I hate myself quite intensly a lot of the time. It has been like this for years. That little voice of self doubt inside my head often tells me what I think of myself and generally expletives are used. If I look at myself in a mirror my first reaction is disgust and when times are really bad my second reaction is to smash that mirror.
There are many reasons for this and I'll admit that some probably are slightly irrational and me being overly judgemental of myself. But the biggest cause of this self loathing is the fact that I had everything going for me in life. And I've done nothing with it. I came from a stable home, was smart, bubbly, pretty. Anything that I needed my parents would bend over backwards to provide it if they felt it was worthwhile. My parents paid for my varsity, they even bought me a little car so I could get around. I could have done or been anything that I wanted, the world was my oyster. I had every advantage possible.
And here I am, a chronic depressive with several medical problems. No real life friends, no social life to speak of, scared of living life. I work from home doing a job where I barely make ends meet and I have never had a proper romantic relationship. I don't feel like I'm living!
So many people don't have the advantages that I did and they have made a success of their lives. What excuse do I have? None, and it makes me feel disgust at myself.