I Hate My Wife More & More Each Day - Help


Im 31 years old & I hate my wife! It didnt use to be this way & I will explain. Well, we got married in 2006 & Had a great releationship from round June till the day after christmas. Then, she started leaving all the time. I took care of everything, bills, clothes, food, etc. but she always listened to her parents who dont like me because I have tattoos. Well, in 2008 we finnally split up, she left for a dope addict (not just saying that, I knew the guy) had a whole new life within 2 weeks!! We never spoke, & she shows back up to our old house in August asking if I would like to work things out. Im like, ok, ill try. I honestly did it because inside I really love her & wish she would change but I knew what would happen. So, she comes around a little bit "fishing" about what ive been doing & starts to ignore me. I tell her that this isnt fixing anything & would appreciate it if she was to just stop calling or texting me. She then starts making all these promises & I give her a chance. Well, put it this way, one week is pretty decent, the next, she doesnt even call. Now, I have had enough, no matter how hard I put my foot down, she thinks that she can come by when ever she pleases & im tired of it. I dont much like the cops & dont want them involved, but I dont know what else to do to get her to stay away. I mean, she ruins every holiday, ask me to goto wal-mart with her to get "stuff to fix up the house" (which sits in bags for weeks) & plays the nice role untill she thinks she has me again & ive just been thinking the whole time how she done me & never figured she would be bothering me anyway, so why wont she move on? she claims that I have always had her heart & she thought about me everyday, im like, you knew where I lived!

She ignores her daughter to work on her days off, same as me but she doesnt need the money (honestly).. get this, her daughter is 7 & she sits around me (her step-father) & talks about her mom, lol. "all she does is lie to me, she wont answer my phone calls, she sleeps all the time, etc." & I tell her, honey, she does the same to me.

I really think she needs some kind of help, im in no way perfect but I know how to & not to treat people. She thinks she is bipolar but every woman ive talked to for the last two years seems to think that they are.

How do you love someone & treat them like dirt everyday?

examples -

within the last month -

spent $479.86 at wal-mart on frames, rugs, decorations, etc.. woman stuff to "make the house look homie" still in bags

spent $1321 on a new bathroom - (fixed the old one) new toliet, tub, everything. she hasnt even used it

halloween - brought her daughter at 8:49pm to go trick or treatin in the rain?!!

thanksgiving - I cooked all night & day - she showed up for almost 3 hours


So, here's another deal. like I said, we had a good releationship being married for around 6 months. She never "dresses up" for me, or anything.

I guess I should explain. June 29'th 2008 she left & we split up for good as I mentioned above. I had taken to much of her childish stuff. She hid her cellphone from me for over a year even though she knew I knew about it, lol, WTF? Even made me get her one on my plan. Thats what had helped ruin everything. Anyway, August 9'th 2009 she told a close personal friend of mine to tell me "hey", so I called her & asked if she wanted her stuff - (yes, she left EVERYTHING she owned) on her voice mail. She called back later that day & asked if she could stop by. When she gets here, I goto general talking, you know, like how you been, stuff like that. She then says, Ive came to try & fix everything that I ever done to you & would like to work to become a couple again. Well, I love her, so I figured id give her a chance. I didnt bother her, left her alone, some mornings I sent a good morning message, most of the time I waited on her. She started coming around full time again the day after her daughters birthday inwhich I got her a 110cc 4-wheeler, & said she wanted me to know how gratefull she was & without my help she wouldnt have been able to get her anything. Well, I know in my heart that she only comes around because her daughter loves me & has no father figure but I decide to give her a chance. She asks what are some things that she can fix.

I tell her the cell phone, atleast change the number. Stop running from all of her problems because in the long run it just makes them worse, actually be honest with me & try to enjoy & have a real family releationship.

This is where I need help. I love the woman to death but hate her with a passion if you know what I mean. She will be very good for about 3 days then the next 3-4 will either be "weird" or she will stay with her parents & ignore me. I dont know what to do. I have let her go several times but she always comes back & if she would atleast try to fix things & maybe make it like it used to be when we got married I wouldnt be typing this right now. Do I ignore her? Tell her to go on?

