I Hate Myself

So I dont really know what to do with myself and my girlfriend said let it out so here we go.

My parents are getting devoiced and my dad is a pretty horrible guy but I still love me as after all he is my dad. He has a terminal neurological disorder called myasthenia gravis where the white blood cells attack the nerve endings and its slowly killing him. I am on anti depressants myself as well as my farther. 

I at 19 and currently on a games design course at college/uni (foundation degree with a final top up year at uni) I am a geek and love comics and all things nerdy. I have a loving girlfriend. Me and my mum did get on but sadly we are drifting apart. 

I spent all my student loan on just crap trying to distract myself and got myself in loads of debt. I got hold of my parents card details one day while ordering something. I started using their cards and today I have found out I have bankrupt them. I hate myself. I hate the fact I didnt talk to people and sort these problems out. Its silly. Im at my girlfriends house atm waiting for my parents to come and pick me up to go and and them to go sick at me. Ive been sick and I'm feeling a big shakey.

I haven't had thoughts of hurting myself but I do sometimes wish I wasn't here. I wonder what would happen if I just went poof in a cloud of smoke. Would it be better for everyone? It feels good to get this off my chest and just put it up some where. I might not ever come back to this site, I just googled I hate myself and found it. 

I hate myself.
fusioncell fusioncell
18-21
Jul 17, 2010