Running Out Of Patience, Care And Will Power

Met my wife when I was living overseas 10 yrs ago. She was helpful, adventerous, independent and fun to be with.  We got married and moved to North America. It's been a few years now, and she's lost all of those qualities. She contstantly asks me if I lover her or if she's pretty, she's extrememly critical, and she overreacts to the tiniest things. Of course, I get blamed for everything. If I don't apologize or take responsibility even when it's not my fault, I get the silent treatment for 1-3 days.The worst part is that we can't seem to communicate even though her English is fine.  I just can't get through. When we argue she only manages to explain what I'm supposedly thinking. It gets worse.

She's always spent more $ than we have, most often on fashion and pricy meals, and yet has almost never contributed financially. I have taken extra part time jobs and skip out on buying things for myself to make this work.  I've even taken care of and paid for her sick animal. I do most of the grocery shopping, all of the driving, nearly all of the cooking, and half of the housework. She has a business but is driving it into the ground and will not accept a word of advice from anyone, least of all me.

We've been pretty good at deceiving ourselves and pretending that things are okay. But the fights are getting more frequent and I'm really sick and tired of this bull****. The more we get to know each other, the more I see that we really have nothing in common. She's combative, self-centered, careless with money, extremely vain, and can only seem to see things in black and white. There's no meeting half way, no middle ground.

I'm miserable. I think I'm normally creative, inventive, resourceful and fun to be with, but I'm just slipping deeper into depression. Even when I have free time now, I just can't get into anything.

The catch is that I feel responsible having invited her to this country.  She couldn't survive on her own financially (at least not without her parents' help), and I'd go bankrupt trying to support us both after a split.  It's a pathetic excuse for not doing what's probably necessary, but it's reality.


deckard47 deckard47
36-40, M
3 Responses Feb 23, 2010

This is a sad, sad story.<br />
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You need to move away from this or it will cripple you. <br />
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I would advise relationship counselling to begin with.<br />
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You are too young to be dragged down like that.<br />
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Wishing you all the best.<br />
<br />

The law generally sides with the woman in such a situation. Maybe she could just 'disappear'. Since her family is not here, who would even know?

Sir, you're in a bad situation and I feel for you. My advice is this: get a divorce, and send her back to her country. This relationship is toxic to your soul, and will eventually ruin your life, and destroy any chance you have for peace and happiness. This means that you need to educate yourself, and explore options. I strongly suggest talking to a good, experienced divorce lawyer - and DON'T TELL HER YOU'RE DOING THIS. He should be able to give you good advice. You have a unique situation going on, and there may be caveats in the law that work to your advantage. Luck Mate.<br />
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PS: and don't get married again. I mean, why would you? Why would any sane man get married in today's anti-male culture and legal system?