I Try Not To, But I Always Fail.

I am not just a disappointment to my parents but to my grandparents, my siblings even my friends. I try not to be. I will be motivated for a little while, do ok, maybe make one small achievement which I know will make them happy, so I tell them about it think I can carry on but then I dont know what happens. I just give up. I stop caring in a way. I end up disappointing. But its like I give them a moments false hope and then crush it. I cant bear the look on their faces when it happens. esp. my mums face, the way her face lights up with hope and then later just that sad look on her face. I cant stand it. I hate that its my fault shes unhappy. I know what kind of daughter she wishes I was, but thats not me. I wish I was like that too. but im not.  I dont have a boyfriend, im not all that girly so I dont wear loads of make-up everyday, mess and obsess over my hair or have a fasion sense, I dont go out every other night clubbing or partying (I prefere nights it), im not thin or pretty even though i have tried to be. I have tried to be all those things, inc. having a boyfriend for her sake. I dont want a boyfriend, I just cant deal with it, I cant let myself be that emotionally and physically vulnerable. I just always fail. I am nothing but a disappointment. and I know I always will be.

pine90apple pine90apple
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 26, 2009

No. Never feel in that way,never ever, Miss. You know true beauty lies in the eyes of observer. Just find the thing which you like most, and go for it. Please never be depressed in life. Remember every passing moment we are comming closer to end. So why to worry how you look??, how you are? And never let people tell you what you should do. My best wishes are always with you, may you find the happier way to live life. Smile for meeeeeee.bye<br />
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Sunny

No. Never feel in that way,never ever, Miss. You know true beauty lies in the eyes of observer. Just find the thing which you like most, and go for it. Please never be depressed in life. Remember every passing moment we are comming closer to end. So why to worry how you look??, how you are? And never let people tell you what you should do. My best wishes are always with you, may you find the happier way to live life. Smile for meeeeeee.bye<br />
<br />
Sunny

Trust me, i know how that feels. you just gotta be strong and honestly if you start trying to love yourself then everything else will take its course, and one more thing, you may not be your mom's perfect child but all moms in the world are the happiest when they see their kids happy. be positive and remember 'fall 7 times stand up 8'

Stop telling yourself these negative statements. You can be anything you want in life. Start first with loving yourself no matter what. <br />
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I doubt you are really a dissapointment to anyone - many of us are so hard on ourselves. <br />
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Put that big bat away that you keep beating yourself up with! <br />
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Here's a big hug and a smile. <br />
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You will find many people here on ep that can relate, listen, help and become great friends. Keep sharing my friend, things get better.