See, her parents never showed her any attention, its always been her sister (i know its wrong & not my fault) & since she had her daughter its her they pay attention to, not my wife. She wants them to love her so bad that she will do anything they say & I tell her - "well, your almost 27 & if they havent showed it by now, they arent going to, but you have your daughter & me to spread all the love you need". She agrees but every once in awhile, she runs back.

I am a VERY SIMPLE guy, 31 - 6'1 220, she is sorta simple 5'3 107 26 (27 in a week).

I could go on & on, but im so mad, im rambling & im sorry.. ill either respond to comments or edit this. will edit more later.


broken44 broken44
31-35, M
15 Responses Nov 29, 2009

I gave my current wife six months, and she still hasn't change to care or give a sh** about me I had changed for her, long story short she had pushed me to my braking point and I told her if she doesn't change in a month I will file for devorce, I don't care anymore the pain she is putting me through has to stop!

well man im going to be straight up with you, she is a manipulater an she likes to be in control she is a dominate being when she came back this was a time in her life that she wanted attention an knew you would grant her this,, listen deep down she is a miserbale person an for that tat on your face rep ya fightin walk of pride i respect your honor an ya service thanks homie, screw socity let em judge,,,,stop worring about what people think an i promise you will have less stress an will deffinitly live a better life hope you read this an find it helpfull.. peace!!!!

well man im going to be straight up with you, she is a manipulater an she likes to be in control she is a dominate being when she came back this was a time in her life that she wanted attention an knew you would grant her this,, listen deep down she is a miserbale person an for that tat on your face rep ya fightin walk of pride i respect your honor an ya service thanks homie, screw socity let em judge,,,,stop worring about what people think an i promise you will have less stress an will deffinitly live a better life hope you read this an find it helpfull.. peace!!!!

well man im going to be straight up with you, she is a manipulater an she likes to be in control she is a dominate being when she came back this was a time in her life that she wanted attention an knew you would grant her this,, listen deep down she is a miserbale person an for that tat on your face rep ya fightin walk of pride i respect your honor an ya service thanks homie, screw socity let em judge,,,,stop worring about what people think an i promise you will have less stress an will deffinitly live a better life hope you read this an find it helpfull.. peace!!!!

It seems like you're a very good dude to this woman, but that might be the problem. When some women reach a certain age they start to go through a crisis of not feeling not enough. Sometimes they screwed up their life by having babies young instead of waiting until they established a life for them selves. So when they get older they honestly start acting like a teenager again. Plus your average woman wants a nice guy but doesn't know how to treat him once they have him. It is a proven fact to me that women love guys who treat them like complete pieces of ****. 44 you just keep being there for that little girl she needs you more that anyone obviously.<br />
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Ok i am going to be completely blunt here cos i really think you need to hear this. When i read this two things jumped out at me. She is using you as a door mat and she is using you for money. She is also playing with two peoples minds and emotions. Yours and her daughters.<br />
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You sound like a wonderful person with a massive heart, maybe too big at times, and you do not deserve this. Break free, begin a new life. There is someone really special waiting for you.<br />
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Change is always hard but it is worth it for your own sanity and happiness. You are going to have to start thinking about #1 from now on or you will be in a life full of misery for eternity.<br />
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Best of luck. Wishing you all the best for the future!!

one question, why do you love her? what i mean is, do you love her as a person, as a partner.....<br />
^^<br />
I used to love her as a person, friend, lover, my world.<br />
Why do I still love her? I honestly dont know, I wish I didnt so I could move on so easily, but, I suppose to answer it best would be to say that I know somewhere inside her, she can be a good person :(

I hate to say this but I think this woman has some serious issues, she is messing with your mind. AND worse than that she is messing with her daughters mind. <br />
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Sounds like the little girl would be better off with you raising her, at least you show her love and respect.<br />
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I think you have no choice but to run like the wind away from this woman. Seeing as you have helped bring up the little girl surely you would able to stay in touch with her.<br />
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Good luck matey, I think you need it

one question, why do you love her? what i mean is, do you love her as a person, as a partner.....

