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Lets Play Pretend

I am a very loving person! I feel that everyone needs to be reached out to and the only way for them to accept your help you have to go at them with love! Love is a strong emotion! I've begun to feel that I've been taken advantage of or maybe I was doing things all wrong the whole time. Sometimes I think I love people too much. You know the saying is true "The ones you love are the ones that hurt you the most." I've learned that the hard way. The people in my life that I really cared about the most and put so much effort into being around are no longer with me. (or maybe I just don't see what I have right in front of me) It seems that when I love someone I know my time with them is limited because eventually they will leave too. It's turned my heart black and cold! No doubt about it, I'm still a loving, genuine person. It's just harder for me to show it. I've lost my brother(he tried to commit suicide and was in a coma and he can no longer speak or get out of bed) I've lost my father(my parents got divorced when I was 7yrs old, he is now back at home taking care of my brother but its just not the same) I've lost my mother(she lives at home with us but she is never home and when shes here she mentally somewhere else) I've lost my best friend(he was hit by a train almost 2yrs ago along with another one of my good friends) When I go out in public I pretend to be someone else, Someone that is beautiful inside and out someone that is perfect(when deep down inside I'm screaming and I just want to break down) It works sometimes. I am not a fake person I do have feelings, I just don't like it when people know how I feel. I like to pretend I'm anyone but me. I too hate my life sometimes...I'm just a sad girl most of the time (we all have our days) I just hope that one day I will be proud of me and not who I pretend to be!
MoodSwingBetty MoodSwingBetty 18-21, F Nov 10, 2011

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