Sorry To Interrupt
My husband and I had a major blow out recently. Really it pales in comparison to the years of fighting we've gone through. Of the seven years we've been married so far I have to say this last one has been the best and even then it's been hell.
I found this group after googling "why does my husband hate me". I didn't expect any answers or even any experiences similar to mine. I don't know why I asked. I'm glad I did though.
I read story after story. Page after page. In all of them I hear my husband's voice. I'm fat. I'm lazy. I'm mean. After about page 10 I realized it wasn't his voice I hear, it's mine. I started to confront the truth about myself. Though my husband may have his problems, the vast majority of them have come from me. It's been my insecurities, my inability to let go and constantly victimizing myself. I've become a fat lazy alcoholic abusive *****. I've picked and nagged and abused and tried to make him as rotten as I've let myself become. It has been a living hell of my own making and it's still sinking in. I'm still too ashamed to say it out loud to anyone, even him, but I'm sure plenty of people I know already know it.
These stories have been a real eye opener. I don't want to be like your wives. I don't want to be that kind of woman (for my own sake!). It's been two weeks since I found this site. I've stopped drinking cold. I've cleaned the house. I put down the chips, turned off the tv and went outside. I already see a change in my children. Even my husband seems cautiously happier. I'm looking into therapy to confront my insecurities and addiction. I can't do it alone and I can't force my husband to fix it for me.
My regret is that it took miserable stories from strangers on the internet for something inside to finally click instead of seeing the miserable faces of my husband and children everyday. I don't mean to interrupt your posts, I just want to thank you for sharing your experiences.