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OCD Or Just Me?

"I Hate my wife" or do I?  I need some help here people don't know what to do anymore, I'm 35 my wifes 29 we been married for almost 8 years she has got the biggest case of OCD I have ever seen. Everything she has got to "try" to control, she cleans the house everyday, not hard but a basic wipe-down, but you can still eat off the toilet after you use it. Sounds like I got a great wife but man 24/7 of this **** is crazy everything has to be in its perfect place all the time.  The constant nag, nag, nag "why did you turn here and not there", "why did you do this and not that".  "Why is there 50 bucks gone from the bank, where did it go?, what did you buy?" If i leave a pillow out of place its almost enough to start WW III and shes like 115 lbs I'm twice her size and she comes at me like a pit bull, so i do what i can to use my Escolation of Force training to calm her down. When I get mad though I tend get really mad but it ends within 3-5 mins and I'm back to normal she however is still mad at me from a fight we had before we got married.  Like right now shes in the guest room sleeping and I'm still trying to figure out WTF happened.  You will have to excuse me but my brains going 90 and my fingers are in reverse.  We love each other and there are no other men/women for either of us.  Most of the time we are fine but the fights gets worse and worse and closer and closer together.  I am military and i deploy for 12-15 months at a time but we both have dealt with it, shes has definitely gotten stronger and more independent. I have changed also I have a greater feeling for my time here on Earth I have learned that you are here one sec and Boom!!! now you are dead.  I don't think that everything needs to be so organized all the time its nice to see something cluttered lets you know you are really here. But something has got to change or I am going to lose it.  I don't want her to completely change just cut the edge off some relax. We both work and no kids just a cat.  So why are we at each other throats constantly, by the way this is the nice version of the story multiply the OCD by 1000 % I'm talking shes sees a hair on a fur rug that doesn't belong, someone shoot me some ideas on what I or we can do before it gets Really Fugly.

kelaphis kelaphis 31-35, M 7 Responses Oct 1, 2009

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I'm a dude and I play the role of your wife in my household. I'm very organized and everything has its place. I'm Never impulse purchase and I purge daily. If its not used more than once every 2 months destroy it, sell it, or give it away. After the first time I was shot I adopted the every second counts life style. If everything is not In a designated area then things get lost. If you start a project and can not find a screw driver because u didn't put it back last time then the project is put on hold. You then have to spend time searching for that screw driver to finish the project. You spend 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes searching for that one item. So in 1 year you've spent 2 days of your life searching for or replacing things you could have proactively maintained and replaced. So there's 2 days roughly that are completely waisted. You never get that time back!!!! It's gone because you were not proactive and responsible. Also the more you have the more this happens. The more time you spend searching for things, storing clutter, maintaining things u don't use or moving things you rarely or never use is time wasted.... Your time.....It really all comes down to what's Important to you. Having space and time or storing clutter and searching

Man, I feel you. Otherwise I most likely wouldn't have found your page through a GOOGLE search. My wife is OCD, a germaphobe, and clinically depressed. How did I end up here? I've no F'n idea. But, we produce some awesome children together. I wonder to myself, a lot, if I'll stay with her once the kids are gone. Honestly, if I didn't have kids, I wouldn't be in this relationship any longer. Sad to say, I put on the happy act for my children. If you dont have kids, dont bring 'em into that type of relationship. There is always someone else out there. Someone more together than what "we" have chosen to attach ourselves to. Love is great, but love shouldn't have to come with such tribulation, and so many tests of patience. BTW, I'm now married for 14 years here, 2 children, 2 cats, 3 dogs, turtles, and fish... and even though she's the one who brings them to the house, I get to take care of them, and she gets to ***** about it if I miss a pile of crap in the back yard, or the cat sleeps too close to the baby, or the little dog barks too much (and so we need to get rid of her) or .. anyways.. going to stop myself from typing for an hour. I also suppose you get the old- " If you leave, I don't know what I'll do." (With insinuations of dire circumstances to follow.) Whatever...Have you been told you cant sleep in the bed because you might role over on you 1 year old? (That's what cribs are for.) Snore to much? Laundry doesn't make it into the hamper? Does your wife keep a constant new batch of bleach water in the right hand side of the sink for mopping purposes? I'm the sole $$ earner, yet I am constantly bitched at for supposed nickle and dimming our account if I'm eating lunch at Taco Bell at work..... Look.. I just want to let you see what even simple frustrations can to lead to. If I could do it over again, I would do some counciling before marriage, and if I wasn't satisfied with the outcome, I personally would move on. I do love my wife, and adore my family, but as for living with my wife... that's the test. Sorry man.. No need to bring kids into a marriage like what your getting ready to get into, as it is currently. Fix it before hand. You only live once, make the best of it while it's in your control.

Damn, I would pay good money for this, "she cleans the house everyday, not hard but a basic wipe-down, but you can still eat off the toilet after you use it." You just don't know what hell is like. It is the other end of the spectrum - and your kids refusal to invite their friends over b/c mom is such a slob. <br />
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I really don't know what to say to you -- other than keep your gun locks on.

It doesn't sound like a lost cause. Maybe just calmly tell her what you wrote pretty much. You have to fine tune the approach but it should work. It's always tough talking about the serious stuff that gets to us but if you don't, it never gets said and you have no one to blame but yourself. <br />
At least then you'll find if she's receptive to a "calm" discussion. Just make sure you keep it that way and not to accuse. Pick you time... Good luck and thanks for your service!

I know how it feels. My wife is an insane clean freak and it just doesn't work around here. We have 6 kids and keeping it clean is an insane task and makes it hard on me and the kids. I get angry at them because if something gets screwed up I get the heat, sad that it is like this. I love my kids and try to control my frustration but it is very hard. My bark is much worse than my bite and my kids know this and use it to get what they want. It takes a lot for me to even mention spanking them and then I can't bring myself to do it. Timeouts are a joke but my wife has no problem slapping or spanking them.

Most likely, she's compensating for what she perceives is a chaotic orderless world. Both of you are like positive end of magnets. Her OCD is pushing you to overcompensate/desire the opposite and your lack of is pushing her to more OCD.<br />
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I highly recommend reading a free PDF file online. It's called Principle101 found on manhood101.com. You may or may not agree entirely but, I think you may find some solid answers for exactly what you're dealing with here.<br />
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Best to you mate.

Stress can do crazy things to people. You say you have both dealt with the fact that you are about to deploy. Well I have got to say women like to pretend they are mad about one thing when they are actually hurt or sad about something else. Try offering to help her out let her know you will even do it "her way" Good Luck man