damn. sounds like we are married to the same person.<br />
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1. I played the "mr. nice guy" when she left & lived from trailor to "umm houses, u know" to vehicles with another dude. I did feel sorry for her at the time.<br />
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2. Sympathy card? man ooo man<br />
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3. yep, addict.. pain pills <br />
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well, I didn't text or call, figured it was a waste of time.<br />
I really live in bumfuk though, tried finding support groups, none within 75 miles. She has a rich family, I have no family. She turned all my friends against me, so I guess they werent my friends anyway, but, the ones I did have no longer will speak to me.<br />
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I live by myself, on a hill, in bumfuk woods. All we have here is a wal-mart bout 20 some minutes away. Thats a major reason why I turned to the internet, worked my whole life for what now seems like pretty much nothing.<br />
All the women are pain pill heads around here, none have any morals anymore, I know this because its so bad it stays in the paper with people over dosing & every where you go (I have alot of tattoos') people ask If you have them, complete strangers.<br />
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It's like I need to move & try to start over but in this economy, who can afford it?<br />
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I feel like Eeyore because everything I try to do to move on doesnt work. I tried changing my number, cost money, waited a few months & said I was getting bad calls & still said it costed. Can't goto the police, im in the bible belt fully tattooed (my mistake, I know) & from past experiances, it seems to always be my fault. Plus our police force was busted on the RICO act mafia style 2 years back, so they are pretty harsh now.<br />
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My life in a nutshell -<br />
Goto work, come home, cook, clean etc.. & hope there is nothing stolen (so scared she will break in or send someone to)<br />
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I feel as though my whole life is screwed up & am to old to fix it. Cant afford to move, heck, with all the bills she left me, I can barely afford gas to get to work.<br />
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I knew I should have never trusted the little hometown rich girl with "powerfull parents". Hindsight is 20/20 but the day she asked for a ride home, I knew to say NO.. I knew it!<br />
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Man, its so messed up when people wont talk to you because they are afraid of what someones parents will do.<br />
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Oo well.. one can be pushed only so far right?<br />
anyway<br />
thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it

Yeah, that txt is funny. My soon to be ex does the same thing. She writes like she is in 7th grade with the abbreviated words, like "I want 2 c u" bubble gum talk....I used to think it was funny and cute, I can't stand reading her stupid txts now!<br />
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I guess you are in a pickle with your step daughter - it is like an adopted daughter for you. Does she have sole custody? Is the father of her in the picture? Mind you, you have more rights because you are married to her. <br />
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She is being an unfit mother if she is abandoning the daughter. My soon to be ex abandoned the family for a month to live in a trailer with a guy. The courts ended up favoring me, so I have full physical custody. You might have some rights to the daughter. Check with a divorce lawyer, honestly. Just get some facts to see where you stand. <br />
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Also, if you have family, or support, stay with them if you can. They will help you get a clear picture of what you should do. Women like our wives are addicting. You feel like you love them, they act so sweet and are so fun when they want something, but are complete monsters when you **** them off. A support system will help you stay away from her. I am living with my parents, and they keep me in check. It was very hard the first couple weeks, even though she was living with a guy! Most guys would have giving a chick like her the middle finger, but I thought I was Mr. Nice guy, and I felt sorry for her. I finally grew a pair and said, "I want nothing to do with you. I am divorcing you." <br />
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I realized my Borderline wife was incapable of love. I believe they all are. Just read these stories and about 80% of these chicks have borderline. And medicine won't cure it. They are just damaged women, and it is hopeless to try to love them because you will only destroy yourself, or they will try to destroy you. My soon to be ex filed a false charge on me for a restraining order when I told her that I went to the cops after she punched me in the groin. Borderline women are immature, manipulative, and overall insane.<br />
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****They are so narcissistic that they are incapable of loving anyone else. They are also "human tornadoes" - causing complete chaos everywhere they go. My ex always blamed me for all her problems, but no matter where she ended up, even when she left, chaos ensued.<br />
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And they are great at playing the sympathy card. Unless you have been in this type of relationship, most people do not understand. You are not the problem. She is. She causes the chaos. You are a nice guy that has been threw hell because this woman is a parasite on every man she gets involved with. <br />
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Don't text her - again! Just delete it. Throw out all her stuff. Even self destruct the relationship. Get involved with anyone so she will be so pissed she won't want you back. I dunno. Just look out for yourself. You have wasted all your talent and energy and time on a black hole of a woman. Email me if you need any support. Go to Alanon or something at least to get some support and sanity in your life. She probably is an addict on top of it all.

