Ive Been Unhappy For 5 Years

Im Asian married to an American woman. We were in the same class in grad school. I was attracted to her, asked her out and soon she was my girlfriend. I should have seen the warning signs when she would lose her temper and throw tantrums that were uncontrollable. Or when she always made excuses when I requested oral sex. There were several times I decided Im going to break up but never had the heart to go ahead with it. Every time, in a few hours or the next day she would be sweet again and I would forget that I wanted to break up.

We were together for 2 years when a friend suggested that I should marry her. There were doubts in my mind though. I was not really sure I loved her. But heck I kinda liked her and we were going out for a while so it was the logical thing to get married right? There wasnt any other girl in my life and I had not been so lucky with girls. Wasnt sure I would find another girl that was as pretty, well educated, no drinking, smoking, drugs or diseases, debt free, good sense of humor, etc etc... So I proposed and next thing you know we were married.

Things started going bad froom day 1 when she denied me sex and had all kinds of attitude around my family. Its been over 5 years now, and Im miserable every day that Im with her.

Here are some things that have been creating problems between us - She cannot take criticism. Will not accept that she is wrong. Saying sorry to me ever is out of the question. She is hostile to my sexual advances most of the time. Only has sex with me when she initiates it, which is about once a week. Will not have sex late at night, which is when I usually need it. Does not give ********, does not even want to learn. Does not give hand jobs. Sexually unadventurous. Does not let me kiss nipples. Extremely reluctant to me touching her vagina.

She is a horrible travel partner. I cannot think of one vacation that she did not ruin with her tantrums and uncontrollable temper. Untidy/messy, cannot keep a place looking neat and clean. She is Conservative and closed minded, for example, refuses to accompany me to a ***** club just for fun. Does not like to go out to clubs and bars, makes herself and me miserable if ever I manage to take her out. Terrible dancer; cannot move in rhythm to music. Does not enjoy dancing. Therefore is no fun to dance with. I have to avoid social situations where I might have to dance with her. When unavoidable it always ruins the evening. Horrible entertainer. Does not believe she needs to look after guests. Especially unexpected ones. As a result, I avoid having guests. Unable to build a social circle. No opinion on religion and politics which makes conversation boring.

She is unstable and hot headed, will fly off the handle for no reason at all. Not good at communicating with me. If I am excited about something and say it loudly, she thinks I am being rude. Does not support me in my career plans. Always skeptical of things. Unwilling to work wih me to develop a serious financial plan for out future.

I have been reading some of the other posts and shes not as bad as some. She has a career and is responsible with money etc. But every day that I wake up and see her next to me is another day I know im not getting a *******, and its depressing to know that thats how it will be every day for the rest of my life.

We have been to couples therapy a few times, things get better for a bit when she is trying. But eventually it goes back to same old same old. Im scared to have kids because i know they will only make the situation worse.

kazza14 kazza14
36-40, M
2 Responses Jan 10, 2010

hello I have some issues as well I'm a mixed african american my husband is asian we've only been married for 4 months and now all of a sudden he's always to tired to have sex I just don't get it and I caught him watching **** so how is he too tired to have sex if he's watching ****. I try everythinnnng sexually with him is it me with the problem? I feel like giving up. Please contact me at a_shine_jamie@yahoo.com

Hello man,<br />
<br />
I am in a similar situation, no more sex (nothing!!!) now for more than 2,5 years !!! Get rid of the ***** before she ruins your entire life !!!! Do not hesitate !! Why would you have to continue this relationship ???<br />
<br />
Just do it.