I Don't Actually Hate Myself...

I don't hate myself, I just hate the pain I feel and have felt ever since I can remember. Trying anti-depressant after anti-depressant since my early twenties and none really working. I am 39 years old and want it to be over but am holding on for my 2 sweet, beautiful children. I just don't know how much longer I can. People say they shouldn't be without their mother; but what good am I as a mother feeling the way I do? I can't enjoy what most parents enjoy. I want to, believe me, and would if I could. I just hurt so much. I have been putting on a such a facade to hide the pain and while there have been some good days, most have been filled with darkness and pain and wondering what I have done to deserve to feel like this almost every single day. People also say I am the only one that can help myself. Well, if were that easy, I would do it. The moment I wake, the more I want to sleep because that is when the pain subsides. I'm not sure what else to say....
drasan drasan
36-40, F
1 Response May 16, 2012

I am like that too. I also have two children. Why are you depressed?