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I Really Really Hate My Old Best Friend

OK, my old best friend (her name is Rebekah) and I were so close while we were in high school. We were  the girls who hung around  in the isolated section of the room, the quiet intelligent girls of the class. However, when it came to people liking us, she always came out on top. People were always around her, taking her places like pool parties, study groups, dances while I was never even spoken to my other people much less invited. Luckily, she never really got into that stuff and when something she didn't like started going on she would always leave. I'll admit I am of the jealous type, and I never really liked it when people came over to where we were sitting and steal her for something or for the fact that people liked her more than me. It always bugged me, but I never made made a big deal out of it. I just kept all these feelings bottled up because I'm a quiet person and I hardly ever share my feelings or say what I am thinking. Well, anyway, high school ended and we were still great friends. We'd rent a beachhouse every summer with just the two of us staying there and we'd hang out at the movies, her house, and do whatever. Then, she moved into her apartment in the city and started going to college. Now, anyone out there can guess that once a young adult goes to college they are bound to make some new friends. That's unavoidable. I know. I decided to go straight into the work force right after high school so I could save up come spending money for college. I worked a full-time job for two years while she went to the local university. We met up whenever we could and talked on MSN. However, she would always have to get off early because her roommates wanted to go out to dinner or go see a movie. Eventually it came to the point that whenever I asked if we could do something, she'd become hesitant. Then she started to flat out refuse. I figured that it was because she was in college, taking way too many classes and she had tons of homework. I imagine that at first that''s what it was. But after awhile, in her economics class, she met two girls that she really "clicked" with. ( I met these girls and I would never have figured HER to even socialize with people like that. These are the type of girls who are constatly checking their nails, say the word 'like after every freaking word,  wear a lot of make-up, and you can just tell by the way they carry themselves that they are stuck-up) Anyway they began to hang out all the time and I hardly ever heard from her anymore. Whenever we did talk, she'd would always be talking about things her and her new posse had been doing. I was getting rather tired of hearing about it so I posted a desicion topic on my facebook page  telling people that I had a problem and I was debating whether or not to cut something out of my life that was causing some real negative feelings and was distracting me from the real important things in my life such as my job, family, and continuing my education. Needless to say, i decided to back off from her. She quickly noticed and became instantly pissed as though I had insulted her. We were already growing apart and I figured she would barely notice if I slowly started to dissolve the relationship. Well, we talked about it and I thought that we had fixed things and the friendship could continue, but then she made the big a** mistake of trying to take over the writing of one of my novels because she didn't like what I was writing. (I'm an avid writer. It's my personal dream to become an accomplished author.) She writes stories for 11 and 12 year olds while I enjoy writing adult novels! You can imagine how much that pissed me off! Her dumbing down my book just because she wasn't happy with it! That was the final straw. Not five hours after we talked out our little problem, I emailed her and my guts just spilled. I let her know everything that I was concealing from her. My thoughts about her snotty looking friends, what I thought about her lame excuse for writing, I mean everything that I had been bottling up inside since we became friends five years earlier. Well, as you can imagine, she didn't take it too well. She said "I'll save you the trouble and end this friendship myself". We haven't spoken in nearly six months. But once I ran into her mother at the grocery store and it was one of those meetings that you think "Aw, sh*t! Please don't see me, please don't see me. Damn it, they saw me." And you force a smile and quickly walk away. Ugh! And I know her mother told her about it cause those two are practically insepararble. Now I find out that ***** put a facebook block on me, thinking that I was going to harass her or something. What the hell does she think I am going to do? Not to mention, I am starting to think that she may have spilled the beans about our little situation to some other people who are mutaul acquaintaces because these people aren't even speaking to me anymore! We both come from the same small community (you know that one where everyone knows everyone and knows everyone's business) Yeah, that makes life all SO much better for me. Sometimes while I am trying to go to sleep, I envision keying her brand new Honda or giving her new laptop a computer virus that wipes the entire system. God, she made me mad! Now, I feel like I can't even go out into the community anymore because she has permentantly feigned (destroyed) my reputation. I really wish I could just forget about her and these horrible feelings she puts me through. But the only way that's going to happen is if she moves away, and that's not going to happen because quote un quote "I can never leave my mother. I can't bare to be apart from her."  Jeez, what a *****.

Eliena Eliena 18-21, F 4 Responses Mar 14, 2010

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well, are you jealous? I CANT STAND my old BFF!! I'm in the same situation as you. She just-- for no particular reason-- ANNOYS ME! She annoys me bc she thinks she's PERFECT!! I had a softball team for 4 years, all the same people. I didn't do it this year. She did. She got on THAT team!! Of course. So, you may not even know if your jealous. Even if there isn't anything TO be jealous about, you may still be, like me. You may be jealous of her new friends, her confidence. So I hope this helped and I'm sure there is LOTS of typos but I'm not taking the time to go back and check for them.

I agree with another commenter that you do seem to be the root of the problems and issues here. It sounds like you want to control your friend, have her behave only in ways that are acceptable and pleasing to you, not because that's how she feels like behaving. The first rule of any relationship/friendship is that you have to respect the other person's right to be themselves. If she has other friends, who are you to judge them? Sounds like jealousy to me. She tried to give her input on your writing and you insulted her. You let it all fester until you exploded which is never going to help matters.

You get mad that you *think* she spilled the beans about your problems, but you're on the internet telling perfect strangers about it. Even if she spilled the beans, those "mutual acquaintances" have the right to make their own decision on whether they wish to speak to you or not, you can't really put their choices on her. If they were your friends they wouldn't just take her word for it, they'd come to you and get your side of the story. Seems like they don't care enough to hear it which means they weren't really your friends anyways. You say she distracted you from the important things in your life, but how can that be if you weren't really spending much time together? Was it that you were consumed by thoughts of her and everything she was or wasn't doing, thereby distracting yourself?

I think you put too much blame on her and don't take enough responsibility for your own part in this.

You sound like the problem here I am afraid, it sounds like you are a jealous person who doesn't like it when others act in a way you dont want them to. You deserve to be alienated from your friends as you brought it on yourself.

I'm rather happy I found a post about someone who has some disgust in regards to an old friend. Yours is the first that I have come across that made any sense and I could somewhat relate to. I have been trying to resolve the issue of my own after cutting off a 20 year friendship and still harboring ill will on her . I still haven't found anything close to the betrayal but I wanted you to know I feel your frustration. It seems preposterous her behavior towards you and immature . In that regard I'd say you are better off, but I know that doesn't erase the thoughts of being burned and thrown away like trash when you know you are the better person! How do ignorant people get away with such betrayal against good,loyal, and honest people? That's part of the struggle. Just knowing she is a retched friend and doesn't deserve attention or the kind of friendship you had,as short lived as it was, should be enough. But we both know she will go on treating others the same way, nasty and selfish. It's upsetting, upsetting that you got bamboozled. Something similar to my story is that she expected you to react vengeful so she blocked you on Facebook. Just the fact that she anticipated a bad reaction from you proves she knew she did something that may have consequences. That is what I can't forgive, only the premeditation to hurt someone or screw with their lives in a way that may result in revenge fueled reproductions to someone whom you considered a friend! She deserves to be treated like a dog one day by someone she calls a friend too. Sorry I must be rambling now cause I can't stop thinking about my own betrayal. Anyways I hope your situation has some resolve and you go on to write and publish ,or do whatever makes you happy again. Be a good friend for us all who have been **** on please. Don't let trust issues change how you build on a new potential friend. Someone will respect and understand when life takes turns. Drifting apart and coming together again should be easy for a real friend. That's how the real world works.