Why Was I So Blind..

They all told me he was bad news.. he made me belive that when he raped me it was not rape it was sex. he made me belive that every time that he wanted inside me was so we could "connect'' more. every punch was hiim playing around he said.he held a knife to my throat and wrist. i asked why he didnt ask me to have sex he told me that i wouldnt let him... i was 14 when he raped me....  i was 14 when he shot me with the airsoft guns. but my brain kept telling me to get away from him. but he manipullated me into thinking that every time he raped me it was him connecting him more to me so my heart kept shouting no he loves u he connecting with u.. I was so dumb. When u grow up your parents tell you that if some guy puts their private in yours that your supposed to marry them. thats what the chruch told me and what my parents told me when i was growing up so. i thought hi was supposed to deal with him raping me and beating me for my whole life because i thought i was supposed to marry him. he made me belive that i was his precious little virgin and that he would take me away from my horrid home and he would call me at 3 in the mornign to hear my sweet tired voice...he made me throw away all my friends and half of my family.on my 15 birthday i went to his house. he got me a dozn yelowish orange roses they were my favorite.... well it was around seven and we were cuddled up on his couch his mom and her boyfriend was gone to get  food and his brother and sister went with them and  we were watching a movie and he asked if i wanted to have sex because it was my birthday and i said no i gotta call my mom and he pulled down my pants and he was behind me and he put it in my vag and i got up cuz my phone rang and it was my mom she was mad so she was on her way. and she kept texting me and calling me cuz me and her was fighting and he got mad and i was mad so he yells BABE QUIT GETTING UP ANGRY SEX IS SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD NOW GET BACK ON THE COUCH. i was scared. i was real scared... so i did what he said the whole time he raped me i cried.. i was scared he was gonna hold the knife to my throat. i was innocent but now i feel as in every relation ship there gonna hurt me like he did. i hate my self for letting him hurt me...
melvis501388 melvis501388
22-25, F
1 Response May 12, 2012