I Don't Know

I dont know who I am or why I am here. Most people who know e and work with me really like me - they think i am smart funny interesting attractive and more. But it takes only a tiny thing to set me off saying I HATE MYSELF I WISH I'd NEVER BEEN BORN. I feel helpless and powerless in my life. I cant change anything I dont liek where I live and my teenagers are unhappy and do nothing, Their dad hardly has anything to do with them and has no idea that he's a lousy dad. The oldest one is completly depressed and cant even get out of bed sometimes. I work all the time now and I'm so tired. I like my job and I'm lucky to have it ..I just despereately want my kids to be doing something, finishing school, working, volunteering...being active and happy and I cant seem to do or say or be anything that will help them do that.

And just like that, i find a possible answer from someone else's question. I have to crawl up from the hole of endlessly worrying about my kids and take their advice. They keep telling me they just want me to be happy (of course not to the extent of cleaning up after themselves, finishing school, doing anything) but still, it makes sense that if I focus outwards, start to live my life again, start to find happiness for me, then I will be a light in the house instead of a cloud, and they may begin to take steps towards their own happiness.

roisindhu roisindhu
46-50, F
Feb 8, 2009