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What Now

Well I guess I will start this story with me.  I am recently married, not long, it's been 2 years in August.  That November I was questioned about cheating, for the 100th time, the difference (as you can guess) is that I said I had cheated before we got married.  A moment of weakness one could say.  To make it worse I continued a relationship with the young lady, not sexual, but in anyones eyes looking in from outside, it was a very close relationship, like I said, nothing sexual.  That relationship now is over, we have not contact and I have changed my phone number.

Now to fast forward. 

Since that time I have been on my best behavior, I love my wife with all my heart, however I don't think she loves me.  Some days are really good, we talk, laugh and watch TV together.  She tells me about work and her outing with her friends and all that jazz.  But all the other days she says nothing, and I mean it literally.  I come home from work, nothing, go to bed nothing, make dinner, nothing, I could fall down the stairs and she would say nothing.  I HATE the silent treatment.

They say communcation is the key to a healthy relationship, I can honestly say I communicate.  I told her I cheated, told her I was sorry, promised (and I never promise) that it would never happen again.  I told her I love her, asked for us to go to counseling, told her I would be patient  while she worked through it all but damn!  It takes a lot of patience.  We have talked many times, she said she loves me but doesn't know what to do.  I told her I don't want a divorce and if she wants one she would have to do all the work.

My fear is that we could end up like her parents.  Her parents had not slept in the same bed for years, they just lived together like roommates until her younger brother and sister graduated from college.  She had known for years that neither one of them was happy and would divorce after her siblings graduation.  That cannot be me.  There is no way I can live with someone who is supposed to be my wife and treat her like a roommate.  That is where I draw the line. However, when do I draw the line.  When will enough be enough? 

Sometimes I think I should throw in the towel, say forget it.  If she doesn't show me she cares then I will just go.  But that is not me, when do I go from patent to just stupid. 

I look at me being patient as a necessary because we are in this situation because of me.  I cheated, I was wrong and this is my punishment.  But when will I know my time has been served. 

What really makes it hard is the inconsistancy, last week was fine, this week not a word. So then I get mad and start to not talk to her when she does start talking again,  this only worsens the situation. 

Anyway, I don't know how to proceed.  I just want to run away and never come back.

LBoogie LBoogie 26-30, M 2 Responses Oct 28, 2007

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[QUOTE] I look at me being patient as a necessary because we are in this situation because of me. I cheated, I was wrong and this is my punishment. But when will I know my time has been served. [QUOTE/]<br />
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Your time was served the second she dismissed counseling. It shows just how much she cares about the relationship. She's not even willing to work at it. Because ignoring it works so well.

she's unstable and needs help -