Things R Bad --- Real Bad

I m frm india and i have been with my wife for nearly 5 yrs now. First it was a great swing for nearly one yr before we walked the aisle. so all in all i know her from last 6 yrs.

     The first problem: No libido

she is not interested in sex , we have sex may be around 4-5 times a YEAR!!!!!! that too when i insist. She says she is not interested. Prior to wedding we have had our bit of romance, and sex looked good to her that time. After marriage it worked fine for a yr and then it fell flat. I dont knwo what she has in mind. I treat her with utmost respect for not having the drive, but things r getting out of hand. She treates as if she does a favour when she ALLOWS me to have sex with her.


Problem No 2 : she is losing a lot of hair and she is not taking good care of herself. No breakfast in the morning, jumping around late in the morning and rushing to the job has been a trend.

problem no 3: Over dedication at work. Now this might be good news for the company, but has been a trouble for me. Thatz why she comes late and has no mood for sex. If asked to change the job she says that this job is a stress reliver for her!!!!! and i argue that this job is causing all the problems.

 Problem no 4: Dosent save any money after all the manhours she puts in her job. Now which female would slog all day , screw up her personal life and not have any savings ....thatz my wife

Problem no 5. Over infatuation with mother. All day long she is willing to talk to her mother over the phone without issues. All the smiles and laughs are reserved for her mother. And as soon the phone goes off, i see a diff person altogether. She is not happy with me, very evident. I am finding it very very hard to know the reason.

Problem no6. Does not visit my parents/ Nor is happy when they visit us. Just locks herself in the room reading novels when they are visiting us and tries to maintain distance. However, when i accompany her to her parents place, she is again a diff person altogether, cracking jokes and having a good time. My parents r very harmless and they live in a pre-historic period. they are to themselves and are always worried about me.

Problem 7. she is not interested in having kids, all she thinks is to have a nice book and read and kill time. No kids are not a big deal for her. I think she has a medical problem, but is hiding.

Now i know this list can keep going, but this life has been hell and i have been struggling to keep myself intact. The best part is i cannot live without love, please someone suggest me what i need to do. I have tried telling her the soft way and also the hard way. I am losing my mental balance. I hardly get sleep and my health has gone for a toss. Please help. need guidance. Divorce seems to be the only option, but i worry about her parents and sister since in india divorce is treated in many diff ways in the culture and spells doom for any female.... i am really stressed.



dabboi dabboi
13 Responses Jul 13, 2009

I also agree that she may have some hormonal abnormality such as PCOS or maybe androgen deficiency. Is her anatomy normal? I strongly suggest starting with your internist and endocrinologist +- marriage counsellor. If that does not work than I am sure there are lawyers dime a dozen. Good luck

I think your wife had some serious hormonal problems - probably pcos. thats probably why she was losing hair, erratic moods, her weight shifted around, she'd rush off to work because of her bad energy. I know it seems trivial, but I know of a lot of things that have gotten smoothed out once the womans hormonal problems got figured out.

Save what is left of yourself for someone else. You've tried and that is to your credit. Don't be ashamed to call it a day and move on.

be grate full you still have your wife even when things are bad you would miss her if she was nt there believe me i now

What is your part in the money asspect? Have you tried to talk to her? Take time to listen to her even though you may be bored or not agree. It sounds like she cannot communicate with you. On the sex issue do you try to romance her or take time to snuggle. Women are emotional people. Don't be a wham bam thank you mam. Explain yourself to her. Tell her what you like to see in the future.<br />
As far as kid don't even think about it...This would tear your marriage apart quick. A child can make or break a marriage. Don't bring a child into this world when the parents can't get along.

It sounds to me that you are interested in saving your marriage; otherwise, I don't believe these problems would be such an issue for you. Talking to her is probably the best place to start, however, she needs to be willing to talk to you. Try to put yourself in her shoes to try to better understand where these feelings she is having are originating from. Don't go into attack mode or play the blaming game when talking either. Your conversation will end before it gets started. Try to get her to open up to you. Let her know that you care about how she feels and that you want to know how you can help. You want to be part of the solution, nothte problem. Let her know you want to help her to be happy and that you want to be happy, too.<br />
You might consider a marriage counselor or some other type of professional help, as she may be bi-polar, severly depressed, or maybe her behavior stems from some tramatic occurrance that took place when she was young, before you even met. It may have nothing to do with you at all. Regardless, I hope for the best for you. As long as you have tried all avenues available to you, then in my opinion, you have not failed.

I think i have made every attempt to save this marriage. I got a call from her dad today asking me to seek a divorce. The funniest thing was he had referred our case with one astrologer and he was told that we part ways. What a silly man. my wife already agreed to it!!!! i was shell shocked . Anyway if she wants it she will get it... thnx everyone.

Libido is like a hobby...if u have good experiences w/ your hobby, u will want to do it a lot u have to make the lovemaking worth wanting, and that is a lot of effort. Most men I know r not willing to take the time it requires, so many remain largely celibate. Who says sex is required for life? Many brilliant people live a sex free life, so it's not like food or water. <br />
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All in all, if she is not giving in any way, and avoiding contact w/ u & your family, I am sorry to say u may have the wrong person for u. What do you do together that you both enjoy? If theres nothing, than do both of u a favor and make that hard first step AWAY from this relationship. You cannot have this glass half full life; if she occupies the spot next to you without making u happy, how will u find the right person for u? u need to empty the sour wine from the glass to be ready tor ecieve the sweet. U may find yourself thirsty for a while, but eventually if u r worthy, u will find the sweet one just for u.

yes lets c , i have given myself a months time and i will decide the next course of action after that. Currently i have spoken to her parents and my parents too. I even volunteered to get her picked from her office today and she refused. I hate when she throws her weight around. Anyway life has its own way of screwing u , destiny might play some role here. I never beileved in all this and i was least spritual. now i have started to atleast think about some force called GOD. Sometimes i feel i should leave this earthly world and go to the mountains and just pray....

Sorry this much is hapenning in your married life. From my personal experience I can say that I never found "marriage" succesful for me..sadly. So..I have been happily divorced for near a decade. But, I am also of the mind that if a marriage can be saved that would be the greatest thing. Sounds like counseling..communication..and compromise would be the answer. Good Luck to you and my sincere empathy for you during this situation.

it not arranged, it was a mutual affair and then families came into picture. I have spoken to her many times to no avail. sometimes i feel bad for her and i know that i still ove her. But sometimes things go really haywire. I am not worried about losing anything. I can share all my earnings in case of divorce and start fresh, but somewhre i feel she has a lot to loose...

It's hard to offer recommendation. Was your marriage arranged, as is custom in India? If so, I don't know how one could get out of such a situation. I also don't know what the laws are like in India. Are they set up in a way where both partners risk losing something if there's a divorce or is it like here in the West where men have the most to risk (thus enabling poorer behavior from women as they have less incentive to behave)?

Dude talk to her or something, that medical stuff sounds like she needs a doctor. Good luck