Controlling *****

Wow...I am finally sharing.  I have been meaning too for about a year!

Anyways, I have been married for 10 years as of this June.  Have known her for about 3 years before that .  At first it seemed like we had similar interests and goals, but as time went by, things changed.

I never really wanted children but felt pressured early on in the relationship to agree to having them.  I am not a very strong minded person.  I grew up with a very low self esteem and feelings of  " I am not good enough."  So, I naturally hook up with a very strong, oppionated, stubborn, red head.  There are days when I would be writing ***** instead of red head...but today is a calm one!

I have never truly been happy and should never have gotten married...that is my fault.  I love our children and they are pretty much the only reason I am staying in this relationship.  Things have been getting worse and worse.  The funny part is, she really doesn't know how much I dispise her.  I have been putting on the greatest act for so long now.  I think she suspects some what but probably dismisses it as stress.  We haven't had sex in months.  That is okay with me.  She has become less and less attractive to me. 

Why all this anger?  I will share some of the stuff that she does.  Keep in mind, I am a VERY diplomatic person.  I grew up with divorced parents and became the type of person who hates to argue.  So I am pretty much a "yes dear" man!  She will ask me my oppinion on something and if the answer does not please her, she will either give me the cold shoulder or get raging mad.  Last year (try and make this brief) she stumbled apon a chiropractor doing mall screenings....oh oh....She then tells me this guy is the greatest "doctor" in the world and I have to go see him...and the children!  After one visit, I knew he was a scammer.  I did research on his brand of chiro and found out it was a money maker....everyone that comes in gets the same exam and same treatement to remove subluxations...blah blah blah.  She jumped on this like a mouse on cheese.  I said no as I have a better idea how to spend $3000 a year!  She basically ignored me and her and the children see this quack once a week.  About the same time, she hooked up with a Naturopathic doctor...again pleaded with me to go and see her.  I said "all the research I have seen indicates that there is nothing scientific about the treatments and the pills and potions are just flavored water.  Ignored again.  The newest band wagon she is on is that all store bought food is crap and that we need to eliminate chemicals from our bodies and home.  So organic this and organic that! 

I can't take much more!  I do have to admit that some of the reading I have done on organic is good, but she is so unflexible and overly passionate that I turn the other way.  I can't put it into words at this moment.  It is not that I am againest living a healthier lifestyle, I think it is just the way she is demanding I do it?  Does that make any sense?

I will probably vent more when I collect my thoughts , but for now it feels good just to share my thoughts