to get out of this horrid situation.  I am not suicidal and have no want to kill myself but in the same instance I don’t care if I die.  Does that even make sense?  I can feel myself slipping into a deep depression but can’t stop it.  I have gained a lot of weight and she uses that against me along with anything else she can think of.  I am sad all the time and find myself wishing for the past so I can change things but then I know I would do everything the same with misery and all just so my children could live because no matter what they are all that matter.

For those of you that are looking for advice and have no children involved get out while you can because once a child comes to be you quickly learn that they are all that really matters, even more than your own safety and well being. 

In the United States Men are at the bottom when it comes to winning in court to get their kids, even when abuse is coming from the mother.  When you get divorced everything changes and nothing is ever the same again.  Your kids will gradually start to become strangers and move on with their lives even when you are still stuck in the past.  I know this because I have been through one divorce and lost my kids.  One day to see them smiling all the time then the next you don’t see them for weeks, it is never the same again.

I do believe that my only hope at this point is God but so far I have seen no signs of mercy. I am not perfect and have my faults but I don’t deserve to live in such agony all the time.  I truly feel trapped and alone.  Unless you have been here you can’t understand.  Some of you say just leave but it is not as easy as that.  When you have everything vested in your life, starting over with nothing and more bills than ever before can be very daunting to say the least.

I am 42 years old and have gone from making over $50,000 a year to unemployment and now to a minimum wage job.  I have a wife that treats me like a dog.  I have 6 children I would give my life for but if my wife gets her way when she gets rid of me I will never be able to see them again.  A house that was almost foreclosed on but I managed to fix that for now.

I am truly at the end of my rope.

Update, 02/01/2010:

Been sick the last week and she could have cared less but today she is sick and the world should stop because of it, so she thinks anyway.  Karma is a ***** ain't it?