Trapped And Finally Starting To Regret It....

wow am i a sucker. I fell in love when i was 17. A good old fashion high school sweetheart. I sacrificed so much...Like going to a good college instead of the local one, witch i stopped after 2 years to work and support us so she could finish. She was pregnant when she walked at her graduation ceremony. I tried to go back to school after my son was born, and accomplished 2 more semesters. I stopped again to work for her father in his body shop. It was a good paying job that at the time seemed better that waiting tables and taking classes. Now my son is three and my little girl is 7 months.  Did i mention my college graduate wife has no job, just watches the kids and does a Little babysitting? I am trapped in a life surrounded by only my wife's family, my wife and my kids. Like one story i read here, I was transplanted early, so my only family here is mom and brother.  Working for my wife's family, always spending time and going to family events, and being an outsider the whole time, and the but of my father in laws cruelness has turned a once proud, gregarious, intelligent ( my three best traits a guess,lol) into a self loathing, quiet, and what happened to the intelligence? i turned to pot to cope with the stress and depression, basically have given up on my dreams and goals, lost all motivation to accomplish anything person. I turned 27 in February, about a week ago and it was the saddest day of my life. I realized what a looser I have become in my own eyes, I have lost all self respect and interest  in myself. Life doesn't even seem worth it some days, and I'm starting to believe my controlling, self centered, no sex drive having wife is the root of my agony. I feel castrated by her some days. From the stories I've read here, i don't need to give examples of the things she does, just pick 5 or so from your own experiences and I'm sure 3 will probably fit. I love my kids more than anything, and will probably never leave my wife because of the experiences i had growing up with a single mother. My father was abusive so I commend what she lived through and did with her life. She raised 2 great  sons on her own. But i am a great father my all accounts and i know i would die for them, so it should not be too terrible to wait until they are 18 or so to find my own happiness.

broodwitch broodwitch
26-30, M
2 Responses Mar 2, 2010

it looks like this is an old post but i felt like responding because your situation is so similar to mine. i really just hate my wife more than anything, most of the time. i work for her father also and i bring in about 30% of the sales for the company but he pays me scrap which i have dealt with just because i was a sucker. now that i'm getting ready to leave and start my own shop he's trying to get one of his croonies to convince me to stay saying that someday it will all be mine... anyway, i digress. my wife is also controlling with no sex-drive, she is also very unfriendly meaning she doesn't like meeting other people unless there is a "need." or unless they are somehow useful to us. what a pain... almost all of my friends and their wives dislike her and pity me for marrying her... anyhow, i've found some space now by going out on my own since she doesn't seem to mind that and likes staying at home and watching tv or shopping or going to the beauty salon, every day... anyhow, it's been 10 years for us now and the only reason i think i'm staying is like you, for the kids. just know that you're not alone... but sorry i don't have the answers...

Our circumstances are actually quite different, but I still feel for you. I'm hoping your being a great father and pervasive depressing feelings could jive with finding comfort in a pot addiction. I'm not judging. A pot high might feel good temporarily, but it just adds to depression long term. I just hope for better for you and your family/children/marriage. Stick up for yourself regarding your father-in-law. If your wife would choose allegiance to her dad over you, then you never really had a marriage. Finally; Lots of women go through post-partum ****, and she may do better talking to her doctor than you regarding her lack of sexual desire. You're in a difficlut stage of life. I'm only a few years ahead of you, and as one mentor candidly told me in that same stage of life... "Only your commitment to one another will see your marriage through." Hope it all improves for you. Don't give up.