I hate myself for not being able to control my emotions. I hate myself for letting other people bring me down. I hate myself for not being strong enough to not care. I hate myself for letting *her* second guess everything that I am. I hate myself for looking at *her* page and feeling worse about myself.
I am in constant torture.
All I want is for him to care. It is so desperate that it's pathetic. I thought I was doing so well too. That's what makes it so much worse.
I got a lot of questions answered that I thought I wanted to know but it just caused so much more pain than I thought it could.
He picked her. He proposed to her. Why am I even thinking about him anymore? Why am I allowing him to be in my thoughts? Why do I look at her pictures and the things she says to try to pick out what it is about her that I don't have? Why do I believe that she is better than me? Why do I cry?