you are 100% correct. it is very weird & she honestly does have the maturity level of a spoiled teenager. I just didnt want to say that & have people thinking I was just talking junk about her, lol.<br />
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the only thing that hurts me about never seeing her again is my step-daughter. I have pretty much raised her & she uses this to her advantage. I have no kids & I love her to death.<br />
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I have pretty much gave up anyway. I havent seen her since Wednesday night & thursday she said her phone was broke (same stuff she said back in 2007 when she decided to hide it from me for over a year). Today is her birthday & magicly her phone worked & she sent me a text "I want 2 c u 2day, i love n miss u very much" (you know how people type in text messages) inwhich I havent responded. Do I be the "better person" & send her a happy birthday text but tell her im busy tonight or just not send a text at all?<br />
Thank You for your comment, it really summed up alot of what I wanted to say, I just wanted to see if anyone else was thinking like I was!<br />
Thanks Again!

I understand completely. This isn't an equal marriage. It is a weird "Father/Daughter" relationship with your spouse. I did this for 7 years. Trying your best to square her away, but it never works. <br />
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The fact is she has the maturity level of a little spoiled teenager. Manipulative too. And I have been there. My soon to be ex is the same way. Always sleeping, never responsible, couldn't save a dollar a year. Party girl. <br />
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Dude, you don't have kids with her. You NEED TO GET OUT! Especially before it is too late because once you have kids, it is 100X harder to get out. Think about it. Would you trust her (if you split) to raise your kid without you? No. She would probably have the dope head guy babysit when she would go clubbing. <br />
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You will do what you will do. But don't fool yourself into thinking you have a great relationship. You are a nice guy that is falling for a VIPER. Don't ruin your life for her. <br />
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Look, you need a Healthy Woman. Not a Damaged "Girl"<br />
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A Healthy Woman is the following:<br />
Is self sufficient<br />
Has a career<br />
Never has been a bar fly/club girl ****<br />
Can take care of the family if you died<br />
Not neurotic or controlling<br />
Doesn't enforce a double standard in the relationship (IE If she went to a restaurant after work with friends, she wouldn't mind if you when out with your friends after work either)<br />
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Good luck. But I think you are being manipulated and don't see the forest anymore, just the trees. I would separate and don't have anything to do with her. The sex is not worth ruining your life man!

Honestly, it sounds like he is taking you for granted. After so long, thats how alot of married couples act. Cheating? I seriously doubt it. Its just you two have been together for awhile & are used to each other so, he's starting to take "the small things" for granted. Thats something you two should have a "sit-down" & discuss one night or maybe have a "special night" with him & see if you recindle anything.<br />
its a sad truth, but, usually women do what he is doing before men, after 5-7 months my wife stopped caring what she looked like for me, it's natural I suppose & in a world where most people dont really care for or have the money for counseling, you have to find that "special thing" that you both share.<br />
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as for me being a guy, im not going to lie, I have done that before, not all of it mind you, but I know what your saying. Sometimes, its out of stress, or things on your mind. Sometimes we dont even notice that we are doing it or that the woman is trying to get our attention, were just so used to it, that we mess up (past experiances I learned from).<br />
Good Luck with everything

hey well idk what to say i mean somehow i relate to u im 25 i got married when i was 18 nd we were in love we have 2 kids, but then as the years have passed my husband is now becoming more cold w/me he was the type of guy that would open the door for me , give me flowers just because u know but now he wont even tell me he loves me nd whrn i ask him why he dont tell me he says that because i already know he does he shouldn't b tellin me, i try to look good for him nd ill spend 1hr on my hair nd 1hr puttin make up nd clothes and when he sees me he tells me i look ugly in a sarcastic way idk what to do!! U're a guy what do u think os goin on??? i know he aint cheatin cause his brother tells me everythin since they work together and me nd him (mi bro in law) have a very good relationship he's 17 so he sees me like a sis so please tell me something on any idea what to do