I Hate Me.

i used to be a normal kid. i played with friends, i got good grades, i was happy. until i got FAT. that was when i turned 10. i got teased, bullied..mostly by my brother. he's the reason my self esteem is so low. i hate him. then i grew a lot in a couple of years so i lost some weight. but then i got acne..my brother started again. i was desperate.. then after a couple of years, my acne were gone (scars remain though..) i got really really really fat..so now i'm fat. and i hate it. all i want to do is die. i almost died yesterday..too bad i didn't. i hate myself. i hate my binge eating disorder. i hate my depression issues. i hate my anger issues. i hate it! i hate how i'm always alone. i hate how i have absolutely NO friends..even my cat hates me. i hate how my family doesn't give a ****. i hate how i have no guts to kill myself..i'm hopeless..but most of all i hate how i hate myself. if i didn't eat so ******* much (like you can't even imagine) if i stuck with starving i could be pretty and skinny now, but i have no self control..if only my gag reflex worked..if only..
fireflyfine fireflyfine
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 15, 2010

awwww :( i'm sorry..but i'm so glad there's someone out there who understands how i feel, i'm glad i'm not alone, but that really sucks for the both of us. i know what you mean..but miracles don't happen just like that :( it sucks

im crying right now after reading your story. partially because im sorry you feel the way you do and partially because i feel as if i wrote it myself. i have no advise for you because i have such similar feelings about myself. and all of the times i thought no one understood or wished someone did, i dont feel any better now knowing there are people that do. i wish someone would fix me or that some miracle would happen but then, who am i ? what makes me so special that i am deserving of a miracle?